DISCLAIMER: SOME OF THESE CHARACTERS AREN'T OURS SO DON'T SUE US

Sunrise over the Tango Factory and Raging Tree Trunk ARE lar-ton.

Sunrise over the Tango Factory's (Formerly Ral-Edge) Authors note: Yes, it's us again, so you can go back to cowering behind your sofa and trying to make a bargin with God. We sooooooooo much enjoyed writing 'Alter U' (read or get run over: kidding) that we decided to give another story a go, mainly because we got loads of lovely, lovely lovely feedback, and mainly because we needed to fill the heart wrenching void. So enjoy this is a Lister story, (wayhay!). Read it. Like it (hopefully) and...REVIEW IT!!

Raging Tree Trunk's A/N. Yello!!! Welcome to our new story!! As Sunrise told you, we wrote this story for a number of reasons. The biggest one being that as soon as we finished, AU our fingers began to twitch. Brains started to go into meltdown with all the unused inspiration and eyes began to roll into the back of our heads. So really you could say we're doing this for our own health and I'm sure you won't be disappointed either.........hopefully. So, echoing Sunrise's words. This is Lister's story. Read It. Enjoy it; and PLEASE, REVIEW IT :D

Ohhh and one last note, Staccato is Italian for Torn Apart (unless we have been misinformed). This shall make sense later and hopefully you should spot a link in the story, so look out for it. ;) Enjoy, love lar-ton (Sunrise over the Tango Factory and Raging Tree Trunk.)


A young boy of around 16 sat slumped in an un-comfy plastic chair in a damp, depressing corridor.

He was waiting to get told off...for something he didn't do. He could try to proclaim his innocence, he could wail he wasn't even near the place at the time, scream he had nothing to do with it, but it wouldn't make any difference at all. He was a labeled troublemaker, so whenever something happened in the school he was the first to be accused. Today, there'd been a fight, and like any good school boy, he'd ran over to watch, offer a hand if it was needed. Then when the teachers came over, all the usual troublemakers had been grabbed by the shoulder and frog marched to the headmaster's office, and he'd been one of them.

He began rocking on the back legs of his chair; he'd been waiting here over 40 minutes. Still it didn't bother him, he was missing maths.

"Hey guy?" came a voice from the end of the corridor "Whatcha doing here?"

"What's it look like I'm doing thunder skull, I'm about to get a grilling. What you doing here, in trouble again?"

The boy grinned as he sat down "Got caught in the girls changing rooms, I was hiding in the boiler cupboard watching them get changed, PHWOR they were fit!"

"How d'you get caught?" inquired the other boy

"Fell out didn't I, got cramp in my leg, and slipped off the shelf. Weren't that bad though, most of them were only in bra and pants!"

"Aaron Harrison" screeched a teacher, marching across the carpeted floor so fast she was creating static "what are you doing here?"

"Just getting told off miss." Came the honest reply from the boy who watched girls get undressed in a boiler cupboard.

"I might have known and you what are you doing here?" she snapped at the other boy

"Getting told off miss"

"What for" she demanded nosily,

"Fightin'' but miss, I-"

"Didn't have anything to do with it," she said, finishing his sentence for him, "Save it, because it's the same old, worn out excuses.'Miss, I didn't mean to hit him' 'he started it' 'they're all doing it, tell them off' I've heard them a million times before and will no doubt hear them a million times again"

Just then the headmaster's small bald head poked out from behind his office door and upon seeing the two boys gestured for them to come inside with a small head movement.

The two boys promptly followed and upon entering took a seat without even being invited to do so as Mr. Granger the headmaster had long since stopped bothering. Mr. Granger sat behind his desk and sighed, pushed his glasses up his nose before they slid back down again and peered at them.

"David Lister"

"Sir."

"Aaron Harrison"

"Yes Sir?"

"WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TWO BUFFOONS ALWAYS IN MY OFFICE!" bellowed the headmaster.

The two boys jumped, and Lister who'd been leaning on the back legs off his chair at the time toppled over, dragging Aaron Harrison, nicknamed Hazza along with him. The two boys lay in a heap on the headmaster's floor while he snorted angrily, whishing he'd gone into a lion taming profession. It'd be a lot less stressful.

"It's every day the same, if it's not one of you, it's both of you. Every day I have teachers coming up to me 'Lister and Harrison-"

"Hazza actually" corrected Hazza, tugging himself free of Lister

"I DON'T GIVE A BLOODY MONKEYS WHAT YOUR SODDING NICKNAME IS!" roared the headmaster, grabbing him by the lapels and yanking him to his feet, before doing the same to Lister.

"I come to work everyday, hoping, longing PRAYING even that today, you'll both try to stay out of trouble, and I'll not see you two sat outside my office, is that too much to ask, just 1 single bloody day without having to see either of you two?" Lister caught Hazza's eyes are smirked, as he picked him his chair and sat back down, Hazza smirked back, but was caught "What you smirking at boy?" barked the Head teacher

"Nothing sir!" replied Hazza, trying to keep a straight face

"Why do you grace me with your presence then, Harrison?!"

"Got caught doing something naughty sir"

"Well you'd hardly be here to receive my praise would you? What were you caught doing?"

Hazza grinned but upon seeing Mr. Granger's face thought better of it and instead mumbled an answer, Mr. Granger scowled at him before thrusting a finger at the door,

"Out! Out! Think yourself lucky my boy, if we were still allowed to use the cane- yes, I'll have to bring the next up at the PTA meeting..."

However as Mr. Granger began talking to himself about next Wednesday's PTA meeting Hazza and Lister snuck out into the corridor,

Lister grinned, "Wanna bunk?"

Hazza shook his head, "Nah. Got a better idea" he began walking slowly towards the chemistry laboratory, Lister in tow.

20 minutes later, after kicking over every bin in the school, disrupting every lesson along the route and shouting every obscenity under the sun at the top of their voices. Lister and Hazza arrived at the Chemistry class, walking in to see the class in small groups huddled around Bunsen burners.

"And what time do you call this?" asked Ms Forth tapping her watch,

Hazza grinned, "We were talking to Granger miss,"

Ms Forth rolled her eyes, "Why am I not surprised?"

Hazza shrugged, "Dunno miss"

Ms Forth just pointed to the corner where 2 empty seats were located; everyone knew these were Lister and Hazza's seats. You could tell by the indentations in the desk made with rulers and other sharp objects

"Miss? Can I have a ruler?" asked Hazza, raising his hand as he sat down,

Ms Forth looked confused, "Why? This is chemistry?"

Hazza grinned, "So I can measure my dick!"

The whole class erupted into laughter, whilst Ms Forth scowled.

Hazza continued, "You all know what Hazza's short for don't you! Hazza' big'un" There was more rapturous laughter whilst Ms Forth raised her eyebrows.

She'd long since stopped being shocked by her student's outbursts "Harrison, I don't think they make rulers that small, now please refrain from measures any parts of your anatomy and get on with your work!"

The class laughed again, only this time at Hazza, who's blushed crimson at being put in his place by a teacher.

"Hazza big'un!" mocked Lister, punching Hazza's arm, "was that the best you could come up with"

"Easy for you to say, I didn't hear you shouting the odds!" Hazza snapped back, he paused giving the board a fleeting look "do you know what the hell we're supposed to be doing?"

"Nope"

"Fat load of help you are" Hazza grabbed the nearest jar of powder and was just about to move it to the flame, when Ms Forth's voice rang in his ears for the second time that lesson "Aaron Harrison, stop right there!"

He froze, as she came marching over, wearing a frown "Can you read?" she demanded

"Sort of"

"Then you should be able to read the symbol that says 'Highly flammable' what are you an imbecile Harrison, I'm surprised that the headmaster hasn't given you your own seats with your names on at that office-"

Lister suppressed a snort, Ms Forth turned to glare at him, "I don't see what you're laughing at Lister, you're just as bad as-"

Hazza's voice disrupted Ms Forth's rant, "Miss?"

Ms Forth turned to Hazza, "WHAT NOW HARRISON?"

He grinned and dropped the chemical into the flame. All that registered on Ms Forth's face was a look of horror as she screamed "Everyone hit the deck" and a small explosion rippled through the classroom.

A moment later Ms Forth slowly stood up followed by the rest of the class.

There; stood next to the still burning Bunsen was Hazza, hair dyed charcoal from the soot and his eyebrows completely burnt off.

Ms Forth was the first to speak, "Harrison? Are you okay?"

Hazza grinned, "Cool." Before fainting,

Ms Forth screeched, "You stupid BOY!"

Lister laughed as he looked down at Hazza, with his burnt clothes and non-existent eyebrows

"Lister get to-"

"The headmaster's office, I know, I know" he replied uninterested, he left his seat and shuffled to the door

"And take Harrison with you, he smells like a damp coal fire!"

For the 4th time that day Lister and Hazza, who'd managed to be revived by Lister who'd shoved his head down the toilets, were sat outside Mr. Granger's office. Lister was currently drawing eyebrows onto Hazza, in a black marker pen, but the line kept going wiggly as he was laughing so much.

"It's not funny," snapped Hazza, pulling away and yanking more soot out of his once light brown hair

Just at that moment Mr. Granger opened the door to see the two boys, and without even blinking an eyelid opened the door further for them to enter, "Back again are we?"

Lister grinned, "Hazza had a bit of an accident in chem. sir. I was just bringing him up to make sure he didn't die or anything."

Hazza scowled at Lister and Mr. Granger rolled his eyes, "Yes of course you were you think I'd fall for that tall tale Lister, my boy you must think I'm incredibly senile if that's what you think, now what is it that brings you to my office now?"

"Hazza"

"His name is Harrison," corrected Mr. Granger

"Harrison" repeated Lister "put a flammable substance into a Bunsen burner and it caused an explosion, sir"

But Mr. Granger wasn't listening, he was surveying Hazza through narrowed eyes, turning his head this way and that, before finally speaking "have you done something different to your hair?"

"Yeah, burnt it off!" laughed Lister, earning him a dig in the ribs from Hazza.

"Very well, Harrison, go and the see the school nurse then go to textiles"

Hazza made to walk off but stopped "What for?" he asked confused "I don't take textiles!"

"To see if you can get some felt, Lister's attempt at re-creating your eyebrows may have been a good idea, but you look like a bloody Nutter, Shove a black tash on your lip you could pass as Adolf Hitler. Go and ask the textiles teacher if she's got any spare felt, preferably in your hair colour, green eyebrows are against the school dress code!"

Hazza nodded, knowing full well green wasn't his colour, now leopard skin that was him!

He smirked as he left the office, Mr. Granger decided to ignore this face he had seen so many times before major mischief as the boy had just blown his face up, turning to Lister he pushed his glasses up his nose for the millionth time that morning, "So what did you do now?"

Lister shook his head, "Nowt sir."

Mr. Granger scoffed "Dave Lister not getting into trouble? Wait was that a pig flying past my window."

"Sir really, I did nothing,"

"Oh wait did you hear what they're saying on the radio, Hell has frozen over-"

"SIR! I'm not lying-"

Mr. Granger laughed, "Don't lie to me boy! Detention for lying to the headmaster-"

"But Sir-"

"Cease your incessant whining Lister and take a detention slip,"

Lister muttered under his breathe as he tore off a red slip, he had enough at home to wallpaper the Sistine chapel.

"Now, Lister, if I have any more trouble from you-" said Mr. Granger pointing at him, he left his threat unfinished, he liked it better if his victims didn't know what to expect.

"I'll be good" lied Lister, walking out of the room "Arsehole"