A/N:
This is for my sexy-pants friend Mina.
A 'shocking?' look into the mind of Raito. GASP!
Not really.
Warnings: OOC, Language, Sexual References, THE WORKS YO.
Chapter One: Bitch, You Got DEATH NOT'D!
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My mom questions my motives quite a bit.
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"I AINT DOIN' LAUNDRY! I AINT DOIN' LAUNDRY!"
"Once you've done the laundry, Raito, will you help your sister do the dishes?"
"The dishes…? I AINT DOIN' DISHES! FUCK YOOOOU!"
"…"
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She often asks what's gotten into me.
Oh, if only she knew.
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"Raito, you really shouldn't abuse your mom like that. She really does love you."
"Oh c'mon, Ryuk. It's obvious my sister is the prize catch."
"You're tellin' me!" (cackles)
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I wonder what's up with him?
Probably high off apple seeds again.
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You think people who crush up ecstasy tablets, mix them with water and inject them are pathetic?
Ryuk shoots up apple seeds in the bathroom!
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"Raito Yagami! What is this needle doing in our bathroom?"
"Well, mom, I can explain-!"
"You can explain AFTER you do the laundry!"
"I AINT DOIN' LAUNDRY!"
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I walked into the office the other day and L's all like to me,
"Hi, my name is-"
"WHAT!?"
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I was pretty surprised.
With all the Kira-suspecting this and Kira-suspecting that, it just didn't seem right of L to tell me his name.
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"My name is-"
"WHO?!"
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Yeah.
I have a hard time containing my excitement.
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"COVER THAT AROUSAL, YAGAMI!"
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It's a condition I hope to grow out of!
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"My name is-"
"HUH?!"
"Chika, chika, Slim Shady."
"…"
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L sometimes wishes he were a space captain.
All the sticky substances he eats must be getting to his brain.
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"OH, L! HARDER!"
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"Ew, Ryuk. You're a pervert!"
"I always knew you were uke to L!"
"No WAY! He's the girl in this relationship! In fact, I've started calling him ELLE!"
"…"
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I will never live that moment down.
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"I am the captain of the S.S L.L,"
"What does that stand for?"
"Liquid Launcher!"
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You heard correctly.
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"Fly over the open plains and make it to the canyon! Plunge, plunge, plunge! Engage thrusting sequence! Ready Liquid Launchers! GO, GO, GO!"
"…"
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I wonder if L shouts those kinds of things while making love?
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"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Well, if I didn't, why would I ask?"
"True, true."
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Ryuk is a silly, silly boy.
What's under his skirt?
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"It's not a penis, I can say that much."
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How do Shinigami reproduce!?
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"Well, I haven't been telling the complete truth about the Death Note, Raito…"
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Trust him to tell me now!
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Turns out, Ryuk owns a second notebook, with the word … well, you can guess.
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"See that chick over there, Raito?"
"What about her?"
"Watch this!" (scribbles down name)
"Ooooh! Ahhhhh! Harder!"
"… Ryuk, my man, you just earned yourself as many apple seeds as you can shoot up!"
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In an attempt to throw off the police, I Death Not'd a woman to have a heart attack, but land in a coma and die a few days later.
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"Bitch, you just got DEATH NOT'D!"
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"Oh... mom, why isn't sis' waking up?"
"She's in a coma, sweetheart. A coma."
"... Wow, I've never been THAT tired before!"
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Definately not the kind of person I want living in my perfect world.
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Death Not'd is the new Punk'd.
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DRAMATIC CHIPS!
I WILL TAKE THIS CHIP!
AND I WILL EAT IT!
(Star Wars Theme)…
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Okay, you can leave now.
A/N:
Different from the ones I've done for Fruits Basket.
Had to approach this whole story in a different manner.
Enjoy?
