Introduction
The year is 2674, and what was once thought to be a dark chapter in human history turns out to have been merely an overture.
In 2112, humanity built a small colony on Mars. The colony flourished after extraterrestrial contact was established in 2124, turning the small city into a boomtown after trade began with the alien races. The aliens taught the humans to build space craft that would allow them to quickly travel throughout the galaxy. The aliens would do anything for the television of which they had brief samples of, a result of a project carried out in the twentieth century.
Humans conquered their own solar system first, establishing colonies and hospitable conditions. By 2209, Neptune had been colonized. The Earth's overpopulation crisis had been averted, but the earthlings were not satisfied. Large corporations, namely Disney and Coca-Cola, began to send out commercial ships far into the galaxy.
The Milky Way Covenant, the governing body of the galaxy comprised of leaders from all major sentient factions, was alarmed by the actions of the humans. They made tentative alliances, but the new race demanded more and more land and resources. The Covenant attempted to appease the humans at first, hoping that it would quench their thirst for power.
The plan backfired, and the human race grew more wanting of space and resources. When the Covenant refused to hand over a planet rich in attractive, promiscuous, seductive females, the UN declared war and seized the planet by force. The Covenant fought bravely, but they were unprepared for Disney's weaponized pop, a system that blasted god-awful Disney music at high volume, slaughtering entire cities in mere minutes. Over the next fifty years, fighting raged through the galaxy. Most native populations were brought near extinction, or were forced to relocate.
Not everyone from Earth, however, was pleased. Native Americans, Mexicans, and Africans were outraged by the atrocities committed in space. In 2424, they began hijacking ships from Disney and Coca Cola and fought the United Earth Army, and thus began the golden age of Space Piracy.
Disney and Coca Cola fought each other bitterly over planets, resources, and corporate secrets. Instead of uniting to fight the space pirates, they hired them as mercenaries. During the golden age, the pirates who remained true to helping the Covenant reigned supreme, thwarting most attempts at expansion, and providing the starving families with supplies hijacked from transport ships.
The most notorious, successful pirate was known only as Captain Rocket Cat. Legends claimed he and his crew were beastly animals, with grotesque appearances and a vast array of weapons. No actual information about him or his crew was known, however. For nearly a hundred years, Captain Rocket Cat was known as the Scourge of Space.
In 2519, however, the golden age came to a sudden halt. Coca-Cola began to offer its new product, Coke ZeroG, for free to any pirates who joined their mercenary force. Most pirates were swayed by the offer, and Disney, as well as the Golden Age of Space Pirating, was crushed under the new might of Coca Cola. After that, Captain Rocket Cat was never heard from again. Some say he changed his name and joined the company, while many say he simply perished or took his own life. Yet a few cling to the hope that the legendary pirate is still alive, hiding away in some remote corner of the galaxy.
In 2523, the people in the space colonies demanded to participate in the Earth elections, a right denied to them ever since the colonies were established. Mass riots broke out, with people breaking windows, burning government buildings, and smashing Justin Bieber CDs in the street. Murders sky-rocketed, the Coca-Cola mining operations began to suffer from insurrections, and many people thought that the human race was doomed.
To quell the violence, the UN allowed the first-ever inter-planetary elections in 2527. Not knowing anyone else to vote for, the colonies elected the cryogenically preserved cast of Jersey Shore to head the government. Rejoicing was abound in the colonies, with mass parties and festivals to celebrate the fact they had voted. They were, however, completely unaware of the terror that was to ensue.
Headed by Michael "I'm a douche bag so I call myself 'The Situation'" Sorrentino, the Jersey Shore cast abolished the democratic processes and government and concentrated power in their own hands, forming the Shore Council. To quell the outrage and any dissent, The Shore Council ordered the construction of the Mecha-Bieber, a large, malevolent android that capitalized on the Disney Nuclear Pop system, able to make a head feel pain from 200 miles.
In 2674, the construction was complete.
Now the only hope for life, the only resistance to the council, and the only possibility of the destruction of the Mecha-Bieber, rests in the old legends of Captain Rocket Cat.
