One day on Ceti Alpha V, Joachim Singh was making cupcakes for his husband Khan. As he tasted the icing to make sure it was sufficiently delicious, he heard someone enter the kitchen. Assuming it was Khan, Joachim called out playfully, "They're almost done, baby! I bet you can't wait to taste my creamy frosting!"
"Indeed I can't!" responded an unfamiliar voice. Joachim spun around to see that it wasn't Khan! It was a man he had never seen before! He was a pale and skinny, with overly prominent cheekbones and the completely wrong hairstyle!
"Who are you?" Joachim demanded. "-and what makes makes you think you're getting any cupcakes? I made them just for Khan!"
"Oh, but I am your dear husband Khan! I can eat all the cupcakes I want!" He sneered in his distinctly un-Khanish voice.
"You lie, and badly I might add! If you're my husband, why don't you have an amazingly sexy body with huge pecs and a six-pack? Why don't you have an orgasm-inducing Spanish accent? Where the hell is your mullet?" Joachim screamed at the man who was not Khan. The imposter only laughed evilly.
"That character design was old and outdated! I am the new Khan! Soon every person on this planet will join me in this next generation of Star Trek! Down with platinum blonde mullets and man-cleavage!"
Out of desperation, Joachim grabbed the giant phallic stalactite that Captain Kirk used as a weapon in the episode "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" and hurled it at his foe. Not-Khan tried to catch it and throw it back, but his muscles were too small and weak to not look like a total loser as he did so. Seeing that his foe was an easy target, Joachim lunged at him with his superhuman strength and agility, pinning him against the wall.
"*Urrf* Let me go! I'm Khan! I'm more important to the plot then you!"
"Shut up! I didn't even get credited and I'm worth more them you- who ever the hell you are!"
Suddenly, the door was smashed open and a man who looked like the earthly incarnation of a Greek god came through. He was figuratively dripping with manliness and raw sex appeal. He had huge pecs that were totally real and not plastic. He ran his fingers through his beautiful silver hair in a really cool way, and said sensually, "I smell cupcakes." It was the real Khan Noonien Singh!
"Oh Khan!" Joachim sighed. "No one could ever replace you!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! I'M THE REAL KHAN!" Screamed the faker pathetically.
"I was wondering when you would turn up. This, Joachim, is none other them Benaderp Cucumberbatch. He's a Chameleoid, though not a very good one as he can't actually shapeshift. He had been plotting to take my place for a while now, but as you can no doubt see-"
Khan nodded towards the skinny white boy wiggling aimlessly under Joachim's grip.
"-he is a very poor substitute." Khan snickered.
"What should we do with him, Khan?" Joachim said with an evil grin.
"Well, some fanfiction writers would envision a horrific gory death for a character they don't like but that would be positivly disgusting not to mention disturbing, so how about we simply send him on a rocket to Hoth?"
"Sound's good to me!" Joachim replied, smiling venomously into the terrified face of Benaderp Cucumberbatch.
Having sent the imposter Benaderp Cucumberbatch off in a rocket to the frozen ice planet of Hoth, Khan and Joachim were free to finish making delicious cupcakes. Then they snuggled up together and ate cupcakes and gave each other lots of kisses.
"There is no substitute for you, my beloved husband!' whispered Joachim.
"And there is no substitute for you my darling. I love you!"
"Can I get another one of your kisses?"
"As long as you keep feeding me cupcakes, you can have all the kisses you want!"
THE END
