I wasn't one to show emotions. I was one who didn't even like to admit that I had emotions much less show them. When Haruhi came into the Host Clubs' lives I was unaffected at first. She was a girl, I knew that at once, but the matter of her being a girl didn't matter much to me. I knew that Tamaki was falling in love with her even before he knew that she was a woman and so the matters of emotion… Well. Tamaki was in love… Of course I didn't have feelings. It was wrong and really I didn't care.

But Haruhi proved in many ways to be someone not easily ignored. You did not know a person like Haruhi and walk away without bringing emotions into the mix. When I figured that out I cursed my emotions and moved on.

At first I felt respect.

I could respect someone who could deal with Tamaki and walk out of school without seeking professional help.

Later there was caring.

I could care about someone who not only dealt with my best friend but still like him at the end of the day.

Caring turned into friendship.

And odd friendship turned into a sadistic type of … thing… in which I loved toruring the poor girl in ways that left her exasperated and me feeling oddly happy about it.

I cannot explain this point in the friendship. I can't even tell you it was different from the beginning in which I made her join the Host Club because she broke a vase. But there's a difference between torturing someone that you don't consider a friend and doing the same thing to someone that you not only respect but consider a friend. I enjoyed messing around with her just as much at this point (if not more) then I had in the beginning.

Caring turned into a romantic liking (some would call this… a crush… but I didn't I don't know the word. It's beneath me.)

Romantic liking turned in a cursed thing called love. If I hadn't cared about people at this point someone would have died just because I felt that someone should pay for my feelings. Oddly enough, I found that I couldn't kill my best friend and I couldn't kill the woman I loved.

Damn emotions. Either would have solved my problem.

I loved and I didn't have to like it and I didn't have to handle it well, but it didn't make the damn emotions go away.

I admit that I'm not an emotional type of person. I don't get embarrassed. I don't laugh much. I don't cry. But when I do feel emotion while it doesn't show on the outside it shows in my eyes. I can't help it. I don't even like to admit it, but when I feel something you can know it by looking into my eyes. My imperfect eyesight could be solved by contacts or surgery but I learned early on that I could hide behind my glasses and while I wouldn't admit it to anyone that's why I wore my glasses. They made me look good and they made it so that when I was feeling something I usually looked more sadistic then emotional.

I hid behind my glasses when I found out that I liked Haruhi and there wasn't anything I was going to do about it because I had morals that I felt bound to live by.

I hid behind them when I found out that Tamaki was just falling in love with Haruhi, he was in love with her and he would be for a very long time.

I hid behind them when I found out that while Haruhi wouldn't admit it. She liked Tamaki.

That was just fine by me. Everything was just fine. I didn't need to feel emotions. I didn't need to tell anyone. No one even bothered to realize I had emotions besides an annoying woman who had the nerve to know me better than anyone else then turn around and fall in love with an idiot.

Admittedly, the idiot would care about her more than I ever could. He wouldn't ignore her. He wouldn't forget something important and hurt her because he was more immersed in his work then he was in his girlfriend. He would know how to make her feel loved and he would know how to show her that he cared.

I just hid behind my damn corrective lenses.

I'm going to tell you my story. I may hide behind things, but some things need to be written down. I also feel the moment of temporary insanity.

A/N: Here's the deal. I love this story and I really want to finish it but I find that I really don't have the time to be doing this with work and my hours being what they are. Right now I'm writing this at two in the morning and feel like I needed to go to sleep an hour ago. I love to write but I really don't have the time. None the less this idea will not leave me alone. You're going to have to motivate me to write this. If you want this story typed out for your pleasure then give me reviews and I'll be more motivated to write this and finish it.

I tend to let things just sit if I'm not motivated. I find that I'll finish writing something if I think enough people want to read the end of it. If your intrested enough in this to want the end you tell me what you think and you'll get more. If not thats fine but most of this story is probably going to end up staying in my head. I'm going to try really hard to get this story out either way because like I said the idea. It won't leave me alone, but reviews would be helpful. Now I'm going to bed. I NEED sleep.