Powerless

It felt as if she had received the message months ago, a simple little text message that had made her heart jump and quench all at the same time, and had left her with a feeling of need and excitement. In reality, it had been a little less than twenty four hours.

It had been such a simple message, but filled entirely with promise.

"I'm off at 10, be over after."

She had planned her entire day based on that message, used those seven simple words to get her through her long shift at work, and held onto them tightly when she had six long hours to kill until his shift ended. Until 10pm, when he had promised he would be over. She needed him, couldn't bare to be without him, wanted him with everything inside of her.

Yet now, although she tried to tell herself she wasn't watching each minute tick away on the clock...it had been close to twenty two hours since that simple text message had both warmed and shattered her already fragile heart.

The few hours after he was supposed to have been there were the easiest, and after that it had only gotten worse. Much, much worse. At first she made up excuses, he was staying for some overtime, he was having car trouble, he went home to change and had fallen asleep. Yet after a few hours of hearing nothing her excuses for him began to wear thin, even to her own ears.

After four hours of nothing she picked up her cell phone and text him one simple message.

"Hope you're alright, let me know when you can."

She sat down heavily on her couch and sighed aloud. It was now early morning and she knew any plans they could have possibly had would have been useless, but it didn't stop her. Didn't stop her from worrying, getting sad, becoming angry. She felt a million emotions well up inside of her and was powerless to stop any of them.

POWERLESS.

She set her cell phone down on the coffee table in front of her, knowing that when it vibrated against the glass she'd be sure to hear it. Just in case he called. Or finally texted her back.

As the hours wore on and the darkness faded into light before her very eyes, she could no longer find a viable excuse to fight the anger.

He always did this to her. He always ditched her, time and time again and without an explanation. He was quite possibly the most inconsiderate person she had ever met in her life, yet because a small part of her refused to let go she was stuck being powerless. She was left used and abused time and time again, and instead of him apologising to her for wronging her so, she'd apologise to him...each and every time.

She completely understood how women stayed in abusive relationships. Weather that be physical or emotional...she knew exactly why and how they did it. She was doing it too. And she let him get away with it...each and every time.

No matter the circumstance, he thought of only himself. He did everything in his power to wear her down and make her cry and want to scream. To make her lose and forget who she was as a person, and the lower she fell, the happier he seemed to be.

It baffled her how she hadn't realized it before now.

Friends and family had told her time and time again that he was using her, that they hated the way he treated her, that he was a bad person, and mean and rude, and only cared about himself. And she stupidly had chosen not to see it, she had willingly turned her face the other direction and ignored it all.

Because she loved him. Or was in love with. Wasn't that the same thing? She honestly didn't know how to tell the difference anymore.

And now that she did see it, saw all the wrongs that she had committed because of him, she wanted to hate herself for being so stupid. She stood up and stomped her way around the apartment. She went into the small hall closet near the front door and grabbed an empty box that was at the bottom. She marched around the apartment, on a mission and threw all the photos of him that were on display into the box. She heard a few of the frames crack and shatter as they landed on top of each other in the box, but she couldn't be bothered to care. These photos no longer mattered to her. Anything that tied her to him no longer mattered.

After she was done she shoved the now full box back into the hall closet and shut the doors tightly. She'd deal with getting rid of it later, right now just having it out of her sight was more than enough of a relief.

Her day wore on, and try as she might she could not force herself to sleep. She said a silent prayer in hopes that her insomnia wasn't coming back. She couldn't live in that hell again, she was positive it would actually kill her this time.

She found herself checking her cell phone, making sure that she hadn't missed any calls or texts from him, and after twenty two hours of nothing, she knew she was done.

She sat back down on her couch and picked up her phone for the last time. She opened up her phone book and quickly searched for the number she needed, she selected to send an text message and typed in three simple words.

"I need you."

It felt like hours that she sat in silence, listening to the sounds of the roadway outside as the cars drove past her building, but in reality it wasn't long until she heard the familiar hum of his motorcycle turning off of the street and into her complex.

She didn't allow herself to turn around and look out the window, terrified that she was in fact just imagining this all. And even as she heard the loud knock on her front door and walked to open it, she still didn't allow herself to believe that he had actually come.

When she opened the door and saw him standing there, his worn leather jacket on his body, his long hair pulled back into a messy pony tail, a scruffy beard on his chin, her heart finally leapt for all the right reasons.

She threw her arms around him, hugging tightly and refusing to let go. He hugged her back with just as much force and guided them into the apartment, closing the door behind them with his foot. After a minute he set her down and held her back from him, starring down into her bright eyes.

"What happened?" He asked quietly.

She shook her head, slightly unsure herself, and smiled up at him. "It's over. I've been so stupid...how he treated me, the things he did to me, I was so stupid."

He grabbed her chin in his fingers and shook his head. "You're not stupid, never stupid."

She couldn't help but reach out and hug him tightly again, a motion he was all too happy to return himself. "I love you Jonathan." She whispered.

"I love you, Tammy." He replied fiercely, his voice chocked full of emotion.

They held onto each other, unable to let go. They had waited so long for this moment, for years now. And finally it had come. Tammy was free, and Jonathan was free to make her his own.

She could barely describe the new feeling that began to settle down around her, but it was uplifting, refreshing, and energising. If anything, it made her feel for the first time in as long as she could remember that she was powerful.

With Jonathan by her side, she knew she was no longer the least bit Powerless.