This is how I think Hagi feels when he is near Saya. It's just a one shot- I am working on something longer. Please be kind as this is my first time publishing fan fiction.
Don't you see it? Don't you understand? My heart breaks as I see you there, crying. I want to go to you and surround you in my embrace, to kiss away your tears, and drive away your confusion.
But what I want can never be because I am bound by my duty as a chavalier. I want to be more to you than a servant or even just a friend. I want to be so much more.
I remember your smiles from long ago, before the war began. I also remember the happiness we once shared.
When I see you now, covered in blood, eyes red with the desire to destroy chiropterans. The beautiful smile is gone, the lovely girl I once knew and cherished is lost. My heart rips apart in my chest as I see you look at me with those focused eyes. You want to die? You want me to kill you! Don't you understand how I die a little each time we get closer to your goal? I die each time because I know that I can't kill you- I love you. If you die I will have no reason to continue my life.
I must obey your commands! I'm a chavalier- I'm your chavalier!
But I cannot stop my heart from loving you. It is forbidden, I know. I became your son when I received your blood, but I cannot deny the love I have for you- the love I have had since we were at the Zoo.
When I began to cry and you took me in your arms. Your embrace of compassion melted my heart. My love blossomed like the roses in Joel's garden as the years went by. I didn't care that you did not age, you didn't frighten me. Then the day you gave me your blood to save my life, I saw your tears. Your tears that said to me, "Hagi, please don't die. You must remain with me."
Because of this, I travel through the ages with you, Saya. You are the reason I live and breathe. I am overjoyed to travel with you and fulfill your requests of me, but the human part of me- the man inside me- demands so much more.
You are the heart of me, my every breath. I want you to love me as I love you.
You and I share an unspoken bond. We know what the other is going to say before we say it. I want to know- when you call for your sword and you remind me of the promise, when I turn away from your sight, can you feel the tears I cry?
Do you feel the pain I feel when I am alone while you sleep? I want to obey, but a part of me is screaming, "No! I cannot do this!" Don't you understand how much I love you? How much I want to carry you off? To take you far away from this war and live with you- to love you all to myself?
I must obey. I must obey. I must…
Do you see the tears I cry?
