Title: Seven days- a lot can happen in a week
Summary:
Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji have a bet to see who can get away with deceiving the whole of soul society- can they possibly survive one whole week pretending to be each other? The gods of soul society help us!
Includes: Ichiruki, Hitsuhina and Hisagirei, some random captains and also minor characters. THIS IS NOT A BYAxREN STORY. THEY ARE JUST MAINS.
Disclaimer: Bleachnot mine. But hey, a girl can dream :D
Important: In this story, Reishiko (my twin Melissa's OC) is the new 5th division captain. She and Hisagi were at the academy together and they fought side by side and he saved her loads of times before. And she's an expert at kidou and can recognise kidou even when it's masked. Remember that or you won't get it. Mmmkay ;)
Act One: Seven Days of conspiracy
Prologue
It was a nice, sunny day. The day was nice and sunny and all that wonderful crap people use to describe a nice, sunny day. Because hey, a nice, sunny day was just that. A nice, sunny day. Abarai Renji didn't really care what kind of language was used to describe it. I mean, heck- in the end, it was still a nice, sunny day, wasn't it? Pretty words weren't going to make it prettier. Or--was that the whole point of using pretty words? Hmm. But enough about Renji's musings, or you'll spend an eternity reading this story.
…
Why wasn't he outside? He could be drinking, or walking, or… or drinking, or doing a million zillion things he wanted to do. But nooooooo, he was waiting in the doorway of the 6th division office waiting for paperwork to be handed to him so that he could go do it. What the hell was up with paperwork and Gotei 13 anyway! THIS is definitely the cause of global warming. Someone should tell the Soutaichou--but of course he wasn't going to be that someone. He actually valued his limbs. Again, Renji sighed. Here he was, wasting his life away, rotting, dying, and it was all because of--
" Renji. All this work is to be completed by noon." Kuchiki Byakuya handed him a huge stack of paperwork, finally noticing his presence. Like hell, he'd been there waiting for, well, FOREVER. (Or at least it felt that way…)
Renji sighed. He swore, if there was a law about treating your subordinates nicely, his Taichou would have been arrested a loooong time ago. Renji turned to go, trying to be a little optimistic. Well, at least this was all-
"And don't forget this stack too." with that, Byakuya handed Renji a HUGER stack of paperwork.
His optimism shrivelled, dried up like Matsumoto without sake, and died.
How he really hated Byakuya.
"Damn that bastard." Renji muttered quietly, turning to leave the office to go do all the work.
" What was that, Renji?"
…Obviously not quietly enough…
Renji felt some sort of hopelessness well up in him as he turned around, struggling to come up with some totally lousy excuse.
"Uh…nothing, Taichou, I…uh, I…wanted some custard!" Really, what was the point when anyone could tell it was a lousy excuse?
" Really? I'm sure I heard 'bastard'. " Byakuya stated calmly, undercurrents of disdain in his voice. "Such incompetence can only be demonstrated by someone as low-class as you. A lousy excuse."
"…!"
" I wonder how you became fukutaichou in the first place…with such low IQ…" Byakuya mused to himself, ignoring Renji's silent, indignant fuming. ( which, seeing as they were silent, was pretty easy to do. ) "I'm surprised you're not dead yet... Well, I suppose it is only a matter of time…"
"If I'm dead, there's more paperwork!" Renji retorted. " Besides, you don't know how hard my life is!"
" Really." Byakuya's words dripped with sarcasm. "Partying, drinking, slacking….That must be rather hard for you, I suppose."
" Well, of course Taichou's the only one who's ever right! I bet you wouldn't last one week as me!" Renji frowned momentarily, seemingly having been hit by a sudden onslaught of thinking. His frown deepened, then it turned into a smirk. "There's an idea!"
Renji's eyes lit up with maddened determination.
"Here's the deal! We see who can survive pretending to be each other for a week. Switch uniforms and everything. We could use kidou to conceal our riatsu. We have to deceive the whole of Gotei 13, and the loser is the one that is found out!"
Renji had never looked more determined in his life. That look was reminiscent to the one he wore when he had wanted sake so badly he was going to steal Matsumoto's share, too.
…He was serious, wasn't he?
Byakuya contemplated for a suitable response to such an absurd suggestion. But, of course, being Byakuya, coming up with a suitable response wasn't much of a challenge.
Byakuya just stared calmly on as if he could not hear him at all.
" What do you think, Taichou?"
What was scarier than Renji having such insane ideas, was the fact that he was having them when he was sober.
"Utter nonsense. There is no way we could get away with it, and even if we did, there would be no point to this meaningless venture."
Renji scoffed. " Those are excuses. You're just scared because you know I'll be the winner. Ne, Taichou?" His smirk grew. His superior attitude was starting to irritate Byakuya. So he paused for a brief moment to consider the challenge.
…And sighed. "What will become of the loser?"
Renji's smirk grew more pronounced. He continued without even pausing to think.
" Well…If it's you, you have to drink fifty buckets of sake. If it's me, I will do one year's worth of paperwork….But it won't be me anyway." Renji's overconfidence was glaringly obvious, and Byakuya frowned in annoyance. " Remember, Taichou…"
"The bet is for one week."
Byakuya narrowed his eyes slightly as Renji reminded him of the duration of their self-induced torture.
"Starting…right now."
Let the games begin!
Chapter one (Yes i know finally!)
" Renji! Nii-sama! Hey…"
Rukia walked into the 6th division, speaking but not concentrating on what was going on, engrossed in random thoughts.
"Nii-sama, Ukitake-Taichou told me to inform you of an urgent Taichou meeting, since your jigoku-chou went missing in action mysteriously." Rukia frowned slightly.
……Why was there no reaction to her call? Rukia turned.
Rukia turned , noticing some figures in the corner. For some strange reason Byakuya and Renji were shuffling around in a corner, their backs turned to her. She sighed in relief. She had been worrying over nothing. Where else could they have gone? She frowned as she looked closer at the turned backs of the two figures.
"…"
She frowned some more.
"………………………………"
Rukia stared at the scene before her in utter terror as she finally broke through the shock barrier in her head and registered what was going on. Oh yes, some very, very, very evil forces were at work here. This was clearly a sign of impending Armageddon.
"What's going on?!"
Byakuya and Renji turned, noticing her presence due to her outburst. She looked from one to the other in terror. In fact they were getting slightly worried, she looked like she was positively hyperventilating.
"Nii-sama?!"
"Renji?!"
"Why are you two dressed up as each other?!"
Byakuya and Renji were indeed now in their disguises, though apparently not very well-disguised. Shock was written all over their features at the fact that Rukia, the first person to see them, had already figured it out.
"How did you know?" they demanded.
Rukia smiled, almost in a pitying way, getting over it a little. "Well, maybe it's the hair colour and length and the mannerisms and ….."
"OKAY WE GET IT!" Renji cut her off. He turned to Byakuya furiously.
"It's all Taichou's fault! See, now even Rukia recognises us!"
"This bet wasn't my idea to begin with," Byakuya stated.
Rukia blinked as the two men glared daggers at each other, slowly understanding the situation and their problem. Then, in one of those those unexplainably coincidental ways which usually occur in stories with many unexplained coincidences, she smiled as if she had the solution to all their problems.
"It just so happens that I have the solution."
She held a bottle of hair dye in front of the two heads that had swivelled in her direction, a huge grin on her face, as she proclaimed, " I got it in black to match my hair!"
Byakuya paused for a moment. "Doesn't that defeat its purpose?"
Rukia lapsed into momentary despair as Renji took the dye, musing.
" I guess I could use this dye, but how are we going to find red dye for Taichou?"
"OMG. This sounds like a job for the ultimate Renji fan boy!"
All heads turned to Rikichi which had popped out of a window that had mysteriously appeared right behind Renji. Rikichi smiled in gleeful, giddy joy at seeing his idol.
"I have red hair dye, you can use ALL of it, Renji-san!" He grinned and handed Renji the hair dye, staring at Renji reverently. Renji mumbled an akward thanks, sort of creeped out.
"Glad to be of help!" Rikichi cried happily as he popped back out of sight.
Rukia was rather ignored while the other two were continuing to perfect their disguise, but she noted that at least they looked believably like one another now. Because Renji was hiding his tattoos under his scarf, and Byakuya was adjusting the bandana with a small tug. Then she made the small mistake of clearing her throat unintentionally.
Two pairs of eyes suddenly fixed upon her with burning intensity as Byakuya and Renji now cast each other meaningful glances. Byakuya and Renji smiled, or well Renji smiled more, Byakuya controlled himself by only looking all quietly scheming and plotting. Oh, yes. Definitely plotting.
" Now that she knows…" Renji began, smiling disturbingly.
"…What shall we do?" Byakuya finished calmly, but with a small tinge of evil in his voice.
Rukia gulped, backing into the wall. Why were they closing in on her? Why were they cornering her? And most importantly…
" Nii-sama…? Renji…?"
They moved closer still as her eyes widened even more in terror.
"Why are you two smiling…like… that……?"
Perhaps Rukia already realised her impending doom, for she only yelled once.
…Somewhere in Karakura, Kurosaki Ichigo sneezed.
He looked around blankly, eyes falling on his open window. Must be the draft, he concluded. Then, a little purple butterfly fluttered through the window and landed on the windowsill. Ichigo frowned. Time to close the window. He walked over, then paused for a second as his eyes fell on the insect. This butterfly looked very familiar…in fact, almost…like the ones…in…
Realisation hit him hard in the face. Literally.
"Dammit Rukia! That hurt! Can't you just knock or at least warn me before you bash my freaking face!"
She didn't react to this, sitting on his bed. He got up, annoyed at: a) Being bashed in the face, and b) being ignored. He noticed her hair looked mussed up and her eyes flashed dangerously. She looked dead serious. He dropped the whole subject completely, frowning.
"What's happened? Is it hollows--"
Rukia shook her head, and then narrowed her eyes, her expression solemn and sombre.
"No. It's far worse."
(Dramatic music plays--)
Renji panted, pulling at the haori that kept slipping off him as he ran. He was already too late--how could he have forgotten? Rukia just told him! Curse Ichigo for living so far away. Having to drag Rukia there and leave her meant that he did not have much time left. Damn Ichigo.
Somewhere in his house, Ichigo sneezed.
Renji looked back to his path, concentrating only on running like his life depended on it-because, it just so happened that it did.
Ohno ohno ohno ohno ohno
He wasn't going to make it.
Thump thump thump
Pant pant pant
Run dash rush SLAM
"I'm so sorry I'm-"
Renji stood at the doors, looking around the room where all the captains had gathered for their meeting. Disapproving, annoyed and even surprised faces looked back. Wait--surprised? But wasn't it normal for Renji to be-
" It's not like you to be late, Kuchiki Taichou."
Oh, yeah. Today, he wasn't Renji. But he was in deep shit.
"I'm so very sorry, Soutaichou!"
Everyone was silent as they watched the fake Byakuya bow deeply and step to his place nervously. Not one word was exchanged amongst them, but they all had the same sentiment: Being late and apologising nervously wasn't Byakuya at all. Some of the captains shifted uneasily. Some very mysterious forces were at work here. Forces that were disturbing and also downright creepy.
Hitsugaya Toshiro quietly cast a curious glance in Renji's way. Indeed.
However, a few rows down, the new fifth division's captain, Reishiko Mika, smiled. The kidou expert saw through everything.
Oh, Hisagi--you're going to love this.
Ichigo swallowed, frowning. This was far, far worse than hollows. In fact, far worser than any kind of monster he had ever seen. It was utterly obscene. It was terrible. It looked like some sort of thing you'd see in a horror show with crazy slasher peoples. It was worse than one of Orihime's crazy culinary creations. No, wait--it was worse than all of that put together. Which was saying something. He backed away.
"Rukia, get that hideous shit outta my face!"
Rukia frowned and hit Ichigo hard over the head with her sketchbook. Her drawings were not that bad! Sure, that was what she said, and neither Renji, nor Ichigo, or many other people agreed… but what did they know, she was the real artist. "Now do you understand the situation?"
"I understood it before! Now I'm just blind!"
…That earned him another hard whack. He pushed himself off the floor, furious. Didn't Rukia understand that her drawings totally sucked and that she should just stop? Surely blinding people with sinfully bad chicken scratches was a crime somewhere. Hopefully here. Riiiiight here.
"Dammit Rukia! Stop that!"
Somewhere else in Soul Society, Reishiko shunpo'ed over to Hisagi's office brightly, in rather a good mood. She knocked on the door. Twice. She paused, listening to sounds of movement inside, then knocked again. And again. And again. And againandagainandagainandagainandagainagainandagainandagainandagainandagain. Just to irritate him. Oh, yes, she took great pleasure in that.
"Coming darn it!"
She was doing a good job, too.
Hisagi grumbled and walked over. Hadn't Reishiko ever heard of patience? That was just darned annoying. Or maybe that's why she did that. Hmmm. He swung open the door.
"What do you-"
Nobody there.
Sighing, he closed the door, turning around and shot an annoyed glance at Reishiko.
"You. Off my seat."
Reishiko ignored this, smiling like she knew something he didn't. Which was sort of the current situation.
"Yo, Hisagi."
"What are you here for?" Hisagi sighed, running his fingers through his hair.
Reishiko smiled up at him as he looked down at her from over the table.
"What would you say if I told you I knew a secret?"
Rukia ignored Ichigo and sat on the bed. Slowly her shoulders sagged and she was now looking positively desperate. "I have to get back to Soul Society."
"Why? I'm pretty sure Renji and Byakuya can take care of themselves. Anyway, who cares? It's their problem, they got themselves into this mess. Why the hell should we get them out of it?"
Rukia glared at Ichigo. "Show some respect, Ichigo."
"Like hell they deserve it!"
She hit him over the head again, harder this time. Much harder.
"You-!"
Rukia's rage was building up. " I just HAVE to get back to Soul Society!" It was vital for Ichigo to know this. How could he not know this? Was he a total moron? …Scratch that. Yes. Yes, he was.
The abovementioned suddenly felt a sudden pain. It was as if someone had called him stupid in her head. He wondered who it could be.
"…Ow."
Hitsugaya frowned, and put his brush down, deep in thought.
Something was very very wrong here, he was sure of it. Byakuya, Kuchiki Byakuya being late? And nervous? What was wrong with the world? And as if those facts were not disturbing enough, he overheard a conversation while passing by the 6th division on the way to his own.
"Uh, how do you do this?"
And he saw the turned back of a white captain's haori approaching the desk that had someone sitting in front of it, someone with a head of red hair with a lieutenant's badge.
Kuchiki-Taichou? Asking for help with paperwork from-Renji?
It did not escape his notice that the desk Byakuya was sitting at was cluttered and messy and had bottles of sake there-and the bottles of sake were EMPTY.
All of that considered, Byakuya was clearly being replaced by a cheap fake from some toy making factory. It was extremely strange and weird and freaky and disturbing and creepy and like Matsumoto actually doing paperwork for once.
...And that was just so wrong on so many levels.
"Shirou-chan!"
He frowned as Hinamori broke his train of thought by coming into his office for no apparent reason at all.
" Why did you come into my office for no apparent reason at all?"
Hinamori smiled brightly. "Don't be so grumpy, Shirou-chan!" She walked over to his desk and perched herself on a nearby chair, ignoring Hitsugaya's attempt to correct her way of addressing him, "I just had some time and came over. Oh, and I was wondering about something. Mika-Taichou was really happy and mumbling to herself about something she figured out about Kuchiki-Taichou and Renji-kun. I was wondering if you knew anything, because she was also muttering about the Taichou meeting just now." She leaned forward curiously. "Do you know anything, Shirou-chan?"
Ignoring the name thing, Hitsugaya contemplated about telling her what he suspected…This might scar her for life. Then he looked at her in total seriousness and began.
"Well, Hinamori…"
"Why are you so desperate to go back anyway?" Ichigo asked, annoyed. "In that case you should have fought back when they kidnapped you and dumped you here-but you were probably too short to do much." He smirked.
Rukia shot him a look of pure hate as he narrowly missed the pillow coming his way. " I am not! Anyway, it's not because I'm worried about them. They can handle themselves."
"Then what?" Why did she want to go home so badly?
Rukia flung herself onto his bed, lapsing into a bout of temporary misery. Even through the muffling of his blanket, Ichigo could hear her whining.
"It's the end-of-year Chappy sale! The first 100 customers get an exclusive Chappy plushie--" And Ichigo didn't really listen after that. He just rolled his eyes with such vigor that they were in danger of falling back inside his head. Those little things were very obviously evil. They were probably part of Aizen's plot or something-look at how they could brainwash people into thinking they were cute. He grimaced and suppressed a shudder.
"That's not a very good reason. In fact it's the worst possible reason to go back to Soul Society."
Rukia glared at him from the bed. " Chappy is the best reason to go back."
Ichigo ignored this. He was thinking. It was the term break… and his family didn't really care where he went. (They always swallowed up his ridiculous excuses he gave when he was off hollow-hunting. Don't you wish your family was like that?) Besides, who on earth would ever pass up such a brilliant chance to watch Byakuya and Renji try to do something so stupid and utterly brainless it should be on Shinigamis' funniest home videos? Ichigo smirked. This, as far as he was concerned, was the only logical reason to go back to Soul Society.
" Well? How could I manage to go back secretly? What should I do? If I get caught, they'll probably dump me here again…and there's Rikichi on the watch too, since he doesn't want Renji to lose…"
Ichigo relaxed, leaning back on the foot of the bed but not touching her. He half-turned his head and smirked at nothing in particular. Or, rather, everything in particular.
"Relax, midget. We'll see."
Rukia should have been relieved, but she wasn't. She sat up, frowning down at Ichigo, who chose to take no notice of her whatsoever. She focused on the one key word of the sentence.
"We?"
Renji stopped, listening to Byakuya reading the note from a fortune cookie he had in his hand.
"'You and one other are in mortal danger from numerous enemies. There is going to be much pain in your lives, though mostly self-inflicted.'"
Renji swallowed.
Tetsuke-chan: Hellohello! (: Hope you enjoyed. Much more coming up :D Oh, yeah, anyone who might have been on deviantArt might find this familiar. Originally intended for doujin till my twin abandoned me. D:
Tetsuke-chan: Twiiiiiiiin-chan!
Twin-chan: -shunpo's off and abandons me-
'Till next time (:
