If you aren't sad now you're gonna be. Hope you like it.
Xx Liv xX
I lied here on the bed that we once shared. You used to be next to me here all the time. Now you're gone. Now I can only see you with that- I wish I could call her a bitch. A whore. A dirty slut. But I know that's not true. She's a sweet, pretty girl who's perfect for you. It was inevitable that you got together again. I can't belive I ever thought we would be together forever. I looked down at my arm and trace the scars. I only cut on one arm. I needed to feel insignificant. So I made myself even more asymmetrical.
"Soul."
That's what they said. The scars. I felt another shudder of sadness go through me as I said your name. A hard sob racked my body. I felt numb as I stood up. I couldn't feel anything so I balled my hands in the fabric of your old black V-neck T-shirt that I was wearing. I toutured myself. I breathed in your coffee, vanilla, and ciggerette smoke smell. I hated it when you smoked. But you said it was "cool".
I walked to my desk and open the drawer or the things from the past.
I dug through the old black hair dye boxes from when I tried to dye the stripes out of my hair. The pictures of us on the top of the desk haunt me. Your violent ruby eyes watched me tauntingly. I shook myself mentaly away from these thoughts. Finally I got to what I was looking for. The pocket knife.
No one knew I cut. And I only cut because I thought no one would ever like me if they knew who I really am. Gay. I was a confused boy, in love with another boy. So I cut his name into my arm. Every other Wedensday. Your favorite day was Wedensday.
"It's just a cool day." I hear you voice say in my head. I sob again. Tears are running down my cheeks. I take the knife back to the bed with me. The old matress creeked beneath me as I sit. I flip the knife open. What a beautiful, shining, silver blade it has. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I lower it to my skin. I put pressure to it and trace the large S that was normally covered by my dress shirt. I opened my eyes to look at the damage. A thin layer of blood had risen to the surface and was starting to pool over. I watched it until the first drop of scarlet ran down my arm. Then I started in on the O.
I went on like this for another few minutes intill my arm was stained with red.
I couldn't stop there though. I wanted to die. I wanted to be put out of my misery. I wanted to join my mother. I continued cutting my arm. Framing the SOUL with cuts.
I started to feel dizzy. Finally. It was happening. Finally I was dying. I continured visously cutting myself. Careful to make no noise so Patty and Liz didn't hear me. I started to feel cold. I couldnt hold on much longer. Soon I'll be dead.
I heard a wrapping on the door just as I started to close my eyes.
"Kid? Are you okay? You haven't come out all day." I hear Liz say from behind the door. I said nothing. Maybe she'd think I was sleeping. Just as I thought that she opened the door.
The last thing I remember is the sound of her screaming "PATTY HELP!" and Patty's footsteps running up the stairs. Such good girls.
Now I sit here. A ghost. Watching my one love get married to his old girlfriend. The one he left me for.
XxXxX
TADA! DEPRESSINGNESS! Anyway I hoped you liked it ^_^ This story was inspired by the song This Is How I Disapear by My Chemical Romance. .com/watch?v=gkrGJlyT8lo&feature=related Here's the link to the song incase you want to listen to it.
Xx Liv xX
