No Regrets, Just Love

Kurt sat at his desk at the Vogue offices, doing his best to keep on top of all the phonecalls and emails coming in at breakneck speed. He felt his phone vibrate in his desk drawer and he pulled it out to have a look. He sighed. Another text from Blaine.

Please can we just talk about this? – B

And then another:

It didn't mean anything. It was just a few hours of spooning…I needed someone to hold me. – B

Kurt turned the phone over and put it back into the drawer, eyes closing for a few seconds. He was so, so very tired. Tired of the drama with Blaine, tired of Rachel telling him to talk to his … boyfriend? Were they even still together? He was tired of not knowing what was happening between them, he was tired of people telling him that he needed to eat, he was tired of everything he tried to eat tasting like iron filings in his mouth.

He was just so tired of it all.

He had thrown himself into his work, arriving at the offices as early as 7am, and sometimes not leaving until after midnight. He could barely bear to go home most nights, going back to that apartment, that bed where he and Blaine had slept that night after Callbacks, neither of them saying a word to each other. Not a single word, or a single touch.

His phone vibrated again.

Kurt…I'm about to call you….please pick up the phone. – B

No sooner than he had read the words, the phone started to buzz insistently and Blaine's face appeared on the screen. It had been a week since he had seen the real thing, and the picture brought back all the pain he'd spent the week fighting to suppress.

He hit the "decline" button and then switched his phone off completely. He had no reason to leave it on now.


Kurt hadn't intended to be home before ten, but Isabella had forced him to leave early, and he didn't really have anywhere else to go. He slid the door across and stepped into the room.

"Rach?" he called, to no response. He sighed and flung his keys on the counter, then he spotted the note on the worktop. Picking it up, he read with a frown.

Don't wait up for me – am spending the night with some of the girls. Tried to call you but your phone's off! Love you – Rachel x

"Some of the girls?" Kurt murmured. As far as he was aware, Rachel didn't have many girl friends in NYC, especially not any she would spend the night with willingly.

"I wonder if Brody counts as 'some of the girls'…" he said with a small smirk. He was well aware that Rachel was rather attracted to the NYADA junior. To be fair, he could see why; Brody was a charmer and drop dead gorgeous to boot. Still, there was no need for Rachel to lie about where she was.

Kurt made his way to the main living area, and stopped with a frown. Laid out on plates on the floor was a delicious looking meal, a lasagne and a pile of garlic bread slices. A bottle of wine and a candle stood proudly in the middle.

Kurt shook his head. Rachel didn't need to do this for him, he wasn't even feeling up to eating. She didn't need to waste their money on preparing a huge meal for him.

He looked at the spread again, suddenly, and his brows furrowed. Something wasn't right.

"Rachel can't cook…" he muttered.

And why were there two sets of cutlery? And two wine glasses…. Kurt was getting increasingly suspicious.

"I didn't want you to be able to ignore me this time," came an all-too familiar voice from behind him. Kurt spun round and found himself facing the one and only Blaine Anderson, hair ungelled, eyes swollen and face slightly unshaven. Kurt had never seen him look quite so rough.

Kurt felt his heart lift instantly, seeing Blaine before him. He felt more whole than he'd felt all week, and yet at the same time his heart further broke as he remembered why this exchange was happening in the first place. He could only look at Blaine with a broken gaze. The two stood in silence for a little while, although it felt like eternity.

Then Kurt spoke. "You don't look well."

Blaine gave Kurt a watery smile. "And you look as stunning as ever."

Kurt shrugged. "Why are you here, Blaine?"

Blaine's bloodshot eyes locked onto Kurt's azure ones. "It was the only way to explain everything to you without you…hanging up, or …running away."

Kurt shook his head. "There isn't anything to explain, Blaine. You got lonely, you found comfort elsewhere. I get it." He turned away to start clearing up the dinner, hoping Blaine hadn't caught a glimpse of the tears welling in his eyes.

"No….Kurt, I just…"

"You can't even tell me who you were with," Kurt whispered. "You don't think I deserve to know?"

"You don't know him."

"Who, Blaine? Just give me a name!" Kurt spun round to face the younger boy again. "Why is that so difficult?"

Blaine sighed. "His name is Eli," he said in a low voice. "We met on Facebook… a long time ago. Before I even knew you. I'd never even met him in the flesh until…well, this one time. I just needed someone to hold me, Kurt … I needed you."

"What…what happened to 'talk to me, tell me you're unhappy', Blaine? What happened to 'tell me you're unhappy but don't cheat on me'?" Kurt said, his voice hoarse, a single tear streaking down his face.

Blaine looked down at his hands, where his fingers were twisting round each other painfully. "I know. I swear, all we did was hug, Kurt, I promise. But I know, you're right and I need you to know I am so, so, sorry."

"Sorry doesn't even mean anything anymore, Blaine."

Blaine was quiet, looking back up at where Kurt was standing, tall, graceful and still so gorgeous with his porcelain features streaked with salty tears.

"I know," he whispered. "That's why I've spent the last week trying to figure out how I can ask for your forgiveness. I've barely slept, I can't eat…and I can't come up with anything that will even begin to be enough to start earning your forgiveness." His voice was low and rough. "I don't deserve you, Kurt and I… I guess I'm here just to say sorry again, and I hope you'll find someone who deserves you much more than I ever did." He turned towards the door, before pausing and looking back at Kurt once more. "You're still the love of my life, Kurt."

Their eyes met.

"Blaine," Kurt could barely hear his own voice. He couldn't let Blaine walk out of that door, out of his life, any more than he could cut off his own limbs. That boy was his lifeblood, his rock, his oxygen. If he left, Kurt didn't think he had it in him to survive.

He took a step closer to the curly-haired boy who meant so much to him. "I said…a long time ago… that I was never saying goodbye to you," he whispered. He took another step, closing the gap between them. He took Blaine's hands in his own. "I said that for purely selfish reasons, Blaine. I can't say goodbye to you." He tilted Blaine's chin up to him. "I'm sorry if I pushed you towards Eli," he said softly, hurt and sorrow in his eyes. "I want to hate you, I want to hate you so badly. And part of me does… the fact that you cheated on me hurts so much, but… I need you, Blaine. I need you in my life. And I'm willing to let you earn my forgiveness."

Before Blaine had a chance to speak, Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and kissed him, gently but with as much heat and love and emotion he could muster. Blaine's arms rested on Kurt's chest as he returned the kiss, confused and yet so full of hope and disbelief at what was happening. Kurt pulled back and looked at the man in his embrace.

"My missing puzzle piece…" he sighed. "I'm complete." He pressed his lips to Blaine's once more. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, encasing him strongly as he tried to pour as much love and apology as he could into the embrace. Kurt's eyes fluttered closed and he breathed into Blaine's ear.

"Let's go all the way tonight," he whispered.

Blaine pulled back from the embrace so he could look Kurt in the eye, confusion and desperation in his gaze.

Kurt smiled softly. "No regrets, just love."

Stepping over the long-forgotten dinner spread, they made their way over to the bed, fingers intertwined. Too scared to let go of each other in case the other disappeared. They sat on the edge of the bed, kissing softly, and then Blaine gently lowered Kurt down towards the pillows, straddling him. Leaning forward, he nuzzled against Kurt's jawline.

"I was thinking about you the whole time, you know…" he whispered. "I couldn't help thinking that he smelt all wrong." Blaine ran his hands over Kurt's lean arms. "I'm so, so sorry."

Kurt felt another tear escape his eye, and Blaine kissed the salt water away tenderly. The idea of his Blaine with another man still hurt, and he didn't want to feel any of those emotions for now. He just wanted Blaine.

"Please, stop talking," he replied hoarsely.

"I just…I'm sorry I did this to us."

"We both did this to us."

"But I stepped over the line."

"Fine," Kurt gasped. "Fine, yes, yes you did. Now kiss me, Anderson. Make me forget it all."

Before Blaine could even respond, Kurt had flipped the two of them so that he was now on top, and was kissing Blaine deeply. This was just as much about Blaine as it was about him; yes, Kurt wanted to be able to forget all of this had happened, forget his own name, forget whoever the hell Eli was, but he also wanted the same for Blaine. He wanted to make Blaine realise that he was forgiven.

He traced butterfly soft kisses over Blaine's jawline, their fingers of one hand laced together by their sides, the other hands cupping each other's faces, their gazes occasionally meeting. Bringing his face back up to Blaine's, he rested his forehead against the olive skin, breathing softly. He began to undo the buttons of Blaine's cardigan, tenderly easing his arms out of it and allowing it to fall to the floor with a soft thump.

Their lips met again, and Kurt could feel Blaine's fingers tracing over his back, through his jumper. He ran his hands through Blaine's soft, messy curls, consuming the taste and smell of the man he loved so much, the man he could never bear to let go. He felt his belt being tugged on in an attempt to be loosened, and Kurt put his hand over Blaine's to stop him.

"No, babe, tonight is all about you." Kurt murmured. He undid the buttons of Blaine's shirt deftly, leaving his tanned, defined chest exposed, a light smattering of dark hair across his torso. Kurt traced patterns lightly over the chest hair eliciting a small gasp from Blaine's lips. He moaned lightly and the sound of Blaine's need opened an entirely new feeling in Kurt, a more primal instinct to pleasure Blaine as much as possible. Blaine attempted to take charge, attacking Kurt's lips with a small growl; but Kurt pushed him back, his tongue battling for dominance.

Their lips barely parted as they undressed each other down to their underwear. Kurt's tongue travelled down Blaine's neck, tracing over his defined Adam's apple, gently sucking on his clavicle. Blaine's hips thrust upwards involuntarily and they moaned in unison at the friction between their groins. Kurt's teeth grazed Blaine's shoulder as he licked and sucked, gently pressing his aching groin between Blaine's thighs, as his lover's legs wrapped themselves instinctively around his waist, pulling him closer to attempt to relieve some of the pressure growing there.

"Kurt, please… I need you…" Blaine whimpered, rolling Kurt's one of rosy nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

"Soon, babe," Kurt replied, pulling away to try and reach his bedside cabinet.

"No…now…" Blaine panted.

"I need lube, sweetie…"

"No," Blaine said again, looking earnestly into Kurt's eyes with a watery gaze. "I need to feel you… I need it to hurt in the morning and know that you caused that when you claimed me. I need to know all this is real and not another dream…"

"Another dream?" Kurt whispered, leaning forward to kiss the corner of Blaine's mouth sweetly.

"I've been having dreams…about us…" Blaine said with a tormented look in his eyes. "Us…doing this…but then y-you leave, a-and I wake up, a-and you're not there because you're in New York and I'm stuck in crappy Lima. Without you."

Kurt felt something twist in his chest as he watched a few more tears escape from Blaine's eyes. This separation had been bad for both of them. They leant on each other for support more than either one would care to admit. He kissed Blaine's eyelids with as much tenderness as he could muster.

"I'm not leaving this time," he said softly. "But I'm not going to hurt you just to prove that."

The pleading gaze of Blaine was enough for Kurt's heart to break in two, and he knew he had to relent. Blaine needs this, he reminded himself. He was doing this for Blaine.

"Okay baby," he breathed into Blaine's ear as he eased the boy's boxer briefs down, discarding them on the floor, and repeating the same action with his own underwear.

Using their own natural lubrication, Kurt slowly inserted a slick finger into Blaine's opening, watching as his eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, his mouth dropping open slightly. Kurt let out a jagged breath as he reached all the way in before easing out slowly.

"Again…" Blaine gasped. "More."

Kurt pushed in once again, this time with two fingers, and Blaine let out a moan so desperate, so full of pleasure that it took everything Kurt had not to just plunge into him as hard and as fast as possible. No; he was going to do this properly. He was going to make sure Blaine was well looked after.

Stretching his fingers apart slowly, Kurt gradually eased Blaine's entrance wider, kissing him on the chest as he did so. Blaine's fingers tugged gently in Kurt's coiffed hair, ruffling it as he breathed heavily, eyes squeezed closed.

"Another…" he grunted. "Kurt…please."

Adding some more lubrication to his digits with his tongue, Kurt acquiesced, filling Blaine with his fingers. He gently located the bundle of nerves within Blaine's entrance and brushed it slightly, enjoying the reaction this elicited from Blaine, who gripped Kurt's hair tighter and whimpered loudly.

"Are you ready, sweetie?" Kurt looked up at the boy beneath him, removing his fingers and placing a small kiss above his navel.

Blaine didn't even say a word, simply nodded and pulled Kurt's hair to bring his face closer to his so he could kiss it softly, before lifting his legs around Kurt's waist once more.

"Take me," he whispered, his voice cracking.

With a soft kiss to the palm of Blaine's hand, Kurt knelt between Blaine's legs, lined himself up with the entrance and eased in, slowly and passionately. It was tight and hot, and without the extra lubrication, the friction was noticeable but it seemed to simple elevate the pleasure, not only for him but for Blaine too; the curly-haired boy had thrown his head back into the pillow, a look of pure ecstasy glazing his facial features.

Kurt grunted delicately as he began to thrust into Blaine rhythmically, hooking his arms under Blaine's back and pulling him up until he was propped on his elbows, head still dropping back. Kurt leaned forward and pressed his lips against Blaine's neck, kissing and sucking and gently nipping as he slowly moved his hips back and forth. Blaine's legs dropped from around his waist to rest either side of his thighs, using his feet to anchor himself to the bed as Kurt began to run his tongue over a nipple, swirling and suckling.

"Kurt…" Blaine moaned. "I won't last long…"

Kurt smiled into Blaine's chest. It had been too long since they were together like this; it was never destined to last long. But there would be many other chances for them to be intimate in this way again; Kurt was going to make sure of it. He wasn't going to neglect Blaine again.

"Don't worry, babe," Kurt assured his boyfriend. "Let go."

He continued to push slowly in and out of Blaine, relishing in the noises he was making. They both needed this intimacy; this chance to just let go and be themselves with each other.

Moments later, Blaine let out a loud groan, and his body stiffened as he climaxed, sighing Kurt's name into his hair. Seconds afterwards, Kurt too reached the pinnacle of his pleasure, and he collapsed on top of Blaine, his head resting on his chest, listening to the sound of his lover's racing heartbeat.

They lay that way in silence for a while, Blaine absently tracing patterns onto the smooth porcelain of Kurt's back, as slowly their breathing returned to normal. Kurt rolled off of Blaine and lay next to him, their noses practically touching and their legs intertwined. He looked into Blaine's hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry, Blaine," he said softly. "I'm sorry for leaving you to feel so alone, I'm sorry for not being the boyfriend you needed me to be. I'm sorry you felt you had to find that support elsewhere." He sighed, caressing Blaine's cheek.

"And I am so…so sorry I did what I did, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice cracking with emotion. "I should have come to see you sooner, I should never have kept in touch with him in the first place. And I shouldn't have tried to place all the blame on you in Central Park."

Reaching down, he touched his fingertips to Kurt's, and their hands locked together tightly. He leaned forward and kissed Kurt chastely. "I just hope you'll be able to forgive me, one day. I've never hated myself so much in my life, and I had to tell you what I'd done straightaway."

Kurt studied Blaine's face. He knew back in Central Park that night that Blaine was disgusted with himself at what he'd done, even to just hug this Eli person in a way that was more than friendly. He truly believed that Kurt would never be able to forgive him.

"Blaine…" Kurt sighed, tucking his head between Blaine's cheek and the pillow, "I love you more than anything I could ever love. We were both in the wrong. Yes, I was hurt; yes, I ignored you for a week…that was wrong of me. Because I forgave you as soon as you told me." He smiled into Blaine's neck briefly, then moved his head to look Blaine in the eye once more. "We can't let it get this way again, Blaine. It hurts too much."

Blaine nodded earnestly. "I know. I thought I was going to lose you. I felt like I was going to die."

Kurt let out a small chuckle. He could relate to that. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and kissed him once more. "So, this isn't happening again, agreed? We have to always make time to talk. Always."

"Always," Blaine replied, and the two of them drifted off to sleep, each encased in their soul mate's arms.

-fin-

A/N: Please review!

UPDATE: In response to a few reviews I've received, I just want to add this little note, to let you know where I'm coming from with this one-shot.

I don't condone cheating in any way, nor am I trying to act like Blaine is not in the wrong at all. Just because there has been this moment of forgiveness doesn't mean that their relationship won't still be strained...there will always be some element of doubt or worry in Kurt's mind when Blaine is away. My intention writing this one shot was an excuse to write some fluff to get us through the hiatus, as well as try and put the point across that Kurt and Blaine do need each other. I believe they are very much made for each other. Relationships are built on trust; and while I do not agree that every time a party strays they should be forgiven and things go back to normal, if Kurt wasn't to believe Blaine and give him a chance to earn Kurt's forgiveness then it is almost as if the trust their relationship was founded on is completely redundant. I believe Blaine was truly disgusted with himself for what he did, and he deserves some form of redemption for that. I tried to let Kurt and Blaine come to some form of understanding as to what went wrong in their relationship and give them a chance to fix it. If that didn't come across in the story then you have my apologies, but like I said, the story was mainly an excuse for some fluff as opposed to looking deeply into the psychologies of either party.

I hope this clears some things up, and doesn't spoil the overall story for you in any way.

I'd still appreciate whatever comments you would like to leave in a review.