Dedication: To everyone that continues to support me even when it seems like I've disappeared off the face of the planet. Thank you.
Disclaimer: This short story is purely fictional with the plot being the sole property of the writer. Original characters are in affiliation with Clamp.
The Road Taken
A Short Story by silent wanderer
"Fuck, fuck, fuckin' fuck!" Sakura Kinomoto threw on a black cashmere blazer, dashed to the mirror to do a final check on her hair and make up and deeming herself presentable, grabbed her purse off the cushioned leather sofa she absolutely adored and flew out the door with her still warm manuscript in hand.
As she drove, her sharp turns and hectic lane changes reflected her dark mood. Of all the days for her agent to get a cold! Who the hell called six in the morning just to say that anyways?! But Tomoyo was a damn good agent. She called in sick just this morning, but she had faxed all of Sakura's responsibilities for the day, when and where her appointments were going to be and left an emergency contact number if anything should arise.
Sakura scowled as she glanced at the list she had thrown on the passenger seat. Well, you would have to a classic moron to not have understood the fax. Tomoyo was efficient, professional and smart. Considering how utterly perfect her faxed agenda for the day was, Sakura wouldn't have been surprised if her agent had planned her sudden sickness. And damn it, but she wouldn't admit to Tomoyo that she hadn't been able to get herself through just one day without her. Her eyes flew back to the emergency contact number. I'll rip that number up in shreds later, she mused…just to avoid temptation.
Going twenty km above the actual set speed limit, Sakura didn't care much for the sudden light change. "Shit!" Slamming on the brakes, she braced herself as her body lunged forward with the screech of the tires. The seatbelt dug into her skin at the sheer impact. With another impatience string of curses, she took a left, opting out for a shortcut.
To her disbelief, a beat up looking truck was blocking the road. What the hell was this, screw Sakura over day?! Well, tough shit. This was the fastest way to get to where she needed to and this rusty pick-up was going to move if it wanted to squeeze any more future mileage out from its sad pathetic life.
Rolling down her window, she looked around for the owner. "Hey, you're blocking the road. Move it."
Nothing happened and she called out louder. "Excuse me, I need to get by or I'll be late. Move please."
Once again no reaction. Well she was through feigning propriety and got out of the car, the summer heat hitting her in waves and making her want to return to her cool air conditioned convertible.
"I told you to move your truck, piss for brains. What are you, deaf–" but Sakura stopped when she walked over to the driver side and saw it was empty. Her eyes scoured the backseat and the rest of the nearby area. She had turned into an ancient looking road that only those well known to the area would be familiar with so she wasn't surprised to see no other cars. To her right were the back lots of a few run downed buildings, her left, a functioning bar in broad daylight and a few other small shops. She saw that no key was in the truck's ignition and could only surmise that the poor pick-up had finally run out of its usefulness and the owner had gone for help. That, or an early drunk had parked here and ran into the bar.
Just when Sakura was debating whether or not to plow the beat up looking truck to the side, (at the risk of her polished red convertible) a young man about her age came sulking out of the bar. Just her fucking luck, why did she have to be right? God, she didn't have time to deal with this. Of all the damn days Tomoyo, why? Why?! Her mind screamed.
"You. Yeah in the grey shirt. That your pick-up? Move it. Now." She was far past being pleasant and her tone left no room for defiance.
"I can't." he answered, almost bereaved.
"Why not?" she grounded out slowly. Was he fucking wasted at eight in the morning?
He sighed, not hearing her annoyance. "It broke down. I'm leaving it here. Someone will come fix it later."
She didn't have later and she was going to make it clear. "I don't care when it's going to get fixed. Now you somehow get it to the damn side of the road before I'm late for my meeting. Understand?" when he opened his mouth to speak, she gave a heart stopping glare and in a even darker voice added "I am not going back into that crummy godforsaken traffic, so move it or I'll move it."
The man finally broke out from his sulking state and scanned her from head to toe. Grinning, he crossed his arms and in challenge, shrugged. "Go ahead."
She couldn't believe her ears. Sakura knew exactly what went through the weasel's head at that moment. With her pricy outfit, manicured nails and designer sunglasses, she screamed "taken care of" but hell would freeze before that would mean she lacked the guts to take on any challenge. If anything, she'd wipe that cocky smile clean off his face and cackle while doing it.
Sakura copied his shrug and turned back towards her car. "You probably wouldn't even get much insurance from that pile of junk anyways." Assuming he had any that was. And if he sued her? Well it was her over him and she somehow thought her clean and polished image as the successful writer she was known to be would save her ass. Of course, she wasn't so quick to judge this jerk. Maybe he was some son of a renowned man of business, she didn't know. That silent dare flashing in his chestnut orbs however, obliterated any common sense left in her head. And now in her car, hand on the throttle, she hit the gas hard.
His eyes narrowed for a moment and then bulged in his eye sockets. "Wait a minute—" but he didn't stand around to be bowled over. Instead, he lunged aside and watched in absolute amazement, or maybe it was terror (he couldn't tell at the moment) as the mad woman rammed into the back end of his pick-up, crashed it into the concrete building across from him and put the convertible back into reverse. He blinked in horror as smoke rose in grey puffs from the front engine.
"Hey brick for brains." She smirked, glancing back at his stricken expression. "You fucked with the wrong person this morning." And growling that she was now later than ever, Sakura bolted down the rest of the street. Her publisher was going to strangle her neck.
"I look forward to reading another one of your novels. We're looking for another masterpiece Kinomoto-san."
"I hope you find it." Sakura smiled at her publisher. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting."
"Not at all." The gruff looking man replied, puffing out his chest in an effort to put on manly airs. "I'm sorry to hear about your agent. Give her my regards."
"I will. Thank you." Sakura took the hand he offered gracefully. "It was nice seeing you as always Mayuri-san."
He made a show to look modest, brushing his hand in the air as if to ward off her kind words. "Call me Mayuri. But I won't take up anymore of your time. I'm sure you're quite busy with your agent suddenly ill. I'll fax you about any future updates."
"Alright." Sakura stood and pushed in her chair. As soon as they parted, she took one look at her agenda and threw herself into her car. The meeting had taken longer than planned, but then she had no right to complain. Her incident from this morning had not only made her late, but had left the front of her convertible slightly disfigured. Her right headlight was now non-existent. Not that it really bothered her because the look on that guy's face had been eBay worthy… if only she had brought along a camera.
Normally, Sakura was one to tackle life head on, but she was horrible with meeting deadlines and had finished her rough manuscript only yesterday—or rather this morning at 4 in the morning. Functioning on less than two hours of sleep, regardless of how much caffeine she was pumping into her circulatory system, Sakura didn't know if she could survive the day. And it was going to be a shitty day. With a final look at her agenda, she took a deep breath.
It was already five in the evening when Sakura got back home to her apartment. She would have gone straight to her warm and cozy house at the opposite end of the city (which would have been conveniently easier because the bookstore she had been doing her promotional signing at was only a few kilometers away) if not for the last duty on her agenda. And call her crazy, but she wouldn't allow a journalist, a stranger to take one step into her protected haven.
That was what her house was to her, so unlike the apartment which was an empty shell that held her professional world, nurturing the endless clutter and paparazzi of her life away from who she really was.
Tossing her bag and sunglasses on the kitchen counter, Sakura picked up an apple from the large fruit bowl and glanced at the time. Perturbed, she began tapping her foot. Late! Fucking journalists. But she shook her head and reprimanded herself. When had she found the time to grow into such a hypocrite?
The doorbell buzzed and with her stomach a little fed, she felt a little better upon answering the door. A few imaginative explicits came to mind however, upon viewing her visitor.
The man in front of her blinked and then outraged, cried "You!" he glanced down at a piece of paper in his hand, fumbling a bit because of the heavy photography equipment he refused to set on the ground. He then took a few steps backwards and glanced back at the front of the apartment door as if to check whether the number really did match what was on his paper. "Well shoot. Small world." And then his smile seemed to grow larger and larger as he came back around. "Nice to meet you. For the next week, I'll be getting to know you Sakura. As you can see, I'm your journalist. I look forward to working with you." He cackled as he entered the room, forcing Sakura to move aside, or be mauled by the massive tools he brought in with him.
As he set up his equipment in the living room, Sakura frowned. She had made a huge mistake this morning. A ginormous one. This wasn't the son of anyone famous…she needn't worry about that. The popular magazine company he was from had made it clear to Sakura prior that week that they would be sending her a rookie journalist/photographer to see how well he fared with a real celebrity, but she would have had to be psychic to have avoided this morning's confrontation with a particular pick-up truck. How the events had played out led her to realize now how royally she had managed to screw herself over. He was going to publish her biography in a week. She had all but destroyed his rusty pick-up. Shit.
As she stood there, analyzing this man, she debated her options. He had to be close to her age from the looks of it, with warm brown hair and chestnut eyes. He had the kind of boyish good looks that gave him a rakish air and a killer smile that must have been used against the opposite sex on numerous occasions. He still had that same grey shirt on and a pair of worn out denim jeans. And not having anything better to do, she read what was on his shirt, believing it would give her a better idea of who he was. It was one of those gag graphic shirts with suggestive meaning. She had to squint to see the tiny lettering. If you're already this close, why don't you just…well she was just going to stop there. Sakura gave an inward groan. This guy was going to be the end of her.
"If you're done checking my tight ass self out, why not take a seat and we'll start this."
Scowling, she sat in her unwelcoming chaise and didn't bother to hide her irritation. "The way I see it, I could have your tight ass self fired by tomorrow morning with a touch of a few phone buttons."
He stopped fidgeting with the wires and pausing he slowly pulled a tall stool over to sit on. "On what grounds?"
"I don't need grounds. I ring them up and say I fuckin' hate your guts and poof, you're gone from my life."
"That may be true," He began "but unless you also have ties with the mafia here in Japan, I'll live another day and publish what I know about you somewhere else."
Sakura didn't say anything for a moment. He was right. If anyone had anything to say about a celebrity, someone would listen. His claims would sound outrageous at first but rumors held some value of truth and he would spark a long chain of problems for her if he did manage to publish something. Never mind it would probably be the most accurate piece of work on her since ever, but she'd built herself up from a foundation of nothing and though she often lied to the public and had bought this apartment specifically as a workplace away from her real home, the fact that no one knew anything about her was comforting in an odd sort of way. Still, she wasn't about to murder this moron simply because he was doing his job, however cunning he was.
For now, she'd have to change his opinion about her and maybe start praying that he'd warm up to her and publish something at least half decent sounding to what was going to be her tarnished reputation. Fat fuckin' chance.
"So what's the final word princess?"
Damn, but he was annoying. "Let me get this out in the open." She scowled heatedly. "You'll be publishing shit no matter what I do, you'll be publishing the kind of shit that's not going to do wonders for me and I'm not senile yet so just sue me for that dumpy car like you want to and get the hell out of my life."
It was some time until he gave a sigh of genuine disappointment. "You're not even going to try to buy me off?"
"Are you for real?"
He ran his hand through his tousled hair. "Like you said, I won't get much from you for crashing my car and I didn't bother with insurance on it." He grinned like a mischievous child. "Besides, I was hoping it would die soon anyways so I could trade it in for something better."
"What, a bike?"
Surprisingly, he laughed. "My uncle would have saved you the trouble of murdering me if I had purposely destroyed the truck he had given me, as if I had inherited something priceless from him. Trust me, you did me a favor by doing what you did."
"So you're going to thank me by ruining my life?" Sakura made a face. "Gee, sorry if I'm not swinging on the chandeliers with glee."
"You're what, twenty-two, twenty-three?"
"Twenty-four asshole. Don't you have to do some research before you venture out on an interview like this?"
He waved her off. "That's what I'm talking about. What kind of injustice is that? I'm twenty-five and practically living on the streets and here I am about to get my big break and I'm still getting thrown curveballs from every corner. Can't a guy get a break?"
"You don't want a break you freak show. You want to get rich and famous fast."
"So? It's not like I'll be lying in this new biography. After having read the first seven, I'll actually be the one to reveal to the masses the real you. I'll call it, Reading for Truth: Sakura Behind the Words." He smirked. "Or something like that."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Listen cheeseball, you can write whatever the hell you want. Just take your crap and get out."
He scribbled something on the notepad he whipped out from his back pocket then. "Predictable." He silently mouthed. And noticing that Sakura wasn't about to destroy her dignity by asking what he meant by that, he finally relented. "Look. You don't have to like me princess. Just let me do my job. I don't know what weird things you're imagining, but I'm not out to get you, despite what you may think. Five business days is all I'm asking."
"No."
"Well think of it this way, I'll probably get blackballed if I ruin your image too bad. You're a pretty idolized figure in these parts honey and I'm not about to ruin my future this early in the game just to get out the truth."
Sakura glared daggers. "That was fast. What happened to that good and pure image you were building up to? You're no different than any other lying member of the media."
"I'm not prone to lying." He stated simply. "But I can't help it if the creative artist in me decides to spice a few details up."
Sakura studied his thoughtful expression and then finally asked "What's your name?"
"Li. Li, Syaoran."
"You should meet her Eriol. She's a real piece of work." Li remembered the way her small frame had braced for the crash against his truck, but still couldn't comprehend how she had gone through with it, coming out scot-free. "Crazy too." He added for good measure.
Eriol was the successful owner of Sage, the swanky downtown bar and nightclub that attracted multitudes upon multitudes of youths, celebrities and media. This particular journalist rookie in front of him however, didn't visit often and though Eriol didn't mind keeping his childhood friend company, he wondered just what had changed yesterday's mood of depression to uppity anxiousness.
"She doesn't come here does she?"
"Never seen." And he definitely kept tabs on all his customers.
"No, she doesn't seem like the type."
"Probably not. So if you're bright plan is to flirt your way through this, even I can tell that tepid attitude of yours is going to backfire."
"I know that." Came Li's soft reply. "I need this job though. My funds for this month are already running low."
Eriol studied Li, peering over his tumbler of brandy that was halfway raised to his lips. "Why don't you just go rent out an apartment. It's cheaper than managing those monthly house payments. You're just one person anyways."
"Maybe." Li frowned into his own drink. "But I bought that house on an impulse and I want it for myself now." He couldn't remember when he had something to call his own. Something that lasted. He might have been stupid for buying a house that he would eventually get evicted from—probably in the near future— but he'd been making the payments on time and up until now, things had been looking good.
"So what about your truck? You're going to have to get a new ride unless you plan on making transit a good friend."
He'd been thinking about that too. He couldn't possibly carry around all his equipment using the transit. But that poor excuse for a truck hadn't been his. Especially not with his uncle phoning to ask how it was every other day. He couldn't afford a new car, not for a while. Hell, he wouldn't even be able to make a decent down payment.
"Turn on the charm. Maybe you can make a mistress out of this one yet."
Li scoffed. "She's barely letting me interview her, never mind take her on a date. That is what her type likes you know." He nursed his head on the bar's counter.
"A little wining and dining goes a long way."
"Yeah well in this case, I'll need to starve myself for a week in order to let that happen."
"That's your problem." Eriol finished off his drink. "Always having gone down the easy path and what happens now when you meet some lady—" he ignored the snort from his friend "You my friend, have only your good looks to get you by."
Li rolled his eyes. "Well as much as you finding me attractive turns me way on, she's not drawn in by looks." He swiveled his head to better face his friend. "What about my personality?"
"What about it?"
Li sighed, turning back to stare idly at his drink. "Fuck…"
It was day two and Li wasn't getting anywhere with his questions. The girl had a string of imaginative curses stored inside her and a temper that he couldn't work with as a journalist, no matter how amusing he found her. By the time it was noon and she had somehow been courteous enough to offer him lunch, he had decided to change his game plan.
As she watched him bite down hungrily into the turkey sandwich she had made, (it already being his third) she listened mindlessly to his words, until photography was mentioned. She noticed because his entire tone had changed upon changing topics."Photographs?"
"Yeah." He said his mouth half full. "Those thin paper like sheets that catch special moments in time."
"I damn well know what a photograph is moron." What caught her off guard was the way he had described them. Was he that dedicated to his profession to be able to talk like that? Or were the words coated with something more personal?
He shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich, washing it down with orange juice. "We'll need a few good ones for the biography. Let's go out later to a park or something. We're not getting anywhere with the questions anyways."
"Maybe if you knew how to ask." She stated quietly.
Li choked, struggling to swallow. "Listen honey, I don't know where you come from, but here on dear planet Earth, you answer a man when he asks you if you're okay out of worry, you answer if he asks for i.d and a name and you sure as hell answer when he's trying to do his job. All I asked was what your childhood was like. Now had I asked, what's your sex life like, that might have had some suggestive connotations attached, but hell, I don't expect a day by day account of your early life when I ask about it."
That wasn't the problem. She just didn't want to talk about her past. Not with anyone. "Can't you just go through those seven other biographies of me you've supposedly read and get your information that way?" but it was useless asking because she knew for a fact that he had been bluffing the day he said he had read them.
"Well if you've already told me everything you'd told to your past journalists, I don't have to be a genius to know that those biographies must have sucked ass. C'mon, give me something to work with here."
She stared blankly at him, giving nothing away.
"Photographs it is." He sighed.
Sakura wasn't one for photography. She had to give Li credit for making the process entertaining however. They had already taken what seemed to be thousands of photos in her professional attire and he had somehow made it possible for her to relax enough so that the pictures had turned out convincing. Now though, she didn't enjoy being ordered back to her room to change into something more casual. How far was she willing to humor him? In the end, she emerged clad in a white sundress that had been hanging in her closet since she had first purchased the apartment.
Immediately, she was assaulted with a quick bright flash and an even quicker sound of the shutter going off. He'd been doing that all day so she was growing weary of retaliating back with a few sharp words. Her eyebrows rose when he remained silent for another whole minute.
"Damn, but you're going to have to go and change if you don't want me jumping on you this very next second." His voice came out slightly raspy as if he was really torn between being professional and the urge of doing just what he stated he would do.
Sakura didn't heed his warning. "Die from lust then. Just do it away from me."
He smiled, nudging his head to the balcony. "Go water some plants or something. I'll snap a picture."
"I'm not interested in plants." She replied. Sure, she watered them every once in a while, but they were only for decorative purpose and because that was how she kept them alive. No one would ever say she had a green thumb. But Sakura was now skeptical that Li couldn't turn any unrealistic image into art. There was a flash of confidence in his eyes that made her heart stop for just a second every time she witnessed his natural glow. It must have been because she envied and admired his love for his profession and because from the very beginning she had looked at him and noted the care in which he treated his equipment, Sakura had thought that it must have been nice to have something so special and personal to yourself.
"What are you interested in?" he asked, then caught himself. "Scratch that. I don't care. Interest doesn't matter."
"Why the hell not?" regardless of what the man said, he was on the road to becoming successful in the media; one who was willing to stretch the truth.
"Well look at me. I'm interested in dragging you into your room and having us stay there until broad daylight tomorrow, but damned if that's happening."
Sakura ignored him, having filled her watering jug and was now walking towards the balcony doors. "A good biography usually has the subject's interests included you numbskull." But the concentration with which he began focusing the camera on her humbled her. Photography meant something to Li and that was something no one could take from him.
Day three hadn't gone any better than day two. Sakura was sitting inside a small room at the back of the apartment, refurbished to look like an office for her own personal use. And as he lounged lazily on the sofa (which hadn't fit in the room so he had been forced to drag it to the entrance of the door) he stared at the tall ceiling, wondering why Sakura hadn't snapped at him for rearranging her furniture. Maybe she thought he would move it back later, but he'd been moving expensive looking chairs and stools since yesterday and she hadn't bothered to even give him her usual glaring eye. That disconcerted him. She'd taken to pretending he didn't exist unless he posed a question to her and frankly, he didn't want to be ignored by her. Maybe that's why he hadn't taken the empty chair in her office, but had intentionally dragged the expensive soft leather sofa over so that it completely enclosed off the room. She hadn't given him the satisfaction of seeing any disapproval cross her features.
"Sooooooo," he drawled when he could no longer stand the silence. The soft clicks and clacks as she typed on the keyboard were driving him insane. "Writing up another top selling novel?"
"Damn straight."
He chuckled. "The ideal romantic novelist. That's what you'll be remembered as huh?"
"You mean before or after you ruin my life?"
"Probably after." He smiled, sensing her hostility once again. "So why writing? I can see female boxer, street racer, dominatrix, but writing? That's a bit tame wouldn't you say?"
"If I wanted this to be fun, I wouldn't hesitate to write something different, something…more. I could give the public a good ass kicking back into reality." She tsked, almost regretfully. "Too bad I want to keep paying the bills."
"Must be costly to maintain this chic pad of yours."
Sakura heard the tone of sarcasm and she couldn't blame him. He didn't miss much, but in this case, there was nothing to miss. Her furniture was sparse, her walls were bare, the kitchen was filled only with what was necessary and everything was spotless. It was the least inviting place in the world. But it was also located at the richer end of the town and to anyone else, yes the cost to rent was ridiculous. He was probably suspicious to why she hadn't yelled at him for moving around her furniture too. The truth was she didn't give a fuck. This wasn't home. Not here.
"What would you write about?"
Sakura's typing suddenly stopped mid-word. "Just something real. Life."
"I thought love was a daily part of life." But he wasn't drowsy enough not to have noticed the softest twitch of her back.
"I write what the readers want to hear. That's all."
"Man and woman meeting, completing one another, each with their own past horrors that don't reveal themselves until the second last chapter. Sounds like everyday life to me." He doodled on his notepad as he waited for a reply. For the longest time, Sakura remained quiet and just when Li thought she was going to reveal something personal, she continued typing away.
"Earlier than that." She said.
"Pardon?"
"The horrors are revealed earlier than the second last chapter. You need time to solve everything and conclude."
Another dead end. God, it was going to be his funeral, but he was going for it. "I grew up in a large family, the youngest child surrounded by sisters. Father died three years back and mother is carrying on fine back in my hometown." He waited for her to ask where that was, but when the typing didn't even hesitate, he continued. "When you have a big family like I did, everything inside you gets tossed around and jumbled. Like you don't know who you are because you're never given the chance to really be yourself; not with everyone judging you. Everything I've never experienced, someone out there is experiencing it. I just take photos of what I've always wanted to feel, you write about what people like me probably want to experience." He turned to stare at her back. "But writing doesn't make up for the things you never had." He knew that. He knew because no matter how many perfect shots he took of a happy couple, nature at its best or a child, blooming with innocence, it was nice for a time and then reality struck and that empty hole needed filling again.
He thought she would brush him off once again, but he also knew he had struck a chord and he waited.
Finally, she rested her hands in her lap, her face turning to look at the sun setting through the open window. Bathed in the dwindling light, he couldn't recall ever seeing anyone as lovely.
"My words are just words. There's no hidden meaning in them. I started out wanting to write about something that had some truth in it. And when I took to the idea of love, I wanted someone out there to someday pick up my book and finish thinking, damn that was love. That's exactly what love is."
He watched her steady gaze, sensing an internal struggle inside her but not being able to bring himself to write down what she was saying.
"I would always start, but it never really turned out the way it should. The feeling never really got across. It's there, I know it is, but I can't write it down. So I gave up. By then I had already published a few high grossing sellers so what did it matter? I couldn't write about the things I never had. And I suppose I was trying to make up for what I lost." She finally spun her chair around so she was facing him.
"Your childhood."
She nodded. "I had a father, a mother and an older brother…with your coloring." She added after some reflection. "I remember adoring the hell out of them." A look of serious took over her face. "We had been on a camping trip and were heading back home. I remember wanting to surprise brother, maybe hide somewhere and scare the bejeezus out of him like he always did to me. It didn't work. He saw my feet sticking out from the bush and managed to scare me out by making bear noises." She grew solemn. "It was dark, father was driving. When we got to the fork in the road, we followed the indicated sign. Earlier though, a few kids must have been fooling around because one road hadn't yet been paved properly and was still inhabited by the wildlife. The sign indicating the proper road to take was switched with the other and we ended up taking the unfinished road. When we realized the joke, dad had spun the car back around." Sakura bit her lip hard, focusing on that pain instead of her clenching heart. "It was just a deer. But it would have gone through the windshield if dad hadn't swerved to the right. The car tumbled down a hill and into a small ravine. I hadn't felt much of the impact, but the car was deformed. Mom and dad died instantly, but I was wrapped in Touya's arms because he had cushioned the crash for me. It wasn't raining, but my arms, my neck, everything felt wet and I couldn't see, pinned down by my brother. He told me someone would come for us, but I'd probably never see mom, dad or him again. He said he loved me and I cried because I knew I'd never see any of them again. Because Touya just didn't lie to me. The next morning, the car was cut apart and I was pulled out, covered in dry blood. I wouldn't let go of Touya's hand even though he had died on top of me early last night already. I remember because my ear was pressed against his chest. Because I heard when his heart had stopped beating."
Sakura heard her answering machine go off early next morning, but she refused to get out of bed. Last night Li hadn't stayed very long afterwards and she thought she had scared the living daylights out of him, white as he was. He had left when she refused to acknowledge him any further, just returned to typing back at her desk.
Now she waited, assuming to hear Tomoyo saying she would return back to work, (well actually praying that she would say that) but instead, Li's rich voice flooded her ears.
"Hey princess, I'm busy with the write up for this biography. But I'll finish developing those pictures we took and bring them over tomorrow. Try not to be too happy without me. We'll talk more then."
His tone did nothing to betray any emotions he might have felt for her after yesterday and she didn't know what to think. Still, she wasn't surprised that he wouldn't be showing up today. She'd given him a mouthful to work with.
As Sakura sat down to her computer with a fresh cup of coffee, she stared blankly at the screensaver. It occurred to her that a week from now, everyone would know about her dark past. Letters of condolence would flood in, she'd probably be the focus of the media and she'd certainly sell a few extra books from all the publicity, but that in itself would die soon enough. They'd brush off her past as if it were nothing and continue to just link her to the novels she wrote.
She thought she was slightly angry at Li. He had had a job to do, but he had been pressing her buttons. She knew that and she hated how he had known exactly which buttons to press. She had all but spilled her guts and now her memories weren't hers alone anymore. She felt oddly bereft like something special had been taken away from her. What was more, to the person who had taken it away, the images weren't worth half of what they were worth to her. Li didn't miss a thing and sensing her vulnerability, he had attacked her head on. If she hadn't been feeling as empty as she was at that moment, she would have admired his skill.
The rest of the day she spent typing away at her computer, mindlessly typing in the humorous conversations between her characters, describing their most inner thoughts and noting the minute details that would make the story come alive in the reader's mind. She didn't proof read what she wrote, just wrote. She didn't remember getting up to refill her coffee mug, nor having a lunch break and by the time the overwhelming heat of the day was beginning to die off, Sakura was tired.
She didn't think as she went to her room, just threw on a shirt and a pair of old jeans, grabbed her purse and was out the door in less than a minute. She drove and drove until she was parked outside her house. If she was lucky, she could take a shower, dry off and wrap herself in a blanket as she sat outside on the patio, listening to the sounds of night as the sun said goodbye for the day. She felt like she needed to find herself and if she had the lonely silence of the night surrounding her, she would find it eventually.
Warmed from the shower and completely dried off, she couldn't believe her ears. There would be no quiet if that neighbor of hers insisted on playing his goddamn music at full blast. Sakura dropped her blanket onto the back patio swing and picked up the cordless phone inside. She knew the number by heart because one of the housewives nearby hadn't been able to stand the occasional stereo blasting from the youth next door either and had made it her business to find out the owner's number so she could call to complain, instead of screaming from the front steps. Sakura had made sure to ask for the number too and had been gladly given it.
As she waited impatiently for an answer, she couldn't believe how inconsiderate some people were. Thank god the owner of that house wasn't around much and because she wasn't either, she hadn't thought her neighbor's habit of blasting the stereo would be a problem. Except now, she wanted to watch the sunset in silence and she deserved it! This time, the end receiver would hear it from her. She had warned him for the last time. It didn't help that he had just as many imaginative curses as she had.
"Yeah." the voice yelled.
The fact that he didn't have the decency to turn off the music while he was on the phone only managed to unnerve her further. "Listen shit for brains, I've told you a million times, no one wants to hear that craptastic music you have blaring from the stereo. Fuckin' turn it off or I'll come over and break that thing for good!"
"I'm not turning it off!" came the yell, just as resolute. "Deal with it or find a fuckin' better place to live." And he hung up.
Well Sakura never let an insult go unpaid. Stomping to the front door of her neighbor's house, she rang the doorbell, then realized no living person inside would have been able to hear it, began pounding her fists against the wooden door with all her strength. "You prick, I'm three hits away from kicking down this goddamn door, so get the fuck out here, apologize and take that music and shove it up your ass cause' that garbage is just fuckin' noise to the population!" she didn't care if the whole entire neighborhood came out to witness her acting like a maniac, she was going to shut this guy up. And just when she was ready to keep well to her threat, the door flew open. With the energy she had put into the kick, she fell straight inside.
The music was turned off now and she would have smirked in satisfaction if her joints hadn't been smarting as much.
"Damn, what the hell's your issue!"
"You're my fuckin' issue asswipe." She grumbled as she picked herself up from the floor. "Go to he—" but she couldn't believe her eyes when they clashed with a very familiar set of whiskey brown orbs. It was over ten seconds until she grit her teeth and threw her hands in the air. "No more. I can't take this anymore. Shit. Everyone's trying to ruin my life. Some peace was what I wanted, some goddamn peace…" she was unlocking her back gate when Li caught up to her, pulling against the gate even as she pulled it shut.
"Sakura, wait." He grunted, surprised by her strength.
"Let go, damnit!" A growl crept past her throat as he easily overpowered her and followed her to the back of her house. She was determined to sit in her swing, cover herself with her blanket and watch the sunset however, so she ignored him and did just that. Small world wasn't even half of it.
Li blew out a heavy sigh, wondering what mess he got himself into this time. And he didn't like the way Sakura was insistent on ignoring him, anger flashing in her emerald eyes. He sat down beside her on the swing without an invitation. She didn't say anything, didn't even spare a look, but there was a sad gleam to her eye that made his heart constrict.
"I was developing the pictures." He finally said just to break the silence.
"Good the fuck for you."
"I don't sit well with silence. I need the noise."
"We've invented earphones asshole."
"Look, it's a habit I can't break. When did you—"
"Way before you." She answered as if clearly stating that he was on her turf. And she wasn't lying either because she had just finished making the last payment towards the house and was dancing for joy that it was finally hers when she learned that she would be having a new neighbor. Not that it bothered her until she also learned that he was a crazy psycho who had eardrums deeper than from where she stood to hell.
"I didn't even know."
"Thanks for ruining this relationship." She rolled her eyes.
He chuckled. "All this time I've been cussing and complaining about your tendency for foul language…" he laughed at her glare. "I should have made the connection after I met you in person."
"Well you've officially ruined my life. Any more questions? Or have you got enough answers to reach that fame and fortune?"
He stopped laughing and looked down at her. "Yesterday, what you said, I want you to know—"
Her temper flared then. "This isn't an opportunity for you to work out your fantasies you sicko. We're not a fucking clichéd meeting of fate, don't act like you have any sympathy because you don't have any experiences that can relate to mine and if you keep bothering me, you'll get your ass handed back to you. Now fuck off."
"You'll have to depend on someone someday Sakura. It won't kill them if you do. The end doesn't always play out the way you think it will."
"I'm not looking for someone to depend on. Love is garbage. Stop it with your lame advances too." She practically snarled. "Your coloring makes it possible for me to say you're my brother and I prefer blue eyes anyways."
"If you go near her, I'll fuckin' kill you Eriol."
The owner of Sage thought his friend was drunk, but he knew it was hard for anyone to drink that man under the table and besides, the threat seemed authentic. "Why's that?" he couldn't help to ask.
"Change your eye color and then we'll talk more on it." He answered in a dull voice.
"So you're her neighbor. Small world huh?"
Li groaned. "Don't remind me. I didn't even know she was practically ten feet away from me all this time and now I can't convince her that I haven't been hired as a spy."
"What do you plan to do?"
"What the hell can I do? She's just ignoring me now."
Eriol shrugged. "If you're asking me to explain women, I haven't lived long enough."
Li scowled. "She won't even let me near her so how am I supposed to finish my job? I hardly collected enough information."
"Are you going to publish it?" Eriol's soft voice asked.
"Whaaaa?" Li tossed an annoyed look to his friend.
"The biography. Are you going to get it published?"
Li closed his eyes. "I have to. She knew from the beginning I would." He added the last part to make him feel better.
"The way you tell it, I wonder if she also trusted you from the beginning too."
"You're insane. The only thing she felt for me from the beginning was a hatred for my guts."
Eriol smirked. "God, you played her. And did it with a casual ease too you devil."
"What the hell, I did no such thing."
"Liar. You were the saddest looking thing when you came in that night complaining that you had been assigned to write a biography on a writer you knew nothing about, but who had already had seven biographies written about her in the past. Then you come back the next day, grinning like a fool as if you knew you could work the situation to your benefit, because you had found out earlier a streak of violence that she had managed to hide from the rest of the world until now. And you meant to condemn her because of that."
Li flinched at the harsh reality of Eriol's words.
"Is she not worth it?"
Li heaved another sigh. He knew what Eriol was asking. Sure, he'd grown fond of Sakura and he was beginning to miss the hell out of not spending time with her, but he needed this job to pay for more photography equipment, to keep up with the house payments, to survive. She was probably filthy rich; she didn't understand he needed something that was just his. She could buy anything she wanted whenever she wanted it, but what he had was special to him and he would fight for what was his damn it.
"Ahh I see." Eriol smiled his knowing smile. "She has everything; two homes even and one that she'll let you ruin without another thought. I mean what's a few of her memories worth when you leak them out to the public?" He thought about it. "Not bad. You didn't con her money; you downright used her for who she was."
Li hadn't bothered to call her yesterday. As ridiculous as it was, she had typed away at her computer all day, waiting for his call. She had waited all day, not even able to have focused on her work. Tomoyo was finally well again and had called her to let her know her manuscript had been another success and that the company would be making the first set of copies as soon as she fixed a few problems with the original. Fucktastic.
It was now Saturday and she had spent the day speaking at various bookstores, promoting her new novel. By the time she got back home, she was deadbeat tired and she fell onto her bed, wondering if he had left a message back in her apartment.
Maybe he was still awake next door. The thought made her heart clench painfully.
Li hadn't bothered to call yesterday. He had worked away at finishing Sakura's biography and choosing the pictures he wanted to show the public. Now at the end of today, he thought he was close to being finished.
Earlier, he had been tempted to call, but now lying in bed, he wondered if she was asleep next door. He wondered if she had even given him a second thought these past two days. God, but he kept seeing her face outlined by the warmth of the sun as he closed his eyes and it occurred to him that he'd never once seen her laugh or even smile in his presence. In front of the camera hardly counted when that was just standard procedure.
Maybe he had taken the last piece of her away, taking away any future chance for her to experience true laughter again. The thought made him want to treasure the pictures he had taken of her even more.
Li frowned at noon when his cell phone went off while he was working. The frown came after he saw who it was; the magazine company he was working for. The first thought that came to mind was that Sakura had kept well on her word and now that he had proven himself not only manipulative, but also an apparent spy, (i.e. traitor) she had gave her two cents in in terms of what she thought of him. He choked back a dark explicit and flipped the cover of his phone up.
"Li." He said waiting for the worst.
"You better be done with that biography you—"
"Mei Lin?" Li recognized his cousin's voice anywhere. You just didn't forget a voice that haunted the first seventeen years of your life and Mei Lin had been his second shadow before they had been forced to split ways in college. He smirked sometimes thinking that if he had allowed her to convince him to take those business courses with her, he might have ended up a chief editor for a hotshot magazine too.
"Yeah it's me. Have you been eating right? Getting enough sleep? Why do you sound so tired?"
Not wanting to answer any of those, he said "Shouldn't you be working, instead of using company time to make this phone call?" he didn't feel the need to mention that she was using the company's phone line too.
"Pshhhhh, what are they going to do? Besides I'm on break."
"So you just decided to check up on me is that it? You know if you're that worried, I wouldn't reject any of your good will." He leaned back in his leather chair and stretched. "If say… a large sum made its way into my mailbox through cheque. Preferably before the month ends." He could almost hear her head shake on the other end.
"God knows I've tried."
Li smiled to himself. Yes, his cousin had. He'd always joked that the amounts that magically appeared through the mail weren't even enough to pay for the groceries, but in reality he always put the cheques through to the shredder. Maybe it was his pride, but he wouldn't allow any help from anyone.
And as if Mei Lin had seen his sad smile, she changed the subject. "So how'd you manage to charm this one pal?"
"Which one?"
But she scowled, taking his reply with a different connotation than he had meant. "This writer, Sakura Kinomoto you womanizer. The company called her agent today to make sure the interview went fine and to make sure you hadn't accidentally insulted her and ruined the magazine's chances of ever working with her again."
He didn't have time to feel insulted as he stiffened. "What did her agent say?"
"Why are you so uptight?" Mei Lin asked suspiciously. But when he failed to answer, she sighed. "I don't know what antics you're up to, but don't you dare screw this up now. I got you this job and if you can't fulfill your end of the bargain, I'll bash your brains out Li, Syaoran. I love you and all, but I swear—"
"Mei Lin! What did the agent say?!" he practically screamed into the phone.
His cousin growled at Li's impatience. "She said no one would have been able to tell that you were a rookie. You went in there knowing exactly what you wanted and how to get it. You did your job with ease and she found you extremely witty, easy going and sharp."
"Anything else?" his voice was so quiet he thought his cousin had missed what he asked, but he heard her hesitation and waited.
"She also said— and you'll have to explain this to me later, but she left a message with her agent wanting us to tell you…" there was a rustling of papers in the background. "Here, I have it written down. Listen to this: Sometimes all we have are our own senses; to touch, to feel, to believe. And if we can't believe in something as simple as that, life becomes difficult. Because there is no other road that we can travel on than that road shown to us by our senses. We all do what we deem right, but you just took a different road in the end." Mei Lin paused. "That's it. Now no woman in her right mind writes something like this unless—Li?... Li?!"
But he had hung up.
Boxes, boxes, too many fuckin' damn boxes.
Sakura had had it up to here with dealing with her belongings, but she would have hated it even more if some stranger had came and dealt with her personal items themselves. She was moving, maybe even running because she wanted to remove herself from ever having to be in the presence of a particular whiskey eyed man again. That chapter in her life was over and she had learnt something from the experience. That despite what she wanted to think, she grew easily attached to things and being by a nature someone who valued consistency so much, she didn't deal with the concept of ending something very well.
Still, she had all her belongings and regardless of where she was going to relocate to, they would still welcome her and offer their comfort when she came home in search of respite.
That had been over an hour ago though and deciding to take a break before she killed herself with migraines, Sakura now sat cross-legged on the bare floor of her apartment, lap top in front of her and a large mug of tea to her right even despite the heat of the day. She had planned to lose herself in the world of her two latest characters if not for the magazine that was lying on the coffee table four feet away from her. It was now the first Monday of August, the day when Revolve Magazine released its monthly issue. And inside this issue was a large section dedicated to her, by Li.
Mentally slapping herself, she groaned in anger, lying on the floor, a deadened arm covering her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to look at it, maybe because she feared for her privacy or maybe she just needed one good reason to call up the writer and take her frustration out on him.
The last time, he had tried to convince her that he had bought his house on impulse and Sakura hadn't begrudged him of what she believed was the truth. However, a big part of her just wanted him out of her life because she had realized that even though the hurt he had caused her was small, she wasn't stupid enough to know that she could really fall in love with this man. And that scared the shit out of her. She didn't need anymore love in her life and that was partly why she had kept her past memories locked up away from curious eyes. The last thing she needed was to bring out someone's sympathy. Sakura had accepted the fact that she had been a fool for telling Li something she had suppressed for so long and yet if she couldn't accept that she had, she wouldn't have been able to live with herself down the road. She told herself that Li had been worth the risk...even if he'd only taken advantage of her trust. The man had a job to do after all.
None of that meant she had to continue to be a big fat chicken though. But scolding herself wasn't conjuring strong enough feelings of indignity to bring herself to go look at the dumb magazine.
Sakura didn't know how long she had been lying there when a bang, loud enough to wake up a man in coma came from the direction of her apartment door.
"Go the fuck away." She murmured, allowing herself to continue lying on the floor, drowsily. She had pulled out her phone cord earlier and made sure her cell phone was turned off in an attempt to cut herself off from civilization.
Obviously with her luck however, she wasn't surprised to hear three more barbarian blows, each louder than the previous. Sakura lifted her arm ever so slightly so she could eye the door. When she was satisfied to see that it had survived the tactics of the maniac outside, she returned to her original position. They'd go away eventually if she pretended she wasn't home.
"Sakura. You fuckin' open this door right now." The voice was so low that she almost didn't hear, but she couldn't deny the deep anger in the familiar tone. "I'm not in the mood to fuck around with you. If you don't open this damn door, I'm kicking it down."
Sakura didn't move. She'd had an idea that he would come demanding an explanation for why she had said what she said, but she hadn't felt like writing a letter when the man lived just next door and so thought an indirect call suited the situation better. What he was mad about she could hardly even being to surmise. He wasn't justified as far as she was concerned. Maybe the magazine hadn't published his work after all?
"Sakura." He growled.
Then without any warning, she heard something snap, the hinges perhaps, or maybe the mahogany wood ripping apart. She had an idea he'd do that too. But she wasn't much bothered by it here in her apartment. Slightly surprised however was she that her streak of violence had rubbed off on him in such a short time.
Sakura could feel the glare off of Li even with her arm still draped over her eyes. "The landlord's going to have your ass." She murmured. He sounded a bit breathy and she wondered how long he had been trying to find her.
He was towering over her, his eyes flashing like the devil himself. "Did you read it?"
"Yes." She lied.
"What'd it say?" he asked purposely calling her bluff.
She still wouldn't look at him. "Take the menace from your tone. I don't fuckin' care what you wrote you dolt. How much did they pay you?"
"What?" he snapped.
"Pay. Money. The green stuff us people use to buy crap in this world. How much of it did you get?"
He took a while with an answer and even then, he didn't answer. "Why are you moving?"
"Noticed eh? The funds are running low and I have to maintain this chic pad of mine." She smirked.
"Bullshit." His hostility coming back in heated rage. "You're fuckin' running away you pussy."
"Probably." She answered softly then. Then after some time, "Can you leave now?"
At this point, was she even justified in being surprised by his accuracy? Li read people like books. But that familiar clenching of the heart was coming back and she hated the feeling. Just like when she had been left alone after the death of her family, she didn't want a relationship with this man out of pity.
"Tell me you love me."
"Are you insane?" Sakura thought she heard her voice crack.
"No. Tell me you fuckin' love me, that your head over your damn heels for me."
"I fuckin' love you, I'm head over my damn heels for you." She stated. "Talk to the landlord about fixing that door on your way out." But then she felt a heavy weight on her and a warm hand was tugging her limp arm off her face. He was so close his lips might as well have been on hers. "You're heavy." She whispered, thinking he looked tired.
"You're crying." He shot back slowly. And studying her face, he asked "Would you believe me if I said I'm about to get evicted from my house? You're about to lose one hell of a neighbor."
She didn't say anything.
"Would you believe me if I said I wrote a biography that although I think is better than all seven of your previous biographies combined, is still pretty brain numbing when you compare it to what I really know is the truth?"
She blinked, but remained silent.
"And would you believe me if I said I sure as hell love you, that I'm head over all the damn heels in the world in love with you?"
A warm thumb came and brushed away a lingering tear on her cheek and still Sakura couldn't find the words in her vocabulary to speak.
"I don't want to be alone on this." He whispered. "I'm probably scared shitless right now that you're going to come to your senses, nail me in the groin and tell me to fuck off, but I'm kind of hoping that I can work my way back into your favor." He brushed away another tear. "And because you haven't said anything to me yet, I'm fuckin' taking my chances and kissing you now."
And the softness of his lips against hers made her heart melt. He erased all her thoughts that she must have looked like a complete dolt just staring at him the whole time he was talking by slanting his mouth against hers, making her fevered need to respond back to his kiss deepen. This wasn't a kiss of pity. His weight felt so right on her as her arms grew a mind of their own, entangling themselves behind his neck, in his tousled hair.
When he finally pulled back, realizing what would happen if they continued on like this on the apartment floor, (now missing a functioning door) he saw she had a question in her eyes.
"Why?" she asked, a bit breathless.
Li just shrugged. "I don't know myself. You're obviously crazy and domineering, lacking femininity, just the opposite of my domestic ideals, foul-mouthed—" Li grinned as her eyes narrowed. And sitting up, he gently pulled Sakura into his lap. "I only wanted something to myself, something no one could take from me." He laughed when her eyes seemed to say, 'so you opted for a house?' "So maybe an apartment would have sufficed, I like my space, sue me. But that dumb message you left me was what made me realize the truth." He was thoughtful as he took his time answering. "I'd been following my own senses for as long as I could remember. I don't exactly like help from others, but I always had my own road and damn it was a great road…until it forked off to merge into yours." He smiled, rubbing his thumb against her bottom lip. "And I realized I didn't want to go back to my half assed shitty road. I wanted to travel down yours. At that point, a house, money, fame and fortune didn't seem to measure up to the image of you."
Such a heart wrenching thought it was of the bleak void between man and woman and how the former thought they understood the latter. At least that was what Sakura thought prior to this confession. Li was extremely sharp and he had seen her insecurity past her strong front. He had at first taken her eagerness to reveal her past to him as a credit to his manipulative chide, but he soon realized she wasn't the vulnerable girl, but the trusting woman.
"You took a chance on me Sakura and I'm willing to return the favor now." Li looked utterly serious when she failed to speak. "I don't know what you're waiting for, but it'd be pretty comforting to hear an 'I love you' back right about now. At least a few warnings before you hit and insult me." He understood her better now he thought. He understood why she was so desperate to separate her working lifestyle to the warm and passionate woman she really was. And he wouldn't allow himself to publish something that would devalue what she had held so precious for at least the last nineteen years of her life, even if it was his job. Through him, he hoped to salvage her laughter, her hope, her happiness.
"You're a dork." She smiled, placing her hand behind Li's neck and pulling him down for a quick kiss. "And you could have published what I said. I knew what I was getting into while I was spilling my guts." She sighed, standing up and picking her now cold tea up from the floor. "I suppose I have to shelter you for a while since I lost you your house." She smirked. "Damn fuckin' conscience."
He'd fallen in love with a smartass.
"I bet you're breaking some sort of stupidity limit." Sakura stated plainly, completely ignoring Li's unjustified accusations.
Morning light was seeping in from the window pane and though they had spent the night inside Sakura's apartment, he hadn't been able to convince her to share with him a warm bed…yet.
"When did Eriol come see you?" he demanded again.
"Just yesterday. Told me I should forget about you because he was better in every possible way." She answered casually, although yesterday they had chatted and Eriol had only shared with her a few tidbits about Li's past. Sakura had been warmed by the thought of a younger Li. "Then we had hot and wild sex for the rest of the day just to prove it." She added, mischievously.
He wouldn't talk to her after that so she left him alone to fume. She found it amusing how easily he was brought to feeling jealousy. But to Sakura, she couldn't remember being so safe, so warm. Even in her cold apartment which she often likened to a prison gave off a different atmosphere as long as Li was somewhere in her proximity. It'd been a week since he'd confessed to her and the media had immediately (and somehow, she wasn't sure how because it wasn't like they had signs stuck to their backs declaring they were romantically involved) begun constantly following him, as if they knew any information they would get, they would only be getting it out of the rookie photographer/journalist.
She'd warned him that any betrayal on his part that left the public knowing anymore than they already knew about their relationship ranked right up there with cannibalism and no amount of confession would save his ass. Li had taken that threat very seriously and Sakura had noted nothing but absolute obedience from him in that aspect afterwards.
Li was now fidgeting with a camera on the sofa, which had somehow found its permanent spot parked just outside her office door. He looked up from what he was doing at her every now and then, but still refused to start a conversation.
Taking a hint, Sakura gave in. "You've been taking on a lot jobs recently." she pointed out while typing away at her desk. "Saving up to move out soon?"
"Never." He shot back quickly. Then grumbling, said "There's this girl I want to marry."
Sakura couldn't stop her throat from tightening and she suddenly lost focus for her work. "Just like you to correlate sex with marriage."
"That's not it." He scowled at her response, hoping to have had her flying into his arms instead. "I want to make sure I never lose you. That another—"
"tight ass someone won't come and sweep me off my feet?" Sakura supplied.
"Yeah." Li smiled. "Something like that."
"Well as a warning because I play fair, if you ever turn on a stereo, you understand I might be forced to kick your ass."
"Sweetheart, you can do whatever you want with me. But I was wondering…" he set his camera down beside him to give her a hard look. "Do you really prefer blue eyes?"
It was Sakura's turn to laugh. "No, but it would have been a lost battle for me back then if I had said I found you as hot as hell.
"So that stuff about wild and hot sex with my friend was a joke right?"
Sakura smiled, coming over to sit on the sofa with him. "Probably. Want me to show you what he missed out on?"
"Fuck yeah." Li grinned, pulling Sakura into his arms. "Is this obligatory sex your offering?"
"No." she whispered against his lips. "It's got more of an 'I love you' sort of appeal. The kind that's all yours and always will be."
Sometimes, there is only one road in front of us. And as we travel down the path, we realize that there is nothing but deluded attachments and regrets. Sometimes all we have are our own senses; to touch, to feel, to believe. And if we can't believe in something as simple as that, life becomes difficult. Because there is no other road that we can travel on than that road shown to us by our senses.
But damn, he chose the right road at the end of it all.
Fini
