Chapter 1: The Story

Lurch walked into the room carrying a bouquet of yellow flowers. He held them out to his Mistress and she leaned away from the retched things. "Mheee." Lurch groaned holding the flowers to her.

"Thank you, Lurch." Morticia said taking them. Gomez came into the room with his sword in hand whipping it around the room.

"Flowers! Get rid of them! They offend the eye!" Gomez said as he whipped his rapier around. Lurch groaned and handed Morticia the note attached to the flowers.

"'The most precious gift there is, more goody-licious than gold, is that blessing we call friendship whether new or very old'." Morticia read aloud. Gomez stopped what he was doing and turned to look at his wife.

"'Goody-licious'? Who talks like this?" Gomez asked confused.

"That's how they talk in Ohio darling." Morticia replied to him.

"Who?" Gomez asked bewildered. Morticia handed the note back to Lurch.

"The Beinikes." Morticia said as she began to clip the heads of the roses.

"The Beinikes?" Gomez asked puzzled.

"Our dinner guests, Wednesday's friend Lucas and his parents." Morticia replied clipping the heads off.

"Oh." He replied whipping his rapier around. "But Lucas is a boy's name." Gomez said turning back to face her.

"Yes." Morticia said not getting his point.

"Of the masculine gender?" Gomez asked putting a hand to his heart.

"Yes." She replied simply.

"How did this happen?! She's a baby! We just brought her home from the hospital! Oh my little pearl! My beloved pigeon! Stolen! By a stranger!" Gomez yelled outraged as he swung his rapier and hit the vase. It fell over and shattered on the floor. "And the same fate awaits this Mister Lucas Beineke! Snatcher of the cradles!" Gomez yelled out as Morticia handed the flower stems to Lurch and he put them in water.

"It was bound to happen, darling." Morticia replied trying to ease her husband.

"I suppose." Gomez answered sitting down on the sofa. "Suddenly I feel so sad." Gomez said putting his hands on his lap.

"But that's life, darling. You're born, our children are torn from us, we live a life of unimaginable suffering and then we die!" Morticia explained simply.

"I love it when you talk sexy!" Gomez yelled springing to his feet and kissing her arm feverishly.

"Just promise me, no matter what, that we won't change." She spoke as he took her in his arms.

"I swear it, my darling. We shall remain as besotted with each other as the night we met." Gomez spoke kissing her shoulder and her neck.

"Our first date, you took me to see..." Morticia trailed off glancing at her husband.

"Death of a Salesman." He replied smiling like a crazed man.

"How we laughed." Morticia spoke smiling lightly.

"I remember well the day you poisoned me. No one else had cared enough to try." Morticia spoke as she walked to the record player and put on a piece of music. "How did you uncover all the joys in me? All the ways you promised I would die." Morticia spoke lowly as she walked back across the room to her husband, who in return grabbed her roughly in his arms.

"Those were the days." He said as he took her in a Waltz.

"Years have passed and darling I adore you still. Anyone who knows us would agree. Every time I take your hand I get a chill." Morticia whispered to him as she rested her head on his strong chest.

"Passionate and true." He whispered into her ear, his mustache tickling her ear lobe.

"It's what we have." She replied as he spun her around.

"Marriages like ours are rare." Gomez said as he dipped.

"And daring." She added raising her eyebrows at him.

"Only have the darkest tunes." Gomez whispered as he lifted her into his arms.

"Let Wednesday have her fun, with years before she blooms." Morticia concluded as he set her down and twirled her out of his arms. She changed the record to a faster tempo. "Come here you big beautiful hunk of Castilian." Morticia spoke pointing to him and beckoning him with her finger. He grabbed her and tickled her sides, earning one of her musical laughs in reply. Gomez grabbed her waist and held her to him.

"Oh, Cara Mia, what time is it?" Gomez asked in a deep voice as he nestled his head in her hair. "

Why, darling?" Morticia asked loving the attention from him.

"I don't think I can wait for our trip to heaven!" He exclaimed as she walked out of his arms.

"Deny yourself justice for a little while, my savage." Morticia replied standing behind the sofa. Gomez climbed on to the sofa and kneeled on it to be at her height and wrapped his arms around her. "You will be happily rewarded." She said leaning on to his chest.

"The moment when we shut out the world. And I will caress you and touch you in your secret place." Gomez replied kissing her neck and collarbone.

"Where tonight?" She asked.

"That little room off the kitchen." Gomez said as he pushed her hair behind her shoulder.

"Oh..." She moaned as she thought about it.

"Passionate and true." He whispered into her neck.

"Passionate and true." She echoed as she put her hands on either side of his face.

"Is what we have." Gomez said softly as she walked away from him and came around to the other side of the sofa. "Passionate and true is how we live." He said as she sat on his lap. "Each and every eve, we show are passion, my darling." He whispered pushing her down onto the sofa.

"Gomez, patience." She giggled as he rested on top of her.

"Marriages like ours are strange and dangerous." He spoke as he caressed her cheek softly.

"Misery from A to Z." She whispered back closing her eyes.

"Let passion be our guide." Gomez said as he ran his hand up her leg.

"Do you make a promise that you'll stay forever new?" She asked as he hooked her leg around his waist.

"I do, Carità." He whispered quietly.

"Will you be obsessively addictive?" She asked as his warm hand cupped the back of her neck.

"Aren't I already?" He teased her.

"Gomez?" She questioned.

"Through and through." He answered honestly.

"Will you stay mysterious and romantic?" She asked darkly.

"Peek-a-boo." Gomez said as he tickled her behind her knees. She laughed a musical tone. "Just say it's me and you, not just restricted to passionate and true." He said as he slid her dress up her legs. "Wednesday's had a taste." He continued.

"Let's not act in haste." She replied as she untied his neck tie.

"Let's remember how confused and criminal we were." Gomez said as he kissed along the edge of her dress on her chest.

"Wednesday's growing up." Morticia sighed as she spoke.

"She'll be Thursday before you know it." Gomez replied as he reached around to undo Morticia's laces on her dress.

"Let's enjoy the child still here." Morticia said grabbing Gomez's hands and stopping him from removing her dress.

"As long as me and you, stay passionate and true." Gomez replied as he attempted again to reach around her dress.

"Forever passionate and true." Morticia replied allowing him to untie her laces.

"Carità." He said.

"Okay, so grandma can sit next to Pugsley and Daddy can- no. The Beinikes have to sit together. So Lucas sits in-between the? NO! That won't work either. I can't do this!" Wednesday yelled coming into the room. Morticia sat up quickly. Luckily, Gomez had only undone one lace.

"Why so nervous my child? You're refined, original, and mysterious just like how I was at your age. Oh I had beautiful boys, all of them high stepping lovers vying for the next dance" Morticia spoke going to her daughter. She placed a hand on Wednesday's shoulder.

"Mother, could this one be about me?" Wednesday asked.

"Darling it's all about you." Morticia replied patting her daughter's cheek.

"I just want them to like us." Wednesday said quietly.

"Oh." Morticia said.

"Why wouldn't they like us?" Gomez butted in.

"Because... there you know..." Wednesday answered vaguely.

"What?" Morticia asked confused.

"Normal." Wednesday said.

"Define Normal." Gomez requested.

"Normal is an illusion. What's normal for the spider is a calamity for the fly." Morticia explained simply. Gomez nodded in agreement.

"If they don't like us, they will take Lucas back to Ohio and I will never see him again!" Wednesday rambled on.

"Ohio! A swing state! Monstrous!" Gomez yelled grabbing his rapier and whipping it around again. Morticia looked at her husband in an odd way. She put up her hand and shook her head at him. "But Pigeon, what's not to like? Everybody loves us!" Gomez exclaimed walking to his daughter. He put a hand on her shoulder. "We pay our taxes, we're sincere, and we're well bred. We'll welcome anybody, short or fat or tall or thin." Gomez added.

"Just please try to make a good impression." Wednesday somewhat begged.

"Done and done we shall be on our best behavior. Won't we, Cara Mia?" Gomez said putting up his hands.

"Pigeon, life is a long road. You've set your cap for young Louis." Morticia said as she walked to the window.

"Lukas mom, not Louis." Wednesday said agitated.

"See, you're not even sure of his name! Believe me! There will be plenty of Lukases and Lousises and Harrys and Henrys. Maybe he's perfect and maybe he's hot, maybe he'll leave you depressed." Morticia went on looking at the window almost as if she was remembering.

"Mother, please." Wednesday spoke annoyed.

"Boys are impulsive, where women are not." Morticia added.

"I can't believe this! Please be reasonable!" Wednesday said flopping onto the sofa.

"He may move on to the rest!" Morticia spoke as she turned to face her troubled daughter. "I had a Thomas, a Jacques, a Lou..." Morticia went on before being cut off.

"Mother! This is not about you!" Wednesday yelled putting her hands over her eyes.

"When I was in love..." Morticia said dreamily.

"Mom!" Wednesday yelled.

"Love..." Morticia spoke dreamily.

"Mom!" Wednesday yelled back.

"In love!" Morticia spoke sighing.

"Mom!" Wednesday yelled again.

"I was the belle of the ball." Morticia said as she faced her husband and daughter.

"But this could be love!" Wednesday said jumping to her feet.

"Dear, no. You'll be the death of them all!" Morticia said crossing the room to her daughter.

"Listen to your mother, she knows from death." Gomez added in to their women conversation.

"Fine! But I love Lucas! And you two won't stand between us!" Wednesday yelled making her way to the door. "He makes me feel so... so... so alive! He makes me so happy! Suddenly everything feels light and I want to pick flowers and sing! Lucas is so nice, so deep, and so perfect!" Wednesday said smiling and leaving the room. She stuck her head back in. "Have a wonderfully fantastic day!" She spoke. Wednesday went up to her room to text Lucas.

"Come on, Wednes. Just one time." Pugsley begged his sister.

"Go have Pubert do it." Wednesday replied as she texted Lucas on her phone, giggling at the things he was saying.

"Wednes, you know he is too little and not strong enough. What is so funny?" Pugsley asked as he sat beside her on her bed.

"Nothing." Wednesday replied putting her phone down.

"You're different." Pugsley sighed.

"What do you mean?" Wednesday asked confused.

"You aren't yourself. You don't torture me anymore." Pugsley whined.

"I am not always going to be here to torture you. Do it yourself." Wednesday replied picking her phone back up.

"Come on Wednes, please." Pugsley begged on his knees.

"Fine, let's go." Wednesday said getting up and walking to the playroom. Pugsley followed behind excited.

Once in the playroom, Wednesday strapped Pugsley to the rack. She grabbed the lever. "Pugsley, am I really changing?" She asked confused.

"Yeah, Wednes. I have to beg you to torture me! You are so happy and perky!" Pugsley said.

"I don't have a sunny disposition. I'm not known for being too amused. My demeanor's locked in one position." Wednesday said releasing her inner thoughts as she pulled the lever.

"AHH! That's was intense!" Pugsley yelled.

"Suddenly, however, I've been puzzled. Bunny rabbits make me want to cry. All my inhibitions have been muzzled. And I think I know why." Wednesday said as she tightened the ropes.

"And why is that Wednes? Can I help? Is it unpleasant?" Pug asked as she cut of the circulation to his fingers.

"I'm being pulled in a new direction, But I think I like it. I'm being pulled in a new direction." Wednesday went on as she cranked the rack three times.

"Is this cause of Lucas?" Pugsley inquired after screaming.

"Through my painful pursuit, Somehow birdies took root. All the things I detested impossibly cute. God! What do I do?" Wednesday continued on with her monologue completing blocking out her brother.

"Wednes, you got it bad..." Pugsley said surprised.

"Mother always said be kind to strangers, But she doesn't know what they destroy. I can feel the clear and present dangers. When she learns that the boy... Has got me pulled in a new direction, But I think I like it." Wednesday went on talking to herself. She cranked the rack four times.

"That was good! That was good!" Pugsley yelled.

"I think I like it." Wednesday paused.

"Do it again! Do it again!" Pug begged.

"I'm being pulled in a new direction, But this feeling, I know is impossible, So I'll confide that I've tried but I can't let it go. It's disgustingly true!" Wednesday went on as she pulled the lever three quick times.

"What else?" Pugsley asked curious.

"Puppy dogs with droopy faces, Unicorns with dancing mice, Sunrise in wide open spaces, Disneyworld - I'll go there twice! Butterflies and picnic lunches, Bunches of chrysanthemums, Lollipops and pillow fights and Christmas Eve, Sugar plums! String quartets and Chia Pets, And afternoon banana splits, Angels watching as I sleep, And Liberace's Greatest Hits!" Wednesday continued on.

"Wow, Wednes. He has you pulled in a new direction!" Pugsley yelled before screaming as she cranked the rack again.

"I should stay in the dark, Not obey every spark, But the boy has a bite, Better far than his bark! And you bet I'll bite too, Do what's truly taboo, As I'm pulled in a new direction!" Wednesday concluded as she pulled the crank three times. She paused and looked at Pugsley.

"Don't tell Mother or Father anything!" She yelled at him.

"Okay... crank it again!" Pugsley said...

"She's bubbly." Gomez replied flopping down onto the sofa.

"She's optimistic." Morticia spoke as she leaned onto the arm rest of the sofa for support.

"Where did we go wrong?" Gomez asked almost to himself.

"We taught her to hunt." Morticia spoke as she walked over and picked up a picture of Wednesday when she was younger holding an animal carcass.

"We taught her to aim." He said rising from his seat and crossing the room to his wife.

"We gave her a bow." She spoke as she ran her finger over the picture.

"We gave her no shame." Gomez spoke as he looked at the picture from over Morticia's shoulder.

"We gave what we had." Morticia replied as she turned around to face her husband.

"Made sure she was bad." Gomez spoke as he pulled out a cigar and struck a match.

"Did all that we could to keep her sad." Morticia replied as she began to pace.

"We told her to stay away from modern jazz." Gomez replied as he too paced while smoking.

"We gave her that week-long trip to Alcatraz." She said pausing and considering.

"We promised she'd be equipped." He replied shrugging out of stress.

"And filled her crypt with woe. What'd we know?" Morticia asked putting her hands up in frustration before pacing again.

"We took her to funerals in the morning mist." Gomez said as he picked up a family photo from his father's funeral.

"We took her to slaughter houses." Morticia pointed out.

"Schindler's list." He mentioned as he sighed.

"We taught her to scowl and sneer and domineer." She spoke as she looked at the photo.

"On cue." Gomez added glancing at his wife.

"What did we do? Where did we go wrong? Will the same happen to our other children?" Morticia asked becoming somewhat frantic.

"Are we good parents?" Gomez asked stopping and considering this over.

"Where did we go wrong?" Morticia asked as she played with the ends of her raven hair. Gomez rubbed his face and shrugged again.

"Are we cliché?" Morticia asked once again as she put a hand on her chest.

"Somewhere in between Guilt and guillotine, we forgot to notice that our daughter lost her way. Where did we go wrong?" Gomez exclaimed throwing his arms up.

"And can we fix this?" Morticia asked looking to her husband.

"Maybe it's a passing phase?" Gomez suggested trying to lighten the dense atmosphere.

"But if she's going wrong, then what will change her ways?" Morticia asked as she tapped her chin in thought.

"That's it! We'll cancel this dinner!" Gomez exclaimed springing over to his wife.

"We'll circle the wagon!" Morticia exclaimed excited.

"And give these 'goody-licious' Beinikes the boot!" Gomez spoke adding onto the scheme.

"We must intervene." She said as she stood beside him.

"We shouldn't delay." Gomez said slipping an arm around her waist.

"She's barely eighteen." Morticia added as she leaned into her husband.

"So what do we say?" He asked looking down at her.

"We know the occult." Morticia said as she reached up to touch his cheek.

"That's certainly true." Gomez spoke nestling his nose into her neck.

"We're to consult." Morticia spoke stroking his cheek with her nails.

"Morticia, with you." He replied kissing her jaw.

"So why all the fuss?" She asked dropping her hand and crossing her arms on her chest.

"My darling, discuss." Gomez spoke as he held her even tighter.

"She needs only us." Morticia spoke as she moved her hand emphasizing her words.

"It's us, only us." He spoke kissing her neck.

"We've always been there for her, to swear for her." She spoke as she leaned deeper into her husband.

"Discourage dental care for her." Gomez added as he kissed her collar bone.

"Do well for her; Excel for her, Make home a living hell for her. So where did we go wrong

is not the question. Resolute and strong is our next move." Morticia spoke as she began to form her plan in her mind.

"We'll tell her today." Gomez offered as he pulled away from the skin of her neck.

"Do what we say?" Morticia asked turning to face him with a look of panic in her eyes

"Send all the Beinikes back to the fray. Turn them away at first sight. And that's where we'll go right!" Gomez exclaimed as he formed his own plan. "No dinner tonight!" He concluded as he let go his wife and decided to find Wednesday. But she came in with all the family.

"I have called a family meeting to discuss tonight." Wednesday said as everyone gathered in the living room. "They're normal people. Not like you, not like me. Please can't we be a normal family!" Wednesday begged her parents. "One normal night, that's all I want. That's all I need from you. One normal house, without a mouse to feed a plant or two. You must admit we aren't what people call 'laid back'. So can't we muse a bit and lose the basic black? Whoa, one normal night! With normal people on their way! Just one normal night! Whaddaya say?" She went on pleading and trying to convince everyone.

"One normal night?" Morticia asked somewhat taken aback.

"To be polite. To do the least you can." Wednesday replied to her mother.

"One normal eve?" Gomez asked confused.

"Can you achieve a kind of common man?" Wednesday asked stepping to her father. "You have to swear to me. Yes, promise to the core." She spoke making an X over his heart. "It's almost six o'clock. They're almost at the door!" Wednesday yelled frantically running a hand through her hair. "On all the Addams ancestors, who've ever walked aright, One normal night!" Wednesday tried again.

"Wednesday wants One normal night. Give her just one normal night. Wednesday wants" Gomez spoke as he began to pace while smoking his cigar.

"One." Morticia said putting a hand on her chest.

"One." Fester said dropping his head.

"One." Mama said shaking her head.

"One." Pugsley and Pubert said crossing their arms over their chests.

"One normal night. We'll comprehend. We'll tend her every need." Gomez concluded.

"All I want, All I ask, you'll tend my every need." Wednesday said. "Keep undectable our passion for the dark." Wednesday said.

"Very well, Paloma." Gomez answered her.

"Just as you say." Morticia replied clasping her hands together in front of her.

"And then it's paradise, Right here in Central Park!" Wednesday yelled making her way to the door. "In one normal, Informal, One normal Night! So can we?" She asked as she looked around at all of the confused face of her family...