A/N: Eight years ago I wrote my first fanfiction story. It was an ER story called Work in Progress, about Dr. Romano and an original female character. It had been years since I even thought about the story until one day I decided to reread it. It was atrocious! I've never attempted to rewrite a story before and thought this would be a good candidate. I took small pieces of the original story and used it to set up this one, but this story has quickly spun off into its own new tale. It's still Dr. Romano and an original female character, but very different from the other story. I'm quite enjoying writing it and I hope you enjoy it too! I would definitely consider this an AU, starting around season nine, post helicopter accident, but prior to the permanent amputation.
Nothing Left to Lose
Prologue
Doctor Robert Romano sat in the chair at his desk, looking out the window listlessly. It was a hot day in mid August and he couldn't help but thank his lucky stars that the air conditioning in the building was still functioning. It had been a sweltering summer, and he was looking forward to cooler weather hopefully just around the corner. He watched as an ambulance pulled into the parking area. It brought his thoughts back to surgery. The return to work after his helicopter accident wasn't going quite as planned. Tasks that should have been simple no longer were, and the more complicated ones were all but impossible. He was nearly helpless, though he couldn't bring himself to admit it. He sat in his office, shut off to the world around him, and contemplated what to do. He had been a great surgeon, but that was over now. He knew that, though he still endured hours of physical therapy in hopes of a miracle. Maybe it was time for him to quit his job. But what to do with his life? Retire and spend the rest of his life puttering around his house and his garden? Take up fly fishing? There was nothing else he was so passionate about, and the thought of leaving it behind killed him.
And then there was the subject of ethics. He wasn't able to give patients the care they needed, and in certain situations, it was dangerous for him to be involved. His arm caused him to be rather clumsy at times, and he'd hate to think he had hurt a patient because of that. He knew it wasn't right for him to be attempting to work in the capacity he'd once been able to, but neither he nor anybody else had the heart to say anything about it. It was the white elephant in the room that people did their best to ignore. They were too polite to say anything. He hated them for it.
He was startled out of his self-pity by a knock on the door. "Robert, are you in there?" a woman's voice called out quietly. Elizabeth. She always seemed to know when he needed her.
"Yes, come in, Lizzie," he replied, turning his chair to face her. He watched as she opened the door, closed it, and sat down across from him. She frowned and folded her hands in her lap. "What's the matter?" he asked, furrowing his brow in concern.
"I'm concerned for a friend, Robert," Elizabeth said slowly after a moment's consideration. "He's been lacking all the fire and passion he once had and I just don't know how to help him anymore." Robert sighed and looked down at his left hand, wrapped in its brace as she continued. "I had an idea, though, and I was hoping he'd listen to it. Could I run it past you first to see what you think?"
Robert smiled briefly and laughed softly. "Sure, anything for you, Lizzie," he said quietly.
Elizabeth smiled, reached out her hand and placed it on his good hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "My friend is a great surgeon, but he's had a terrible accident and isn't able to perform surgery anymore. He's terribly sad about it. But I think there's something he could still do if he had an open-enough mind about it. Open-minded isn't always a strong suit of his, you see. Anyway, I feel it could be a wonderful opportunity for him," she said, looking into Robert's eyes. "You see, as a surgeon, he helps one person at a time. He does a great job, don't get me wrong, but it's still one person at a time. But, if he taught others how to be a surgeon, then they'd go out into the world and help hundreds of people. If he realized that by passing on his knowledge, he'd be healing far more people than he is now, I think he might just consider it. What do you think?"
Robert sighed and thought about her words for a minute. Teaching? Was that really for him? It had come up in the past after his accident but he'd never considered it as a real option before. Teaching required so much patience and a certain level of kindness and caring that he wasn't sure he could muster for others. Surgery was perfect for him because it meant that he generally didn't have to deal with the patient when they were awake and interacting with him. Could he see himself standing in front of a classroom, with a chalkboard and an overhead projector? He shuddered at the thought. But the idea of passing on his knowledge was appealing on some level. Knowing that people all over the country or even the world would receive care because of the information he shared, was a powerfully attractive thought.
"I don't know if I'm cut out to be a teacher, Lizzie," he finally said, shrugging his shoulders. "I just can't see myself in a classroom setting, giving lectures and grading papers. Maybe I should just retire, move to the Bahamas or something."
Elizabeth frowned. "Perhaps you should, Robert, but I think you should really think long and hard about teaching. Maybe not in a classroom setting, but maybe the right opportunity will present itself to you and you'll know what to do at that time. Just…think about it, all right?" With that, she stood up, and walked to the door.
"I'll think about it," he replied as she walked out the door, shutting it behind her. When she was gone, Robert turned his chair to face the window again, and did just that.
Doctor Romano's day had been horrible. It had started off with five hours of meetings that had run three hours late. When he made it back to his office, he had to deal with a stack of phone messages an inch thick left to him by his secretary. Later on in the evening, he went to his physical therapy appointment and endured excruciating pain for what felt like an eternity.
Ever since his accident, he'd been even harder to deal with by the people who worked with him. Somehow, he felt less miserable when those around him felt more. This was his attitude as he walked down the stairs into the ER. He looked around for Kerry Weaver or Lizzie, or somebody else, anybody else, to lift his spirits. As he glanced around, people's faces darted in and out of his field of vision. He headed toward the admit desk to see who was there when he came across a small group of people huddled in the middle of the hall.
A grin rippled across his face for a moment as his sights zeroed in on them. Fresh meat, he thought to himself as he walked over to them. There were two students, speaking quietly to one another. One looked angry, the other looked bored. There was a third student as well. She wasn't a part of the group. She was busily taking notes and walking around a little, taking everything in.
"Well, what have we here?" Romano barked upon arrival, causing the bored student to jump and look wide-eyed at him in shock. She wasn't even worth his time. "New med students I presume?"
The angry-looking one frowned and rolled his eyes. "Do you know who's in charge here? We've been here all day long and nobody has been able to direct us or show us what to do! This day's been a complete waste of my time," he grumbled.
Romano frowned and narrowed his eyes. Anybody who knew him would have been cowering in fear by now. The angry med student had no idea what was in store for him, poor kid. "I'm terribly sorry the ER staff hasn't been up to your high standards," Robert replied curtly. "As Chief of Staff, I take it upon myself to make sure the needs of any med student are met and filled. Why don't you all call it a day, and come back tomorrow? I'm sure I'll be able to find the perfect assignments for you by then." Like bedpan duty, he thought to himself.
The two students scurried off, leaving the wandering one to herself. Apparently she hadn't even noticed what had just transpired. Romano was curious to see her notes, and approached her. When he was standing next to her, she finally noticed him for the first time. "Oh!" she exclaimed, obviously startled. "Where did the others go?" Her startled look turned to one of confusion and concern.
"Home," Romano replied.
"Oh," the young woman said again, this time in disappointment. "Am I supposed to go too?"
"Not if you don't want to," he said, holding his good hand out. "Do you mind if I look at your notes? You can always tell how good a student is by how his notes look." With that, he ripped the notebook out of her hands and started flipping through them. They were very organized, with meticulous handwriting. There were names, and detailed physical descriptions of each nurse and doctor in the ER, as well as an annotated diagram of the entire floor. Thorough would be an understatement. She wouldn't be getting lost any time soon, that was for sure. "Looks like you made good use of your day," he said after a couple minutes. He handed the notebook back to her, and watched as she clutched it tightly against her chest as though it were a shield.
"I tried to, though it would have been nice to have done some medical procedures," she said with a nod. "I feel so ready for them, you know?" The young woman looked closely at the doctor for a moment before smiling broadly. "You're Robert Romano, aren't you? I've read about you. You have quite a reputation."
Robert raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly. "You've read about me? What sorts of things have you read about me?" he asked curiously.
"Uh, well, the articles I read made it sound like you're quite a passionate man when it comes to surgery, particularly when it involves mechanical and scientific advances. I find it quite fascinating, actually," the young woman replied eagerly.
Robert smiled and held out his working hand. "What's your name?" he asked while taking her hand and shaking it thoroughly.
"Melanie Hahn, but you can call me Mel if you like," Mel said with another smile of her own. Her hand hurt when he was finished with it. The man was quite strong!
"What else do those articles say about me?" Robert asked while taking hold of her elbow and steering her towards the ER exit. He kept her talking about him as they made their way to Doc Magoo's. Mel seemed to be unaware of their change of venue until they'd been seated and she'd had a menu placed in front of her.
"Oh, I suppose it's dinner time," Mel said while opening her menu. "The prices seem reasonable, that's always nice."
Robert, feeling uncharacteristically charitable, due in large part to having just had his ego stroked, waved his hand at her. "This is my treat," he said.
"Oh, but…" Mel started, but seeing the resolve in the man's eyes, stopped. "Thank you," she replied instead. She looked at the menu and weighed her options. "Which is better, the burgers or the fish and chips?"
"Neither," Robert answered, "I'd go with the steak, personally. It's just about the only thing here that isn't horrible."
Mel ordered the same as Robert, and they sat talking as they waited for their food. He had just told her having spent several summers in Philadelphia working his way through med school, when their food arrived. He stopped in midsentence and looked down at his plate. How could he have been so stupid, ordering food he'd have to cut? He felt anger well up inside him. He shouldn't have to worry about simple things like this!
Without thinking, Robert suddenly stood up and stepped out of their booth. "I just need to wash up. I'll be right back," he said, hoping that he could calm down.
Mel bit her lip and watched Dr. Romano walk into the restroom. Was she supposed to offer to cut his meat? Instinctively, she knew that would humiliate him more than he already was. What was the proper etiquette for a situation such as this? She wondered if Emily Post ever had to deal with such a complex issue. After a moment of debating with herself, she picked up her fork and steak knife, pulled the doctor's plate towards her, and quickly cut his steak into bite-sized pieces. When she'd finished, she cut his baked potato open as well. Then she did the exact same thing to her own plate, so they matched.
Mel was waiting quietly when Robert returned. He was going to have to ask her for help, though he'd almost rather starve. He was surprised to see his plate as he sat down. He looked up at Mel and opened his mouth to speak. "It was like that when they served it," she interrupted, "You just didn't notice it. Mine too, see?" She pointed down to her plate and smiled.
Robert was silent for a moment before picking up his fork and taking a bite. "Thanks," he murmured.
"For what?" Mel asked through a mouthful of potato.
