I Would Die For You: Part 1
By Symee-Sama


I never knew this kind of love
The kind that won't wash away,
And then leave you in the dark
I would die for you.

-Jann Arden


He was so far away. She ran towards him, eating up the ground with her long strides, but she could never catch him. Why couldn't she reach him? Tears streamed down her face, and she wiped them away angrily. She had no time for tears. Not now. She had to reach him!

She screamed his name, hoping he would hear her, and to her relief, he did, turning around and giving her the gentle smile that was for no one else, but her. "Relena," He said softly, and held out a yellow flower for her. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I can't stay with you."

"But you promised!" Relena yelled at him. "You promised that you would stay with me this time, Heero!" She clenched her hands into fists. "Does you word mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?" She looked down at the ground, her fear of being rejected overpowering her anger. "I thought that you loved me."

Heero cupped her chin with his hand, lifting her head until his eyes were level with hers. "Why would you even ask? You know how I feel about you, Relena." His eyes blazed with anger. "Why do you even have to ask? Don't you trust me?"

"Don't be angry!" Relena snapped, throwing up her hands in disgust. "I'm afraid of what's going to happen and you're angry? You're the one who's leaving me!" Flames of anger flickered through her eyes, and she backed away from him. "This isn't what I signed on for." She turned to leave. "I can't do this anymore."

"Relena." She shook her head as all her anger and resolve melted away, and she turned to face him again. It wasn't fair that he could stop her with a single word. "Don't you understand? I'm doing this for you. It was always for you." He smiled sadly, and handed her the flower. "You should have this." He said softly. "You will need it later."

"What?" Relena looked at him strangely. "What would I need a flower for?"

"To put on my grave." Heero said without a trace of emotion in his voice. "Will you visit my grave?" He asked her. "I would like that. I've never had someone who would care enough to tend to my resting place, and if you would do that..." She nodded, and he cut off abruptly, looking at her with such love in his eyes that she thought that her heart would break. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Heero," Relena reached out and grasped his hand. "Stop talking like I'm never going to see you again. What could have possibly have happened that could tear us apart?" Her heart sank as he snapped his fingers, and a piece of paper with the word 'mission' written on it appeared in front of her.

"Heero," her voice trembled slightly. She reached for the piece of paper, wanting to read what he had been assigned to do, but it vanished before her fingers touched it. "You're planning to die, aren't you?" Her hand was shaking violently, and she pulled it against her chest to hide her nervousness from him.

He reached for her, and enveloped her hand in his in an effort to calm her. He pulled her close to him, and kissed her gently. He leaned his forehead against hers, and looked into her sad eyes. "Believe in me." He whispered, and reluctantly drew away from her. "I will come back to you."

He pushed the flower into her hands and took a few steps backward. "Remember me." He smiled sadly, as he pulled out a gun. "And know that I will never forget you." He put the gun to his head, and released the safety. "Thank you."

Relena screamed at him to stop, and tried to run forward. It couldn't end like this. She wouldn't let it end like this. He couldn't do this! She sprinted towards him, another scream escaping her lips as the gun exploded into a ball of fire, consuming Heero.

She gagged at the smell of burning flesh, and tried to run forward, only to be stopped. "Milliardo!" She cried, and struggled against his grip. "Let me go!" She cried, and reached towards the burning ball of flame. "Please, let me go to him!"

"Leave her alone, Zechs." Relena gasped when Heero stepped out of the flames, ignoring the blood running down his face, and the burns that scarred his arms. "Remember what you promised me. You have to let her choose."

"I did." Zechs said smugly. "I knew that she could do better than you, Yuy. So I let her." Relena wanted to cry when she saw the look of betrayal on Heero's face. "She chose another. She forgot you." Heero fell to the ground, holding a hand to his chest, his breath coming in short gasps.

"It's not true!" She cried, silently cursing Zechs in her head. How could he be doing this to her? He knew how she felt! Why would he want to cause them pain? "Heero, please... It's not true." Blood started dripping from his mouth and he absently wiped it away.

"Do you still have the flower?" Heero asked her, and she nodded, holding up the yellow rose as proof. "Good." He glared at her. "You forgot me. You broke your promise, but I never forgot you. You were always first in my mind. Don't break this promise." He pressed a hand to his heart. "Tend to my grave."

Relena burst into tears as he collapsed, his breaths becoming shorter and more ragged until they ceased all together. Relena cried out his name. Telling him that she had never betrayed him. That she had never forgot him, but it was too late. He was dead, and she couldn't reach him. Her sobs subsided, and she looked with hatred at the man who held her in his arms.

Zechs was smiling at her, whispering soft words as he wiped away her tears. "Don't cry little sister." He said soothingly. "Now, you are free." He gestured scornfully at Heero's body. "Now that he is gone... You're free." He patted her on the head, and disappeared, dissolving into nothingness.

Relena stared at the body of the man that she loved, tears still streaming down the face as she reached out to touch him. She let out a small breath when instead of warm skin, her hands touched cool marble, and she traced the engravings reverently.

His name had been rubbed away, and there was no trace of a message on the tombstone. The only thing that was readable was the date of birth and death, and she ran her hands over them quietly. "After Colony 180 to 208." She whispered to the empty air. "Why did you have to die so young?" She felt tears well in her eyes again, and she wiped them away absently. "You left me alone."

She jerked when she noticed that her hands were leaving red smudges on his tombstone. She was crying blood... A scream erupted from her throat as pain engulfed her and wounds appeared on her body, long scratches, bruises, and a tiny hole in her chest. Blood flowed freely down her body, and she lay down beside Heero's tombstone, letting her blood coat the cool marble, and soak into the ground beneath her. It seemed so right that she would die near him. It seemed so right...

She wrapped her arms around herself, willing her body to retain some of the heat that seemed to be escaping with her blood. Turning to the tombstone, she kissed the top, saying goodbye to life and to pain as she sank into the green grass, and was pulled beneath the dirt towards him. Death could not separate them. Nothing would ever separate them.

"Heero," she whispered as she made her way down to join him. "I love you." It was her turn to smile... They would never be apart again.

"Relena..." She could hear him calling her... Calling her towards the light. "Relena..."

8&8&8&8&8

"Relena." Her eyes shot open and she looked around bewilderedly. She was in her room, in her bed, and her bodyguard was there with her. "Relena, are you all right?" His fingers dug into her flesh, and his voice was heavy with concern. "You wouldn't wake up." Heero released her and ran a hand through her hair. "You scared the shit out of me, Relena."

"I'm sorry." She said sincerely, reaching up to touch his face, just so she could make sure that he was real. Warmth ran through her fingertips as she traced small patterns on his cheek. "It was only a bad dream."

He nodded understandingly, and moved to sit beside her on the bed. They all had their demons to face. "Would you like to tell me about it?" He asked, and she shook her head. "I think that it might help to talk about it. It makes it seem less real."

This wasn't the first time that he had woken her up, and offered to talk about the nightmares that plagued her. He knew that she needed his support. She couldn't escape her nightmares by herself, no matter how hard she tried. They all had their demons. She had chased away his bad dreams more than once, and had offered the same support that he now offered her. He grabbed her hand, running his thumb around in relaxing circles.

"You left me." Relena said finally. "You took a suicide mission, and you left me all alone. I watched you die, and then I watched you die again." She buried her face in his shoulder. "It was terrible, because I knew that it was my fault. I somehow knew that I was the reason that you died the first time, and the second time, you died because you thought that I had betrayed you. That I had forgotten about you."

"Shh," Heero soothed, moving his hands up and down her back. "I'm not dead, and I know that you would never betray me. Everything's fine. It's only a dream."

Relena frowned. "But everything seemed so real. I've never had a dream that was that real." She wiped her eyes and pulled back her hands to examine them, half expecting to see them stained red with blood. "The worst part was the look on your face when you thought that I had chosen someone else." She looked into his eyes. "You know that I would never forget you, right?" Her voice had a desperate edge to it. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to forget you."

He hugged her tighter, wishing that he could do more to put her fears to rest. "I know." He kissed her forehead. "I couldn't forget you either." He smiled at her, an action which had come much easier to him in her presence than with anyone else. "You're too annoying."

"Your jokes are worse than Duo's," Relena smiled back at him, the fear that had overwhelmed her slowly receding to the back of her mind. "What time is it?" She asked, looking at the sun that was streaming through the window. "It can't be that early."

"I was coming to wake you up when I found you." He loosened his hold on her slightly, and pulled back, looking her up and down. "Are you sure that you're okay? You look shaken." His voice was heavy with concern, and her smile widened. "Relena?"

"I'm fine," she hugged him again. "Just promise me that you won't leave me."

"I would never." Heero promised, and reluctantly released her. "You have work to do." He reminded her softly, and she glared at him.

"Damn you for being so practical." She cursed casually as she crawled out of her bed, stretching her muscles. "Most men would have preferred to stay in bed with me, but you... You send me to work." Her smile returned as she opened her closet doors to choose an outfit that was suitable for the meetings that she had that day.

"I'm not like most men," Heero said soberly, and got off of her bed, looking over her shoulder at the clothes she was considering. "The black skirt and blue blouse would look nice." He commented.

"What are you? My fashion consultant now?" Relena asked incredulously at the outfit that he had selected. It was perfect, and he knew it.

"When I have to be," Heero replied casually and walked out of the room to let her change.

8&8&8&8&8

Relena stood in the middle of a busy street, ignoring the honking of car horns as she blocked traffic. She lifted tear filled eyes to the flames that licked out from the now empty husk, almost like they were beckoning her forward. To join him, to join him in the flames, in death.

She took a step forward, and glared at the man who tried to restrain her. Didn't he understand? Couldn't he understand? The man in that car had seemed immortal to her. He couldn't be dead. She refused to believe that he could be killed.

She took another step forward and when the man reached out to stop her, she slapped him. Slapped him as hard as she could. "Don't you understand?" She screamed at him. "He's alive! He can't die! He just can't!" The man looked at her pityingly, and she wanted to hit him again for it. To hell with Pacifism.

"You're in denial." He said calmly, and she shook her head, muttering to herself that it couldn't be true. "It happens when you've experienced something that your mind is incapable of handling. He's dead, and killing yourself won't help that."

"He can't die." She whispered to no one as she looked at the burning wreckage that had once been her car. "He was immortal."

"No one's immortal." The man replied gently. "Not even me."

"But, Heero." Tears filled Relena's eyes. "He was my friend. He promised that he would never leave my side." She buried her face in his shoulder. "He promised me!" He took her into his arms and whispered soft words to her, trying to calm her down for the second time that day.

"Pagan wouldn't want you to sacrifice your life to join him." Heero said firmly. "I know that you loved him like a father, but he wouldn't want you to do that for him. Please, if you never believe me again, listen to what I say now. Don't throw away your life."

To his astonishment, Relena began to laugh; tears streaming down her face and triumph in her eyes. "This is a dream!" She cried, ignoring the sickening smell of burning flesh. "That's it. It's just another dream!" She moved closer to the flames, watching as they consumed the man who had been like a father to her. "I wonder why I'm dreaming about the deaths of those I love... Who will be next?" She wondered aloud. "Duo? Trowa? Quatre? Whose death will I dream of next?"

She smiled softly, as the darkness surrounded her, pushing in on her, and making everything disappear. "Who will be next?" She whispered as everything went black.

8&8&8&8&8

Relena sighed as she sat up, pressing a cold cloth to her forehead. She was in her room again, and she had a headache that wouldn't go away. It hadn't been a dream. Pagan was dead, and he was dead because of her. Because someone wanted to kill her.

They had heard of no demands, no threats, but that was the way it was, wasn't it? Someone didn't agree with her political views and decided to take matters into their own hands. She wanted to weep; she wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. If they had wanted her, why hadn't they come and killed her? Why had they taken out their anger on an old man whose only crime was that he loved her?

Guilt washed over her in waves. It should have been her. She should've been the one trapped in the burning car. She should have been the one who died. The bomb had been for her after all... She glanced up when the door swung open, and when she saw who it was, she looked at her hands again, not wanting to talk to him.

"Relena," he walked over and knelt beside her bed. "This wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for this." He reached out to touch her arm, but she flinched away from him. "Relena..." He growled in frustration. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was," Relena snapped. "Don't try to make me feel better, Heero. I know that the bomb was for me."

"But it wasn't." Heero protested, and forced her to look at him. "It wasn't for you. It was for me." Relena looked at him uncomprehendingly. "The Preventors received an anonymous call that demanded that 'Heero Yuy, pilot of Gundam 01 be killed for the good of the people.' The bomb was supposed to be for me. I was the one who killed Pagan, so stop blaming yourself."

He gave her a moment to register what he had said before he continued. "I have to meet with Zechs to see what we're going to do. I'll be back soon." He promised, and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Do you want anything?"

"Don't leave." Relena pleaded, grabbing on to his arm. "Don't leave me alone."

"I have to do this." Heero protested gently. "If I don't stop this, other people will die instead of me. I can't let them die, Relena." He pulled her into his arms, and lowered his mouth to her ear. "Please understand. I can't sit by and watch while people get hurt. One man has already died in my place, and I won't let them kill anyone else."

Relena nodded slowly, and let him go, practically pushing him away. "I'll hold you to that promise." She said quietly, the dream that she'd had that morning rushing back to her. "I'm afraid, Heero."

"You don't need to be scared," Heero told her as he walked towards the door. "I will protect you." He paused beside the open door, giving her a determined look. "I would die for you." He swore, and then he was gone, leaving Relena alone on her bed, tears streaming down her face.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of." She whispered to the empty room.

8&8&8&8&8

Heero glared at the blond haired man in front of him. He loved Relena, but that definitely didn't transfer over to her brother. They had fought against each other during the war, and old grudges were hard to break. Besides, Zechs despised the idea of Heero and Relena together.

"No need to glare, Yuy." Zechs said smugly, gesturing for Heero to sit down. "I've found a solution to your problem."

"And what's that?" Heero asked tonelessly as Zechs handed him a sheet of paper. He scanned it quickly, and his eyes widened in shock. He read it over again. "You can't be serious. You're going to kill me? You're going to let them win?"

"Read the bottom, Yuy." Zechs said calmly. "Doing this will protect Relena. She could have easily been the one in the car instead of Pagan."

"I won't do it." Heero could barely control the anger that was rising in him. "You're going to send me off to die, and I promised her that I wouldn't leave her. I can't do it Zechs." Emotions were warring within. Part of him wanted to go and fight, but he knew that if he left Relena, it would hurt her...

"Stop being so selfish!" Zechs snapped. "Do you want Relena to die? If you go on this mission, you'll be dead to her, but she will still be alive, but if you don't, you could both die." He glared at the younger man. "Would you kill her because you were too selfish to let her go? I thought that you wanted to protect her, Yuy."

"I do." Heero's voice was barely more than a whisper. He glanced at the paper, dread filling his heart as he reread his death sentence. "But does it have to be this way?" He asked weakly. "I don't want to leave her alone."

"You don't have a choice. This is the only way that they will stop attacking you, and the only way to ensure her safety." He watched as the young pilot reread the paper again, knowing that he had pressed all the right buttons. He studied the look on Heero's face and smiled inwardly, he knew what his answer would be.

"I'll do it." Heero said quietly. "I accept the mission." He felt like he had just been shot, and hated that he would have to go back to Relena and tell her what he'd done. "Just... I want you to tell her the truth about this mission." He saw the look on Zechs' face, and knew that he was about to refuse him. "After the mission, I want you to tell her the truth."

"Fine." Zechs grumbled. "Report back here tomorrow morning."

Heero nodded and exited the office, his heart heavy with the knowledge of what he had to do. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, running his fingers over the smooth velvet. He had wanted to give this to her today, to ask her to spend her life with him, and then... all this had happened. He shoved the box back in his pocket. This wasn't the right time to ask her. Especially when he knew that he was going to leave her...

He cursed; he didn't want to leave her. He had finally found what he wanted. He had finally begun to understand what it was to be human, and was putting the war behind him. Why couldn't anything ever go right? Wasn't it enough that they had to fight through the war? Why did he have to do this?

He cursed again, but this time it was at himself. Asking questions that no one had the answers to was not the way to deal with things. He had to tell her. He had to let her know. He reached her apartment and knocked on the door. "Relena?" He called, almost wishing that she wasn't home so he wouldn't have to tell her. "Relena, are you there?"

The door opened, and relief washed over her features. "You're back." She said softly. "I was worried about you."

"Relena..." He began nervously. "We need to talk." He stepped inside and led her to a chair, gesturing for her to sit down. "Zechs had a way for me to stop them from killing anyone else." Relena smiled.

"Really?" She asked, and he nodded. "That's wonderful, Heero!" She clapped her hands together. "What was it?"

"Relena..." Heero hated to destroy the happiness that she was feeling. "It's another mission. I have to go away for awhile. I don't know how long." Liar. "I don't want to go, Relena, but I have to... don't you understand?"

"But-" Relena stammered. "You promised. You told me that you wouldn't leave me. That you wouldn't go away!" He reached for her, but she moved away from him. "You promised me that you wouldn't leave." She said, anger building in her. "Does your promise mean nothing?"

"Relena, you don't understand!" Heero snapped. "Do you think that I want to go? Is that really what you think? Because if you do, then you don't know me at all!" She flinched and he softened his tone. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave. I can't stay with you."

Tears filled Relena's eyes. He had said that in her dream... A question appeared in her mind, and she ignored it for a moment, not wanting to voice her fears out loud. This whole thing was too close to what she had dreamed.

"I thought that you loved me." She whispered, and wanted to weep at the pain that flashed in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Heero. I can't keep watching you leave, not knowing if you'll come back." She turned her back to him, and looked out the window. "I don't think that I can see you anymore." Tears were streaming down her face now, but she would never let him see them, never let him see how much this was hurting her. She had given him so many chances, and she couldn't go on like this any longer.

"I understand." She could hear the pain in his voice, and the finality of his tone. "I do love you, Relena, and I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promises." She heard him place something on the table. "I hope that you find someone better."

Relena waited until she heard the door shut before she turned around to see what he had left her, and her breath caught when she saw the small velvet box. He had wanted to propose to her... She wiped her eyes, and opened the box, gasping when she say the beautiful gold band with their initials engraved on the inside. It was simple, but beautiful. Exactly what she would have expected from Heero.

She burst into tears again, knowing that she had just chased away the only man that she had ever loved, and that she might never see him again. Her dream was coming true. He was beyond her reach, and this time, it was all her fault.

8&8&8&8&8

Heero was miserable as he stepped into the mobile suit hangar. She didn't want him with her any more. She didn't love him. For the first time in his life he wanted to hide himself away. To go somewhere where no one would be able to find him, and just release all the emotions that were churning in side of him.

She had been the one person who had been able to understand him and what he did. Not even Duo had understood him as well as she did, but it seemed that although she understood him, she couldn't accept him. He couldn't blame her. He wasn't really a person... he was a machine. An emotionless monster. Who drove away the people that he loved...

He looked towards the mobile suit that he would be piloting, suddenly hating the thought of fighting. The thought of leaving her. He looked at it with disdain. It was no wing zero, but he supposed that it would have to do. Its only purpose was to be destroyed after all. He couldn't expect them to give him their best model for this mission.

He heard a noise behind him and he looked up. "Relena?" He couldn't stop the surprise from showing on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to say goodbye." Relena smiled sadly. "And I wanted to apologise for my behaviour last night. I know that you don't want to risk the lives of others because someone is after you."

"You don't need to-" She silenced him by placing a finger against his lips, searching his eyes, and smiling at the confusion in them.

"Yes I do." She persisted. "I also wanted you to know that I'll wait for you." His head shot up, and he looked at her, his eyes asking a silent question. She nodded. "For as long as it takes. I will wait for you." She noted the indecision in his eyes, and she wondered if she should have told him. It only seemed to make him sadder. "What's wrong, Heero?"

"Thank you." He whispered, ignoring her question and drawing her into his arms. He knew that if he talked to her too long he would end up telling her what the mission really was. "I will come back to you. I promise." He tilted up her chin, and kissed her gently. "Remember me, and know that I will never forget you."

Relena pushed him away. He was quoting her dream again, and it frightened her. "This sounds like goodbye." She whispered. "Is this goodbye?"

"Just for a little while." He promised, and stepped onto the lift that would take him to the cockpit of his mobile suit. She watched him as he ascended, stepping gracefully from the lift to the cockpit, and turned away from him, walking towards the control room so he wouldn't see her tears.

8&8&8&8&8

Relena watched impassively from the control room as Heero performed the routine checks to make sure that everything was working on his mobile suit. His shuttle had left the atmosphere and was almost at its destination. Colony C-14724. The newest colony to be built was where the message had come from, and was where Heero now had to go. Her brother had come to stand beside her, but she didn't notice. All her attention was focused on the screen in front of her.

Please Heero. She thought fiercely, praying that her thoughts would reach him. Please don't leave me alone.

His head snapped up, and his eyes focused on her form. Had he heard her? She wondered, and as she looked at the screen, she questioned how anyone could think that he was emotionless. She could see every individual emotion in his eyes. Sorrow and determination were the most prominent ones, mixed with anger and frustration.

The shuttle had reached the drop off point, and Heero started his mobile suit. This was it.

At first it seemed like Heero was having no problems. He took the odd hit, but usually they were glancing blows, and didn't seem to do much damage to his suit, but Relena knew that something was wrong. By the way that his mouth tightened when he glanced down at the controls, and the look in his eyes when he looked into the vid-screen.

Please... Relena thought helplessly, hating herself for not trying harder to stop him. Please let him survive. Please... She stared at the screen in horror, watching as Heero took another hit.

"Report Yuy," Zechs ordered, and Heero glanced off screen for a moment before he turned back to face them.

"Fifty mobile suits in the immediate vicinity," Heero reported, his eyes on Relena instead of Zechs. "More en route. Mobile suit has taken significant damage. Manoeuvring properly is impossible. Estimated chance of survival: 14"

"Get out of there then!" Zechs snapped, and Heero looked at him in surprise before deciding that it was just an act.

"Negative. I'm unable to withdraw." He turned to face the mobile suits that had just arrived, charging towards them and cutting them in half. "I'm surrounded." He reported grimly as he a mobile suit exploded beside him, throwing him around in the cockpit.

The hits were coming more frequently now, and they were doing more and more damage. Relena's heart stuck in her throat. It couldn't end like this, he couldn't die like this! Another suit exploded near him, and he was thrown forward so violently that his head hit the control panel. He was bleeding now; blood dripping from deep gashes in his forehead and arms.

No! She wanted to scream. It couldn't end like this. He was the Perfect Soldier, he couldn't fail! But he had. She knew that now, watching as he took even more hits from the never-ending stream of mobile suits. He wouldn't be able to keep his promise; he wouldn't come back to her.

Heero looked at her, the sorrow and pain evident in his eyes. "Relena..." he said softly, not caring that there were other people in the control room with her, watching him fight."I'm sorry." He smiled sadly at her, and took another hit, red warning lights flashing. "I still couldn't keep my promise..." A groan escaped him, and he wiped the blood that was dripping out of the side of his mouth.

The control panel started to beep, and he looked down at the controls, his eyes widening. He placed a hand on the vid-screen, staring at Relena. Remember me. He mouthed, and then he was gone.

Relena screamed as the cockpit exploded into flames. She screamed as she saw them swallowing him whole. This couldn't be happening. The transmission was cut off, and static filled the huge screen she had been watching.

"Heero," she whispered, feeling a great emptiness in her heart. She collapsed into a chair. She was numb inside. She wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything but stare at the blank screen. He was dead, and it felt like she had died with him.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it. This is written for my dad, who suggested that I wrote a fic to his kind of music. I have no idea if Jann Arden was what he had in mind, but there it is. Credits to Jann for the song, and to Bandai for the characters.