Finn Hudson might have gotten kicked out of his junior prom, but that didn't mean that he hadn't heard about what happened to Kurt. He heard everything from Figgins' reluctant announcement, to the crying, to the brave acceptance.
Kurt truly was one of the bravest, most selfless people Finn knew and Finn was genuinely proud to be allowed to call him his brother. But that was what confused Finn more than anything else about the night's fiasco – how so many people were small-minded enough to elect Kurt, a write-in candidate, as prom queen.
Finn heard the front door of the Hudson-Hummel residence latch softly so as to not wake either of their sleeping parents. Feeling the intense obligation to console his step-brother in any way possible Finn hoisted himself off of his seat and bounded down the stairs two at a time. He slowly entered the living room, wary that he might find his brother broken and in tears.
I don't know if I can handle –
Finn's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sight of Kurt standing in the doorway, smiling down at the dim, blue glow of his phone in his hands, completely oblivious to Finn's presence in the room.
"Kurt?" Finn timidly broke the silence, eliciting a high pitched shriek from the Kurt.
"Shit! Finn, you scared me!"
"Oh, sorry." Finn looked down, not really sure if he was apologizing for scaring Kurt, or for the absolute disaster he hadn't stopped Kurt's junior prom experience from turning into.
"It's fine. You didn't do it on purpose… I think." Kurt smirked good-naturedly. How is he not in tears right now?
They stood in silence for a few more uncomfortable moments before Kurt spoke up again. "So… did you want something?"
Out with it! "Rachel told me what happened."
"Oh." Kurt's beaming smile melted into a tight line of understanding and embarrassment.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, dude. I don't know who could be so heartless – "
"I'm going to take a wild guess and say the same people who have been torturing me for years. I'm not really new to this you know. I've been slushied, slammed into lockers, and thrown into dumpsters more times than I can count. This whole prom queen thing – something like this was bound to happen eventually." He shrugged trying to appear nonchalant, but even Finn could see behind his mask of courage. Finn could tell he was falling apart.
"Are you okay, though?"
A small, heartbreakingly hopeful smile crept onto Kurt's rosy lips. "I will be, just give me some time. After all, I have so many amazing people who care about me that it's hard not to be okay. I have an incredible boyfriend, wonderful friends in Glee club, and a stupendous brother."
At the mention of their brotherly bond, Finn heaved a sigh of guilt. This wasn't just guilt for not stopping the ballot though. No. This was guilt for ever bullying the innocent creature in front of him, for telling Sam not to sing with him. This was guilt for using that… that word against him in the basement that day.
Even after Finn had done so much, after he'd made so many daily strides to make this poor boy's life a living nightmare, Kurt had still forgiven him.
"No."
All traces of hope, sadness, love – anything but confusion dropped from Kurt's face.
"I'm sorry, Finn, but I'm simply not following. I didn't ask you a question. So… please explain… 'No?'"
"Well you're right, you didn't ask me a question. But you're wrong. I mean, you're right about Blaine. He's wonderful to you," Finn looked up, grinning ever so slightly, "He's wonderful for you. And everyone in Glee – they'd do anything for you. Even Puck."
"I still don't understand –"
Finn held up a finger, and stared intently into Kurt's perplexed eyes, daring him to interrupt.
"But I haven't been a very good brother. At all –"
Baffled and shocked, Kurt tried to speak up again, "Finn –"
"Let me finish. I once participated in all of those things you mentioned. Well… except for the locker slams, because, dude those look like they really hurt. I told Sam that he shouldn't sing with you because of his reputation – something he was never worried about until I stupidly brought it up.
"But that's nothing compared to what I did to you when we first thought we were going to be brothers. That's nothing compared to what I said. I can never erase it and I'm so sorry.
"I could so easily have been one of those people tonight," Finn spat, reviled at every word he said "And you know it, so don't try to deny it. I'm just so, so sorry. I wish I could take it all back."
Finn wiped the moisture from his eyes he hadn't realized had gathered before daring to meet Kurt's astonished gaze.
"I…" Kurt broke off, trying to form a coherent thought, "I already knew you did all of that. I already forgave for it. I don't hold any of that against you anymore. I thought you knew that." He was barely even whispering by the last sentence he spoke.
Finn crumbled to the floor, his knees too weak to support the weight of his remorse any longer. Unable to speak, he let his body wrack with sobs, each more violent than the last.
Kurt stooped down to be eye level with Finn as he rubbed his hand over his plaid, cotton shirt.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you for any of that. I'm truly sorry you feel this way. I should have made it more obvious that I didn't hold any of it against you. We were all going through stuff –"
Finn found his pain-stricken voice once again. "That's no excuse and you know it. And I know you forgave me. That makes all of this worse. You were so quick to forgive. I'm just as bad as Karofsky used to be. I'm just as bad as Azimio still is. I deserve your hatred. I deserve your loathing. But never your forgiveness. I can never undo any of it and I'm just – I'm just so sorry. I wish there was more I could say, but nothing I can say will ever be enough to make up to you the torment I unleashed on you. The filth that I brought into your house. I shouldn't even be allowed to live here."
"No, Finn." Kurt said, smiling gently through tears of his own.
Great! I made him cry again. How many times do I have to mess up before –
Fin tried to speak again, but Kurt imitated his stance from earlier. "It's my turn to talk now, so listen up. I know that you're sorry – that you've done things you wish you hadn't. I promise you that I don't hold any of what you've ever done to me or anything you've ever said to me, or about me, against you. I know that that isn't what you want to hear, but it's true. I know you think that you deserve cruelty and hatred, but you don't.
"I don't want you to ever regret your past. Too many people hate themselves because they do when really they should celebrate it. Now, I'm not saying that you should do any of that again, because you shouldn't," with that, the broken heap on the floor heaved another sob.
"Shh. It's okay. But as I was saying you shouldn't regret it because we might not be close like we are now if none of that happened. And I don't care what you say. I'm proud to call you my friend. I'm overjoyed to call you my brother."
After countless minutes of their position on the floor, Finn's shaking subsided and Kurt suggested they move to the couch. Finn silently obliged and awkwardly crawled across the room.
"Finn, I hope you know that you never would have voted me as prom queen. You've always had a sense of right and wrong. Sure, you might have told people you did at one point, but you never would have actually done it. I'm absolutely certain of this fact. I want you to be too."
"Really? Because I didn't even know enough about it to try to stop it. I couldn't be there to help you after the announcement. I should have done more, but –"
"There was nothing you could have done, Finn. Now, I'm okay. I really am. But are you? How long have you felt like this?" Kurt gave a small, sympathetic smile and squeezed his brother's trembling hand as reassurance.
"I'm fine. I feel terrible for everything, but I'm fine."
"Stop avoiding the question. How long?"
"Since that day. You were so broken. I deserved to be broken too. The things I said. You don't make me uncomfortable. You're not… what I said. I'm so sorry."
Kurt gasped. "You've been bottling this up for far too long. You should've talked to me sooner. And I was kind of being stalkerish. You have to admit it." Kurt chuckled lightly. "Just talk to me next time. I hate seeing you like this."
"Will do, man."
"Now, if you need me, I'll be downstairs changing out of this kilt. It's fashionable, but surprisingly itchy," he smirked.
Just as Kurt began to turn away, Finn spoke one last time. "Thank you. I was supposed to be the one consoling you, yet here we are."
"It's what brothers are for."
