Authors note:

Ehrmhergherd I'm alive and writing again...I actually wrote this story when was it...2005? 2006? And then after many life lessons and living wild and traveling and being poor and internetless, I'm finally slightly settled and posting again. But I digress. Simply, this is old but I'm determined to finish it! So please let me know whatcha think, and I hope ya enjoy :)

Smoochies!

Cherry

The Anniversary

It was another one of those mornings where the other side of the bed is cold and empty when it should be warm and wet with sweat from the hot summer night.

Mimi sat up in the bed, untangling herself from the dark sheets and adjusted her bra straps back onto her slim shoulders. Her eyes squinted against the rays of the afternoon sunlight breaking through the blinds. She stretched her body down across the bed and into his spot, burying her face into the mattress.

She could still smell his cologne, that scent that was uniquely his, but none of his warmth remained. Only traces of distant kisses and the brief heat of passion lingered in her memory of the night before. Their bodies entwined, locked together in fire; though the look in his eyes were empty other than lust. An unbridgeable gap had grown between them. He was traveling farther and farther away.

Matt my love, Mimi thought sadly, where have you gone?

Mimi walked groggily out into the hallway, a deep pink bathrobe hanging around her shoulders, and bumped into Tai, banging on the bathroom door.

"Morning Tai,"

"Hey Meems-Come on Kari! I need to use the shower!"

It's too early for this, Mimi thought watching the scene with her roommates, though it was afternoon.

"Hold on!" Kari snapped from behind the door. "Can't you wait like ten seconds?"

"No, I need to now! Sora's gonna kill me!"
"It's not my fault you slept in."

"Kari!"

"So what's going on with you and Sora?" Mimi yawned and looked at him sleepily.

"I'm supposed to meet her for lunch,"

"Is that bad?"

"Yes…No…I don't know, she sounded weird on the phone. I think she knows something, and I think she's mad, but I don't know how she could know! No one knows! God she's really gonna kill me if I'm late too. Kari hurry the hell up, I'll-"

"Alright already, I'm done, go!" Kari finally emerged from the bathroom followed by the scent of lilac. "Morning Meems!" Tai shoved past her and slammed the bathroom door behind him, immediately followed by the sound of the shower.

"Morning. So what did Tai do?"

"Messed around with one of the other servers at work. He was so drunk he blabbed about it to everyone afterwards, so of course Sora found out. Such an idiot." Kari shook her head and walked over to the entry way where she began to put he shoes on.

"Hey Kari, have you seen Matt this morning?"

"Nuh-uh," She mumbled digging through her purse, smiling when she finally fished out her keys. "I worked extra early today, so no one was awake. I saw his motorcycle parked outside though when I left. Why?"

"No reason."

Mimi padded over to the kitchen, frowning when she discovered the last dregs of coffee sputtering at the bottom of the pot.

"Hey Meems! I'm going shopping wanna come?" Kari asked lingering in the doorway.

"No thanks-"

"Kari!" Tai yelled running out of the bathroom. "Oh please give me a ride! Please?"

"Oh fine lets go. Ewww Tai! Your hair is dripping!"

"No time! Lets go!"

"Bye Meems!" They both yelled.

"Here try drying it…no don't shake it like that you're spraying me!"

Their argument became muddled as they closed the door.

"Bye…"

Mimi sat at the small table and waited for the fresh coffee to brew. A pack of Matt's cigarettes lay on the table top. She reached over and lit one. She enjoyed the smell of cigarette smoke only when it was him smoking them. His cigarettes, his scent mixed with them.

The room had smelled of incense smoke and sex.

He reached across the bed for his pack of smokes on the nightstand. Mimi's eyes momentarily burned red as she watched him light it in the dark room. His face glowed orange with each drag. She rolled over on top of him, and surprised him by taking it from his mouth between her fingers, and studied it briefly before she stole a drag.

"Well…there's another thing I wasn't expecting tonight."

She giggled, exhaled the smoke slowly, and placed it back into his lips.

"Not as innocent as you thought?"

He had laughed then, and had ran his free hand down her lithe nude body. "I think you've already proved at least that much."

"Well I learned a lot more than English when I went to America." She had said coyly, and stole another drag off his cigarette. "A part of me almost regrets it though." .

"Why?"

"Eh, well…I've always had a lot fun…learning." She smiled mysteriously. "But I dunno…it just, never felt like this."

"Like what?" Matt had pressed his hand warmly against her face, and teased his fingers through her hair.

"Like it's so beautiful that nothing else matters."

He had put his cigarette out and wrapped both his arms around her.

"A part of me really wishes I could have done it all differently…maybe waited, for you…that and the other guy ended up being a real jerk." She admitted.

He chuckled and kissed her. "Hey, don't worry about it."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Admit ably, the thought of another guy touching you makes me want to kill him, but…" He considered it a bit a before answering. "…the way I see it, who we once were in the past, isn't who we are now. We can't keep thinking about all the bad things that had happened or that we'd done. Why worry about what we can't fix?"

She stared at him wide eyed. "It shocks me to hear such a carefree attitude from you."

He had shrugged. "I try not to think about the past."

"I like that…"

"Don't worry about anything. Lets just, enjoy right now."

"Yeah…" She nuzzled her face against his chest, mindlessly running her fingers over the contours of his body, she had begun to feel sleepy. "We'll never look back. Right now is all that really matters…"

Mimi let the cigarette she held in her hand burn a bit longer before extinguishing it.

"And here I am," She sighed feeling bitter. "in love with a stranger…"

Everything in the diner had a yellowish tint to it from the lighting. The booths upholstered in vinyl so you can always hear whenever someone shifts their weight, the sticking squeaks underlying the sounds of people talking and servers yelling at the cooks in the kitchen. The place served cheap coffee and food that almost tasted real, but it was open twenty four hours a day and you could smoke inside. Which is why Matt would always come there.

"So, I thought you had a 'thing' at Hiroki's house tonight."

Matt jerked his head up to see Tai starring down at him, and sly smile creeping up on his lips.

"Yeah, things fell through."

"Then why are you here?"

Matt shrugged and reached across the table for his cigarettes as Tai sprawled into the booth across from him.

"So what's up?"

"Not much. How'd your thing with Sora go?"

Tai winced. "Oh man, it was bad. Real bad."

"Really? So she knows then."

"Heh, yeah."

"Go figure."

"Um excuse me, can I get you something to drink?"

Tai looked over at a cute blonde waitress, standing at their booth.

"Yeah, how bout a cherry coke. Extra cherry. Oh and how about one of those kiddy menu's, with the crayons?"

"Of course!" She giggled shamelessly, taking longer than necessary to lean over and fill Matt's coffee before she turned away. Tai watched her leave with an admiring grin spread across his face.

Matt just stared at him.

"What?"

"And you wonder why Sora gets so pissed off at you."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with a little appreciation for beauty."

"Right, if that's what you call it."

The waitress returned, leaning across the table to set up Tai's cherry coke on the kiddy menu, revealing a bit of cleavage in the process.

"Anything else for you?" She said flirtatiously.

"No, no, that's all I need. Thanks!"

She smiled before flitting away. Tai made an obvious attempt to not watch her go and stared at Matt's half eaten plate of French-fries instead.

"Hey are you gonna finish that?"

"Go for it."

"No but really," He garbled through a mouthful of fries. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh ya know, just in general."

"Uh. Not much?"

Tai took a long swig on his cherry coke and stared at him. "Okay, Dude, seriously? Mimi has been waiting up for you every night."

Matt nodded and lit another cigarette. "I know."

"Things are bad huh?"

"I don't know." Matt sighed. "They shouldn't be, it just as though she has to make everything…complicated."

"Oh yeah? Like talking about marriage and shit? Or what?"

"No, well maybe a little bit. Its not just that though."

"Then what? You guys have been together for almost forever now…Oh," Tai nodded as if he suddenly understood and grinned widely, revealing bits of french-fries wedged in between his teeth. "Ya want to be out with old and get a new upgrade. Man I totally understand that."

"That's not it." Matt took a sip of his coffee and glared at him over his cup. "Not everyone is like you."

"Ouch," Tai shuddered and picked up one of the crayons and began doodling on his kiddy menu. "Then what is it?"

"It's been almost a year now. I don't know, I just keep wondering how long can this really last? I just look at this girl who's somehow managed to get into my life, and I just wonder how the hell she got there?"

"So are you just freaked out, or what?"

"I don't know. It's just that, she's really begun to press more about…the past."

"Oh. But dude you've been with her for this long now, isn't it about time? I mean come on, Sora knows just about everything about me…well that is uh," He coughed. "Well, she knows things about me."

Matt shrugged , ashes his cigarette and stared out the window. His reflection glaring back at him against the darkness outside.

"No but seriously. Just tell her what she wants to know. It'll be easier that way."

"I can't Tai, you know I can't."

"Yeah, but is your need for privacy really so great that you'll ruin the longest relationship you've ever had? Take it from me man, tell your woman what she wants to hear, otherwise expect to see her packing,"

Matt extinguished his cigarette and returned to staring out the window, and watched the evening traffic drone by.

Tai sighed and furiously began coloring away on the kiddy menu. Matt shifted a bit, irritated by the endless buzz of the neon lights semi-flickering above them. The scratching of Tai's crayon against the paper, his gaze flickering to the crumbs of crayon caught on the edge of his sleeve. After a few moments of silence Matt finally responded.

"Maybe she should go."

"What? Dude, Mimi is the best thing you've ever had going for you! If anything I can't believe she's stuck around all this time. How long were you expecting her to wait? And what, now? Your just gonna let her go just because?" The crayon between his fingers cracked. "If you push her away Matt, you're a damn fool."

"Great speech Tai. You're the last person who should be handing out relationship advice."

"Hey I'm just trying to help you out. I may not be perfect, but at least my girl knows that much about me. When are you gonna finally let Mimi in? I'm sorry to be so harsh man, but you know I'm right." He sulked, tossing the now broken crayon across the table.

"Yeah maybe."

Mimi awoke to the soft creak of the door opening, a crack of light seeping into the room and blinding her vision.

"Matt?"

"Hey babe, I'm home."

She felt the mattress shift as he sat down , and leaned in to kiss her lips.

She breathed him in deeply, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him all the way down onto her. "You've been gone a long time…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

"Where do you go?"

"No where. I've just had a lot to do." He sounded mildly irritated, or maybe he was just tired.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

He sat up again, pulled of his clothes and climbed under the sheets with her. She moved her body closer against his warmth and tried to look at him in the darkness. His back was turned her, it felt like an eternity ago when every night they would go to bed, he had always slept facing her. She snuck an arm over his waist and pulled herself even closer against his body, skin to skin.

"Matt…I have to ask." His body stiffened slightly in her arms. "Do you still love me?"

He finally rolled over, in the dim glow from the streetlight outside shining in through the curtains, she could make out a wet shine in his eyes. He blinked and it was gone.

"What?"

"Do you still want me?" She could hear that teary crack forming in her voice and hated herself for it.

He breathed in deeply and just looked at her, trying to make her face out in the darkness. She wanted more than anything for him to hold her, even that would be a better answer than his silence.

"Look around you," he said softly. "If I didn't want you, I wouldn't keep you around. If I wasn't in love with you, I wouldn't be with you now."

"Then why does it feel like you've been avoiding me? Why can't we talk about anything? When are you finally going to let me in?"

"I can't. Not you, not my family, not anyone."

She began to cry, she closed her eyes to try to the stop the tears, but they still retreated down her cheeks.

"Don't cry babe," he said as he brushed away her tears. "That's just the way I am. If I let you in, I'll just end up hurting you."

"You already are." He sighed again, rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I love you. You're the only thing that really matters in my life. You know that right?"

"I don't know," Mimi cried. "All I know is that I feel like I'm losing you more and more every day. That things will never go back to how they used to be."

"Mimi-"

"I know. We promised each other that we'd live for the day, not wallow in the past, yeah I know."

He groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"Why do things have to change?"

"Because they are! I don't know why!" She snapped sitting up. She was beginning to feel like it was all hopeless. How could she explain that all the time they'd been together, she'd thought they would only grow closer. Now it felt as though they were strangers.

"You know everything there is to know about me. And everyday I feel like I know you less and less. It's almost been a year Matt…a whole year. How long am I going to have to wait?"

She looked over at him to meet his blue gaze. Even in the dark she could make out the slight frown on his lips. After a moment he looked away. She shook her head and laid back down.

"Fine, I don't want to fight about this anymore. Besides there's nothing left to say. Lets just go to sleep," she murmured, and moved farther away form him. Though she didn't want things to end like that.

Matt awoke early the next morning feeling dazed but strangely awake though he'd only gotten a few hours of sleep. The sun was just coming up, casting a few stray rays of light into the bedroom. Mimi breathed softly beside him, her face half buried in her pillow, her hair in disarray. God he really did love her…didn't he?

He drove his motorcycle through the empty streets and stopped at a small café for coffee. He sat outside on his bike with his coffee watching the morning traffic begin to pick up.

Why do things have to be so shitty? He thought. They were perfect, except for that one thing. She always wanted him to remember what he wanted to forget. The one thing he just couldn't give her. How did things get this way? Did he really have to give her his past so they could have a future?

"These must have hurt." She said coyly running her fingers over the faded pink lines.

"Yeah…I was a fucked up kid."

"What happened?"

He met her gaze just long enough to see the concern there. He shook his head and looked at her lips instead. "It was nothing. Just something I had to deal with."

"Matt-"

He'd cut her off with a kiss, deep and slow. Then pulled away. "Lets not talk about it. It's nothing."

"Give me your pain." She whispered and reached up to take his hands in hers. "I can take it for you. You don't have to hide it in your scars. I can take it."

He just shook his head and didn't say anything.

"I love you." She said resolutely.

"I know…"

She could take it. Could she?

At that moment, she had looked so beautiful. So strong. He almost believed her, he almost gave into her. But how could he possibly share that pain with anyone? Especially her.

She's going to leave me, he thought. It brought a different kind of pain to him. The thought of her gone made it suddenly hard for him to breathe.

He took another sip of his coffee, it tasted bitter. He threw it away in a nearby trash can and mounted his bike. A whole year.

What the hell am I thinking?

How can I let her go?

Oh god Mimi…

He revved the engine and took off down the street.

Mimi stretched her legs and stared irritably at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes left and her shift was finally over. Today's the day, she thought miserably. It's been one full year, and maybe that's all it will ever be.

"I'm home."

"Hi Meems! How was work?" Kari yelled and peeked her head out of the kitchen.

"Tiring, it's been a long day. I think I'll just take a bath and pass out." Mimi sighed and took her shoes off, leaving her purse on the floor. She swayed across the living room into the hall towards her room. "Hey is Matt home? I thought I saw his motorcycle parked outside-" She trailed off staring dazed by a startled looking Matt, in the process of lighting a candle. The entire room was full of candles, all pink and white, with various flowers in the same coloring.

He smiled shyly and blew out the match he was holding. "Welcome home."

Mimi didn't know what to say as she looked around the room, her senses overwhelmed by the glow and over powering scent of flowers.

"What is all this?"

He walked over to her, pulling her into the room and closing the door. "Happy anniversary baby."

She shook her head and covered her eyes with her free hand. How was she supposed to feel with all this? A part of her wanted to smile, to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him like there were no problems, like everything was okay. But things weren't okay.

"It's beautiful…but…" She pulled her hand away from him and looked into his eyes. He looked away, his smile fading completely.

"I'm sorry. But how can you think that this is going to make everything okay again? I mean, what I am supposed to do with this?" She sat on the bed, feeling sick inside.

"Do what you want to with it!"

"Oh this is so like you Matt Ishida! You always thinks that you can make everything okay with…what? Flowers? Candles? Romantic garbage?"

"Is that how you see this? As garbage? Nothing is ever good enough for you, is it Mimi?"

"I've told you! I don't want any of this anymore! We've been together for a year now! A full year! Shouldn't we be past this stage? Shouldn't there be something more than this?" She gestured helplessly to the room.

"What more do you want?"

"I want truth! I want honesty! I want to know the man that I love and wake up with! What it is that takes you away to that place in your head sometimes! I've been so patient Matt! Haven't I always given you your space? Been with you all this time even though, most of the time I never know what's wrong!"

"I didn't realize it was hard for you." He spat. "How often I must make you so miserable."

"No, don't even start with that bullshit." She groaned.

"Yeah, it's always about my bullshit isn't it? Because you're always perfect."

She shot him a furious look. He smirked slightly, and turned his back and started to look furiously for a pack of cigarettes in the room.

"Yeah well at least you know the reasons behind my issues."

"You know me better than anyone Meems. Why isn't that ever enough for you?"

"Because I know you well enough to be here now. But I don't think I'll ever know you well enough to be here in the future."

Matt stopped searching through the mess on the dresser, and stood silently still with his back to her.

Mimi stared at one of the candles on their nightstand. It had melted completely and even as she watched it sputtered out into the pool of wax it had left.

Was this it? Were they doomed? Is it over?

She could have laughed at the thoughts in her head. As though things weren't painful enough, It seemed like every memory she had with him was playing back in her mind like an old film. This beautiful boy. Her beautiful boy. How funny that her boy in her memories was the same man in the room with her.

The light snick of his lighter snapped her out of her reverie. She looked over to him lighting two cigarettes at once in his mouth, removing one and handed it to her. They smoked in silence for awhile, both at a loss of what to do or say.

Finally, Matt looked at her. She met his gaze steady and they looked into each other for a long time before he finally spoke.

"I don't want you to leave."

"What do you want?"

He didn't break their gaze as he stepped close to her.

"I don't know what I want for the future, I'm just kinda figuring it all out as I go along. But I know I want you there."

"Matt…" Her anger that had pooled in her gut was now flowing out of her, blurring her vision till she could no longer seem him, and turned into tears.

"I know and I'm sorry," He kneeled down in front of her, pressing his forehead against her knees. "I can't promise you anything. I'm really fucked up when it comes to these things. But you're the only one I want to wake up to. And the thought of you leaving…I don't think I can take it."

She knew she couldn't take it either. She loved him more than anything. But everything felt so helpless, what if they were never okay again?

"So, what are we going to do? How are we going to stop coming to this?"

"I'm not even sure if I know how to but…if you stay, I'll let you in."

"What?" She looked over at him to see him starring thoughtfully at his scars. He looked up at her, starring earnestly into her eyes.

"I'll let you in."

She really began to cry then. She wasn't even sure if she really believed him which her cry even more. But when she felt him cup her face with her hands and kissed her face, the ache, the need for him, her love for him, filled her so wholly at that moment she didn't care if it was true or not. Maybe things wouldn't work out. Maybe there was not future for them. But at the moment, it was their last chance to hold onto hope. Maybe it would be one of their last moments together.

She barely took any notice when pulled her down onto the bed with him. The fire between them was growing again, and she clung to him desperately as though they could merge into each other, combine souls and never feel lost again.

Will he ever really let me in? She wondered. She pulled his face down close to hers when he entered her and stared into his eyes.

"I love you Mimi," he whispered. "I love you so much."

Maybe…she thought. For now, that's enough…