A/N: I felt the need to put some pieces together that were purely for my enjoyment and amusement, and what better way than Jane having to cope with a pregnant Maura? None of this will be in order, but eventually you'll get to find out how this happened, with more comedy along the way. Enjoy!


"Jane, I really don't think I can last much longer!"

"Don't you even think about it, Maura. This is not happening now, and it is definitely not happening in my car!"

"He's really not giving me much of a choice, Jane!"

"Alright, I'm goin' as fast as I can! We'll be there soon, in the mean time just... Cross your legs or somethin'!"

"Please hurry, Jane. You have no idea how much this hurts!"

She was sure Maura would be more comfortable if she would just stop squirming, but Jane knew better than to question the doctor's position considering it was Maura with the swollen belly, and appealing breasts to match. Even at her current size the medical examiner looked nothing less than radiant, high class maternity wear accentuating curves that Jane thought wrong to ignore or not appreciate on a daily basis. Jesus, if only Giovanni could see her rack right now...

Road, Jane. Focus on the damn road.

"Roughly as much as being shot in the abdomen?" receiving a swift strike to the scar tissue beneath her shirt it was Jane's turn to groan "Ow! I'm sorry! I'm Just tryin' to get you to focus on somethin' else! Why don't you meditate? Try and centre your Chaka Khans?"

"Chakras," the caramel haired doctor corrected, Maura trying her hardest not to let her scowl break as Jane's yelp filled her with satisfaction "And I haven't been able to align my Muladhara in days."

"Yeah, them things. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths, Maur. That's it, we'll get your moulin rouge sorted in no ti – WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT YOU ASSHOLE?!"

Maura wasn't sure which startled her more, the sudden force of tires against tarmac or the brash brunette's holler in unison with a punch of her horn, all three causing her to jump from her seat as much as her additional weight would allow "Jane!"

"Oh, c'mon he totally cut me up-" the wrinkles were back on Maura's brows, Jane sheepishly refraining from making eye contact as she worked her car back into gear "Right. Relaxing. Got'cha. Deep breath in... Deep breath out... Think about twinkling stars, whale song, fresh crashing waves-" a flare of her passenger's nostrils had the detective change her tactics "Uh, okay, maybe you shouldn't think about water... Hey Maura, we're here!"

"Oh, thank God." Proving her fitness even in her second trimester Maura's seatbelt repelled from her faster than Jane could make a bullet leave her gun, the driver unable to keep from laughing gently as she watched the desperate woman walk as fast as she could to the doorway of her house, her waddle akin to that of the ducks Jane planned for their kid to feed in the future.

Don't quack. She'll kill you if you quack.

Satisfying herself with a small yet smug grin Jane turned off the engine before meandering inside. She figured this was good practice for the day Maura actually gave birth, instead of making her put her pedal to the metal all because she needed to pee.

Rapping her knuckles against the bathroom door Jane leant into the frame as she waited for her partner to relieve herself "Hey, Maur? You feelin' better now?"

A great sigh of relief from behind the door had the smug smile replaced by one of pure affection "You have no idea."