A/N: This doesn't take place in the What Happened in Mexico universe.

This doesn't take place in The Seven universe.

This is before the Heavenly Fire book.

I don't own the Mortal Instruments.


"You can run, but you can't hide."

That's a lie. Alec can't run away from the insults, but he can hide behind the mask of ignorance. He can pretend that he doesn't hear the insults, when he really does.

"I found bliss in ignorance."

"The less I hear, the less you say."

Alec believes that it's possible. He can pretend that nobody knows he's gay. He wasn't exactly sure how people knew that. He wasn't sure how his parents never knew.

Maybe it's because they're never home.

Alec believes that is true.

Selective hearing problems.

Yeah, how can his parents not know that he said that he was dating a 'Downworlder' that's a warlock. He really hated Magnus for knocking him unconscious. He also hated that Magnus lied to him all the time. It's no wonder that he has trust issues.

He couldn't stand that guy. How the hell did Izzy force him into dating Magnus anyway?

Alec didn't know.

"Where does he get his clothes? In an old closet full of moths? A garbage can?"

Why are people so fucking cruel?

Alec wondered. He never did anything to them. Why are people so fucking mean? What makes them mean?

He had to ignore that, as he felt his heart crack just a little.

"I hate people." Alec had once said.

Not a lie, but the truth. He can't stand them. It's why he prefers animals.

"Animals don't judge."

It was something Alec could understand.

"Faggot."

"Cocksucker."

"Homo."

"That's so gay."

"You're gay."

Those words are what Alec hears behind his back. He blocks them out. He ignores them, as he feels his heart cracking. It was even before he came out. He heard people use that to insult something.

His parents know what he is, but they don't do anything about it. They're so busy about their failing marriage and the affairs, that they're ignoring their only living kids.

He had to pretend hearing those words don't hurt, when all he wants to do was curl into the fetal position and cry. But he doesn't. He had to brush those words off and force the tears back.

He was a Shadowhunter, trained to protect him and others too. But they never taught him how to protect himself from heart breaks and insults.

How did Izzy and Jace get over heart breaks fast?

Was it because they don't have hearts?

Did they even care about the people they dated in the first place?

Probably not, given how quickly they moved on.

No one was ever home.

That's why he went on those stupid trips with Magnus.

"I didn't mean to break the Mona Lisa. I swear."

That happened when he was sixteen. He was never allowed back into Paris. Magnus doesn't know.

"I don't know French."

That was a lie he told Magnus to make sure he doesn't go into Paris. He was really banned from Paris. Magnus doesn't know that. Magnus doesn't know the real him. Magnus tried to turn Alec into someone that he wasn't. He didn't bother getting to know him. For once Alec found someone who noticed him, but that person didn't give him a chance to take the mask off.

"Who am I?"

"Who's the real me?"

"You're living a lie."

"Who's the real me?"

Alec had told himself repeatedly. He has everybody fooled. He had to make everybody pretend that he didn't hear those insults and that it didn't bother him.

Nobody noticed him. Not with Jace, Izzy, and Max around him. Now it was just Jace and Izzy around him. How can he be noticed with just those two around him? Dazzling them, causing heads to turn, and getting large amounts of crushes.

It was because of them, that Alec's mask had gotten worse. Nobody noticed, so nobody cared about him. Nobody saw him drowning in those insults.

Not even Jace cares. He heard him say that with Clary around, all he can is think of her.

Nobody notices the quiet one. Nobody knows who the quiet one is. Nobody can take the quiet one seriously.

Everybody ignores the quiet one. No one would notice if the quiet is the one screaming with them around.

Nobody noticed him with his siblings around, even if he tried so hard to get attention. People see him, but right through him, towards Jace or Izzy. Even Clary gets looks. But not him, since nobody notices him.

Helena Fielders noticed Alec. She saw, that he was always a step behind Jace and Izzy. She saw that he was wearing a mask. A pretty fucking good one, if she said so herself.

How long has he been wearing it?

She sees the cracks in Alec's mask. She can see that he was close to ripping it off. She wasn't sure how Alec had somehow got everybody fooled. She knew that he was, because she was wearing her own mask. She knew how much it hurts to pretend to be something you're not.

She knew how much it hurts to pretend that you can't hear the insults when you really do. Helena had experience in that category.

She needed to talk to Alec. But how?

After all, "It takes someone that's in the same boat to know what's going on."


Perfect by nature,
Icons of self indulgence,
Just what we all need,
More lies about a world that,

Never was and never will be.
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled.


A/N: The lyrics at end are from a song called Everybody's Fool by Evanescence. It's a good song.

I was thinking that Alec seems like the type that would pretend that he doesn't hear insults, but does, and tries to hide it. It seems like nobody ever notices Alec, so he keeps this mask on to hide what he's truly feeling, because nobody notices him, so they don't care about him and what he's feeling about everything.