Chapter 1

I'm back! Back! Woohoo!

*does a Homer Simpson impression*

Me! YES! ME!

....

.... Got that out of my system.... Or have I?

NEWA, finally found my writing drive again. I had to coax it out from under my bed, so I'm kinda covered in dust, but whateva. My writing drive is sitting next to me again, and I'm ready to type.

*takes several deep breaths*

Okay, here we go.

~*~

"Gandalf! Slow down!" Pleaded the hairy-footed creature, stumbling along awkwardly behind the tall wizard. "I can't keep up with you!"

Frowning with impatience, Gandalf the White turned to glare at the hobbit. "Hurry up, Frodo," he said, voice kind despite the scowl on his face. "We've a long way to go yet."

"I know," said Frodo, sadly.

"Please, sir," begged another hairy-footed....thing. "Master Frodo's feet hurt, and....truth be told, so do mine."

"Uh huh! Don't forget us!" Two more funny-looking creatures piped up. "It's been so long since breakfast. We're hungry."

"You're always hungry," retorted a man, striding up behind them. He carried a sword at his belt, like his companions, and a grumpy expression. Nevertheless, he tossed a few apples at the hungry hobbits.

As the odd group trouped along, something in the trees moved. Instantly, the elf at the back of the group swung around, his eyes scanning the foliage.

"What is it, Legolas?" asked the dark-haired man, stepping behind the elf. The two eyed a clump of bushes suspiciously.

"Is it orcs?" whispered Frodo Baggins, clutching something at his throat. He drew his sword, which gleamed dully in the sunlight. Glancing at it, he shrugged and sheathed it.

"Could it be one of his spies?" whispered Aragorn, looking around warily.

"You mean the Ring-wraiths?" asked Frodo. The fat hobbit that had defended him quickly stepped up to a defensive position beside him, drawing his own sword.

"They'll have to get past us to get to you, Master Frodo," he said loyally.

Frodo smiled vaguely at him. "Thank you, Sam," he said, his mind obviously on other things. The ring constantly beckoned to him, trying to return to its original master. The Ring wants to be found, whispered a voice in his head. Frodo jumped and quickly tucked the Ring away. As he looked back up, he caught Boromir's eyes on him. He stared back defiantly until the man looked away, smiling dryly. It was not the first time Frodo had caught Boromir staring at him. Suddenly, he wondered. Was Boromir....?

A sudden scream broke off his thought, and a wild-haired girl leapt out of the bushes where Aragorn and Legolas were staring. Gimli jumped and quickly rushed to join his friends.

"EW!" she shrieked. "THERE'S SPIDERS IN THERE!"

A second remark soon followed this.

"Ew. There's Christina in there." Another girl stepped out of the same bushes, carrying a round object in her hand. "I found-" She began, then froze. "No. Not again."

"Who are you?" demanded Aragorn, his sword in one hand.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Another girl flew out of the same bushes. "There a toad in-"

Frodo began to wonder again. Maybe this was where humans came from.

"Oh. It's Christina." The third girl blinked as she looked at her surroundings. "What's happened now?"

"Oh, nothing much," drawled the second girl. "Nothing other than the fact that we've managed to fall into another story and there's two weirdos with a bunch of weapons asking what our names are, but other than that, nothing's really happened. You can go back to sleep."

"No. I want to eat my chocolate," replied the first girl, pulling something out of her pocket. She began to peel it, then noticed the other people around her. Her eyes grew wary and she scowled. "I'm NOT sharing," she said, and turned her back to the group, opening the chocolate in supposed 'secrecy'. "Heh, heh, heh. Mm....chocolate."

"Christina, don't be such a pig," scolded a new voice. "What are you taking so long for...." She looked around, blinking. "Hey. It's Lord of the Rings. Yay! I like Lord of the Rings better than Harry Potter!"

"Uh nuh. Y'don't say. I was wondering why you had all those posters of Orlando-"

"SHUT UP!" screeched the girl who preferred Lord of the Rings to Harry Potter.

The second girl grinned wickedly, displaying....um....well....braces, actually. "Okay, okay. Take a chill pill, Bicky."

*that's Bicky, NOT Becky. My spelling hasn't gone completely wacko*

"You took that off me," the girl frowned.

Frodo stared. Sam took a menacing step forward.

"No I didn't. And you didn't make it up. The script-writer or whatever in 'Black Knight' used it," retorted the second girl. She smirked smugly. "So THERE, Biscuit Girl."

"Uh." 'Bicky' rolled her eyes. In truth, her name was 'Victoria', although her 'friends' had managed to twist it from 'Victoria' to 'Vicky' to 'Bicky' to 'Biscuit'. From there, it ran down three different roads. There was 'Biscuit Girl', 'Arnotts', 'Tim Tam' to 'Little Timmy' or 'Tam o Shanter'. The last was a type of hat, kinda like a beret. Funny, the kinda names you can make up for ordinary names like Victoria. (

"Who art thou?" thundered Gandalf.

"Sheesh, don't get your beard in a knot," sighed the second girl. Then she stopped and speculated upon what she had just said. "Not that it can get any more untidy, of course."

Legolas suddenly reached up and self-consciously patted his gleaming blonde hair. "How about me?" he asked anxiously. "Is MY hair okay?"

The others snorted, although the elf ignored them. "Well?"

"Uh....yeah. It's fine," the girl nodded slowly.

"Whew!" Legolas delicately wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead. "For a minute, you had me worried there." He turned to Gandalf. "Don't worry, Gandalf," he said encouragingly. "I'll give you some tips for keeping your hair tidy."

"WHAT?" The wizard stared at him. "Ugh. Never mind. Anyway, for the last time, who ARE you females?"

"Females?" A girl who had quietly crawled out of the bush along with another girl arched a brow. "Excuse me, but that's-" she never reached 'sexist'. Instantly, the second girl cut in.

"That's okay, Sue," she said. "Just cuz you're not-"

"EW!" Chorused eleven voices. "GROSS!"

The girl smiled impishly, unabashed.

"Anyway," Victoria rolled her eyes at her sarcastic friend. "My name's Victoria, the girl eating the chocolate is Christina, the one who hates toads is Michelle, the sicko is Rachel, the-"

"I object!" gasped Rachel. Victoria ignored her.

"The female-rights supporter is Sue and the one who hasn't said a word yet is Stephanie," finished the self-appointed spokesperson for the group.

Stephanie smiled.

"What do you mean, female-rights supporter?" spluttered Sue.

"Shut up," snapped Rachel. "And I am not a-"

"Michelle? Sue? What names are these?" Gandalf looked genuinely taken aback, "are you from another land?"

"Kinda," shrugged Rachel. "You see, we're from Australia, only the set of this is in New Zealand, so even if that might be another country, it-"

"Rachel?"

"Yeah?" Rachel looked at Victoria quizzically.

"I don't think that's what he meant," said Victoria. She cleared her throat and addressed Gandalf in a formal tone. "Indeed, my friends-"

Michelle sniggered. Rachel arched a brow. Stephanie choked.

"Oh. Right." Victoria shuddered. "Well, as I was saying, these-oh-AGHR! THEY and I-"

"These people," corrected Rachel.

"People? Men!" Frodo interrupted eagerly. "Gandalf! These are more men to help us! Are they to be part of the Fellowship as well?"

"Women," corrected Sue, angrily. "Honestly! Men are all so stupid!"

"He's a hobbit, Sue," drawled Rachel, "a man is a totally different species to his. Or rather, race."

"Quite right, er...." Pippin's voice trailed off under Gandalf's ferocious glare.

"What were you doing in that bush over there?" roared Gandalf, raising his staff threateningly.

"Eating dirt." Rachel, no doubt.

"IMPERTINENT CHILD! ANSWER MY QUESTION!" Gandalf snapped. A blast of power shot out of the end of his staff, hitting the sarcastic girl square in the chest.

BANG!

"FUCK!" The unfortunate, highly-intelligent, beautiful child squeaked as she fell flat on her back. In case you hadn't noticed, Rachel is, in fact, me.

"COOL!" Michelle's eyes lit up and she giggled. "CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN? HUH? HUH? PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ? HEE HEE! KILL HER! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Gandalf glared at the girl, still panting over the use of such magic. "No."

"Aw...." Michelle looked sulky. "PLEEZ?"

"No."

Michelle blinked several times, shocked. Slowly, her features rearranged themselves and a scowl bloomed on her face. "HUMPH! WELL I DON'T CARE THEN!" shrieked Michelle, suddenly angry. "YOU SHOULD JUST FUCK OFF THEN, YOU STUPID FREAKING WIZARD!" She stamped her foot angrily and ran off into the trees.

*

And that's it for now. If you want more, you've gotta review. By the way, Sue's a new student at my school, and she's kinda weird, so....yeah....

I hope you liked that first chapter, cuz like, I had to take some time off homework to do it.... Tell me watcha think.