Alec

Jace could be dying. The thought was pounding through Alec's head as another wave of pain attacked him through their parabatai bond. Jace could be dying and it was all Alec's fault.

It was only the third time they'd been allowed out on a mission alone, as they were finally deemed old enough and trustworthy enough to escape supervision. The first mission had gone smoothly, and Jace had complained the whole way home that Maryse had assigned them a job better suited to a Shadowhunter in their first year of field training; a job that was far below their skill level. The second had been better, more challenging, but they'd pulled it off successfully and Jace had been so enthused with excitement and adrenaline that he'd seemed to come alive, talking excitedly about the fight and how it had gone; more than once on the way home Jace had asked Alec if there was some demon ichor on his face or something. As if that was why Alec was trying not to stare, and failing miserably. Isabelle was desperate to be allowed out with them, insisting that with her there they'd make an even better team. Jace had stood up for her to Maryse, and Alec had tried to say that they had a point, but the law was the law and Izzy was just too young. Isabelle had tried to act like she was okay with the decision, like she wasn't jealous of them. But when they left that morning she was conspicuously absent.

This mission started out routine, simple even, with Jace confidently telling Alec that they'd be home by lunchtime and, whilst Alec usually was more reserved, he'd agreed. Hunting down one minor level demon was a piece of cake. But the demon wasn't alone, and it wasn't as minor as they'd been told. They were outnumbered at least 4 to 1.

"This should be fun!" Jace grinned, his eyes lighting up. Alec resisted responding with something about Jace's warped idea of fun; he'd save that one till later. He raised his bow, slowly selecting his first arrow, his seraph blade at his hip, ready for when it would inevitably be needed.

The fighting was more intense than anything Alec had experienced thus far, but his training kicked in and he was able to keep his head clear of any panic or fear. He was a Shadowhunter, this was what he was born to do. His bow was discarded after firing only a handful of shots, and he quickly lost sight of his parabatai. He could still feel Jace through the bond, could sense him nearby. His presence made Alec feel stronger, their bond combining their energies. It was electrifying. Alec felt unstoppable.

Suddenly Alec found himself without an opponent, and he turned around in time to watch as Jace dispatched the last of the demons. Alec felt a sense of triumph and relief that they'd won, and that they were both okay, deactivating his seraph blade. Jace started to walk over to him, grinning. Neither of them saw it until it was too late.

The first sign Alec had that something was wrong was the grin falling from Jace's face.

"Alec!" He cried, running towards him with his eyes fixed on something behind Alec. With a feeling of sudden dread Alec spun around, to see another demon lunging for him, its talons extended. Before he had a chance to react Jace slammed into him from behind, pushing him out of the way. Alec could do nothing but watch as the demon's talons ripped straight through Jace's fighting gear, tearing huge gashes in his side. Alec felt Jace's pain rushing through their bond as his parabatai cried out, crashing to his knees, his hand going to his side as though he could stop the blood from pouring out. He couldn't. The demon was towering over him now, it's arm raised again. Alec could have sworn it was smiling. He knew what it was going to do next.

"NO!" Alec cried out as he leapt to his feet. He'd never felt such rage before, or panic. Jace was hurt, this demon had hurt Jace and Alec was not going to let it live a single moment longer than necessary. The demon's arm came down, a killing blow, but instead met Alec's seraph blade; the arm went flying. This time it was the demon that roared in pain, before Alec struck again and the demon disintegrated before his eyes. It hadn't suffered enough in Alec's opinion.

It was only then that Alec had time to think, to realise how serious Jace's wounds were.

"Good work," Jace panted, his voice strained with pain, his breaths wheezing, "Hodge would be proud." Alec looked in horror as a trickle of blood ran from Jace's mouth, and his parabatai collapsed fully to the ground. Alec was at his side in an instant, his thoughts jumbled from the pain he could feel through the parabatai bond. He couldn't imagine how much worse it must be for Jace.

Jace could be dying. The thought was pounding through Alec's head as another wave of pain attacked him through their parabatai bond. Jace could be dying and it was all Alec's fault. Alec should have sensed the demon behind him, he should have moved, he should have killed it before it had had the chance to hurt Jace.

"It's okay," Alec tried to focus his thoughts, keeping his voice as calm as he could, "It's going to be okay." He carefully removed what was left of Jace's jacket and shirt, pulling it away from the wound. Jace hissed with pain, making Alec wince. He felt the colour drain from his face as he took in just how deep the wounds were. Blood was still pouring out, pooling under Jace.

"That bad, huh?" Jace managed to say, although it was painfully clear that each word was an effort, and Alec couldn't help but notice he was growing pale.

"Stop talking," Alec snapped, trying not to seem worried. He took his stele from his pocket, "It's nothing an iratze can't fix." Unable to stop his hands from shaking, Alec quickly applied the healing rune.

Nothing happened.

Jace gave another groan of pain, and Alec was shocked to see a few tears escape his parabatai's eyes. Jace never cried, not even when he was 11 and he'd broken his arm falling from one of the beams in the training gym when he wasn't supposed to be in there. Quickly, Alec applied the rune again.

Still nothing.

He tried again, and again. It was supposed to work. He'd been taught that it would work. A rune from a parabatai was supposed to be stronger than any other. But the blood kept flowing and Jace's breathing was growing more laboured.

"It's okay, Alec," Jace reached up to grip his arm, and although his grip was feeble his mismatched eyes held Alec's with a frenzied intensity, "I'm sorry." Jace gave another shuddering breath, before his eyes slipped closed and his hand fell back to his side.

"No, Jace!" Alec cried, reaching for his parabatai's hand, "Wake up!" He hated how pathetic he sounded, how helpless he felt. Desperately he applied the iratze again, screaming in frustration when he saw no change.

Jace was so pale, his blood was everywhere, his wounds still gaping and ugly, his breathing pained; each breath Alec feared would be his last. Any second now he'd feel his parabatai bond break. Would it feel any worse than the pain he felt now? He already felt like his heart had shattered. There was nothing else he could do, but sit here and wait. Wait for the iratze to prove that it was working. Wait for Jace's breathing to falter and his heart to stop.

There are some wounds too deep for an iratze, Alec heard Hodge's voice in his head from a lesson he'd given them years ago, before Jace had even joined their family, Even Shadowhunters aren't invincible.

It couldn't be true. Jace couldn't die like this. He was still so young, he still had so much left to do. There was still so much Alec hadn't told him. They were parabatai, brothers, they were supposed to fight at each other's sides for the rest of their lives. The rest of their lives weren't supposed to be this short.

The day he'd agreed to be Jace's parabatai he'd told him it was because he needed someone to look after him. Alec had failed spectacularly; maybe Jace would have been better off without him. Izzy and Max… Their parents… How could Alec go home? How could he ever look at them again? He hoped the Clave stripped him of his marks.

"Jace, please," Alec begged, feeling tears of his own finally start to fall, "Wake up!" He couldn't lose Jace, he couldn't bear it. Jace had been through so much already, he deserved better. It wasn't fair. Jace was quiet now, too quiet. Alec felt a sob escape him, and he let his head fall against Jace's chest. He wasn't sure how long he sat like that, waiting to feel the parabatai bond break. Waiting to lose the most important person in his life.

Then he felt it.

Jace's heartbeat was growing stronger. His hand in Alec's seemed a little less cold. Alec sat upright, a faint flicker of hope blooming in his chest. His own heart nearly stopped. The wound looked like it was starting to close up, and some colour was returning to Jace's face. Alec let out a shaky laugh. The iratze was working, it was finally working! He quickly activated it again; it couldn't hurt. Jace's wounds had been so serious that it had taken the rune longer to have a visible effect, but not too serious for it to work at all.

"You're going to be okay!" He exclaimed, relief stronger than anything he'd ever felt coursing through him, "Jace, you're going to be okay!" Alec repeated it over and over, feeling the words sync in. He felt like he was floating as he saw Jace take a huge breath, and his parabatai's eyes blinked open.

"Alec?" Jace's voice was still weak, but Alec was sure it sounded stronger than it had before, "It doesn't hurt so much anymore." Alec took a firm hold of his parabatai's hand, squeezing it tightly. Jace still sounded so weak, so tired. He needed to rest. Alec could see he was struggling to keep his eyes open; he wondered if Jace was scared that he wouldn't wake up if he let them close again.

"It's okay, Jace. You can sleep." Alec smiled, "You're going to be back to your annoying self in no time." He saw Jace frown a little and he knew if he hadn't just been at death's door Jace would have had something to say about that last comment, but then a look of peace came over his parabatai's face.

"Okay Alec." Jace's eyes slipped closed again. The iratze was working, but Alec knew he needed to get Jace home as quickly as possible. It was safe to move him, and he'd heal faster at the Institute. Alec quickly made sure his glamour rune was still working, and gently lifted Jace from the ground, being careful so as not to aggravate the still healing wounds.

It seemed like an age before Alec saw the familiar outline of the Institute approaching. Every now and then Jace had moaned in pain at a sudden movement, but Alec hadn't allowed himself to pause; he had to get Jace home. He was so tired, so exhausted to his very soul, but he'd promised to look after Jace and he wasn't going to let him down now.

Somehow Alec managed to get the doors to the Institute open, and had stumbled inside. The room had gone still, with everyone turning to stare. It suddenly occurred to Alec what they must look like, Jace unconscious in his arms, both covered in blood. He heard a scream and then Isabelle was there, her face frantic; it was clear she feared the worst. Maryse appeared behind her, her face white.

"He's okay," Alec managed to say, "He's healing." His knees finally gave out, and his mother and sister reached to stop him from falling. Hodge appeared next and carefully took Jace from Alec, saying something about getting him to the Infirmary. Maryse gave Alec a strange look, and Alec was surprised to see actual tears in her eyes. But when she said "I'll debrief you about what happened later" Alec detected a note of anger in her voice, before she swept after Hodge and Jace. Normally Alec would worry but… He'd done it. He'd brought Jace home. Jace was going to be okay.

"What happened Alec?" Isabelle asked, but Alec just shook his head at her. It was all too much for right now. She understood, and took his hand gently, leading him towards the Infirmary. Alec was thankful that Izzy was Izzy.

Maryse emerged from the Infirmary as they approached, a tight smile on her face as she told them that Jace was going to be absolutely fine; a day or two in bed was all that was needed now to ensure his smooth recovery.

Isabelle laughed, "Jace is going to love that!" Alec, despite his exhaustion, grinned at her. Maryse, who normally would have at least smiled at that sort of comment, just fixed them with a stern glare. Isabelle caught Alec's eye and she squeezed his hand.

"Follow me. I want a full debrief on what happened." Maryse snapped, turning to walk towards her office when Isabelle caught her arm.

"Can't Alec at least get cleaned up first?" She asked quietly, and it was only then that Alec realised he was still covered in blood. In Jace's blood.

Maryse turned back to face her children, her face softening a little as she really looked at Alec for the first time, "Report to my office as soon as you can." Alec thought he heard a wobble in her voice, and was almost surprised when she reached out and squeezed his shoulder, "I'm glad you're alright." Then she finally walked away. Alec and Izzy exchanged another glance; their mother was usually a master at controlling her emotions, but maybe some of her coldness today had come from just how scared she'd been when her sons had arrived home in such a state.

Alec shook his head. He really wasn't looking forward to debriefing Maryse; he was sure she'd want more of an explanation than he had to give. Then his gaze wandered to the Infirmary door. He wanted to clean up, to wash the blood away and to finally feel clean but… he wanted to stay till Jace woke up again, to fully reassure himself that everything had turned out okay. But his mother was expecting him soon.

"I'll stay with Jace," Isabelle's voice was kind, "If he wakes up before you're back, I'll send someone to get you."


As Alec had washed the blood away, he found himself wondering just how often he'd be in this position. Just how often he, or Jace or Izzy - one day even Max – would be seriously injured. He knew it was part of their lives, that it always had been, but it had always felt somewhat removed. Yes, Shadowhunters were always at war, but when they were younger it hadn't seemed this real. He thought he'd been prepared to die for the cause, or for someone he loved to die for the cause but… now Alec realised that no matter how hard you trained, nothing could prepare you for that.

The debriefing had gone exactly as Alec had suspected it would. His mother had wanted to hear every detail, and hadn't seemed satisfied with his answers. She'd been furious, muttering something about them being too young and too reckless and she'd scolded him for not being careful enough. But Alec had seen just how close she was to losing control of herself, and he knew just how much his mother prized that control. He'd gone to her then, taking a firm grip of her arm and reminding her that both he and Jace were going to be okay, and that the mission had technically been a success. She'd pulled him close then, both of them drawing comfort from the gesture.

Finally, she'd dismissed him, saying that she needed to write to Robert, "It's better that he hears from me that his sons nearly died tonight and that they're okay." Alec had been startled by the emotion in her voice, "It's not easy thing knowing your children are in danger, even for a Shadowhunter." Alec hadn't known what to say to that, but when he looked up his mother had turned away from him, and he took that as his signal to leave.

Alec was exhausted, but he didn't want to sleep until Jace woke up; he knew that if he closed his eyes all he'd see would be Jace lying in a pool of his own blood, and all he'd hear would be those ragged breaths and groans of pain. Alec gave himself a mental shake. This was the life of a Shadowhunter, and he'd have to get used to it. Jace was okay, he was okay. Alec knew he'd do anything, give anything, to make sure his family stayed that way.

Before he knew it he was at the Infirmary, quietly making his way inside. Isabelle was exactly where she'd promised she'd be, sitting by Jace's bedside, her hand in his. Her gaze was fixed so intently on Jace that she didn't initially notice Alec's arrival.

"Izzy." Alec caught her attention, and she sprung to her feet, throwing her arms around him.

"How was it? Was she awful?" Isabelle asked, leaning back to look up at him, her eyes concerned.

"It was as expected," Alec shrugged, "She was just worried." Alec's eyes were drawn to Jace, who was lying far too still on the bed, even if he did look more peaceful now.

"I was worried too." Isabelle held him tighter and Alec rested his chin on the top of her head.

"It was bad Iz, I really thought-" Even now knowing that Jace was alright, Alec struggled to say it, "I thought he was gone."

They stayed like that for a moment, before Isabelle pulled away, frowning slightly, asking if Alec had been hurt at all. She didn't believe him when he said he was fine, and insisted he apply an iratze immediately. Knowing it wasn't worth fighting his sister on this, he quickly did as he was told and, if he was honest, he did feel better afterwards. They both sat down on either side of Jace's bed.

"I'm sorry." Isabelle said, surprising Alec, who gave her a questioning look. She was looking at the floor, refusing to make eye contact, but she glanced up quickly.

"I was so angry that I wasn't allowed to go with you, I mean I'm not that much younger than Jace. But-" she paused, "I didn't say goodbye when you left this morning, and when you came back and I saw the blood and I saw Jace I-" Isabelle took a deep breath, "I thought maybe I'd never get the chance." Alec opened his mouth to reply, to say something about how Izzy shouldn't think like that but someone else spoke first.

"You can't get rid of me that easily."

Alec and Isabelle jumped at the sound of Jace's voice, before Isabelle threw her arms around him. She pulled back hastily when Jace cried out in pain. Alec sat up straight as panic rushed through him; Jace shouldn't still be in pain. Something must be wrong.

Then Jace grinned at them and the urge to punch Jace in the face rushed through Alec. Isabelle beat him to it by hitting Jace in the shoulder, although she didn't put much force behind it.

"You're an idiot." She told him crossly, but she couldn't help a small smile.

"Someone had to lighten the mood. It felt like someone died in here." Jace was still grinning, but Alec could see that it didn't reach his eyes. Alec knew Jace well enough to know that he clearly didn't want to talk about it now, and that they'd have the chance later. So Alec raised his eyebrows at him, settling back in the chair, but didn't push it. It felt good to hear Jace making jokes, even if they were really badly timed. A few hours before Alec had been certain he'd never hear another one of Jace's terrible jokes again.

"How are you feeling?" Isabelle asked after a moments silence, wanting to be completely certain that her brother was okay.

"Fine, little sore. I've had worse." Jace was back to his usual cocky tone.

"You really haven't." Alec said before he could stop himself, and Jace caught his eyes before quickly looking down. They were interrupted by Maryse's arrival.

"Jace, good to see you awake." She said with a warm smile, "Rest now, I'll debrief you later." With that she gave them a nod before turning and leaving, pausing to talk to someone just outside the Infirmary door.

"If you're both sure you're alright…" Isabelle started, pausing to see her brothers' expressions agreeing that they were indeed alright, "I've got a new argument to use against mom! She'll have to let me out on missions with you now!" Isabelle's eyes were alight as she jumped out of her chair and ran after her mother. Alec and Jace shared an amused look as the sound of her voice carried back to them, "You see, if I'd been with them this would never have happened! I could have helped! They need me to look out for them, you have to consider-", growing quieter the further away she got, clearly following Maryse as she walked away.

Alec and Jace were alone again.

"So," Jace started, "Today was interesting." Alec gave a short laugh.

"That's one word for it."

"I don't really- What happened? I remember the fight, and then that last demon and the pain and then, and then I woke up here." Jace sounded so serious, more serious that Alec had heard him in years.

"Well after I saw that the iratzes were working, I brought you home." Alec explained, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice, "We gave mom and Izzy a shock when we got back."

"You saved my life." Jace's tone wasn't one of surprise, but another emotion Alec couldn't quite place.

Alec shook his head, "You saved my life first." He reminded him.

"I really thought I was going to die." Jace admitted. The image of Jace lying in a pool of blood flashed before Alec's eyes again, and he took Jace's hand firmly in his. Alec wasn't sure he wanted to let Jace know just how close it had been.

"Thank you." Jace's eyes were earnest as he maintained steady eye contact with Alec.

"Thank you." Alec responded with a small smile.

"It's what parabatai are for, right?" Jace grinned at him, and Alec settled back in his chair again.

"Not sure that's how the Clave would put it, but yeah." Alec couldn't help but grin back, "I'll always be there for you."

"And I'll always be there for you too." Jace agreed, before adding, "Especially when you're not paying enough attention to watch your own back."

Alec raised his eyebrows, "You won't be much good to me while you're on bed rest for the next two days." He smirked as Jace's face fell.

"But I'm fine!" He insisted, trying to sit upright, before collapsing back down with a small grimace of pain, "Fine, for tonight." Alec was sure Jace would be back to training first thing the next morning and made a mental note to make sure he was around, just in case it was too soon. He wasn't going to be taking any chances.

"I'll keep you company." Alec eased back into his chair, "I know I'm exhausted. You're heavier than you look."

"My hero!"

They talked for a little while longer, before Jace finally admitted that he was tired and allowed himself to drift to sleep. Alec was glad, he knew he'd finish healing while he slept. As Alec waited for sleep to finally claim him he focused on the steady rise and fall of Jace's chest. The events of the day had utterly drained him, but right now, watching Jace sleep, safe and well and back at home, Alec felt overwhelmed by relief and utter happiness. Just a few hours before he'd thought everything was lost, but now he knew he had everything to fight for; he knew he'd fight harder than ever to protect the people he loved from this day forwards. His last thought before he fell asleep was of Jace, his brother, his parabatai, his best friend, the most important person in his life; he was alive, Alec had saved him, and all was well in the world.


Hi! At the end of this first chapter I'd just like to say that fight scenes aren't my strong point - I'm more interested in the resulting emotions and how they affect the characters!

Jace and Alec are very important to me! Their relationship is one of my favourite parts about the show/books (this fic works in both worlds) and it's a lot of fun to explore!