The Light at the End of the Escape Route
A/N: Hi everybody! Welcome to part three of the continuing Escape Route saga. That's right, this is a part three. If you want to read it alone, go for it, but no complaining if you don't understand what's going on. Nimeria (my co-author) and I recommend that you read parts one and two first. And as I just stated, Nimeria is my co-author. Yep, this is just as much hers as mine. We write this together via MSN messenger, hence the format and the irregularity of posting stories. (The irregularity of posting chapters is entirely my fault. College seems to make you lazier than the rest of the population. Heehee!) Please feel free to let us know what you think! - Bann and Nimeria
Disclaimer: Neither Nimeria nor I own anything that is mentioned, discussed, referred to in passing, or blatantly stated. We don't own any of the characters, and we don't own the settings. We do, however, own ourselves (and the third original character owns herself as well). If we did own them, we wouldn't be wasting our time writing fanfiction and going to school. Mostly because there would be this whole new galaxy to go play in, and all these really awesome people to meet. But just because we don't own them now doesn't necessarily mean that sometime in the near future that we won't! Stay tuned for more information on that front! And now, on to the chapter…
Chapter 1
(From
their new quarters near the control room, early in the morning, comes
one of those new and unusual sounds in Atlantis; that of Jessie
squealing in delight.)
Jessie: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Taylor! Mary!
TaylorMary! Taylormarytaylormarytaylor!
Taylor: (Coming from her
room right next to Jessie's) Twin? What? Its early Jess... this had
better be good...
Jessie: Look!!!
Taylor: What? Its boxes.
(Jessie gestures) Boxes that say...oh my gosh! It's our stuff!
Jessie: I know!
Mary: (Who has come from her room, right next
to Taylor's) Our stuff? Jack sent us our stuff? Sweet!
Taylor:
Heck Yeah! (Giggles) I bet I can unpack faster than either of you.
Jessie: Can't!
Mary: Hold on, first let's get our
boxes...and, wait, Jess, got yours? And go!
(In the midst of
unpacking, Taylor makes a discovery.)
Taylor: Duct tape?
Jack...sent me Duct tape?
Jessie: (Running into Taylor's room)
Taylor! Guess what Jack sent me? (She holds out a bottle of
glitter.)
Taylor: He sent me duct tape.
(Pause)
Taylor and
Jessie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Taylor and Jessie:
Yes!
Taylor and Jessie: Jinx!
Taylor: Right, hide yours. I'll
hide mine. Heehee…
(A few moments later)
Jessie: (Running
from her room) DONE!
Mary: (Walking from hers) Awww...me
too. Well, second is better than last.
Taylor: (Walking from her
room as well) Which I guess is me.
Mary: Well, winner? What do
you have in mind?
Jessie: Do you remember what you promised me?
Mary: Who promised you something?
Taylor: Promised what?
Jessie: You, Taylor, to make me let go of Jack during the Kolya
invasion thing.
Taylor: (Thinks for a minute) Oh. That. You want
to do that now?
Jess: Yep.
Mary: What was that again?
Taylor: You don't remember?
Mary: If the satanic look of glee
on Jessie's face is any hint, I probably blocked it from my memory.
Taylor: Probably. (She sighs, glances around the hallway and then
leans in to Mary to explain in a whisper just in case someone comes
along.)
Mary: (Her eyes go wide.) I want nothing to do with this.
Jessie: Aww, but you have to. I won.
Mary: (Staring at her.)
B-b-but I don't wanna.
Taylor: You can just keep guard if you
want. Oh. Actually that's a good idea. Shep and Ronon go running
every morning.
Jess: Wouldn't you want to see them?
Taylor:
Of course, but we need warning so we don't make noise, yes?
Jess:
Oh. Right. I got it. Please be our guard-san, Mary? Please?
Mary:
(Hangs her head) If you get caught, I'm going to kill you both.
Taylor: So you'll do it then?
Jessie: Yay!
Taylor: Lead
on, Jessie!
(The two twins skip happily along, with Mary
following.)
---
(Outside the men's locker room.)
Taylor: Can
anyone see us?
Jessie: I don't see anyone.
Mary: (Sighs) Yes,
yes, go on. Get it over with. And I'll stand here. If someone guesses
you're in there, I'll call you out.
Taylor: Thanks Mary!
(The
twins go invisible.)
Mary: (Listens very closely) You guys in
there yet? (Pause) That's a yes. So here I am. Standing alone,
outside the men's locker room. Yep. Nothing incriminating about this.
Nothing at-
Lorne: Good morning!
Mary: Oh! Hi there.
Lorne:
You're up early...have plans for today?
Mary: (Nervously laughs)
Oh, yeah. Unless I get shot. Then I'm free.
Lorne: (Laughs)
Sounds like a plan. I'm just going to run in here for a minute. Talk
to you later?
Mary: Sure. (Lorne enters the locker room, and
after a moment so do many marines.) Oh lord. This is so wrong. This
IS wrong. Poor, poor naked sweaty men. Good lord I hope those two
don't giggle. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna shoot them and I'm gonna die.
(A little ways away, walking down the hallway…)
Sheppard:
What do you mean? Of course I'm improving. You only beat me by just
under what you did last week.
Ronon: Right.
Sheppard: You're
just scared because you know I'm going to beat you one day.
(They
walk up to the locker room door, where Mary is standing.)
Shep:
Uh, good morning. Isn't this early for you?
Mary: Yes. Yes it is.
You're about to go in the locker room aren't you?
Shep: ...Yes.
Mary: Trust me, and don't.
Shep: Why?
Mary: I can't tell
you. Just...just don't. Please trust me on this one.
Ronon:
What's wrong with it?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with the locker
room. It's just...wait until...hmmm. Nope, that won't do. They're
probably lying in wait for you. Hmm.
Shep: What are you talking
about?
Mary: I'm saving your skin. Maybe even literally. Which is
a scary thought.
(She walks to the door of the locker room, opens
it a crack, and shouts)
Mary: Danger, Danger Will Robinson!
(Pause)
Random Guy In Locker Room: What?
Mary: Nothing!
Forget it! (She closes the door.)
Shep: What on earth was that
about?
Mary: I'd imagine that once they get out, you'll know.
(From out of the wall tumble a giggling Taylor and
Jessie.)
Ronon: What is this? (Taylor and Jessie's heads snap up.
They see Ronon and Shep, and turn to stare at Mary in horror with the
pained looks of the betrayed gracing their faces.)
Taylor: How
could you?
Jess: Why would you?
Taylor and Jess: You were the
guard!!! (They take off, sprinting away)
Shep: That was...(Looks
at Mary) Aaah. Thanks.
Mary: No problem. I'll be hearing about it
for awhile but, well, you're welcome. (She heads off after Taylor
and Jessie at a slower pace)
Shep: So maybe she doesn't hate me
after all.
Ronon: Why would she hate you?
Shep: She-(He stops
as he realizes who he's talking to and what would result from him
answering that question) Never mind, it's not important. Come on.
(They head into the locker room)
---
(In the Mess
Hall)
(Taylor, Jessie, and Mary sit at one table. Taylor and
Jessie are giving Mary unhappy looks while Mary tries to argue sense
into them.)
Mary: They aren't stupid and, warning or not, you
would have giggled. You know you would have.
Taylor: That's not
the point. (She smashes her hand down on her muffin and squishes it,
then looks down and blinks) Oops.
(Thirty minutes later Sheppard
and Rodney walk into the mess hall, talking, and abruptly stop when
they hear the laughter. At the table sit Taylor, Jessie, and Mary,
clutching their sides in giggle-related-agony. They walk over to
Ronon, sitting at another table, where he is watching the three
women.)
Shep: What's going on?
Ronon: I have no idea.
Rodney:
Well, how long have they been like that?
Ronon: It's been getting
worse since I got here.
Shep: And you haven't asked what they're
laughing about?
Ronon: Nope.
Shep: Well I am.
Rodney:
I'll join you.
(Ronon
gets up and follows as well.)
Shep: So, uh, what's so funny?
(Taylor looks up, attempts to stifle the laughter long enough to
answer, fails, and goes back to laughing.)
Jessie: Oh, my side! My
side! The abs can't take this abuse!
Sheppard: Someone care to
explain what's so funny?
Mary: Oh, it's nothing about this
morning. But Taylor was so angry, and she was gesturing,
and-(Laughter)
Rodney: ...And what?
Jessie: That! (She points
to a squashed muffin on a plate)
Sheppard: That's funny?
Taylor:
The poor muffin was excommunicated. It's so sad. (More laughter from
all three)
Rodney: ...Why?
Jessie: (Taking deep breaths) Why
was it excommunicated or why is it sad?
Rodney: Both. Neither.
What?
Taylor: (Laughs harder and rocks in her seat nearly falling
out of it) Ack. Mary!!
Mary: (Laughing harder as well) Some
things never (Laughs, inhales, and is hit with another bout of
laughter) change. (Reaches over and pulls the teetering Taylor
upright again)
Shep: I'm really confused here. (He sits anyway,
albeit as far from the three young women as was acceptable. Ronon and
Rodney do likewise and eat breakfast while waiting for the laughter
to die down)
(Fifteen minutes later)
Taylor: (Finally calm) Oh,
wow. (Wipes the tears from her eyes as Jessie and Mary do likewise)
That was fun. Haven't done that in a long time.
Mary: Nope.
Jessie: Nuh-uh.
Taylor: (rubbing her sides) That was
definitely my sit-up quota for the week. Ow.
Mary: You do
sit-ups?
Jessie: She doesn't.
Taylor: It was a figure of
speech.
Mary: You just made it up.
Taylor: So?
Shep:
(Cutting in) What exactly was so funny? You told us but we didn't
understand.
(Jessie starts to giggle again.)
Mary: (Gesturing
to the squashed muffin) Meet Mr. Muffin McMuffin. He, the poor soul,
was minding his own business one day-
Taylor: This morning.
Mary: -and whilst sitting there, there happened to be a wandering
giant roaming the land.
Jessie: (Pointing to Taylor) Her hand.
Mary: This wandering giant has no pity for carbohydrated
foodstuffs, so went out of his way to squash Mr. McMuffin.
(Taylor
and Jessie make squashing motions with their hands.)
Mary: Now,
upon returning to his place of work, Muffin here found that the
others looked upon him differently. He was, in a word, ostracized.
Muffin McMuffin then went on daytime television, told his story to
Dr. Phil Muffin, and was ostracized by the rest of the muffin
community for meddling on talk shows. It's so very sad.
Taylor:
It is. It is. (She makes fake tear mark down her cheek as Jessie
wipes fake tears from her eyes.)
Mary: He went to church that
Sunday to atone for his sins and ask the priest for advice on how to
deal with this. The priest however told him that the smashing had
been punishment for the sins he had not atoned for, and since it was
such a supreme punishment, they could only see it as Mr. McMuffin
having been excommunicated, so Father Muffinpants could no longer aid
him in anyway.
Jess: Thus, we were laughing because with a single
thoughtless stroke of her fist, Taylor excommunicated a muffin and
ruined its entire life.
Rodney: You think that's funny?!
(Surprised and slightly horrified)
Shep: (Chuckling and trying to
hold back the louder laughter) Very nice, ladies. A brilliant story.
Rodney: (More horrified) You agree with them. (Turning to Ronon)
Tell me you don't think that's funny.
Ronon: What does
'excommunicated' mean?
Jessie: It means that no one loves him
anymore.
(Mary laughs)
Taylor: Poor little muffin, not
getting any more muffin love...(Laughs as well)
Rodney: It means,
Ronon, that he, er, the muffin is exiled from the rest of the
community...of other...muffins...
Ronon: (To the girls) I still
don't get it.
Jessie: That's okay. I don't either.
Shep: But
you were laughing.
Jessie: And?
Rodney: (Peering at the
remains of what used to be a muffin of good standing in its
community) What kind of muffin Was this?
Taylor: Catholic!
Jessie: Baptist!
Taylor: I thought it was catholic.
Jessie:
No, it wasn't. It was Baptist.
Taylor: But really. Can Baptists
be excommunicated?
Jessie: Sure. Why not? And he's a muffin so
he's special.
Taylor: But Jessie, why would the muffin be
Baptist?
Jessie: (Getting stubbornly angry) Why would it be
Catholic?
Taylor: (Getting upset as well) Look, all I said was-
Mary: Enough you two. No jihads at the breakfast table.
Taylor
and Jessie: (Whining) But Maaaaaryyyyyyy...
Mary: Nope. Sorry.
Rules are rules. Besides, the little muffin needs a proper burial,
don't cha think?
Rodney: You're going to bury a muffin?
Shep:
In Atlantis?
Taylor: Not really, no. (Looks at the muffin) Well,
other than being squashed it's not really that damaged.
Jessie: I
already had a muffin. No thanks.
Mary: Not me.
Ronon: I'll
have it.
Taylor: There, see now. Ronon doesn't discriminate
against food because it's been exiled. (Pushes the muffin plate
towards him)
Rodney: He doesn't discriminate against food ever.
Ronon: Food is food. (Shrugs and eats the muffin quickly)
Jess:
Sooooooooooo... (Long silence)
Shep: Sooooo... What?
Jess:
What's the game plan? (He looks at her confused) You know for today.
What are we doing?
Rodney: WE are not doing anything. I will be
on one side of the city working and hopefully the three of you will
be on the other.
Jess: You're so mean! (Pouts, causing Taylor to
glare at Rodney and Mary to attempt to both glare at Rodney and calm
Taylor down)
Shep: McKay...(Casting slightly concerned and yet
highly amused glances between Taylor and Rodney) Maybe not the best
or nicest way of phrasing things.
Rodney: (Inching away from the
glaring girls) No. No. Probably not. Um...(He desperately tries to
come up with something to say to get himself out of this while Shep
and Ronon look on in amusement) Ah...
Random Scientist Guy:
(Yelling as he runs across the mess) Doctor McKay! Doctor McKay!
(Skidding to a halt and panting) Come-experiment-couldn't
believe-amazing-jewel-jumper-come.
Taylor: What did he say?
Mary: Something about an experiment on a jewel - I'm assuming
it's the "of Atlantis" one - and a jumper of amazingness.
Rodney: I'll be working on that, see? It's just going to be
boring, dull, science.
RSG: (Breathless) ...amazing...you'll
never believe...the jewel!
Rodney: (Taking RSG by the elbow)
Come on. What are you saying? (They walk away)
Jessie: (Turning
her attention to Ronon and Shep) So, how about you two?
Ronon:
I'm beating up the Marines again. You can come if you want, I guess.
Jessie: (Turning her attention to Shep) So, how about you?
(Ronon grins and leaves to kick some military butt.)
Shep:
Well, er, I don't really have anything planned. Oh! Wait a second,
didn't I promise you jumper lessons?
Taylor: You did.
Jessie:
Yay! I wanna FLY A JUMPER!!!!
Mary: Jessie, you're scaring me.
Jessie: What?
Mary: Tell you what. Taylor, if you would be so
kind as to accompany Sheppy here on a Jumper Flying 101 course, and
maybe if you survive you can give us pointers, okay?
Jessie:
(Pouting) But I wanna fly...
Mary: I know. (Pats Jessie on the
head) But let's make sure that You won't kill us all first.
Shep:
How will Taylor's flying show if Jessie is able to-
Taylor and
Jessie: Twins!
Taylor and Jessie: Jinx!
Taylor and Jessie:
Jinx again!
Taylor and Jessie: Stop that!!!
Mary: Case
proven. Come on Jessie. Let's see if we can find you an Atlantean
version of your Walter-san.
Jessie: (As the two of them walk
away) No one can replace my Walter-san...
---
