The Light at the End of the Escape Route

A/N: Hi everybody! Welcome to part three of the continuing Escape Route saga. That's right, this is a part three. If you want to read it alone, go for it, but no complaining if you don't understand what's going on. Nimeria (my co-author) and I recommend that you read parts one and two first. And as I just stated, Nimeria is my co-author. Yep, this is just as much hers as mine. We write this together via MSN messenger, hence the format and the irregularity of posting stories. (The irregularity of posting chapters is entirely my fault. College seems to make you lazier than the rest of the population. Heehee!) Please feel free to let us know what you think! - Bann and Nimeria

Disclaimer: Neither Nimeria nor I own anything that is mentioned, discussed, referred to in passing, or blatantly stated. We don't own any of the characters, and we don't own the settings. We do, however, own ourselves (and the third original character owns herself as well). If we did own them, we wouldn't be wasting our time writing fanfiction and going to school. Mostly because there would be this whole new galaxy to go play in, and all these really awesome people to meet. But just because we don't own them now doesn't necessarily mean that sometime in the near future that we won't! Stay tuned for more information on that front! And now, on to the chapter…

Chapter 1

(From their new quarters near the control room, early in the morning, comes one of those new and unusual sounds in Atlantis; that of Jessie squealing in delight.)
Jessie: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Taylor! Mary! TaylorMary! Taylormarytaylormarytaylor!
Taylor: (Coming from her room right next to Jessie's) Twin? What? Its early Jess... this had better be good...
Jessie: Look!!!
Taylor: What? Its boxes. (Jessie gestures) Boxes that say...oh my gosh! It's our stuff!
Jessie: I know!
Mary: (Who has come from her room, right next to Taylor's) Our stuff? Jack sent us our stuff? Sweet!
Taylor: Heck Yeah! (Giggles) I bet I can unpack faster than either of you.
Jessie: Can't!
Mary: Hold on, first let's get our boxes...and, wait, Jess, got yours? And go!
(In the midst of unpacking, Taylor makes a discovery.)
Taylor: Duct tape? Jack...sent me Duct tape?
Jessie: (Running into Taylor's room) Taylor! Guess what Jack sent me? (She holds out a bottle of glitter.)
Taylor: He sent me duct tape.
(Pause)
Taylor and Jessie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Taylor and Jessie: Yes!
Taylor and Jessie: Jinx!
Taylor: Right, hide yours. I'll hide mine. Heehee…
(A few moments later)
Jessie: (Running from her room) DONE!
Mary: (Walking from hers) Awww...me too. Well, second is better than last.
Taylor: (Walking from her room as well) Which I guess is me.
Mary: Well, winner? What do you have in mind?
Jessie: Do you remember what you promised me?
Mary: Who promised you something?
Taylor: Promised what?
Jessie: You, Taylor, to make me let go of Jack during the Kolya invasion thing.
Taylor: (Thinks for a minute) Oh. That. You want to do that now?
Jess: Yep.
Mary: What was that again?
Taylor: You don't remember?
Mary: If the satanic look of glee on Jessie's face is any hint, I probably blocked it from my memory.
Taylor: Probably. (She sighs, glances around the hallway and then leans in to Mary to explain in a whisper just in case someone comes along.)
Mary: (Her eyes go wide.) I want nothing to do with this.
Jessie: Aww, but you have to. I won.
Mary: (Staring at her.) B-b-but I don't wanna.
Taylor: You can just keep guard if you want. Oh. Actually that's a good idea. Shep and Ronon go running every morning.
Jess: Wouldn't you want to see them?
Taylor: Of course, but we need warning so we don't make noise, yes?
Jess: Oh. Right. I got it. Please be our guard-san, Mary? Please?
Mary: (Hangs her head) If you get caught, I'm going to kill you both.
Taylor: So you'll do it then?
Jessie: Yay!
Taylor: Lead on, Jessie!
(The two twins skip happily along, with Mary following.)
---
(Outside the men's locker room.)
Taylor: Can anyone see us?
Jessie: I don't see anyone.
Mary: (Sighs) Yes, yes, go on. Get it over with. And I'll stand here. If someone guesses you're in there, I'll call you out.
Taylor: Thanks Mary!
(The twins go invisible.)
Mary: (Listens very closely) You guys in there yet? (Pause) That's a yes. So here I am. Standing alone, outside the men's locker room. Yep. Nothing incriminating about this. Nothing at-
Lorne: Good morning!
Mary: Oh! Hi there.
Lorne: You're up early...have plans for today?
Mary: (Nervously laughs) Oh, yeah. Unless I get shot. Then I'm free.
Lorne: (Laughs) Sounds like a plan. I'm just going to run in here for a minute. Talk to you later?
Mary: Sure. (Lorne enters the locker room, and after a moment so do many marines.) Oh lord. This is so wrong. This IS wrong. Poor, poor naked sweaty men. Good lord I hope those two don't giggle. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna shoot them and I'm gonna die.
(A little ways away, walking down the hallway…)
Sheppard: What do you mean? Of course I'm improving. You only beat me by just under what you did last week.
Ronon: Right.
Sheppard: You're just scared because you know I'm going to beat you one day.
(They walk up to the locker room door, where Mary is standing.)
Shep: Uh, good morning. Isn't this early for you?
Mary: Yes. Yes it is. You're about to go in the locker room aren't you?
Shep: ...Yes.
Mary: Trust me, and don't.
Shep: Why?
Mary: I can't tell you. Just...just don't. Please trust me on this one.
Ronon: What's wrong with it?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with the locker room. It's just...wait until...hmmm. Nope, that won't do. They're probably lying in wait for you. Hmm.
Shep: What are you talking about?
Mary: I'm saving your skin. Maybe even literally. Which is a scary thought.
(She walks to the door of the locker room, opens it a crack, and shouts)
Mary: Danger, Danger Will Robinson!
(Pause)
Random Guy In Locker Room: What?
Mary: Nothing! Forget it! (She closes the door.)
Shep: What on earth was that about?
Mary: I'd imagine that once they get out, you'll know.
(From out of the wall tumble a giggling Taylor and Jessie.)
Ronon: What is this? (Taylor and Jessie's heads snap up. They see Ronon and Shep, and turn to stare at Mary in horror with the pained looks of the betrayed gracing their faces.)
Taylor: How could you?
Jess: Why would you?
Taylor and Jess: You were the guard!!! (They take off, sprinting away)
Shep: That was...(Looks at Mary) Aaah. Thanks.
Mary: No problem. I'll be hearing about it for awhile but, well, you're welcome. (She heads off after Taylor and Jessie at a slower pace)
Shep: So maybe she doesn't hate me after all.
Ronon: Why would she hate you?
Shep: She-(He stops as he realizes who he's talking to and what would result from him answering that question) Never mind, it's not important. Come on. (They head into the locker room)
---
(In the Mess Hall)
(Taylor, Jessie, and Mary sit at one table. Taylor and Jessie are giving Mary unhappy looks while Mary tries to argue sense into them.)
Mary: They aren't stupid and, warning or not, you would have giggled. You know you would have.
Taylor: That's not the point. (She smashes her hand down on her muffin and squishes it, then looks down and blinks) Oops.
(Thirty minutes later Sheppard and Rodney walk into the mess hall, talking, and abruptly stop when they hear the laughter. At the table sit Taylor, Jessie, and Mary, clutching their sides in giggle-related-agony. They walk over to Ronon, sitting at another table, where he is watching the three women.)
Shep: What's going on?
Ronon: I have no idea.
Rodney: Well, how long have they been like that?
Ronon: It's been getting worse since I got here.
Shep: And you haven't asked what they're laughing about?
Ronon: Nope.
Shep: Well I am.
Rodney: I'll join you.

(Ronon gets up and follows as well.)
Shep: So, uh, what's so funny?
(Taylor looks up, attempts to stifle the laughter long enough to answer, fails, and goes back to laughing.)
Jessie: Oh, my side! My side! The abs can't take this abuse!
Sheppard: Someone care to explain what's so funny?
Mary: Oh, it's nothing about this morning. But Taylor was so angry, and she was gesturing, and-(Laughter)
Rodney: ...And what?
Jessie: That! (She points to a squashed muffin on a plate)
Sheppard: That's funny?
Taylor: The poor muffin was excommunicated. It's so sad. (More laughter from all three)
Rodney: ...Why?
Jessie: (Taking deep breaths) Why was it excommunicated or why is it sad?
Rodney: Both. Neither. What?
Taylor: (Laughs harder and rocks in her seat nearly falling out of it) Ack. Mary!!
Mary: (Laughing harder as well) Some things never (Laughs, inhales, and is hit with another bout of laughter) change. (Reaches over and pulls the teetering Taylor upright again)
Shep: I'm really confused here. (He sits anyway, albeit as far from the three young women as was acceptable. Ronon and Rodney do likewise and eat breakfast while waiting for the laughter to die down)
(Fifteen minutes later)
Taylor: (Finally calm) Oh, wow. (Wipes the tears from her eyes as Jessie and Mary do likewise) That was fun. Haven't done that in a long time.
Mary: Nope.
Jessie: Nuh-uh.
Taylor: (rubbing her sides) That was definitely my sit-up quota for the week. Ow.
Mary: You do sit-ups?
Jessie: She doesn't.
Taylor: It was a figure of speech.
Mary: You just made it up.
Taylor: So?
Shep: (Cutting in) What exactly was so funny? You told us but we didn't understand.
(Jessie starts to giggle again.)
Mary: (Gesturing to the squashed muffin) Meet Mr. Muffin McMuffin. He, the poor soul, was minding his own business one day-
Taylor: This morning.
Mary: -and whilst sitting there, there happened to be a wandering giant roaming the land.
Jessie: (Pointing to Taylor) Her hand.
Mary: This wandering giant has no pity for carbohydrated foodstuffs, so went out of his way to squash Mr. McMuffin.
(Taylor and Jessie make squashing motions with their hands.)
Mary: Now, upon returning to his place of work, Muffin here found that the others looked upon him differently. He was, in a word, ostracized. Muffin McMuffin then went on daytime television, told his story to Dr. Phil Muffin, and was ostracized by the rest of the muffin community for meddling on talk shows. It's so very sad.
Taylor: It is. It is. (She makes fake tear mark down her cheek as Jessie wipes fake tears from her eyes.)
Mary: He went to church that Sunday to atone for his sins and ask the priest for advice on how to deal with this. The priest however told him that the smashing had been punishment for the sins he had not atoned for, and since it was such a supreme punishment, they could only see it as Mr. McMuffin having been excommunicated, so Father Muffinpants could no longer aid him in anyway.
Jess: Thus, we were laughing because with a single thoughtless stroke of her fist, Taylor excommunicated a muffin and ruined its entire life.
Rodney: You think that's funny?! (Surprised and slightly horrified)
Shep: (Chuckling and trying to hold back the louder laughter) Very nice, ladies. A brilliant story.
Rodney: (More horrified) You agree with them. (Turning to Ronon) Tell me you don't think that's funny.
Ronon: What does 'excommunicated' mean?
Jessie: It means that no one loves him anymore.
(Mary laughs)
Taylor: Poor little muffin, not getting any more muffin love...(Laughs as well)
Rodney: It means, Ronon, that he, er, the muffin is exiled from the rest of the community...of other...muffins...
Ronon: (To the girls) I still don't get it.
Jessie: That's okay. I don't either.
Shep: But you were laughing.
Jessie: And?
Rodney: (Peering at the remains of what used to be a muffin of good standing in its community) What kind of muffin Was this?
Taylor: Catholic!
Jessie: Baptist!
Taylor: I thought it was catholic.
Jessie: No, it wasn't. It was Baptist.
Taylor: But really. Can Baptists be excommunicated?
Jessie: Sure. Why not? And he's a muffin so he's special.
Taylor: But Jessie, why would the muffin be Baptist?
Jessie: (Getting stubbornly angry) Why would it be Catholic?
Taylor: (Getting upset as well) Look, all I said was-
Mary: Enough you two. No jihads at the breakfast table.
Taylor and Jessie: (Whining) But Maaaaaryyyyyyy...
Mary: Nope. Sorry. Rules are rules. Besides, the little muffin needs a proper burial, don't cha think?
Rodney: You're going to bury a muffin?
Shep: In Atlantis?
Taylor: Not really, no. (Looks at the muffin) Well, other than being squashed it's not really that damaged.
Jessie: I already had a muffin. No thanks.
Mary: Not me.
Ronon: I'll have it.
Taylor: There, see now. Ronon doesn't discriminate against food because it's been exiled. (Pushes the muffin plate towards him)
Rodney: He doesn't discriminate against food ever.
Ronon: Food is food. (Shrugs and eats the muffin quickly)
Jess: Sooooooooooo... (Long silence)
Shep: Sooooo... What?
Jess: What's the game plan? (He looks at her confused) You know for today. What are we doing?
Rodney: WE are not doing anything. I will be on one side of the city working and hopefully the three of you will be on the other.
Jess: You're so mean! (Pouts, causing Taylor to glare at Rodney and Mary to attempt to both glare at Rodney and calm Taylor down)
Shep: McKay...(Casting slightly concerned and yet highly amused glances between Taylor and Rodney) Maybe not the best or nicest way of phrasing things.
Rodney: (Inching away from the glaring girls) No. No. Probably not. Um...(He desperately tries to come up with something to say to get himself out of this while Shep and Ronon look on in amusement) Ah...
Random Scientist Guy: (Yelling as he runs across the mess) Doctor McKay! Doctor McKay! (Skidding to a halt and panting) Come-experiment-couldn't believe-amazing-jewel-jumper-come.
Taylor: What did he say?
Mary: Something about an experiment on a jewel - I'm assuming it's the "of Atlantis" one - and a jumper of amazingness.
Rodney: I'll be working on that, see? It's just going to be boring, dull, science.
RSG: (Breathless) ...amazing...you'll never believe...the jewel!
Rodney: (Taking RSG by the elbow) Come on. What are you saying? (They walk away)
Jessie: (Turning her attention to Ronon and Shep) So, how about you two?
Ronon: I'm beating up the Marines again. You can come if you want, I guess.
Jessie: (Turning her attention to Shep) So, how about you?
(Ronon grins and leaves to kick some military butt.)
Shep: Well, er, I don't really have anything planned. Oh! Wait a second, didn't I promise you jumper lessons?
Taylor: You did.
Jessie: Yay! I wanna FLY A JUMPER!!!!
Mary: Jessie, you're scaring me.
Jessie: What?
Mary: Tell you what. Taylor, if you would be so kind as to accompany Sheppy here on a Jumper Flying 101 course, and maybe if you survive you can give us pointers, okay?
Jessie: (Pouting) But I wanna fly...
Mary: I know. (Pats Jessie on the head) But let's make sure that You won't kill us all first.
Shep: How will Taylor's flying show if Jessie is able to-
Taylor and Jessie: Twins!
Taylor and Jessie: Jinx!
Taylor and Jessie: Jinx again!
Taylor and Jessie: Stop that!!!
Mary: Case proven. Come on Jessie. Let's see if we can find you an Atlantean version of your Walter-san.
Jessie: (As the two of them walk away) No one can replace my Walter-san...
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