My first fan fiction :)
The Walking Dead is not my creation. I do NOT own or pretend to be the geniuses that created the Walking Dead world.
This will be a mult-chapter. I will be adding Chapters as the story grows. I will let you know when it is complete! And add THE END. So you know. :)
All reviews are welcome no matter how short. :)
Chapter 1: Lost
Daryl's POV
He sat there staring into the fire. He watched the flames rise and spark into the air.
He had pulled his knees up and had his arms crossed over them. In many ways, his physical positioning
subconsciously showing his retreat back into a protective shell he hadn't used since back at the quarry. His regression into who he was before...
Beth was still talking. Though he barely heard her. She'd been trying to lift his spirits for hours. Trying to get him focused
on finding the others. Truth be told...he was in shock. He hadn't had time to fully process Carol's
exile by Rick. Then Hershel's brutal beheading, their home attacked and destroyed. The family scattered. Most of them surely dead.
He continued to stare at the fire. His long dark bangs covering his eyes. Carol had mentioned that he
needed a trim just days ago. He felt a tightening in his chest at that memory.
He'd stopped by her cell. They discussed a few things that needed to be done at the prison. Then she had stood up, casually leaned over and ran her fingers through his bangs. She had smiled and been teasing him as usual.
"I don't see how you can hit anything when your out hunting?" Carol told him with a half-smile.
At the time, he had been more focused on how softly her fingertips had brushed the skin of his forehead.
"I can see just fine." he had grunted to her. Giving her a sullen look.
"Well, let me know. I can trim them for you." she told him with a half grin.
That woman. She was his best friend, and got away with a whole hell of a lot more than anyone did with him.
Now, she was gone. Probably dead. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. Then he ran his hand across his face.
He'd lost another "brother" too. Rick banishing Carol. It was beyond Daryl's understanding. It was beyond his
acceptance. It was way beyond his ability to forgive. Rick knew that Carol and Daryl were close. Truth be told,
Carol was the only reason he hadn't left the group back at the farm. He had thought about it. Had planned
on it. Until she fought for him. Said she cared about what happened to him.
Daryl had been horrible to Carol so many times. Said unforgivable things to her. Yet, she stood there, taking in
all his anger, even when he had went at her with his hand raised. He had done everything in his power to scare
the hell out of her. Show her he wasn't worth it. She never gave up on him. Kept telling him that he was important
and needed. Just as good as Rick and Shane. Shit! Even told him that she couldn't lose him too! His chest tightened again.
In all honesty, Daryl only became dependable to Rick, because Carol had been the first to believe in him.
"Remember, I liked you first." Carol had told him. It was true too. Rick had underestimated how close Daryl felt to Carol. Maybe Daryl had underestimated that too.
Daryl lifted his head and stretched his legs out. Losing Carol was like losing his center. He was just beginning to realize that and wondered why it took these extremes for him to admit it to himself.
Daryl finally pulled himself from his private thoughts and noticed Beth had stopped talking and was watching him.
Beth's POV
The man across from her was not the Daryl she knew. Daryl was strong, Daryl was brave. Daryl is always focused. This Daryl was broken. His eyes were empty, his body seemed the picture of defeat.
Watching her father's murder, the way he died, was crushing. Beth was trying to put that image out of her mind. She would deal with it as soon as she found Maggie. Daddy would want her to find her sister. That was her job now. Daddy would want her to find everyone. That's what family did. She didn't have time to break down right now. Though she wanted too. She wouldn't and couldn't.
"Daryl!" she said in a raised voice.
She got up and walked over to him. She knew she couldn't touch him. That only Carol really got a pass at that, but she was desperate.
"Daryl!" she said again bending down. She placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and pulled away from her touch. He did look up at her.
"Daryl, I need your help. I need you to pull yourself out of this." Beth told him. Daryl just looked back into the fire.
"Ugh!" Beth said standing back up frustrated.
"There are others out there who made it. We just have to find them." Beth said.
"Glenn, Maggie, Rick, Michonne, Carl...Carol" she added. Daryl's eyes narrowed at Carol's name. His body suddenly tense.
"I didn't even see Carol, she could have gotten away...what about her?" Beth told him. She knew if anyone's name would affect Daryl it was Carol's name.
Daryl's POV
Pain at the sound of her name went through him. Back at the farm he promised himself he'd keep her safe. He'd never known he'd have to watch out for people in his family-Rick. Anger flared up once again. So many conflicting emotions. He was beginning to feel out of control inside.
"You need to back off Beth." he growled.
"What you don't care about them...about Carol anymore?" Beth yelled, uncaring how loud she was being. At that Daryl stood up and advanced on her. Beth took a step back, but held her ground from there.
"I said to back the FUCK OFF!" Daryl growled. "Ya, don't know shit!"
"All I know is that I'm going to look for them in the morning...with or without you." Beth said softly. She retreated and sat back down by the fire. Daryl sat back down too.
It was obvious that Beth didn't know about Carol's banishment. So, she didn't know he wasn't just dealing with what happened at the prison. He was dealing with a lot more.
He felt himself shutting down emotionally. Like he had been out at the quarry with Merle. Before it was easier not to care, easier just to survive...safer too. He felt two versions of himself fighting for dominance.
Old Daryl: "See what carin' about people gets you? Betrayed, manipulated, pain, loss..."
Better Daryl: "You've felt what it like being cared for and appreciated. Do you really wanna go back to before?"
The two versions fought back and forth. A war really. Fear was a strong emotion. Feeling cared about was too. Could he handle finding his family dead...Carol dead? He didn't even have the faintest idea where Carol could be? Where the rest could be?
Just as Beth began to fall asleep she whispered, "Caring for people is scary. Makes you vulnerable, but it's what makes you want to live. Carol cared a lot about you Daryl. She'd want you to care, and be who you are not who you were. I promise if she's out there she'll be trying to find you." Then she fell asleep.
That night Daryl had a dream. Carol had come up to the fence. Her fingers grabbing the chain link on the fence. Rick wouldn't let her in. Daryl looked from Rick to Carol, and then Daryl went towards her away from Rick.
"It's okay Daryl...your needed here by so many people. This is your home...your family." Carol told him. Daryl just looked at her. She was always self-sacrificing. Always made everyone more important than herself. He touched her hand through the fence.
"Your my family too." he told her. "I know..." she whispered. "You've come so far. Don't let it slip away. Not over me." Then the dream faded away.
Daryl awoke. "Bullshit!" he whispered angrily.
Carol was worth more than how she'd been treated. She deserved to have someone looking for her because she would have looked for them.
Daryl's jaw set. Beth had just woken at the sound of his voice. She looked at him questionably.
"We leave in 30 minutes." he told her. Gathering his meager belongings.
"Where are we going?" she asked wiping the sleep from her eyes.
"To find em'...to find them all." Daryl said. He had steel in his blue eyes. He reached down and grabbed his bow.
More importantly, to find Carol...he thought to himself.
