Never again

Do memories have a life of their own?

Tezuka most certainly believe they have. Sometimes they were vivid, other times so pale shadowed by everyday life. But they were flaring each day before his eyes. Even when he was drinking his tea or driving his car , as if, regardless of place, they were his companion.

He arrived home.

Only silence greeted him as he entered his house.

It had been years since he was living all by himself. He took off his shoes. The house was dim lit and he had to make his way to the kitchen fumbling with the switch. Everything was bathed in light, blinding him for a second. He wished to say sometimes 'I am back ' to someone. And to receive a reply ' Welcome home '.

He dragged his feet up the stairs to take a shower first. As he began to undress, a memory flashed through his mind.

'You know Mitsu, I always wonder if you really are serious about us?'

'Ryoma' leaning down to kiss his lips. 'You worry needlessly.'

'But you never told me how you feel!'

He nestles him tight conveying his words through his actions, hoping he will understand.

'Che…Me too '

Only after a few moments did he realize he was wearing his pants, preparing to take his shower.

Spacing out was so common these days. In less than ten minutes he was ready descending the stairs.

Tezuka still had the telescope, from highschool. A gift from…It was the sole thing he could not bring himself to throw away. His only link to the past.

It was not something he would have done before, he was much disciplined and organized.

Now, although he looked the same on the outside, on the inside he was changed.

Usually he would arrive at home late into the night, however this did not prevent him from sparing a few hours from his sleep to look at the sky. Tonight was no exception.

The second he touched it, words from far away rang in his ears and images he should have forgotten long ago came to life.

'Mitsu, how do you have the patience to look after a single star when there are so many?'

'There may be countless stars up there Ryoma, but only one has the name I am searching for. You are the most impatient person I ever encountered!'

'I am bored '

'Come here. Take a look and tell me what you see.'

Ryoma weights his options, but soon he steps closer, bending to scrutiny the point indicated by him. At first he frowns, surely still green. An instant later his mouth opens in an 'o'.

'You see what I mean?'

'Hn..'

'You cannot just underestimate everything!'

'You've got a cool telescope here, buchou'

'Thanks, I guess, though is not very powerful. I am going to build another one someday.'

Ryoma comes and sits next to him near the window and leans on Tezuka 's shoulder, his eyes still locked on the night, hand pointed toward the infinite darkness.

'It is as if I could reach it with my fingers. It is like you, so far away, but at the same time within reach.'

Tezuka encircled his waist bringing them closer.

The star Tezuka tried to find this time was a nameless dark green one. He really missed having certain someone around. But it was already late.

Late for him to go to sleep, late for him to turn back the instance he first met Ryoma.