This fic contains a series of song parodies rewritten from Palpatine's perspective. I do not own the rights to any of the songs, nor the characters contained herein. The T rating is mostly a precaution because first and foremost this being Palpatine there's a great deal of macabre humor, occasionally the songs contain or originally contained language, and some lines contain metaphors to sexual situations.
Chapter 1: Questionable Costume Choices of Rassilon, I mean, The Sith!
(Originally written as a later chapter and so now as the first one introducing rather than returning to the theme of Vader being Palpy's "fashion tip", a parody of Belle & Sebastian's "Dress Up In You" from The Life Pursuit. Do be forewarned, if you didn't know, that, while this chapter is rated solely for violent imagery, the original song does contain potentially objectionable language in the chorus. That I've replaced this at one point with "Force-choke" may suggest what the word is. Or not. This is one of my favorites; I find myself singing it at random times.)
I'm the Emperor
I'm the Emperor of the land
You're a loser
I won't dismiss you out of hand
'Cause you had a beautiful face
It could've taken you places
You keep running
I gave you money, you've got fame
Every morning, I see your picture on the trains
Now you're a "Sith Lord"
So says your resume
I led you to the Dark Side
You couldn't save a life along the way
You're insubordinate, you're not answering my calls
Your coordinates
I expected this last fall
Get back to Coruscant
So singular you're not
I need you here;
We've quite a lot to talk about
We've had a deal now,
One you signed in Jedi blood
An understanding
Apprentices never keep their word
I'm disappointed
I'm aggravated
Things haven't gone my way,
I guess I'll have to:
Blow up all the faces of rivals
I swear and rant, I make quite an arrival
They're all surprised by my language
I once was discrete, they're all hypocrites
Force-choke them, too!
I always flattered you
You always had a lot of power
Anakin Skywalker, Chosen One
Turned to the dark
You've got the essence, friend
If I could have a second skin
I'd probably dress up as you
You're a Sith now,
You've no time for things like love
Your boy's a Skywalker
And though he's naive as a dove
You've made him hate you
He'll never join you
For a dad he wanted someone else
Now I can turn him to the Dark as well
He'll blow up in the face of his rival
You swear and rant, he makes quite an arrival
Don't be surprised by my knowledge
You act so discrete, you're a hypocrite
Forget you
So kill him, boy.
