Disclaimer: Hellsing is not mine.

BIG thanks to starrylark!!! This fanfic is nothing serious, I just like irritated Integral too much. Hope you like it.


Integral didn't feel like waiting for night to fall. She lit her cigar and gave a cry:

"Alucard!"

"Yes, Master?" after several seconds dark shadows began to twinkle on the office wall.

"Explain yourself."

"Regarding what?"

"Don't play dumb with me!"

"I'm not allowed to read your mind."

Integral breathed deeply.

"What the hell had happened yesterday?"

"There was no hell, Master. The mission was successful."

"Five dead foreign girls is your idea of a successful mission?"

"But, Master, "Search and destroy"."

"Since when did I tell you to kill teenagers?!"

"They weren't human."

"Then what were they?! Werewolves maybe?!"

"Two of them claimed to be."

Integral rubbed her temples.

"Master, they are a particular kind of creature. They are known as 'fangirls'."

"What are you talking about?"

"They knew too much about the Hellsing Organization and about me."

"The Queen knows a lot about Hellsing too, should we kill her?"

"If she starts to go around saying that she's the 3000 year-old daughter of Akasha (whoever she is) and that unless I drink her blood, the earth will face certain doom…" Alucard inhaled, "…then yes, I think we should kill her."

"What?"

"When I found them, they were planning to attack Hellsing's headquarters. One even dared to claim that she was my daughter."

"You cannot have children, Alucard."

"I know that. Another one said that she was our daughter."

"…"

"So, really, Master, how could allow them to live?"

"The intention of my organization is not to kill morons, Alucard."

"I had no patience."

"You obviously had more patience with Renfield."

"He was a moron. He died. They were a bunch of morons. They died."

"Does everything have an equivalent in your mind?" Integral began to feel nervous. "What's next? Am I Abraham to you? Are you going to plot against me?"

"No, Master. You would be Mina."

-long long pause-

"You can not kill people, Alucard. Is that clear to you?"

"That goes against my nature a bit, don't you think so, Master?"

"And that's why exactly I'm repeating myself. Anyway, where did you find them? Your target was a single vampire and a few ghouls in the middle of the countryside."

"They were in a house."

"In what house?"

"…Mine."

"You have your own house?"

"…"

"Will you stop this?! You are not a child that I should need to drag every answer out of, and furthermore I shouldn't even need to ask anything. You are supposed to report everything for God's sake!"

"Master," Alucard coughed, "Those houses have nothing to do with Hellsing."

" 'those houses'??"

"There are some more…"

"How many?"

"…"

"How many?!"

"…few hundred… not counting flats…"

Integral didn't say anything. She wondered what she did in some past life to have to endure this red-swathed, night-walking disaster. Likely, the price of his realty would be bigger than Hellsing's yearly income…before expenses.

"Master, as I have stated previously, I don't need them anymore. I haven't for almost a hundred years."

"Why did you need them in the first place?"

"For residents."

"For rent?"

"Something like that. Try to understand, after 400 years it became quite tiresome to have to ask to be let in every time I wanted a bite to drink. Especially when you're already hungry…"

Integral leaned her head on her palms. Alucard turned to walk away, seeing that his Master don't need him anymore, but she remembered one more thing:

"So why did you simply shot those poor teenagers instead of draining them dry?"

"Diet, Master."

-long pause-

"Are you just playing dumb this evening or have you been spending too much time with your fledgling?"

"I wasn't interested in them. They had nothing I would possibly care about and were of no use to me."

"Strange, I thought that you like virgin victims."

"Mhm. And can you imagine what it would be like to taste that particular delicacy again after so many years?"

At that moment Alucard eyes became so fierce that Integral couldn't help but recall their first meeting. Shivers ran down her spine. It was quite obvious what exactly he was mentally savoring.

"Enough! Get out of here!"

Alucard only smirked and, without breaking eye-contact, was suddenly gone. Still shivering, Integra turned to her computer screen and resumed typing an email. Suddenly, in the corner of the screen she saw a tiny advertisement…

"Hellsing OVAIII on sale?... What the…???.."