Entry 1.
Most people don't start out as a monster. Most of them start out nice enough. It's what they go through and how they handle it that will make them a monster. It's never a choice and there is no way to avoid it once it's begun. But you can never tell when it's begun, which is the bad part. It can start at any time and be completely docile. Until it really hits you. Then there's no turning back. After that, nothing can help you.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself. This is a journal and I shall take it slow for you. We can start at the beginning, when it hasn't started. When he was nice. When he was just a kid and nothing in the world had corrupted him yet.
You might be wondering who "he" is. That answer is easy enough. Russia. Most people aren't accustomed to the idea of a nation being a person, I understand if that's a little hard for you to come to terms with. Perhaps you would feel better with the name Ivan. Ivan Braginksy, that's his "human" name, the name he'll use around humans, like you probably are. People know him to have silvery hair and violet eyes. Today, his eyes are cold and unhappy. They weren't always like that.
There was a time when they shone with happiness when he was younger. He would always smile and laugh, but that was before his eyes became cloudy and distant with the beginnings of madness.
Ivan loved the snow. He would run around in it all day if he was given the chance. He loved the feeling of the cold air tingling his cheeks and the way he would be all wet when he would finally come home to his sisters, who had kept a fire going all day. He loved the feeling of his fingers thawing out next to the fire. Winter was his favorite time of year. Luckily, that was really all he would go through all year.
"сестры! Я дома!" Ivan called into his sisters as he entered their small, little hut. You probably don't know Russian, you probably know English. So I will help you translate.
"Hi, brother!" Natalia, Ivan's younger sister ran up to him happily. Natalia is known today as Belarus, you should know. His other sister, Katyusha, is known as Ukraine. "Glad to see you're back!"
"Thank you," Ivan smiled and started towards the fire. He didn't have much clothing, so in the winter he wore the same, thick clothes for a while. It would be no good to let them get too wet.
"What did you make in the snow today?" Katyusha asked happily.
"I made a little house out of snow!" Ivan smiled. "But it fell over with the wind."
"Can I go with you next time?" Natalia tugged lightly on his arm. "I would like to build a house with you!"
"You have to stay inside," Katyusha sighed.
"Why?" Ivan pouted at his sister. "It can get lonely out there by myself."
"I'm sorry-" Katyusha was cut-off, however, by a pounding on their tiny door. Katyusha looked at her younger siblings for a little bit before she quickly went up to the door and opened it, revealing an adult, who was in their small army. "Yes?"
"We seem to have bad news," the man stated sadly, looking down at the trio that was forming around the door. "The Mongols are attacking and it doesn't look good for us."
"We can still fight," Ivan stood in front of his sisters. As the man of the family (they lived alone), it was his responsibility to fight and protect.
The man sighed. The last thing anyone wanted was for kids to make decisions, for a kid to fight a war and decide the fate of an entire country. But, these aren't normal kids, after all. These are countries.
"Alright," the man nodded. "The girls stay here. Boy, come with me."
Ivan glanced back at his sisters before turning back to the man and nodding. They left the hut in the pure white, sparkling, untouched snow. The snow Ivan was used to. But, as he started to run with the man, the snow changed. There were large footprints everywhere and men started running around with swords and bows and arrows, whatever they needed. Ivan was scared, in all honesty. But he didn't turn back, he just followed that man, who was starting to look like all the other men.
The man stopped in front of this chest and Ivan could have sworn he could hear people yelling and screaming in the background. He had never really heard screaming before, so it really scared him. The man pulled out a small sword for him and Ivan clumsily held it. He was going to fight. He had never done it before. Sure, he would attack clumps of snow with a stick. But that was the friendly snow. This snow was dirty. And scary.
"Do you know how to use one of these?" the man knelt down next to him, but Ivan still had to look up at him.
Ivan looked down at the sharp object and moved it around in his hands a little bit. "Yes, I think I do," Ivan stated. Just like the sticks against the piles of snow…Sure…
The man also gave him a shield that was way too big and way too heavy for Ivan, but he didn't say anything. The man started running again and Ivan was starting to struggle to follow. Eventually, though, the man stopped. Ivan was about to ask why he stopped, there were many people running around, but the man fell over. Ivan saw an arrow in his chest before he felt something clank against his shield.
Ivan jumped and stumbled back, the shield dragging on the snow. Ivan tripped backwards at the next clank and people started running over him. He didn't know what to do, but he had to be strong. These people called Mongols were taking over his land. They were taking him over. With that knowledge at hand, Ivan slowly stood up, still behind the shield and started charging forward with it. He could see the snow piling on either side of him as he tried to run. But this wasn't snow, it was an entirely different color.
Soon, Ivan had rammed into something hard. He was shaking by the time he looked up and saw one of the most terrifying things he had ever seen in his life. It was a full grown man covered in dirt and red stuff he hadn't seen before. He was angry, he could tell by his face. The man screamed, but it sounded unearthly.
Ivan screamed, too, and tried to run back, forgetting his shield. The man tried to go for him and Ivan instinctively drew his hands up to protect him. The sword was in still his hand, and he felt it drag against something. The man stopped moving, his eyes wide. Ivan looked and saw that the sword had disappeared, the hilt going into the man's stomach.
The man opened his mouth and red liquid poured out, all over Ivan's head. Ivan screamed, letting go of his sword and the man tumbled onto him, more red getting onto Ivan's clothes. The snow around him was died red, too. Ivan couldn't stop screaming as he tried to maneuver himself out from under the strange man. He eventually squirmed out and started running as fast as he could back home. He couldn't stand the red snow or the screaming. He didn't like this, he didn't want it.
When he got back to the hut, though, he stopped himself before he reached the door. He scooped up some of the nice snow, the pure snow, and shoved it on his head and all over his face, hoping to wash off the red stuff. When he figured he was okay, he flew the door to their hut open and slammed it closed. He was panting.
"Brother?" Natalia asked in wonder.
"Are you okay?" Katyusha ran up to him and gave him a hug.
"I'm not going back out there," Ivan muttered, slumping against the door. "I don't wanna."
"It's okay," Katyusha rubbed his back and Natalia went to hug him, too. "You don't have to."
That was Ivan's first red snow. That was his first battle. It was a war, the Mongols won. They took over his land, the Kieven Rus'. They did for 200 years. And Ivan slowly got over his fear of snow and the color red.
Eventually, Russia slowly came back, by a completely different name than it is known today. But it slowly rose again. There were many battles involved, Ivan stayed out of all of them. He was just a kid and he intended on staying that way. In the pure snow unaffected by red, he was able to have fun with his sisters. He was given a warm scarf to help him through the winters. He was happy. And liked to think of himself as innocent. In all honesty, he might have been. He could have continued through life and not gone crazy. But certain things are meant to happen to certain people, I guess.
Happy Halloween, everyone! I'm celebrating by updating this entire, 9 chapter, story in one night! So, the layout of this entire story is a journal, that's why they all start of as entries. Whose journal? You'll find out at the end, my pretties.
Anywho, if this first chapter is any indication, this story has some gore. There's not a lot, but it's kind of intense when it comes, so you have been warned. Also, this story does not have a happy ending. It's the story of why Ivan is the creepy little bastard that he is that that will obviously not end well. I've put quite a lot of research into this, so I do hope that you enjoy! This will be the only author's note, so you don't have to worry about reading these in the future.
Please review, if you want. You can wait until the end, but please tell me what you've thought!
I do not own Hetalia, nor will I ever, sadly.
And have an awesome Halloween!
