Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't include this as part of the story...

This is... a strange parody-type of thing I wrote one day to amuse myself a very long time ago. It's completely ridiculous, but just might make you smile... And hopefully Kakashi won't murder me in my sleep for sharing it.

Warning: This story contains little to no consideration for timelines and age differences, but such lapses in accuracy are small enough that I hope they can be ignored.

How the Hatake got his Mask

R. Winters

It all began a long time ago on a nice, sunny morning in mid-spring. A four-year-old Hatake Kakashi was quietly enjoying his first day at the Academy. At the same time, four-year-old Might Guy, wearing his first-ever jumpsuit, was loudly enjoying his first day at the Academy and greeting anyone he could get to look at him for a second.

"Yosh! My name's Guy! That's Might Guy! Are you bursting with your springtime of youth, friend?!" The boy with a badly tilted bowl-cut asked enthusiastically when Kakashi met his eye for a moment too long.

"Uh..." Kakashi really wasn't sure what to say, he was a little overwhelmed by the strange personality in front of him. "I'm Hatake Kakashi," he said, deciding his name was a good way to start. Pleased with how easily it was going he continued, folding his arms across his chest he said proudly, "You've probably heard of my dad, the White Fang."

Guy looked at him with wide-eyed surprise, "Amazing! The White Fang's your dad?! I didn't think it was possible! You look nothing like him!"

Kakashi, who had always been told that he looked very much like his dad, was confused, "What are you talking about? I look like my dad!"

Guy blinked. "No you don't," he said, "The White Fang… That's the big white dog that Harana-san lets us all play with." He nodded in a self-justified manner.

Kakashi stared at the boy with horror. "My dad's not a dog!!" He exclaimed, "He's a shinobi! Hatake Sakumo!"

Guy frowned, "I thought you said he was the White Fang...?"

"That's what he's called by the bad-guys because they're so scared of him," Kakashi informed the other boy irately.

Guy blinked again. "Oh." For all of half a second he couldn't think of anything to say and then he enthusiastically suggested, "Yosh! Kakashi, let's be friends!" And with it he flashed a sparkling smile at the other boy—one that nearly blinded his fellow four-year-old.

Kakashi stared at him for a long moment as the kids around them balked melodramatically.

"Ah! My eyes! My eyes!" One particularly hyper blond cried, covering his whole head with his arms under the eyes of a portly young boy and his pony-tailed friend.

Then Kakashi heard one of the teachers comment, "No kid's got a smile brighter than Guy's."

Spurred on by the comments around him, Kakashi worked up his brightest smile ever, giving Guy (and the rest of the room) a bright, shining smile in return that was even brighter than Guy's own. Guy stared with his mouth hanging open in awe and the blond boy cried out in melodramatic misery.

"The light! It's too much!" He wailed dramatically, clinging to his pony-tailed friend's arm, "You… go on without me…" The little blond proceeded to fall limply to the floor.

That's when it happened. An event so unthinkable Kakashi hasn't spoken of it since (although it might also have something to do with him only being four-years-old at the time and no longer remembering the event itself). It was something so terrible that it would be spoken only in the shadows for hours—maybe even days—afterwards.

Kakashi's front tooth popped out, creating a gaping hole in his smile.

Kakashi and Guy stared at the tooth on the floor in between them in abstract horror—neither of them had lost a tooth before and it seemed terribly unnatural for something that clearly belonged in your mouth to not be there anymore. Quite unable to help himself, confused tears began to collect in the little boy's eyes and he sniffed, trying to bravely hold back from crying.

He failed.

After Giro-sensei had calmed down the class and explained that losing teeth was a quite natural thing to do and it only meant more mature teeth were coming in (though, in truth, he was a bit surprised that the one losing the teeth happened to be a four-year-old) the day went on.

But Kakashi had picked up a mortifying new nickname from the experience. He became known as the "Missing-tooth" for the rest of the day—even kids he'd never seen before seemed to know his new nickname and take great pleasure in using it.

It was by far the most miserable day of the young Kakashi's life and that very same evening he dragged his father to the nearest shinobi store and convinced him to buy a mask. The next day he glared at anyone who so much as mentioned teeth. Afterwards the other kids were all too intimidated to try calling him "Missing-tooth" again and the event was promptly forgotten. (It became popular opinion among the Academy kids that Kakashi had been born with a mask and a strong hatred for milk.)

And that is how the Hatake got his mask.