Bella died. Edward POV on how he is getting on with it, 1 year from her death.
Existence is pitiful without the light that had guided me for the last three years of my dreadfully long life. I no longer remembered what it felt like to feel, to love, to smile, to understand someone. I no longer cared for my existence. What was I without her? The answer is nothing. I am nothing without my Bella. Nothing but a murderer to her life source. Was it not my own fault she had died a little over a century ago to this day? If the day was even what I thought it was to be. I didn't know anymore.
I had cut myself off from the outside world. I did not need it. If my Bella could not see it or feel it no more, then what right do I have for those senses? I have lost count of the days gone by since I bothered to use my powers, voices just come and go as they please now. It must have been years since I last washed or changed from these clothes, years since I even shaved. Years since I have left this little hole I have commended myself to.
The fact still remains that I plague this earth in hope that she would somehow, magically return. But I should know dreams don't come true. This planet is full of lies and deceit. The only thing to ever make it right is now dead. My Bella. And it was all my fault.
If I had been strong enough to walk away from her the first time I felt the electric jolt though our bodies in Biology, if I hadn't been weak and succumbed to the scent of her blood, if only Alice had seen this coming, then maybe she would still be here. But as it turns out, I was selfish as ever, and that had killed her in the end.
"It's not your fault." Alice had said, years ago now. It was years since I had seen her and my memory of her pixie like voice was fading quickly.
"But it is!" I hissed, I remembered that my voice rattled around the empty white house in the forest, blood clotted on my hands and my clothes. Her blood.
"Who could of predicted this Edward?! That Bella would die in child birth before you had chance to change her?! Can't you see it's not your fault! You need to get this sorted out. You have her child, your child to look after now. Eden needs you! Gosh, she needs her mother, but she's not here Edward. Are you going to let her grow up fatherless too?" Alice had gone on and on to me, and I couldn't take anymore of her talking, I couldn't take anymore of it. I couldn't take the sight of my daughter, held tightly in Alice's rocking arms, with her precious brown curls and wrinkly nose that looked the spitting image of Bella. My Bella. It had been then when I had walked out on them all and found my solitary here in my dark hole.
I did have a daughter out there somewhere, but how could I face her and let her look into the eyes of the man who had managed to murder her prefect mother? I, as her father, would not, could not do that to her.
I don't know how I had survived this long without Bella. I remembered her as clearly as if I was seeing her in front of me now. Her long brown curls and the way they bobbed up and down as she walked, the murky grey color of her eyes when they watched me across the room in times she thought I never noticed, but boy I always did noticed. The way her smile made my stone heart warm up to a thousand Celsius and they way her voice sent tingles down my spine. Her personal scent and her humor, they way she ate and walked, I could remember every little detail, and I was not willing to forget anything about her. I would sit up all night and all day just going over in my head of everything she ever did, every single little move she had taken, so that I would never forget her, as if I was creating my own museum of Bella Swan. My Bella.
Carlisle and Esme had come in search for me, but I could not face up to seeing there upset faces full of worry and doubt when they looked me in the eye. I had hurt so many people already, why should I add my parents to that list. I could not do it to them after everything they had done to me?
But there was one question more important to me, one I had to answer, why was I still here and not with my Bella already? Why was I still plaguing the earth?
Carlisle had hid it away from me for eternity, in hope he could save my soul, but he had finally weakened over the years, and I had seen all I needed to know for myself to get back to my Bella. I had found of the secret of the only way a vampire could kill themselves. It was so simple I don't know how someone had never figured it out before! Maybe that was the problem, it being to simple. I never imagined that it would be so simple curl over and die, just from a cocaine overdoes?
It was with that knowledge that I now stood in the room that me and Bella had shared many long nights in. It hadn't changed much since my last visit, except it was dusty now, the walls were crumbling and filled with silver cobwebs. Charlie had lived in this house until his death twenty years ago, and no one had touched it since, they said it was cursed, and how very right they were.
I slumped down to the floor, my back rested up against the old stone walls as I felt hot tears fall down my cheeks and splash on the wooden floor, leaving an odd pattern in the dust. I didn't know why I was crying, I should be happy that in less than a few hours I would be reunited with my Bella. Maybe that was why the tears prickled my eyes before falling, leaving a glittering track on my pale cheeks.
I finally picked up the package I had brought with me in my coat pocket, and opened it to reveal a bowl pipe and a lighter. I was not looking as I poured the bag containing the drug into the bowl pipe, I was concentrating on blocking out all the pain I felt, and lit the bottom of it and before I started to inhale it, slowly, letting the fumes intoxicate my insides.
I knew that this was the start of my death as my vision blurred in and out of focus and my breathing slowed down to a sudden halt as tears strung my skin, but I did not anticipate this pain I would feel along with it. It was if my insides where rotting at a fast pace, blood rushed though my veins as if it was racing against all the years it had missed on moving. I was shaking before I knew it, foaming at the mouth, a cold sheen of sweat embedded on my forehead as I slowly closed my eyes, bearing with the pain as I waited for it to end.
"Edward?" It was her voice. The voice of an angle. My Bella's voice.
I snapped my eyes open in an instant, all the pain and hurt gone as I had heard her sweet voice calling my name. It had not changed since she had last spoken my name, how long ago it was now? I had forgotten. It was if all my prayers had finally been answered at once.
She stood there, in front of me with her flowing hair laying on her shoulders, her bright smile looking down upon me, her figure cladded in a beautiful white dress that showed off her perfection delicately. I was lost for words.
"It's really you!" She whispered as I chuckled in pure delight, and pulled my Bella closer to me, her body heat felt right against my cold skin. The chemistry between us was undeniable, an invisible tension of crackling energy. The way she looked at me, the curl that flopped in front of her eyes, the way she bit her bottom lip. Slowly, I leant in until our lips were almost touching; Bella's gentle breath tickling my tear stained face and sending sparks of pleasure tingling down my spine. I stopped, not even centimeters from her lips. Words couldn't describe how much I wanted to taste her lips again, her scent already embedding itself in my skin. So I finished it. I let my lips brush against hers for a moment, savoring the warm feelings sprouting from my stomach. Then I pressed my lips full against hers, gently, and felt my eyes close.
"Don't ever leave me again." I whispered into her lips.
"Never." She promised back.
