I knew that I had to see her. I had to see if she had moved on. It had only been three months, but I couldn't stay away any longer. Everything had crashed to the ground only minutes after I had left her, but would she feel the same? Or would she still be hurt?
I knew that I didn't have any right to come near her again. Not her, Bella, the one mystery in my never-ending existence. But I would go back. She would never see me, and I would leave after I had checked on her. Although it had only been three months, I was positive that she had moved on. That she had realized her mistakes when she declared her love for me, and moved on to someone who deserved her.
I got in my car, and started it, only pausing to look at the caller ID on my phone. Alice, of course. I ignored it, and turned onto the nearest road, hitting 120 mph within a few seconds. I drove until the car was running on fumes, then stopped at the nearest gas station to fill up. Someone that obviously worked at convenient store stopped me before I could get in my car again and speed off.
"Aren't you going to get something?" the teenager asked. "I'm in a hurry." I snapped, and got in my car. "Runnin' from the law?" he asked through my open window. "No." I hit the gas and sped out of the convenient store parking lot, going as fast as my car would take me.
It took three hours to get to Washington, and another hour to get to Port Angeles. I only stopped twice more for gas and once to throw my cell phone in the river. Alice had been calling every few minutes the whole time by then, I couldn't take it. When I was in Port Angeles, I stopped and parked on the curb to think. I couldn't back out of this now, but I was nervous. What if I couldn't stay away? If I couldn't, would she be so angry with me for not keeping my promise to stay away?
Soon, I shook my head and started to drive toward Forks. It was late; most likely, Bella would be asleep, but I could stay until she woke up, and watch her from the forest.
I got to Forks and drove to a clearing that would effectively hide my car from view. Once I had parked and locked the car, I stuffed the keys into my pocket and took off running. It took me two minutes to get to Bella's house, and I scaled the wall, hanging on the outside of the window to watch Bella. She wasn't asleep.
Her window was open, so I could hear everything very clearly. Bella was sitting up, sobbing uncontrollably and whispering my name. I could see her wrapping her arms around herself tightly, gasping. I recognized this position as one that I'd been in frequently ever since I had left. She was trying to hold herself together, trying not to fall to pieces.
I felt a sob work it's way up my throat, and I was powerless to stop it. Bella's eyes flashed up to the window where I was hanging when the sound escaped me. I looked at her, and winced, another sob broke from my lips at her appearance. Her eyes were lifeless, her cheeks sunken, her once glowing skin was sickeningly pale and sallow. But she was still beautiful in my eyes. She was merely a broken angel, broken because of me.
"Edward." She murmured. Then, she blinked, and fainted. I climbed into her window and stood by her bed, touching her cheek. My cold touch made her stir. It took another few moments before she was awake. When she was finally wholly awake, she sat up and scooted away from me, to the other edge of the bed.
"He's not here." She told herself, but I shook my head. "I'm here Bella." I said, and touched her cheek to prove my point. She flinched, but didn't draw away. I felt the tears on her cheeks, and the dried salt there. "Bella," I cried softly. "What have I done?" She just continued to stare at me.
"I have no right to be here, I know, but I couldn't stay away any longer." I sat on the edge of the bed, sitting my hands in my lap. She whimpered slightly from the loss of contact, but I ignored that and went on. "I know that I left you." I took in a sharp breath at that, and her eyes went blank for a moment, before she cried out, quite loudly, and wrapped her arms around herself yet again. I figured that her scream was routine to Charlie, as he did not appear to check on her.
I knew that she had been seeing the day that I left again. I knew that it was most likely burned into her memory. I had always known that Bella was different. Why couldn't I see that she would remember everything clearly? I wanted so badly to reach out and comfort her, but I no longer had that right. She was no longer mine, unless she wished to be. However, I would always belong to her, my heart would always be in her hands.
Deciding that she would calm down soon, I went on. "I left you to protect you, Bella." I took a deep breath. "When I had to stop Jasper, my brother, from attacking you, I knew that we could no longer stay with you. My family and I fought for days before I left—worse even than when I first met you. They all tried to convince me that I was stupid, but I had been dead set at the time. I was so convinced that leaving was the only way to keep you safe, that I did not think about what it might actually do to you.
"I came here to see if you had moved on. But now, when I see you as you are, I come to beg your forgiveness." I knew that she would probably never forgive me, but some small part of me hoped. For a moment, we simply looked at each other.
"Edward," Bella breathed my name, sending electricity through my veins. "I…. I forgive you, but…," she paused, fright entering her eyes. "I….," she couldn't choke anything out. Ever so slowly, I reached out and touched her face. She scooted closer, wanting my touch. I pulled her into my arms, and heard her sigh slightly, then murmur something that was even inaudible to my ears. "What did you say?" I asked quietly. "It's….nice…to be in your arms again." She whispered, fearing my response. Suddenly elated, I squeezed her tighter, and breathed my next words into her ear. "I love you." Those simple words sent her heart flying. "And this time, I mean it entirely, I promise. I always have loved you. I was just so dead set in my idea that you were safer without me, that I didn't think clearly." I added, stroking her arm.
"I believe you…." Bella breathed, then tensed. "And I forgive you….But Charlie…he…well, he won't be so happy…that your back." I tensed up a bit at her words, and knew that she was correct. "I know." I said gently, and turned her around in my arms. "But I will always be with you now, even if I have to get past a restraining order." I smiled a bit at the end, and she giggled softly. I leaned toward her slightly, and felt her go rigid. I looked into her eyes, and leaned toward her ear to whisper in it.
"Can I kiss you?" I felt foolish asking, but I didn't know if she was ready for that kind of contact again. She nodded ever so slightly, and I brought her face to mine again. Pressing my lips against hers tenderly, I tried to show her my love, prove to her that I belonged to her in that one, sweet kiss. She relaxed into me after a few seconds, becoming like putty in my hands. After several moments, I pulled away, and rested my forehead against hers. I looked at the clock out of the corner of my eye; three a.m. Ever so carefully, I shifted, to let her lie down. We separated for a brief moment, and Bella whimpered softly. I wrapped her in my arms again, not bothering to cover her in the blanket, and kissed her forehead.
"Sleep, my angel. I will be here when you wake." I promised in her ear, and started to hum her lullaby to her. I felt her relax further into me, and heard her breathing slow and even out. She was asleep. I dared not move, for fear of waking her, and for fear that she would disappear from my sight if I let go. "Edward, I love you." She murmured in her sleep, sending an electric shock through me yet again.
"I love you, too, my angel, my Bella." I whispered.
