Summary: Clare is dating Jake and it's only to try and forget Eli. But Jake isn't the sweet guy some people think he is, or what Clare thought he was. Eli was dating Imogene but she had another idea when she was getting closer to Eli, and it wasn't trying to steal his heart but maybe someone Eli knows pretty well now. ENJOY.

Eli's POV

"I loved that girl with EVERYTHING that I had, and I still can't call her mine. That's because I'm trash, I'm nothing, she deserves so much better than me but you, you aren't capable of loving her, and I know that for a damn fact." I yell at Jake.

I know he doesn't give a damn about Clare. He already stole her virginity and that's something she wasn't going to give up until marriage now he has ruined it. He is going to ruin her completely and the only thing I can do is yell at him. I can't fight him or hurt him and upset Clare, I can't confront Clare about it she hates me and she has a right.

I should have told her that I still loved her when I had the chance, that night at the dance I can remember it so clearly…

"Did you erase me from your memory? Did you ever love me at all!" Clare yelled at me.

I stood there frozen letting a single tear run down my face. I can't believe I hurt her like this…

I ignored her, I ignored the question. I grabbed Imogene and ran out of the dance and never spoke to Clare again.

I have Adam tell me what's going on and I know that Jake is cheating on Clare. I know it. He is with Ally, and Ally! I can't believe that she would do that to Clare. Cheat with her boyfriend. It's ridiculous. All I want now that I found Imogene to be unexpectedly a lesbian and now dating Fiona is to apologize to Clare run to her and tell her that she is the love of my life and that me the teenage dirtbag over here isn't worthy of loving her but wants a chance anyways. Yea? Well DREAM ON Elijah Goldsworthy.

When I get home I run up to my room and go into the bathroom. I turn on the bath and let boiling hot water run into the tub. I take off my clothes and get into it letting the water burn my flesh. It feels good, the pain. I thought about killing myself but I don't have the guts. I thought about cutting but you can't keep that a secret very long if there are red marks all over your body. Burning myself with the water is the best I can do and it's what I do. I can control the pain and I like that, the pain I get on my heart from losing Clare I can't, but the burning I can. And its wonderful.

After the water gets cold and looses the heat I get out and get dressed run to my bedside dresser and get out my gothic tales magazine. I read stalker angel every night before I go to sleep. It comforts me.

I can see now that this story was part of what drove Clare to believe that I had gone crazy, I mean I did kill "her" in the end but it was out of love. I guess I need to work on the way I show affection better. But I'm trash, I didn't deserve her anyways. Even if I would give it all up just to kiss her one last time.

Clare's POV

I lay down on the sheets and feel Jakes hand undress me, I let him do this because I need to look strong, and I don't want him to hurt me. That's all he does. There are so many bruises on my skin I can't count them. But if I tell someone he will kill me. Like literally with a knife or a gun or even his own hands.

I need to look like I'm over Eli. He moved on quick enough to Imogene even though she turned out to be playing for the other team…

I feel him press into me and I don't even cry, I don't make a sound. Not at all. I lay there and let him fuck me. I have no emotion. Maybe if I keep having no reaction he will stop, but I doubt that.

After it's all done he slaps me across the face yells "SLUT" and throws me outside. I walk home every night after this.

I'm broken and life doesn't seem worth living anymore. I failed god, I failed everyone. Everyone but Jake and in my opinion he can go to hell.

On my walk back home I cry, I cry my eyes out until no more water can come out to drown my sorrow.

When I get up to my room, I take out Eli's headphones and plug them into my Ipod. Wearing them is the only thing that makes me feel the least bit good. And I hold Eli's tie. The one he wore on our first official date. I can remember when I asked for it.

After our contraband kissing I looked at Eli for a moment and we were both silent. I didn't let go of that tie though. Not the entire time.

"Clare, I really need to get you home now. Your parents are going to forever hate me." Eli said to me kissing my hand.

We both stood up but I still didn't let go of that tie.

He dragged me all the way to Morty and into it while I was still holding it.

"Clare, I'm letting you keep this tie since you seem to not be letting it go." Eli laughed a little and so did I. He helped me out of the car then picked me up and kissed me. He took the tie off his neck and gave it to me. I shoved it into my purse and went inside…

I miss those days so much. I need to forget about it all. I made the headphones go louder, turned off the lights and fell asleep with the music blasting in my ears and the tie clenched in my hand tightly. I'm burning these things tomorrow, Eli will be out of my life forever. And that's all that can happen.

Well I hope you guys liked it! If I get over 5 reviews I will make another chapter!