Title: Like a Pair of Leather Trousers

Rating: R

Word Count: ~18,000

Pairing(s): Albus Severus/Scorpius

Warnings: (include spoilers where applicable) None that I can think of. It's 100% epilogue compliant.

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Scorpius agrees to dress Albus for Victoire's wedding, but ends up getting more involved than he planned.

Author Notes: Written for the hp_nextgen_fest on LJ, slash prompt 205, criticized by his cousins Victoire and Roxanne, Albus seeks fashion advice from the most dashing boy at Hogwarts: Scorpius Malfoy, son of the world renowned robe designer Astoria Greengrass. Thanks to icicle33 for the beta!

Scorpius Malfoy glanced around the Ravenclaw Common Room, where he was enjoying one of their infamous post-exam drinks. He took a sip of his Firewhisky, clearly thinking about something with much determination. This Ravenclaw party was unbelievably dull. He had resorted to playing one of the lamest games he had ever learned. Surely, the Slytherin bash he was planning for next month would be far better for everyone involved. Finally, he opened his mouth. "Marry She-Weasley. Boff both Scamanders. Kill James Potter."

"Scorp, that's cheating," whined Dominique Weasley. "You can only boff one person." She pouted as she took a shot of something colorful and winced at the taste.

"I just told you I want to marry and kill two of your cousins and your concerns are the merits of boffing a set of identical twins?" Scorpius raised an eyebrow at his best friend. "Especially since the last time I checked, Lysander and Lorcan were straight. Do you want to call me out on that too?"

Dominique chuckled. "No, I suppose not. Do you care to elaborate on your choices?"

Scorpius tilted his head to the left. "She-Weasley is smart, so I think I can deal with spending my life with her. I would boff the twins, because, let's face it, who doesn't want twins?" I would kill James Potter, because he's a bloody idiot," Scorpius rubbed a bruise on his left forearm. "I hate Seekers who cheat."

Dominique leaned into Scorpius. "James cheats, Lily is a slut, and Al has the worst fashion sense in the world. Who would have thought the Saviour of the Wizarding World would have pumped out such losers for children?"

"Don't get me started about Al. That bloke couldn't tell the difference from cashmere and sheep wool."

They looked over in the corner, where Albus Severus Potter was attempting to guzzle two pints of ale at once, Rose Weasley and James cheering him on. He wore a hideous too-tight green sweater with puff balls, a pair of baggy brown trousers, and shoes that looked as though they had been taken out of his father's dorm room. His hair grew past his shoulders and had clearly not been given a proper wash in days.

Dominique giggled. "How is it that he always manages to mismatch his day clothes? Do you think he's colorblind?"

"It isn't just me, right?" Scorpius asked, excited to engage in some playful gossip. "It isn't that my mother is a designer? He is legitimately a fashion disaster?"

She rolled her eyes and gently slugged Scorpius. "Oh yes, of course, you have a very famous fashion designer mother, blah, blah, blah."

Scorpius smirked. "In any case, something needs to be done about that fashion mess."

"Do you think you would be able to fix him?" Dominique asked suddenly.

"Me? Fix Albus Severus bloody Potter?" He would need a serious haircut, a daily facial cleansing regimen, a completely new wardrobe…he would probably require etiquette lessons as well, what with the way he eats."

"Fine, fine. I just figured you of all people would be able to help a hopeless cause."

"Plus, why would I even want to help?" Scorpius asked, running his fingers through his perfect blond hair. "He's a sad excuse for a Ravenclaw. He spends all of his time in the bloody Gryffindor Common Room, and scraped only a few "Os" last year. No, for me to take on a project of that caliber, I would need a serious incentive."

Dominique winked. "I would offer myself up, but I know I'm not your type."

"It's true. Not having a cock does give you a disadvantage."

"It's just..." Dominique looked a little uncomfortable. "My sister is getting married during the hols. I don't think I can handle dealing with that mess of a bloke every time I want to look at pictures to remember that day."

Scorpius looked his friend up and down and narrowed his eyes at her soft, puppy-like ones. "You're such a bloody Slytherin! You planned on asking me about the little Potter the moment you walked up to me, didn't you?"

"Of course, my darling. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out earlier."

"Well, as close as we are," Scorpius began, stretching his arms in the air. "I don't particularly wish to do this out of the kindness of my heart."

"I'll give you 20 Galleons if you can dress him and clean him up for the wedding. If you can get him to dress normally iall/i the time, I will give you my limited edition vintage Gucci clutch."

Scorpius dropped his Firewhiskey, his mouth hanging open. Some of the students started staring at them, but he paid no attention to them. "The limited edition vintage Gucci clutch? The one my mother couldn't get because your mother flirted with the delivery boy first?"

"The very one."

"Rotten Veela powers," Scorpius muttered. "Okay, so if I can make Potter presentable for the wedding, I get 20 Galleons, but if I turn him into a fashion-conscious pouf, I get the Gucci clutch?"

Dominique grinned wickedly and held out her hand. Scorpius took it and they shook.

"Am I supposed to walk up and make him change his clothes?" Scorpius asked.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Roxanne and I have it covered."

"You're going to help me?" Scorpius asked, confused.

"Oh, I'm offering you 20 Galleons to dress my cousin. The clutch is if you can go above and beyond the call of duty, which is highly unlikely," Dominique replied confidently.

"You are going to regret saying that," Scorpius responded. "Come, let's join in on the festivities instead of looking like the shady Slytherins in the corner!"

Dominique groaned as Scorpius pulled her out to the dance area. "But we are shady Slytherins in the corner."


Albus Potter winced at the light coming in from the window. He groaned and covered his face with his blanket.

Last night had been insane. He had never had so much to drink before. In fact, he had no idea how he managed to get into his dorm room. Glancing at the four poster bed next to him, he saw his best mate, Geoff Zabini sleeping next to a Hufflepuff girl a year behind them.

Albus thought back to his first year, when he wrote to his parents, asking if Geoff could stay with them for part of the summer hols. Both his dad and mum were overly nice to Geoff, and when Geoff's parents came to pick him up, Albus witnessed a both amusing and incredibly awkward conversation. James had explained to him later on that Geoff's father was not only a Slytherin, (which meant something different when his parents went to school), but he also had an enormous crush on their mum. Apparently, there had been a spectacle at a Ministry event several months before his parents got married.

Geoff was the best student in their year, beating out even Rose. Albus always admired him for that, seeing as his own marks were less-than-impressive for a Ravenclaw. Geoff frequently teased him for being sorted into the wrong House. More than that though was the fact that Geoff was also incredibly good-looking. He had olive-toned skin, piercing hazel eyes, and an afro that he grew long. Even after a night of drinking and sex, he still looked impeccable. He was clearly blessed by the Zabini family traits.

Himself, on the other hand? Albus glanced at his face in the mirror next to him. He was a teenager plagued by acne, freckles, and more hair than he could manage. Honestly, he had never really given much thought to his appearance. Sure, he knew he wasn't all that attractive, but he wasn't attracted to anyone. He hardly even had a sex drive. In fact, while his dorm mates were wanking at night, he was writing.

That was what he enjoyed doing: writing. Nothing else invoked a passion in him, not even the strip tease Angela Boot did for him on his 16th birthday last month. No, he would sit and write for hours, sometimes forgetting to do his homework. He wrote all sorts of things, fiction, non-fiction, mystery, romance, horror, humor, diatribe, anything. He had stacks of notebooks filled with his writing. When he was 12, his father (sick of paying for all of the ink) introduced him to Muggle composition notebooks and Biros. This made writing far easier.

Looking back into the mirror, he sighed. His hair was now well past his shoulders. He knew that as a 16-year-old boy, he should probably be showering and taking better care of himself, but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

Other people cared. His cousins, Roxanne and Dominique, were downright cruel when it came to him. They called him names, stole his notebooks and wouldn't give them back until he let one of them wash him (meaning an Aguamenti charm coupled with a Scorgify - a rather painful experience). His sister, Lily, often turned a blind eye to the behavior, instead choosing to keep her popular status with her cousins. James and Geoff, while they defended him in the public eye, frequently told him that he really did need to start looking less like an ogre and more like a human.

Albus sat up and fumbled for his Hangover tonic. He drank it in one swig and shuddered. Taking off his nightshirt, he changed into a pair of black trousers and a blue button-up shirt. There. That matched. Albus glanced at his hairbrush, sitting at the bottom of his trunk, but found no motivation to use it.


Albus found himself sitting at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall several minutes later. He plopped next to Rose, who already had her freckled face buried in a large tome, several other books spread in front of her. "Morning," he smiled.

Rose glanced up and pushed her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Morning Albus. I heard you had a rough night."

He shrugged. "Don't remember half of it," he replied, and took a slice of toast from the middle of the table.

"Oh, Hugo told me that you took your jumper off and dived off the stairs."

He winced. "I wondered why my whole body was sore."

She patted him on the shoulder. "You look like death."

Albus stuffed the toast in his mouth. "Don't I always?"

"That's the spirit!" a voice giggled from behind him. Albus turned and saw Roxanne and Dominique Weasley smirking at him.

"Oh? And how are you ladies this morning? I think I can still smell the vomit from your hair," Rose commented icily.

The two girls rolled their eyes. Dominique had her mother's good looks, with big blue eyes, pale skin, and blonde hair. Honestly, the only difference between her and Aunt Fleur was that she kept her hair cut short. Roxanne looked more like a Weasley, but colored her hair to a scarlet red and spent hours every day treating it for its frizz. Instead, it hung in large locks halfway down her back. She had freckles, but they were lightly sprinkled over her face, as opposed to Rose. The two of them were the queens of Slytherin; hell, they were the queens of Hogwarts. They were inseparable, both manipulating all of the other students (and professors) to bend at their will. In a way, Albus admired them. The two of them were beautiful, but far from helpless. In fact, most men cowered at their feet. One thing was for sure though, and that was that they were not to be messed with.

"You may also note that I match today," Albus said, putting a hand on Rose's forearm. He didn't like to argue with them. There wasn't much of a point, and it was just easier to be nice to them than to try and fight.

Both of them burst out laughing. "Yes, sure, you match, but your trousers are FAR too short and your shirt has a giant hole in the back," Roxanne clutched Dominique for support as she spoke.

Albus couldn't help it. He turned and glanced behind him. Sure enough, there was a gaping hole just under the stitching over his shoulder that went all the way down to his lower back. He turned red, and then did something he always did whenever Dominique and Roxanne got too mean: he closed his eyes and instead focused on his latest piece of writing –two girls getting lost in a forest and have to deal with their worst fears. His father had taught him this trick, citing a time when he was able to avoid hexing his aunt by thinking about broomstick care. His mum had later revealed that in the end, he had blown her up to the size of a hot air balloon, but the theory was still effective. In fact, he had gotten so good at it, he was able to look right at his cousins and see their mouths spewing hate, but was unable to hear anything they said. His ears did perk up at a new voice.

"If it isn't my two favorite Slytherins!" Scorpius' voice rang out across the Great Hall. He strode over to them and wrapped his arms around their shoulders, giving them both a kiss on the cheek.

Scorpius Malfoy was the son of Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. His father and Scorpius' father were rivals at Hogwarts, but after the Second War, they seemed to have made amends. They weren't friends by far, but Albus knew they had gone out for drinks several times after work. Scorpius looked nearly identical to his father, but despite his pointed face, his features were softer. A smile looked far more natural on Scorpius' face.

Personality-wise, Scorpius was a Slytherin to the core. He made sure that people got what they deserved, both good and bad. While not as bad as Dominique or Roxanne, he had most of the school eating out of the palm of his hand. He was charming, funny, and a bit of a bastard all rolled into one. He and Albus had worked together on several projects in different classes throughout the years and he had been quite kind. They even got good marks on their projects, meaning he was also quite smart. Albus appreciated that Scorpius was still nice to him, even though his two best friends berated him every day about his looks. Scorpius was also openly gay, which was surprising coming from such a conservative family.

Roxanne hung on Scorpius' arm. "Can you believe the nerve of Albus to walk in public looking like that?"

Scorpius tilted his head and looked at Albus' worn shirt. "I appreciate a man trying to make a new fashion statement," he finally said, his eyes sparkling. "However, Potter, maybe you should get that hole fixed. I don't think society is ready for that look yet."

He lifted his wand and waved it back and forth, muttering a spell. Albus felt the clothes on his back stitch back up, adding to the fabric that had gone missing. He looked down and saw that the shirt had been completely fixed. Dominique and Roxanne both pouted and crossed their arms. "It's a shame that wand can't fix ugly either," Roxanne said nastily.

"Now, now Roxanne. I'm sure a very attractive man is hiding behind that hair," Scorpius flashed a grin at Albus.

"Plus, some of us don't waste hours on end trying to look like skanks," Rose jumped in, narrowing her eyes at the three Slytherins in front of them.

"You know, she is right, you are wearing far too much eye makeup," Scorpius teased Dominique, who slugged him in the arm and stomped off with Roxanne.

Albus stood up and faced Scorpius. "Thanks."

Scorpius deeply took in Albus' appearance. He brought his fingers (with perfectly clipped and polished nails) to his chin. "Not a problem. My friends can be…unnecessarily mean sometimes, right? Here, let me make it up to you. I'll walk you to class."

Rose raised an eyebrow at Scorpius' invitation. He leaned to the left so he had a good view of her. "It's not a marriage proposal Weasley."

"No, it isn't. I just wonder why you suddenly have taken an interest in Albus, since you've hardly paid attention to him the past five years," Rose responded. Albus covered his face with his hands. He loved Rose, but she was incredibly defensive of Albus. Sometimes, he wondered what had happened to his masculinity. Chances are, Rose had stolen it from him years ago. That girl had a serious set of bollocks on her. Then again, Rose's mother was Aunt Hermione; no one messed with Aunt Hermione. Besides, she spent her days arguing for living; having big balls was clearly in Rose's genes.

"It's fine Rose. I'll walk with Malfoy."

"After you," Scorpius gestured to Albus, who started walking.

"So…why do you even hang out with those girls?" Albus asked after several moments of silent walking.

They walked through the doorway of the Great Hall and Scorpius let out a long breath. "You know them. You know that behind closed doors, they aren't really like that."

"To me, they are," Albus sighed. "The latest is this wedding business. Dominique threatened to slit her wrists if I showed up with my hair like it is. It isn't even her bloody wedding!"

Scorpius stopped them in the hallway with the suits of armor and moved over to the right, leaning against the wall. "Why don't you just cut your hair or change your clothes? Wouldn't that get them off your back?"

"Would it?" Albus asked. "Plus, I feel like that would just give them the satisfaction that they were right all along."

The blond chuckled and stared straight into Albus' eyes. Albus gave a small gasp and absentmindedly tugged at the ends of his hair. "So you are telling me that you go around looking like THAT just to spite your two vapid cousins?"

"Well, when you put it like that, I sound incredibly immature," Albus said slowly. He blew out the breath he had been holding. "Would you - um -"

Scorpius politely waited for Albus to say something, pulling a stray hair off of his collar. "Would you help me? I know your mum is a designer and you always look like you walked straight off the runway." He clapped his hand to his mouth. "Oh, sorry, I hope I didn't offend-"

Scorpius held up a hand to stop the ranting. "It's fine. I suppose I would be amenable to helping you with your…situation," he glanced at Albus' hair and the too-short trousers. "I have several conditions though."

"Like what?"

"One. You follow my every direction, my every order. Two. You help me with my Charms homework. I'm having trouble with controlling the Weather Charm. Three. You will be my date to the wedding."

"What?"

"Weather Charms, I'm pants at them. I can't even make a bolt of lightning."

"No, your third term. You want me to be your date to the wedding?" Albus asked tightly. A look of shock had registered on his face. His heart had begun pounding, and he wasn't sure why. Albus hadn't thought much about his sexuality, but right now, it definitely was leaning toward men.

"Let me put it this way, Potter. By the time I'm through with you, you will be able to have anyone you want. I want to make sure I get in there first," Scorpius leaned in and gently kissed Albus on the cheek. "Think about it and let me know your decision. I won't help you unless you agree to all three conditions and I won't change them."

Albus watched Scorpius with a gaping mouth. What in the bleeding hell was THAT all about?