Author: gamegeek2
Category: Humour, Parody
Spoilers:
PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP
Rating:
PG13

Summary:- Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

Yes, this story is a parody of Mary-Sues. An outragously mispelled parody, with a bizzare plot-line. But, if you happen to like outragously misspelled parodies with bizzare plot-lines, and are absolutely insane, then please read and review!

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Mary-Sue; A Parody

Chapter One - The Train Ride to Hogwarts

Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape looked up at the immacuatly clean, pink ceiling as she lay on her plush purple and pink silk bedsheets. She flicked her pink, glossy locks back from her head and grinned excitedly, her 32, perfect, straight, glistening white teeth could be seen from over a mile away.

"I'm going to Hogwarts today!" Celicia Fleur Sel-- er, Celicia exclaimed happily, with a slight American accent. "Even though I should already be enrolled in an American school, as I'm obviously American, I'm going to transfer into Hogwarts for no apparent reason!"

Also for no apparent reason, she closed her eyes, and with hardly any concentration, Celicia was suddenly clad in a pair of slightly-heeled pink sandals, an extremely short bright pink mini-skirt, and a shiny pink belly-top, which revealed her purpley-pink belly-button ring.

"Aah, the agony I'd be in without pink!" Celicia shook her head to rid the angsty thoughts that filled her mind. "Anyway, I'd better see where I've got to go, to get transported to Hogwarts."

Celicia waggled her eyebrows, and looked down at her train-slip which appeared out of thin air, or more accurately, by Celicia's advanced and perfected wandless magic that she caused by simply waggling her perfectly-plucked, pink eyebrows. 'Platform 9 & 3/4' the train ticket read.

Celicia blinked, and a second later, she appeared onto what was a platform filled with hundereds of both young, innocent children, and rebellious teenagers, all impatiently waiting to board onto the red train that was stationary on the tracks, who were all embarressadly being kissed and hugged by their mothers, and wishing to get away.

Celicia had successfully apparated right next to the school train. Although she was underage (only 16), she had received special permission from the U.S. Ministry of Magic to take her apparition test one year early. For you see, her Mom was a professional auror, who worked for the U.S. MoM. Gabrielle Glacia Tifa Rachelle Snape (Celicia's mother) had tracked down many Life-Spewers, - the American equivilent of Death-Eaters - captured them, and had thrown them into Nabakza, amongst the Demembers, Dementoids, and Dismembers.

So, in return for Gabrielle Glacia Tif-- uh, Gabrielle's good work, the U.S. MoM allowed Celicia to take her apparition test at the young but ripe age of 16. Of course, Celicia had passed the test on her first try, as she was so brilliant and powerful.

She boarded the scarlet train, with her lugagge which was pretty non-existant up until now, and opened up some full compartments, until she found one which consisted of six people; a raven-haired, muscular, rather-tanned boy, with glistening emerald eyes (that had contact lenses in) which she easily lost herself in; an ugly hag-faced bushy-brown-haired freaky girl, who actually looked quite friendly, despite the 'fuglyness' of her features; a red-haired, blue-eyed idiotic-looking male; some fat retard of a boy; a dreamy-looking, straggly dirt-blond haired weirdo of a girl; and finally, a beautiful and glamouress- but not as sexy as myself, Celicia thought correctly - girl, again with red hair, and warm chocolate-brown eyes.

"Can I please join you?" Celicia asked the people in the compartment politely. "For you see, all of the other compartments are full, and I just wished to sit somewhere other then that bleak, dim corridor out there. It could seriously do with some redecorating - possibly a pink, wooden floor, or something like that."

"S--sure," the idiotic-looking red-haired male answered. "C-come and sit in here...Next t-to me?" he looked at Celicia hopefully.

"Nah, soz, I've got a diesease; if I sit next to a guy with an IQ less then 10, then I'd gain some buboter-pus filled postules which'd spring up all over my delicate porceline-like and attractive features; you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" Celicia asked sweetly.

"'Course not!" he shook his head vigouressly. The hag-faced girl rolled her eyes, and shot a hate-filled glare at Celicia.

"Sorry for being blunt, but what's your name, and where are you from?" the hag questioned her. "You clearly don't go to Hogwarts, I can tell that from your accent. I'm supposing American?"

"Yup," Celicia answered. "American. American mother, English father. Dunno what happened to my father, or even who he is! All I know is that my mom says that he looks like a greasy-haired git. Oh, and my name is Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape. Yours?"

The six people gaped at her. "S-s-snape!?"

"Yeah..What's wrong with my eleventh and last name?"

"Nothing," the brown-haired girl said to her companions, rather then to Celicia. "It could just be a coincidence..."

Celicia frowned; what could be a coincidence (and more importantly, why was she confused!?) ? What could be so amazing about her last name? It surely wasn't interesting at all, unlike her other 10 names . Shaking her head, she asked once again, "Speaking of names...?"

"Oh yes," the fat retard piped up suddenly. "My name's Neville Longbottom, this is Luna Lovegood," he pointed somewhat longily at the dreamy-looking weirdo, as longily as a point can get. "That's Ginny Weasley," he pointed towards the beautiful scarlet-haired girl, "He's Ron Weasley, Ginny's brother, she's Hermione Granger, and last but not least, he's Harry Potter." the fatto indicated everyone else.

"Oh my god! Harry Potter!? He's such a handsome hunk!" Celicia squeed sexily - she squeed sexily, as no perfect Mary-S- err, woman could squee annoyingly.

She blushed like the setting sun right then, for she just realised that she had squeed aloud. "Erm...Oopsie?" she apologised softly to THE Harry Potter. He smiled back at her, rather handsomely, which caused Ginny to narrow her eyes angrily at Celicia.

"That's alright..For some extremely weird, bizzare and unexplainable reason, I don't mind annoying Mary-Sues and fan-brats suddenly squeeing over me, and - to quote one of the fan-brats - wanting to 'bcum mi galfreiund, mak mad luv 2 mi, & av all mi baybiez!!one!11-30-FOUR!'. So, Celicia, now that you've gotten over your 'OMG liek, hes SOO sexee!' stage, will you pretty please sit in my lap for yet another extremely weird, bizzare and unexplainable reason?"

/OMG, liek hes SOO sexee! & hes askin mi if i wanna sit in is LAP!!!11one!!1 dO THE HAPPY DANCE!! / Celicia squeed to herself, clearly happy that the famous Harry Potter asked her if she wanted to sit in his lap.

"of courz haree!111one!!1! i wanna av ur bay--AHEM! Of course, Harry, I'd love to sit on your lap!" Cecilia's long, glossy pink curls flew behind her as she basically sprinted towards Harry, even though they were only about a metre or two away from eachother. She practically jumped - gracefully - onto his lap.

If looks could kill, Ginny Weasley would've murdered Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianithelle Claireisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape a billion times, with the extra help of a chainsaw.

"Um, Harry, what is that thing poking me in the small of my creamy and smooth back?" Celicia asked Harry uncertainly.

"That, is my 'unspoken thing', Celicia." he replied, a mischievious grin plastered onto his tanned, Gary-Stu like um, and oh-so-sexy face.

Celicia grinned back, and found Harry's face swimming closer and closer toward hers - closer..closer..

Celicia pressed her lips against his, and found a thrilling sensation flooding all throughout her body. Harry moaned in the back of his throat, enjoying the pleasure from the Mary---CELICIA, and lifted his hand towards the back of her head, guiding her face even closer to his.

Ron looked at the two of them sadly, wishing that he could be in the place of Harry; he wondered if he would ever get to wildly snog a girl as beautiful as her.

Hermione looked both amused, and depressed at the same time; whenever would Ron do that to her, and perhaps even more?

Neville looked like he wanted to join in with the fun.

Luna...Well, Luna wasn't paying attention to the couple; she was just reading the Quibbler upside-down, which had mysteriously materialized out of thin air.

And Ginny...To put it in a nice way, she was absolutely raving mad at Celicia.

If looks could kill, Ginny Weasley would've murdered Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape an infinate amount of times, with the extra help of a chainsaw and a meat cleaver.

Celicia, after finishing an un-important game of tonsil-hockey, settled back comfortably into her seat. This year is going to be absolutely full of adventures! she thought excitedly, whilst absently stroking Harry's wondefully soft, jet-black hair, and, uh, his 'unspoken thing'.

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Fellow GAFFers, you get brownie points if you can spot the god-awful HP fanfiction references in this chapter! There's three in all!