1. Invasion

A soft breeze rustled through the palm trees that skirted the bank of a sleepy lagoon. The sun had yet to rise as bird song joined the trickling of a small waterfall adding it's small contribution to the larger body of water.

V-shaped ripples disturbed the stillness as a periscope broke the once glass-like surface. After a 360 sweep of the area confirmed the absence of anything but plant and animal life a small submarine emerged and parked near the bank.

The hatch opened slowly with a loud grating screech. The effect on the quiet lagoon was akin to someone raking their fingernails across a school blackboard during 'nap time'. The man ascending from the dark hole grimaced and put a finger to his lips trying to shush the noisy hinges to silence. The door swung back the rest of the way clanging like a Chinese gong against the side.

"Max!" An alarmed voice echoed from inside. "Careful."

"Quiet, 99!" Max said looking back down the hole. "You don't want to wake up the whole neighborhood." With that he stepped out of the sub and splashed into the lagoon.

A tall woman with bright blue eyes rose halfway out of the hatch. She shook her head with a sigh. Her short, dark brown hair bounced slightly. "Oh, Max."

"Careful, 99." He sputtered as he surfaced. "That first step is a doosey." He scrambled, dripping, onto the shore and offered her a hand.

She took it with a teasing nod of her head. "Why, thank you, 86." He found it rather embarrassing how gracefully she hopped from the sub to the bank. A sympathetic smile touched her lips as she watched him try to wring out his suit with little success. "You should have taken the self-drying suit Windish offered."

"Bell bottoms with a pink and green plaid blazer, really 99!" He looked offended that she even suggested the idea.

"It was just a thought." She said with a shrug. "C'mon let's camouflage the sub."

He frowned, about to say that she took the words right out of his mouth, but decided it wasn't worth it. It took only a few minutes to break off enough shrubbery to cover the small U-boat.

"Looks good 99." He said, inspecting their camouflage job. Abruptly he turned and marched to a palm tree. Leaning on it he slipped off his shoe. "Time to call the Chief." 99 was amazed at his air of indifference as he poured a conglomeration of mud, seaweed and luke warm water out of his black oxford. With a twist of the heel he removed the entire sole to reveal a rotary telephone. He twisted the dial a few times before raising it to his ear.

"Hello Chief. This is Maxwell Smart agent 86 and 99 reporting in. We've just arrived at our destination."

"Good." A male voice came from his shoe. "You can open your instructions now."

Max nodded, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out a waterlogged manila envelope. 'TOP SECRET' was written across the front in, now dripping, red ink. 99 sighed. Max opened it carefully so as not to tear the soggy paper. They read the enclosed message together.

"By means of a volcanic eruption on an island somewhere near Hawaii KAOS plans to deploy a mind controlling dust. Wind currents will disperse it over the whole planet. It will be inhaled by the entire human population. The dust then migrates from the lungs to the brain where it lays dormant until activated. It will be triggered when a KAOS satellite gives commands on a specific radio frequency. Anyone who has been exposed to the dust will be unable to resist carrying out any orders received through the satellite.

Your mission is to search the island for a KAOS base. If one is found take no action, remain undiscovered and report back to Headquarters. If not report in and return to Hawaii.

CONTROL HEADQUARTERS"

"Wow. That's big!" The tall woman whispered in dismay.

"What are you talking about 99?" Max frowned, holding up the paper. "It's only 8x10."

99 sighed again. She sighed a lot when she was around Max.

Oblivious of his partner's frustration he spoke to his shoe. "Where did we get all this information, Chief?"

"A KAOS defector that was involved in the scheme contacted us. Unfortunately just as he was about to tell us the exact location of the island when he was killed."

"KAOS?"

"No. Smoking."

"Oh." 99 had been warning him about that habit.

"There are a number of islands in the general area he spoke of but only four fit the necessary criteria. One: it has to be deserted. And—"

"Do bananas count?"

"What?"

"You said the island has to be 'desserted'. I was asking if bananas count as a dessert. I see banana trees."

"Not 'desserted', Max!" The Chief's voice was a mixture of frustration and fatigue. He was beginning to get one of those headaches this particular agent seemed to detonate. "Deserted as in uninhabited, unpopulated. As in: Nobody lives there!"

"Oh." 86 looked slightly disappointed. "And what was the other criteria?"

The Chief had to take a few deep breaths before continuing. "An active volcano. Since there are four islands that fit we have to determine which one is the KAOS base before we make our move."

"Right." He took out his pistol and began slipping bullets into the chambers.

"If you do find the base try to observe undiscovered, and report back to me."

"No problem."

"Well, good luck on your search." His boss said by way of goodbye.

"Don't worry, Chief." Smart gestured at the jungle threateningly with his pistol. "If there's anyone out there we'll find 'em."

Author's note: Please excuse the lack of any GI charictures in this first chapter. But it's necessary for your full understanding of the story. Don't worry they come in chapter 2.