Intro-So there were so many things that could have happened in my previous story "Chuck Vs Himself but to not ruin the story by putting unneeded story lines, scenes whatever you wanna call it. Plus there's all that good stuff about after. And I love angst and I don't want to set up a whole story just to get it out. So this will be a series of one shots of whatever int he storyline of my previous story.
If you are new to this...you should read my other story to get whats going on, however you dont have to...but you'll just be lost but it could be fun!
I'm always looking for ideas for the long shots so if you think of something you would like to see written, feel free to message me. Oh and review, cause I've found out i'm a review hog recently. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, Sorry for the mistakes. I think i may need to locate a beta or something.
I'm marking it as completed as its just going to be ongoing oneshots.
Title: The First Time
Summary: Chuck and Sarah have been away from the cabin for 5 months. They've grown closer as time moved on. (not porn dude)
'Five months after'
Chuck sat on the porch watching the sunset behind the trees. He wanted to close his eyes and bask in the feel of the last rays of light hitting his face through the leaves left on the trees but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He wanted to watch the sun set till the last moment it dips in the horizon.
He sat back further on the lounge chair that Sarah had brought out for him for this purpose, along with a heavy warm blanket that she placed on top of him and tucked tightly around to be sure he stayed warm. This was the first time he had exited out the door of the small house they had rented a month ago someplace in the Midwest. He wasn't quite sure where they were, and he really didn't care either. He didn't ask why or where whenever Sarah came to him and told him that it was time to move again. He would just muster up the energy to help her pack what little they actually had that was personal and get in the car.
A small smile graced Chuck's face thinking further on Sarah. She had been a comfort to him all these months. He knew that his instability caused her a lot of stress and worry but he couldn't help it. He tried and it just made everything worse. He thought back to the day a few months after they had left the cabin and Ellie behind, he felt his mind was going to explode with all the grief that ran through it, but he kept his wits the best he could to try to shelter Sarah from it as much as he could.
The smile left and a frown replaced it, thinking of her horrified expression as she came into the bathroom that one morning seeing the blood spill down his arm into the sink he stood in front, the razor he had used still in his other hand. He didn't like resorting to causing himself physical pain especially after everything that happened but the euphoria and release it offered him from himself when things built up could not be ignored at times.
She had been mortified and he had made a promise to never do it again. She wouldn't allow him to make that promise, knowing that he would eventually have a need so bad to break it when she wasn't around to help him. She didn't want him to feel any more pain over breaking it either, but she had made him promise to always tell her and be honest.
"Hey you, how are you doing?" Sarah said stepping out of the back door startling him. He looked up quickly and nearly jumped out the lounge. She looked contrite at having scared him. "I'm sorry Chuck." She said softly.
It took Chuck a few moments to get his baring's again but once he did he smiled up at her telling her he was fine. She held out a mug for him full of steaming liquid. Taking it from her gingerly he sniffed it smelling Coffee; decaf of course. Ellie had recommended that he stay away from any form of drugs and stimulants, including his beloved caffeine.
"It's a beautiful sunset tonight. I'm glad you came out to see it." She said sitting down in the chair next to him. He didn't reply, just sipped at his coffee slowly, enjoying the warmth of the liquid as it slipped down his throat.
They sat there in companionable silence the breeze whipping around them reminding them that autumn was upon them. The leaves were changing colors and falling off and Chuck knew that snow would probably be arriving soon. He hoped by then that they left for someplace south. He didn't like the cold. It was a hard numbing feeling.
"Sad how its beauty is taken for granted so often." He said softly not taking his eyes off it. They were silent a few more moments.
"Come on Chuck; let's go inside before it gets too cold." She said to him putting her cup down on the railing.
Sarah helped Chuck unbury himself from the cocoon she had put him in herself. They went into the living room where Chuck noted the lights were all on shining brightly, hiding all dark corners. The room was warm and cozy with a slight scent of cinnamon and apples from the air freshener she had picked out.
He sat in one corner of the sofa as she walked around the place tidying up, not that there was much to tidy as they were both extremely clean people. He couldn't help but watch her intently, she fascinated him. The way her hair flopped in front of her face as she bent to pick something up. The way her eyes would shift around looking for anything out of place as she did while a spy. The way her body flitted from area to area in an efficient manner.
He hadn't given himself much time to think on Sarah in this way. Before he was too damaged, still damaged but beyond capable of thinking of her other than an aid. She soon became his friend again, this time however it was him who hid his heart, hiding it away behind walls. He was vulnerable as it was, starting with the face that his heart had broken over her. He wasn't sure he could handle having it broken again.
But time at the cabin, reading by the window, the short, very short walks to the lake, and especially sleeping next to her had lowered some of the shields. Now it was only Sarah and him, they only had each other to rely on and the time alone, with her being the only other human he has contact with had lowered them further. He finally allowed himself to start thinking of as more than just a companion and a friend. His dreams at night filled with memories of her and their lives together.
On days and nights when his demons would get the best of him she would sit with him or lay with him and tell him about all her memories she had. They were all incomplete so she would tell him what she remembered and he would tell her the story of them. His heart always tightened in pain at the memories but seeing her smile and take it in, ask questions always lightened it.
"What are you staring at?" Sarah said breaking his thoughts. He blinked a few times before he realized he was staring right at her. He licked his dry lips thinking of what to say.
"You are so beautiful." He said softly. She smiled brightly at him, her cheeks hitting her eyes making it brighter.
"Well you aren't so bad yourself." She teased sitting down right next to him. He raised his hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Slowly pulling it back and dragging his finger down the side of her cheek. Sarah closed her eyes at the feeling, her heart fluttering at the light touches of his fingertips.
Chuck removed his fingers from her face and she slowly opened her eyes. Chucks breath caught at seeing the blueness of them, feeling like he could get lost in them forever and be alright with that.
"I can't express to you my gratitude for you being here Sarah. I don't think I would make it if I was on my own." He whispered to her. Sarah reached out and grabbed his hand in hers squeezing it tightly.
"Don't say that. You would have somehow made it. Especially since Ellie wouldn't have left you alone." She said calmly. Chuck gave her a small smile and she returned it. He loved seeing her smile.
"That's true, but I don't think I would have…" He didn't want to finish that. She knew what the likely outcome could have been. It was something that he knew that she feared greatly.
"Chuck, you are stronger then you think you are. Don't talk like that." She squeezed his hand again and made to stand up but he stopped her and she sat back down close to him this time and looked at him wondering.
Chuck looked at her intensely for a few moments holding her eyes with his. His breathing sped up as he started feeling tingles run up and down his body. He wanted to say the words but he was afraid of her rejection. Logically she had shown for months that she was here to stay and how she felt about him but the words hadn't been said and suddenly he understood how she must have felt the first few years before she admitted it. Taking deep breath he steeled himself for what he wanted to convey.
"Sarah, I love you." He said simply not looking away. Sarah looked stunned for only a moment before the megawatt smile he remembered so fondly before all this appeared on her face.
"I love you too Chuck. So much." She said with so much earnest he couldn't deny the truth in it. He felt a little taken aback at how quickly she accepted it and returned it but he was grateful, very grateful for it.
"That was easier for you this time around." He commented sitting back slightly from her still holding her hand. She agreed nodding.
"We've been through so much. These memories, they are incomplete and random but one thing for sure Chuck, you broke through my barriers and you loved me. And from what I do remember I loved you too, and I love you now. And we are too broken and battered to fuck around and play it cool like we did in the beginning. I love you. I love you I love you I love you. I will say it a million times to you Chuck."
Chuck leaned forward quickly grabbing her gently around her neck and pulling her to him kissing her passionately. He words had resonated in his heart and he felt so elated the only thing he could do was express it. Sarah let go of his finally and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer. She allowed him entrance parting her lips as they explored each other's pallets for the first time for what felt like forever.
Their breathing increased as their mouths hungrily met. Chuck pressed his body closer to hers causing her to lean back onto the couch. He ran his hand down the side of her body causing goose bumps to form all over her. She shuddered at the feeling as she ran her hands up the back of his neck and through his hair. She pulled back a few minutes later stopping him and looked him deep in the eyes wondering what he was thinking and hoping she was on the same page as she was.
He didn't answer with words; instead he let his eyes flutter shut as he leaned down again kissing her once more, this time more tender and caring. The air felt warmer in the room as he moved his lips from hers and placed tender ones across her cheek making her way down to her neck. Sarah moaned in pleasure at the feeling, memories flittering through her mind quickly of the past.
"Chuck…" She said breathlessly closing her eyes and arching towards him. He pulled up from her neck to look at her once more. He raised his hand and traced the side of her face again lovingly. He felt prickles tears start to form at the corner of his eyes but he willed them not to fall. He wanted this and he wanted her and he wanted to be in control right now.
"You are so beautiful." He whispered again to her his eyes full of lust. "Be with me tonight, please?" he asked her swallowing down the fear he felt of her rejecting him. But Sarah had no plans of that. She had waited all these months for him, and now that he was asking, she was going to take.
Without responding she just sat up slightly and pressed her lips back to his, freeing her legs to wrap around his waist and wrapping her arms around him again. He fell on top of her holding her down onto the soft couch and continued to assault her lips with him.
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That night was the first night in in over a year that Chuck Bartowski slept through the night without any nightmares.
