summary: Ciel considering what Lizzy means to him
'Till death do us part.'
The words rang in Ciel's head over and over again as he stared at the blank piece of paper before him.
What should he write?
As long as Ciel could remember he had known that one day he would marry Lizzy, as a child he had not fully understood what that would mean. All he cared about was that she was the one he liked and he looked forward to the time when they would be inseparable. Everything was simple when you were little, some would say he still was.
But he was no longer a child, that month in the cage had changed that.
'Till death do us part' indeed, it was the vow he was supposed to say in just a couple of months' time. The only problem was he had already died, so they had already parted.
He liked Lizzy, loved her even, he hated it when she was upset though it seemed he could only make her cry. He wanted to protect her even though she was so much stronger than him. He only wanted to see her smiling face.
She was what mattered most to him, but he loved her as family, as the older brother she already had, he could no longer love her in that uncomplicated manner of a child that does not understand the world.
Some people thought that his closeness with Sebastian meant that the servant had replaced Elizabeth in that space in the heart reserved for lovers, but that was not it. In the past he had been tempted to take the older, more experienced monster to bed, but that was merely curiosity, nothing near the emotion he had seen expressed between his parents.
'Till death do us part.'
The simple truth was that he was no longer in possession of the ability to feel that way again.
He had realised this the first time she hugged him after that month had ended. Her fierce loyalty and relief had radiated into him, and he had felt a kind of release to know that he really was back with her. But that was all. The ocean of love he had had reached out and found that it could not reach her, that in fact it was missing altogether, drained sometime when he was locked up.
That part of his heart was dead and gone, berried in an unmarked grave where none could find it.
He was dead and they were parted, all that was left of the boy Elizabeth had loved was an echo, a shadow, a ghost.
She deserved better than to marry a ghost.
He loved her, but he could no longer fall in love, no longer give himself over entirely to another person.
He loved her, so he must give her up.
'My lord, the preparations are finished.' Sebastian's quiet voice broke in to the small boy's quiet thoughts.
Ciel looked once more at the blank page. How do you say good bye when you have only just said hello? How do you leave someone when it feels like they have only just arrived?
How do tell someone you love them, but you are not in love with them?
Ghosts must learn to let go and move on, the living must learn the same.
'Till death do us part,' he was dead, now they must say good bye, now he must tell her the truth.
'I am sorry Elizabeth,' with that he took the pen and began to write.
