DISCLAIMER: FF7 does not belong to me, unfortunately.
The breeze shook the bare branches. The wind was cold, bitingly so. The skies above were grey, heavy with rain. The birds had disappeared already, gone to their nests as they awaited the downpour that had been forecast to fall soon.
Everything was grey here; from the pavement (which was the same boring concrete-grey as every other pavement around the world), to the houses (which I was pretty sure were made from concrete too). Even the people seemed so grey, so lifeless. They wore bright colours, almost as if they were trying to ward away the cursed greyness that had invaded their lives and sucked away all the colour and life out of everything. Even those pseudo-cheery colours that everyone wore seemed grey. There was nothing in this town. It might well have been a ghost town, one full of ghouls refusing to rest.
Among these half-dead people were two people. One was quiet and, well, more serious. The other was loud, energetic, and never studied (and always flunked his tests). I was the latter of the two, the one who payed absolutely no attention in class and had to copy off his friend's notes to escape getting 'F's in every subject beside PE.
"Hey, Cloud, hurry up!" I called from down the hallway. He looked up from his locker, which was on the ground, and waved to me.
"Just give me a sec, Zack!"
I sighed and leaned back onto my right leg and crossed my arms as I waited for him. I didn't like school. Not one bit. I wanted to get out of the hell-hole as quickly as I could, with or without Cloud.
"Ok, done!" Cloud appeared beside me. His untameable blonde hair hung in wet locks around his face. His eyes shone brightly, as if he had been refreshed by the horrible and cold showers.
He probably had been, I reasoned in my head. He came from a mountain village. He was used to the freezing water.
"Hey, Cloud, there's a party tonight, for everyone who's looking for a little fun before the big tests. You wanna come? It'll be fun, and you might even find that you like it. I also heard that all the really cute chicks'll be coming too."
Cloud gave me a tired look. "We've already been through this a million times, Zack. I don't want to go. I need to study. Thanks for the offer, but no thanks."
He turned to walk away. He shook his head as he walked and sighed wearily. "You should worry about studying too, Zack. After all, you want to be some kind of really famous hero, don't you? You're still going to need a good education, whatever you want to be."
He left the lockers, leaving me alone and confused. What had I done wrong? What did he mean by 'you're still going to need a good education'? Heroes don't need education! They just needed to be brave and strong! Right…?"
Night came quickly, and I was given no time to think over what Cloud had said, let alone apologise to him for being such a horrible friend (even though I still had no idea what I had done wrong). Why had he sighed like my father had when he had decided that I was a hopeless case? Did he think that I was a hopeless case too? Did he really think that there was no way I would ever fulfil my dreams?
"Hey, Zack. You don't seem very happy today. What's wrong?" Sephiroth slunk by my side. He was a tall guy, and was taller than me. He looked around for a moment, before speaking again. "Where's that boy who's always with you? You know, that…"
He paused for a moment, as if he were trying to recall Cloud's name. Sephiroth had never really acknowledged his existence. "That… Cloud boy. Wasn't that his name?"
I nodded stiffly. Sephiroth grated on my nerves so much! Both he and Genesis were the drama queens, ahem, kings, of school. They were both popular and smart, and their futures had basically been laid out for them since they could walk. Genesis would go back to Banora after he had finished school to take over his father's job as the mayor. Sephiroth would go to Midgar after school and become the General of the army.
Why were their lives so simple and carefree? Why was everything so hard for me? Why was life so unfair?
The rest of the party had become a blur for me. I remember having a few drinks, but I could easily tell that I had taken more than just a few. I had left the party at around midnight. I wanted to cram in a little study. Even if heroes didn't need to have perfect 'A's and all that fancy whatnot, it'd be nice to have people respect me because of my marks, for once. I hoped Cloud wouldn't mind me using his notes, even if he was mad at me.
When I got into the room, everything was pitch black. The lights had all been turned off, but in the weak moonlight which filtered through the blinds, I could see a slumbering figure bundled in blankets on the couch.
I smiled fondly. Cloud was such a cute little kid at times. Sure, he had the responsible disposition of an adult (he sure acted like one most of the time), but deep inside, he was still the little kid he never got to be. Oh well, I'd get some studying done in the morning. In the meantime, I'd just have a quick little nap. It was pretty late anyway.
I stumbled across the room, my fingers lightly grazing the wall as I crossed the living room into the kitchen. Here, the moonlight streamed through an open window. The curtains flapped as the breeze blew in. Quietly, I shut the window. Cloud must have wanted some air to come in.
Slowly, I tip-toed into my room. Without giving a thought to turning on the lights, I flung myself onto my bed. The bed creaked in complaint, and I lay on the duvet, waiting for Cloud to burst into the room and yell at me for robbing him of his sleep. Nothing. All was silent. That was good, it meant that Cloud had fallen asleep a long while ago. He was always pushing himself to his limits, endangering his health for the sake of good grades. Were grades really that important to him? What did he want to be when he left school? Some kind of lawyer?
The apartment was silent, save for the occasional rustling as I shifted this way and that in a futile attempt to find some comfort on my rock-hard bed. Why was there such a bad feeling in my stomach? Had I really drunk that much?
Minutes passed, and I entertained myself by listening to the clock as it ticked. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Finally, my eyelids began to fall. My body became heavier and heavier, until I was sure that the duvet was sure to swallow me up. I yawned tiredly. The bed was so warm, so comforting…
A bird call woke me from my dreams. The lollies had been so yummy… I couldn't wait to tell Cloud about it. He probably wouldn't care (actually, it was more likely that he'd give me a lecture on how lollies were bad for your teeth and how that make you fat etc., etc., etc.), roll his eyes and sigh as he buried his face in his hands. Sunlight streamed through a crack in the blinds, falling onto my face and nearly blinding me as I woke. Why did the night have to end so quickly?
I flopped back onto the bed and grumbled as I lay on my stomach, waiting for Cloud to come and shake me awake.
Wait… Something was off. Where was the smell of Cloud's cooking? Where was the sizzling of bacon? Why was there only… silence?
Had Cloud finally gotten sick and tired of my antics and moved out? Where would he go? Please, Cloud, don't leave! I don't know I'd do without you!
I raced into the living room as quickly as my sleep-addled mind would let me, to find that Cloud was still asleep on the couch. Poor guy, last night must have been really bad for him to still be asleep.
I know! A figurative lightbulb lit up in my head. I'd cook breakfast for the two of us and prove to him that I'm not really as hopeless as he thinks I am. Then maybe he wouldn't be so mad at me!
I turned around and shuffled into the kitchen. I'd have to make a breakfast that he'd like… I don't suppose he'd mind having a bag of lollies for breakfast, would he?
A half-hour passed. After many mishaps with the plastic bags (who knew that they would pop if you blew them up then squished them in your hands?) and the lollies (ah, I must fight against the temptation to gobble them all up!), I was finally done. Three rolls of plastic bags and ten bags of lollies later, I was done. It was an achievement that I was proud of. I beamed proudly. Cloud would be so happy to have breakfast made for him for a change!
I walked out of the kitchenette, two bags of lollies (for lunch) and two bowls of candy (for breakfast) set carefully on a tray.
I set the tray on the table and gently shook Cloud's shoulders. He didn't move. Nor did he grumble and tell me to go away. I shook him, harder this time.
"Hey, Cloud! Wake up!" something warm and wet trickled onto my hands. I looked at them. The liquid was red, like blood. I looked up and took Cloud's head gingerly in my hands. Slowly, I turned it. A horrified expression was pasted onto his face. There was blood everywhere, staining his blonde locks and crusting on his pale skin. His eyes looked at me in shock.
Please tell me this is all but a dream… I silently prayed. I pinched myself. Nope. This was all real…
I glanced up over the couch. Anything to escape the ice-blue eyes. Anything to escape the sight of Cloud's frightened face.
A scream ripped through my lips. There, on the wall, printed in Cloud's blood, was a simple sentence. The blood dripped down the wall, drying in brown streaks.
Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights?
'Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights?' The words still continue to chill me to my bone, even after many years of counselling and therapy.
Nothing could ever erase that image from my mind — the sight of Cloud's face, smeared in blood, a frightened expression across his face. I had felt so useless then. Why had I not heard him and his murderer, struggling? Why was I such a horrible friend, to allow him to die so close to me, when I could have helped him?
Even now, I wish to punch the wall out of my frustration and scream my pain and terror for the whole wide world to hear. I don't want to be pitied. I just want to disappear into a puddle. I just want to die. I don't want to exist any more. Life holds nothing. I just float in life, a spectre that exists, but does not live.
I wish he could come back, hug me, and say that everything's all right. I wish that he could come back, laugh at me for being an idiot (though, quite frankly, he was the bigger idiot), wipe the tears away and smile shyly. I used to hate it when he did that. He was such a strange, corny, sentimental kid at times.
I wish, sometimes, that he'd come back, so I could strangle him for being such an idiot. I sometimes wish that he would come back, so I could slap him for dying on me. Didn't we promise to be there for one another forever? Where are you, Cloud? Why aren't you here, for me, like you promised to be?
And then these phases pass as quickly as they come, and suddenly, I'm plunged into the all-consuming darkness once more. Suddenly, I've become a spectre again. Suddenly, I've lost all that drive to live.
Cloud, he'd laugh at me if he could see me like this now… Cloud, where are you? Why did you leave me? Don't you see that without you, my life is so meaningless? Can't you tell that I've become nothing without you always pushing me to do my best? Didn't you know that only you could make me want to work harder?
I feel like a tiny little boy again without you by my side, Cloud. You were my best friend. You'll always be my best friend. My one and only best friend.
So where have you gone?
Hee hee, couldn't help but make the end angsty...
Anyhow, please reveiw! I want to know how to improve my writing!
Thanks for reading!
