Movies They Can't Do Together
The Matrixs
Damon: ...What do we have here? *Looks around and notices that he sitting behind a desk* Not my type of thing.
(Phone rings)
Damon: *Picks it up* This is your mother's house, she's on her knees now, can I take a message?
…: You don't have much time. Fine Morpheus, he'll tell you about the Matrixs.
Damon: Is that a cereal?
…: No.
Damon: Is this Katherine?
…: Find Morpheus before they come!
Damon: I know this voice. It's Katherine, cause Elena has a slightly sexier voice .
…: BITCH! FIND MORPHEUS OR I'LL...
Damon: *Hangs up the phone* Stupid bitch didn't have to yell.
Stefan: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.
Damon: Stefan, nice suit. Why Chi always give you the good parts?
Stefan # 2: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.
Stefan # 3: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.
Damon: *Blinks a few times* Fuck it. *Jumps over the Stefans and runs*
Stefan: Capture him
Damon: *Grabs a girl and throws it at Stefan # 2*
Stefan: …
Elena: DAMON! OVER HERE! *Waves both hands in the air*
Damon: Elena! I'm so happy to see you, there are three Edwards chasing after me and I heard grab his dick, and I'm like hell no. So I'm here.
Elena: I'm so happy to see you too. *Hugs Damon*
Damon: Hahaha, no. Pam told me no more brunettes and use a condom for humans and blah de blah, blah. I don't ever listen but...what was I talking about?
Elena: Damon. *Holds tighter*
Damon: ...When did you get so strong?
Elena: …
Damon: Okay. I don't like clingy women Elena.
Elena: Hello...
Damon: *Sighs* Shit.
Elena: Mr. Salvatore. *Turns into Stefan*
Damon: I would clap but you're hugging arms off.
Stefan: Time to go.
Damon: But you forgot, dear brother...I'm a vampire! *Tries to break out of Stefan's grip but fails* A...wwwhhaaattt.
Stefan: Let's go.
Damon: If that's a boner touching me you're dead asshole.
Damon: Why am I here?! I haven't done anything...yet. I shouldn't be blamed for something I haven't done yet!
Stefan: *Shakes head then leaves the room*
Damon: Aditca! Aditca! I will piss on this table you bastard!
Bonnie: …
Damon: Don't look at me like that cause you would do the same thing.
Bonnie: No...no I wouldn't.
Damon: Don't knock it till you try it.
Bonnie: …*Clears throat* I'm Morpheus. Blah, blah, Matrix, blah, blah Red or blue pill.
Damon: You're a girl.
Bonnie: *Sighs* Yes. Why do everyone think Morpheus is a guy!
Damon: Because you got a sex change when you were a baby but they already had your name on the certificate and couldn't change it.
Bonnie: …*Flips him off* Dick.
Damon: Classy.
Bonnie: Choose the blue pill for a normal life or the red pill to truly know what the Matrix is.
Damon: Do I get the black leather jacket and the sunglasses?
Bonnie: Yes.
Damon: Blue.
Bonnie: WHAT!
Damon: Normal life here I come. Cause I'm not jumping into other people's shit.
Bonnie: *Twitch* Here! *Forces the blue pill down his throat*
Damon: *Coughs* You're a bitch here too?
Bonnie: *Rolls eyes*
Damon: Wait, why is everything going dark?
Bonnie: You'll see.
Bonnie: You sure this was the right guy?
Alice: I have no idea.
Damon: *Hits everything with a bat* Teaches you to pillception me bitch!
Katherine: Idiot.
Alice: Can we get him to do that outside? To fight off thee Stefans?
Eric: I got it. *Walks over to Damon*
Damon: Don't touch me bitch!
Bonnie: Still think we should have went after the Keanu Reeves look alike.
Alice: Yeah, like that would happen.
Damon: Hey! You said Kate Upton was here!
Stefan: Hello Mr. Salvatore.
(A whole bunch of Stefans behind him)
Damon: *Looks at the bat in his hand* You guys make this too easy!
Damon: And that's how the movie ends.
No. What about the other two.
Damon: Fuck that. I killed all the Stefan's...
Stefan: …
Damon: Expect one.
I still don't think that's how the movie started and ended.
Damon: Pfft. Deal with it princes. So what's with the M rating?
To give reviews more freedom.
Stefan: Where is everyone else?
They'll be back on the next chapter but this is you guys time.
Stefan & Damon: I don't want to see his face!
Well you guys suck. Can you read this? *Holds out a paper*
Damon: *Grabs paper* We're here, and movies beware because...you don't pay me enough to read these.
Can you finish?
Damon: Bite me.
Stefan: I need a drink!
Movies beware because we're messing with you too!
Stefan: Did someone steal my pants?
Are you drunk?
Stefan: No.
Me & Damon: …
Stefan: Yes, god! You guys are annoying!
*Shake head* Well thanks for reading and thanks for future reviews. Also I want to thank Rogue Assasin for the Matrixs idea. So peace!
Damon: I want some cash.
You have your own!
Damon: But I want to spend your stuff.
Stefan: Why is Kung fu panda here?
O.o? Are you talking about my dog?
Cookie: *Wondering around*
Stefan: Oh my god he's so small.
Cookie's a girl.
Stefan: Oh Po, you have a big belly.
Damon: Just end it before he starts talking again.
Bye guys.
Stefan: You know who he sounds like?
Damon: Who?
Stefan: That fat guy from that one movie.
…*Sighs*
Damon: Jack Black?
Stefan: OH MY GOD. YOU READ MINDS!
Damon: ...No more booze for you.
He's the cute drunk!
Stefan: *Throws up*
Damon: Cute huh? Stupid.
