Movies They Can't Do Together

The Matrixs

Damon: ...What do we have here? *Looks around and notices that he sitting behind a desk* Not my type of thing.

(Phone rings)

Damon: *Picks it up* This is your mother's house, she's on her knees now, can I take a message?

…: You don't have much time. Fine Morpheus, he'll tell you about the Matrixs.

Damon: Is that a cereal?

…: No.

Damon: Is this Katherine?

…: Find Morpheus before they come!

Damon: I know this voice. It's Katherine, cause Elena has a slightly sexier voice .

…: BITCH! FIND MORPHEUS OR I'LL...

Damon: *Hangs up the phone* Stupid bitch didn't have to yell.

Stefan: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.

Damon: Stefan, nice suit. Why Chi always give you the good parts?

Stefan # 2: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.

Stefan # 3: Hello, Mr. Salvatore.

Damon: *Blinks a few times* Fuck it. *Jumps over the Stefans and runs*

Stefan: Capture him

Damon: *Grabs a girl and throws it at Stefan # 2*

Stefan: …

Elena: DAMON! OVER HERE! *Waves both hands in the air*

Damon: Elena! I'm so happy to see you, there are three Edwards chasing after me and I heard grab his dick, and I'm like hell no. So I'm here.

Elena: I'm so happy to see you too. *Hugs Damon*

Damon: Hahaha, no. Pam told me no more brunettes and use a condom for humans and blah de blah, blah. I don't ever listen but...what was I talking about?

Elena: Damon. *Holds tighter*

Damon: ...When did you get so strong?

Elena: …

Damon: Okay. I don't like clingy women Elena.

Elena: Hello...

Damon: *Sighs* Shit.

Elena: Mr. Salvatore. *Turns into Stefan*

Damon: I would clap but you're hugging arms off.

Stefan: Time to go.

Damon: But you forgot, dear brother...I'm a vampire! *Tries to break out of Stefan's grip but fails* A...wwwhhaaattt.

Stefan: Let's go.

Damon: If that's a boner touching me you're dead asshole.


Damon: Why am I here?! I haven't done anything...yet. I shouldn't be blamed for something I haven't done yet!

Stefan: *Shakes head then leaves the room*

Damon: Aditca! Aditca! I will piss on this table you bastard!

Bonnie: …

Damon: Don't look at me like that cause you would do the same thing.

Bonnie: No...no I wouldn't.

Damon: Don't knock it till you try it.

Bonnie: …*Clears throat* I'm Morpheus. Blah, blah, Matrix, blah, blah Red or blue pill.

Damon: You're a girl.

Bonnie: *Sighs* Yes. Why do everyone think Morpheus is a guy!

Damon: Because you got a sex change when you were a baby but they already had your name on the certificate and couldn't change it.

Bonnie: …*Flips him off* Dick.

Damon: Classy.

Bonnie: Choose the blue pill for a normal life or the red pill to truly know what the Matrix is.

Damon: Do I get the black leather jacket and the sunglasses?

Bonnie: Yes.

Damon: Blue.

Bonnie: WHAT!

Damon: Normal life here I come. Cause I'm not jumping into other people's shit.

Bonnie: *Twitch* Here! *Forces the blue pill down his throat*

Damon: *Coughs* You're a bitch here too?

Bonnie: *Rolls eyes*

Damon: Wait, why is everything going dark?

Bonnie: You'll see.


Bonnie: You sure this was the right guy?

Alice: I have no idea.

Damon: *Hits everything with a bat* Teaches you to pillception me bitch!

Katherine: Idiot.

Alice: Can we get him to do that outside? To fight off thee Stefans?

Eric: I got it. *Walks over to Damon*

Damon: Don't touch me bitch!

Bonnie: Still think we should have went after the Keanu Reeves look alike.

Alice: Yeah, like that would happen.


Damon: Hey! You said Kate Upton was here!

Stefan: Hello Mr. Salvatore.

(A whole bunch of Stefans behind him)

Damon: *Looks at the bat in his hand* You guys make this too easy!


Damon: And that's how the movie ends.

No. What about the other two.

Damon: Fuck that. I killed all the Stefan's...

Stefan: …

Damon: Expect one.

I still don't think that's how the movie started and ended.

Damon: Pfft. Deal with it princes. So what's with the M rating?

To give reviews more freedom.

Stefan: Where is everyone else?

They'll be back on the next chapter but this is you guys time.

Stefan & Damon: I don't want to see his face!

Well you guys suck. Can you read this? *Holds out a paper*

Damon: *Grabs paper* We're here, and movies beware because...you don't pay me enough to read these.

Can you finish?

Damon: Bite me.

Stefan: I need a drink!

Movies beware because we're messing with you too!

Stefan: Did someone steal my pants?

Are you drunk?

Stefan: No.

Me & Damon: …

Stefan: Yes, god! You guys are annoying!

*Shake head* Well thanks for reading and thanks for future reviews. Also I want to thank Rogue Assasin for the Matrixs idea. So peace!

Damon: I want some cash.

You have your own!

Damon: But I want to spend your stuff.

Stefan: Why is Kung fu panda here?

O.o? Are you talking about my dog?

Cookie: *Wondering around*

Stefan: Oh my god he's so small.

Cookie's a girl.

Stefan: Oh Po, you have a big belly.

Damon: Just end it before he starts talking again.

Bye guys.

Stefan: You know who he sounds like?

Damon: Who?

Stefan: That fat guy from that one movie.

…*Sighs*

Damon: Jack Black?

Stefan: OH MY GOD. YOU READ MINDS!

Damon: ...No more booze for you.

He's the cute drunk!

Stefan: *Throws up*

Damon: Cute huh? Stupid.