{Varia Advice & Questions Column}


Dear Varia,

All right, so, there's this guy who keeps following me around at school. He's in my science class and sits right beside me. Anyway, he keeps asking me out for a date but every time he does, I avoid it and make an excuse to not answer, which should show him that I'm not all that interested, but I don't think he gets it because he keeps coming back. How can I tell him I don't like him in that way without hurting his feelings?

From: Hopeless Girl


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Ushishishi, the Prince will be replying to the peasant's question first, because I'm a prince.

If the peasant doesn't like the other peasant, and you don't want to hurt his feelings, then hurt him physically. Maybe then he'll take a hint? Shishi, and you'll get to see him squirm around like a bug while you stab, stab, stab him. Doesn't that sound like fun, peasant?

It does, doesn't it?

That's my advice to you. Take it. The Prince's advice is greater than the other answers you'll get.

Remember to stab him real deep, peasant. Ushishishi.

-The Prince


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Why are you making excuses? If ya don't like the bloody bloke, just say so. It isn't all that hard to say 'Sorry man, but I don't like you like that'. Just say that and I'm pretty damn sure he'll back off. If he doesn't and continues to make rather horrid and pushy advances, knee him in the crotch and yell 'I told you that I don't like you that way!'

And if he continues still, well, you've got yourself a stalker, my friend! Congratulations!

-Umi


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VOI!

Are you fucking kidding me? Why am I answering these goddamn things? If he's fucking annoying you, do something about it instead of being a fucking spineless, whiney ass brat! Not only is your letter beyond stupid, you're fucking stupid for writing it in the first fucking place!

VOI! Quit your bellyaching and tell that shitty bastard to fuck off!

-This was a fucking waste of my time


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Oh, poor dear! But isn't that lovely? He must be absolutely smitten to keep pursuing you like that~! Why don't you just say yes, hm? I'm sure he'd be a great guy if you gave him the chance. But if you don't want to go out with him, than tell him that. No point beating around the bushes, darling, and making up excuses for your lack of courage to outright reject him.

-Lussuria~!


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Huh, you must be really desperate, Hopeless Girl, if you're asking for advice from the Varia of all people. Either that or you're really stupid. Which one is it? You tell me. Anyway, why don't you just tell him you don't like him instead of cowering away and writing to advice columns? You really must not have a life since you resorted to sending a letter here about your problems.

Good luck with your boy troubles, Hopeless Girl (you really are hopeless)

-Fran


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Mu, I expect you, Hopeless Girl, to be sending in my payment for giving advice to you for your ridiculously stupid problem. If it isn't obvious yet from the other answers, you should tell the brat to leave you alone and to compensate for harassing you.

If you don't like any of these answers, deal with it. You sent in your letter, you get what you get. Have my payment in by the end of the week.

-Mammon


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If you have any questions or need any advice from the Varia – lord knows why anyone would want an answer from this screwed up group – submit your question/s in the form of a review. They'll do their best to answer some, if not most, of them. If you want one specific person to only answer, please state that in your review.

Just to make things clear, Xanxus and Leviathan will not be answering any questions or be giving any advices due to the fact that Xanxus finds it too annoying and bothersome to do so and Leviathan just follows after his boss like a puppy.