A/N: A story beginning I found buried in my saved files recently. Review and tell me if it's worth continuing please! :D Thanks to my beta Azzie(Inkfire) for going over this and my many other summer-inspired or recently-found chapters! :D

Searching For Dreams:

Chapter One: Who Am I?

A harsh buzzing broke the peaceful silence. A teenage girl blearily opened her eyes and turned off her alarm. Just five more seconds... She stretched luxuriously, flexing her entire body under the covers before sitting up and starting to make her bed and get dressed. She popped out her retainer and grabbed some ponytail holders, a necklace, and a watch from her bedside table before heading across the hall to the bathroom.

Her mind was perfectly blank until she splashed freezing water across her face. Then a mental to-do list started running. Algebra homework...not like there's a point, seeing as I'm failing...start before I leave, maybe before Spanish if I go early...during SLC...band tonight, need to get food before I leave, never enough, why can't the bitch understand I'm running and I need to eat?

These thoughts continued as she went downstairs and quickly ate her tiny breakfast, set out by her mother the night before.

They're so controlling...I can't do this, I can't do that. Well, fuck that, people, I'm a living human being! I have a life too!

The red-haired girl went upstairs to brush her teeth and hopefully start the dreaded Algebra assignment. Need to meet up for the Chem project and the English leadership...don't have time...why can't people understand there's a difference between 'busy' to sound cool and literally busy! Doing homework at 6:30 am is not 'busy' to be cool!

She reached out and grabbed her mp3 player, quickly putting in her headphones. Burying herself in a mix of Algebra and music until she looked up at 6:40 and went downstairs to get all her stuff.

Walking out the door felt amazing. The cool air slapped her face and woke her up instantly.

Autumn Grace... she thought ironically. Her name certainly reflected her personality. She'd been born in early October, and autumn had always been her favorite season.

Music ran through her head, keeping her calm and sane until she had her headphones pulled out by her boyfriend.

"Hey," he murmured.

Autumn leaned back against him. "Hey." she replied easily, turning her head to kiss him quickly. She twisted free of his arms and began sorting through her things.

He leaned against the locker next to hers and studied her face for a moment. "You know, Autumn...I'm getting this feeling..."

Her heart almost stopped, but she looked up calmly. "What?" Normally there would've been an easy quip at the end, but she was too scared. Not again...not now!

"Maybe we're not working out. We only see each other at school, and then you're always 'no don't touch me, don't kiss me' and even when we are alone you're hesitant, like you don't want to be with me."

"So you're leaving because I can't get time to myself in my schedule yet somehow manage half an hour with you a week, at least?" she snapped. Fighting back tears with anger.

"Autumn, hun, I just..." he looked at her with those goddamned beautiful, pleading eyes...

"Fine. No, I get it. It's fine." she said quickly, harshly, and coldly. Standing, she swung her bag over her shoulder, turned, and left.

Instead of going to her first-hour Spanish class, she went to the bathroom, locked herself in a stall, and cried.

I always try so hard to be what others want me to be...is that so bad?Bad because I always fail, and it hurts like hell, but why can't I just be me?

She stared blankly at the stall door.

Who am I, anyway? Chore-doer for my parents, angel-daughter gone bad, a sex toy for any number of guys who played with my emotions and helped make me this screwed up...I swear to God I'm going mad!

As the tears faded and dried up, she noticed writing on the side of the stall.

'Door to Narnia'.

Narnia...a dream world...a wonderland of amazing things...like Wonderland. Mad people are sane there, and sane people are mad. Maybe I should go there. She laughed bitterly. Except it doesn't exist. Fairy tales...writing, stories, are the only way out for me.

Autumn wandered through the rest of her classes in a dreamy haze. Thoughts whirled through her head, not making any sense at all.

What if it is real? What if I went? To Wonderland?Impossible! She scolded herself mentally. What has this boy done to you? Of course that thought brought on the tears again.

She ended up skipping cross country practice and wandering downtown to the river. She ran along the river, hard. Pushing herself until she was flying down the trail, flashing by the bikers and joggers who looked at her sympathetically but said nothing, as the social code implied was proper.

She ignored their looks of pity, knowing she was a mess with tears all over her red face, her hair wet and windswept, sweat running down her body, and her entire body shaking.

If only...Wonderland was real...I could go there...

Determination hardened her gaze, and she stared down into the water of the river, flowing quietly past.

I will go to Wonderland. Now.