Title: My sister, my friend

Author: CK

Pairings: J/C

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just let them out to play.

Authors note: A coda to Equinox.

Kathryn Janeway surveyed the wreckage that was her ship. When had she turned into Ahab? Chasing that man down, why? Because she could see her own weakness in him? She had broken her own code of ethics and alienated her first officer and best friend. The tears fell, without mercy. She dropped to the floor; her body began to shake with sobs. What was she doing here? How could these people trust her? "I am so alone." She whispered.

"Get up." A voice seem to come out of no where.

Kathryn looked up into the face of an old woman. "Where?"

"Get up. You are not alone here." The old woman starred at her. "Get up."

Kathryn crawled to her feet. Her eyes narrowed. "Who are you? How did you get onto my ship?"

"You've never changed." The old woman said looking around. "After Dad died and Justin, you changed… but not for the good."

"Who are you?" Kathryn slowly brought her hand to her chest.

"If you call security I will be gone and you will never change…" The woman turned blue eyes on her. "You are not alone out here."

Kathryn dropped her hand. "I don't know what you think you know…"

"I know what your logs say." The old woman approached. "I know what you told me when Voyager returned. What you told me when he died. When she died…. Just before you died." Tears sprung to her eyes. "Katie, listen to what I have to say. Love yourself enough to let them in. Trust them not to hurt you. You'll be a better crew for it. You'll be a better woman for it."

"Who are you?" Kathryn stepped forward, cautiously.

"He loves you. He'll always love you. But you made it so hard for him… for them. All they could do is love you from afar." The old woman stepped into Kathryn's space. "Cry for what you have lost. Then smile for what you have gained. Remember when Mom told us that, just after Bramble passed. And I know she told it to you again after Dad and Justin."

"Phoebe." Kathryn brought her hand to her sister's face.

The older woman smiled. "I've waited seventy years to tell you this Katie. The universe will not fall to chaos if you allow yourself to be human." She touched Kathryn's face. "Because of the decisions you made, because of the person you became. I lost the sister who taught me to play tennis, who taught me to swim… The one who would fight with me all day, then get me up in the middle of the night to sneak brownies." She smiled. "Let them see her. Let him in." She shook her head. "Don't come home with a lifetime of regrets. It will kill you." She embraced Kathryn and held her tightly. "I love you big sister. And so do they. Just let them." She stepped back.

Kathryn let the tears fall. "Phoebe, I'm sorry." She smiled. "I won't let you down again."

"Katie, don't let yourself down." She pressed a button. "I'll see you soon." And with that she disappeared.

The doors to the bridge opened and Chakotay led a small repairs team in. "You two over there. Tom, Harry, start with tactical. We are sitting ducks." He looked at Kathryn, standing there tears streaming down her face. He stepped over. "Captain?"

She looked at him, the tears wouldn't stop. "Chakotay." She threw her arms around him and held tight. "I'm sorry."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Kathryn?"

She pulled back just a little. "For this mess. For loosing sight of who I am…" She smiled. "For setting up too many parameters."

He smiled. "Really?"

She nodded. "Once repairs are made, I want us back on course." She stepped away from him, but held his hand. "And I want Mr. Neelix to throw the biggest party in Voyager history."

Tom and Harry looked at her. "For what?"

"Because I would like my crew to meet someone." She smiled at them.

Harry and Ton exchanged looks. It was Tom who finally asked. "Who?"

"I'd like them to meet Katie Janeway."