Author's Note: I went into NaNoWriMo looking to write a historical novel and came out with this. I don't know what happened really.. But I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it! The first chapter is a bit rocky so please excuse any mistakes. And keep in mind that I wrote this on a whim after HIAC for my own entertainment, so its not perfect, but I had fun so whatever. ;)
Enjoy!
Chapter One:
Fight and Flight
It wasn't right, he wasn't right.
This wasn't Dean. Not the Dean he remembered anyway.
It'd been so long since he'd been even relatively civil with his former brother and maybe there were things about his old self that he'd forgotten, but Seth remembered Dean. He remembered every single detail, holding them tightly somewhere in the back of his mind so that they could not escape.
Maybe he should have questioned it, the reason he held them so closely. Probably. But there was always something more important on his mind and of course he only kept his memory of Dean intact so he'd know how to hurt him. And he did, he really did.
Dean was hurting now, he could tell, but it wasn't Seth who caused it.
Hell in a Cell was the last time anyone had seen Dean. It'd been months since and despite being missing for so long, the Lunatic Fringe looked far from rested. There was no laid back look to him anymore, instead he looked weary, and there was something in his blue eyes. They were no longer playful and teasing, no, there was something there-
No, Seth thought.
Not something, there was nothing there.
Dean Ambrose was standing across from him, but staring through those dead eyes was no one.
He just looked... empty.
"Ambrose," he called out. He'd planned for this day, the day that Dean would reappear. He knew exactly what he'd wanted to say, but his voice faltered when he spoke. It felt like calling out for someone he knew wasn't there to answer.
"Dean-" his voice was a quiet plea.
"Rollins," a deep voice yelled his name out angrily. It was a familiar voice but it wasn't Dean's.
Turning to his left, he saw Roman Reigns stepping forward from the crowd. He cursed to himself and shifted so he could keep watch on the two men whose eyes were on him.
Bray stayed in his chair, which was situated a little behind Dean so that he could keep watch, rocking and smiling gleefully at the growing tension.
Roman slowly approached until he was as close to Seth as Dean was.
He thought about running. Roman looked ready to break him in two. But as his gaze darted between his former brothers, he caught Romans eye for just a moment and saw something familiar that he understood. It was a look he used to know during their Shield days. A look he hadn't seen in so long.
Most wouldn't even catch it, but they used to know each other so well and over that time they'd learned to understand each other's subtleties. Roman must have been reading him too because he had been quick to react upon Seth's initial hesitation at the sight of Dean.
A moment passed where Seth warred with himself. There were pros and cons to either decision, but ultimately he knew he couldn't fight Dean. Not like this.
It killed him because every move he made would be watched, and anything that seemed out of line would be held against him. He could very well lose everything he'd worked for. He'd given up everything to join the Authority, and although things with them had turned out different than he'd thought they would, he wasn't quite ready to give it up. Mainly because it was all he had left. He'd thrown a lot out the window without a second thought. It was just part of the job, getting to the top took sacrifice. Neither Roman nor Dean would've ever been able to do it, and they hated him for doing it to them. But it was just something you couldn't make someone understand. He was strong enough to fight for what he wanted, why shouldn't he then?
But Dean's face... Those eyes. The message Roman was sending him, one that he knew was important because Roman waited for an answer instead of just attacking.
And while yes it was risky, he was sure he could more than likely suck up to Hunter and Stephanie to regain favor. But once gone far enough, Dean would not be possible to regain.
It was then that he realized he really only had one option.
Eyes still on Roman, he responded as he would've back in their Shield days as well, with a slow lowering of his chin before turning to Dean again.
three..two..one..
They charged in unison, however Dean was more interested in Seth than anything else.
Honestly this new kind of Dean was one that terrified him. Seth could see what he needed to do in order for Roman and him to get an upper hand before Bray started with his smoke and mirrors antics. He fought Dean until he was knocked to the ground, but he didn't try to escape. If he could just shield himself from the worst of the hits, it'd keep Dean distracted while Roman took out Bray.
He curled up onto himself as much as possible, keeping his back to Dean. Blow after blow, fierce resentment behind each one, into Seth's stiff frame. He was almost beginning to wonder if it was Roman's plan to let Dean beat the hell out if him before running off, until Roman called to him, "Seth, now!"
And with that, Seth blocked a hit and swung a leg around to right himself.
Roman grabbed Dean from behind and did his best to hold him while Seth did everything he could. All they needed was for him to pass out...
Roman got an arm wrapped tightly around Dean's neck and sternly but soothingly spoke next to his ear.
"It's okay Dean, it's just me. It's okay..."
The lunatic fringe thrashed wildly against the hold and ground his teeth into Roman's skin until he drew blood.
"Agh!" Roman cried out shortly before containing it and attempting to speak reason instead,
"Dean listen to me, we're brothers remember? It's Roman. I love you man, remember?"
Seth watched as medics rushed past to check the now motionless Bray. Turning again, he saw that Dean's fighting had slowed and Seth almost thought he was taking the words in, that is until his his eyes fluttered shut and his head rolled to the side.
"Let's go." Roman murmured as he took Dean in his arms and turned to leave. Seth was certain the words were meant for Dean alone, but he followed anyway.
The commentators and crowd were going wild but he tuned them out.
Trailing behind Roman wasn't hard, as no one dared to give the furious man anything more than a glance. Roman often referred to Dean as his boy and if there was any question as to how he felt about someone messing with him, the answer was blatantly painted across his face.
"Rollins! Rollins! Get over here!"
Shit.
Triple H was shouting and barreling towards him.
"You'd better have a good explanation to save your skin Rollins, because when I'm done with you that'll be the only scrap of you that's left."
Seth hesitated a moment to face him, stepping slowly backwards towards the direction Roman was still headed.
"Look I know that wasn't part of the plan-"
"Cut the bullshit, Rollins. I could destroy your career with just one word."
Seth raised his palms innocently, and side-eyed a wall of crates to his right.
"Do you understand me? I say the word and you're gone! No questions asked."
"Yes sir, I understand. But-"
Just as the words left his mouth, he was shoving the crates between Triple H and him. They crashed to the ground, completely blocking the small hallway. He took off running at top speed as Hunter shouted curses and called out for backup.
Not looking back, Seth caught up to Roman as he was exiting through a door at the end of the hall.
They stepped into the darkness and he realized they were at the side of the building. A single car was parked under a dim streetlight.
"Rollins get out of here." Roman growled, lifting Dean carefully onto his shoulder and unlocking the door to the backseat.
"Oh is that how it's gonna be? You do realize this was sort of a team effort right?" Seth said as he barricaded the building's door, keeping a watch on Dean who was being gently laid down across the backseat.
"Funny, the Shield was sort of a team effort once too, look how that turned out." Roman said darkly as he pulled a bottle from under the seat and poured the contents into a rag. Seth watched the rag become a little heavier with the liquid until suddenly the door behind him began to quake, taking his focus.
His eyes met the barricade as it began to fall apart, and he backed further and further away until he was next to Roman.
"Get out of here Seth! We don't need you!" Roman yelled angrily.
Everything went to chaos then because the barricade was blown away with the force of the Authority and Bray Wyatt bursting through the door, Dean groaned and began stirring from his spot in the car, Roman was tossing the rag to Seth and shouting for him to get in, and Seth dove into the car, practically on top of Dean and slammed the door as they sped away.
"I swear Rollins," Roman growled shaking his head.
Seth was holding the cloth of what he understood to be some sort of heavy sedative, over the nose and mouth of a newly unconscious Dean Ambrose.
"If you so much as think something I don't like, I will make sure you career isn't the only thing you lose."
Seth frowned at the sincerity in his voice.
"We want the same thing here, you know." He responded, trying to sound cooperative.
His eyes gazed just below him, where Dean's ironically peaceful face sat. His face was badly scarred and there were dark shadows under his eyes. Seth gently brushed some of Dean's messy hair off of his face.
How could I let this happen to you?
"Do we? Because last time I checked, you wanted to tear him apart, and as it just so happens, I'm trying to hold him together. I think you're confused." Roman bit out.
"Roman, I-"
"You know what, no. I don't wanna hear it. Soon as we get to where we're going you're on your own."
"Would you just hear me out?"
"No, I won't. I've heard what you have to say and none of it's what I wanted to hear from you. And you know what?" He quickly met Seth's eyes in the rearview mirror. "It doesn't matter. I don't want it anymore. You are a piece of garbage, and I finally see that."
"Ro-"
"Don't, Rollins!" Roman shouted suddenly, shutting him up quickly.
Seth let out a deep exhale as he realized the gravity of the entire situation. He didn't speak again, watching silently when Roman pulled out his phone to dial a number.
"Hey it's Roman. I've got him and we're on our way."
A pause as he listened to the person on the other end.
"Yeah, I know. No. He uh, he's here too."
Another glance in the rearview.
"No no, not like- AJ no. Would you listen to me a minute? He sort of- well, he's not a threat right now."
Roman exhaled this time.
"Listen, I know that better than anyone. You know I do." His voice became soft as he said it but returned to normal once more, "I didn't have much of a choice. I'll take care of it though, trust me."
Not too long after, the phone call was over. During that time, Seth struggled to make a space for himself in the backseat that didn't involve lying on top of Dean. He ended up in the seat diagonal from Roman, with Dean's head resting upon his lap. Maybe he should've felt uncomfortable -probably- but if he was being honest with himself -which these days he rarely was- it felt completely natural. Well, that was other than the fact that Dean wasn't happily napping, and Roman hated his guts.
"AJ's in on this?" he asked making sure not to sound overly interested in Roman's plans.
A long moment of silence passed before Roman must have decided responding would be harmless.
"Yeah." The answer was short and flat, the kind that someone gave when they didn't want to talk to you but wanted you to shut up. Seth was well aware that was exactly the kind of answer Roman meant to give, but took the fact that he answered at all as an opportunity to break down the obvious barrier. While it was only one of the many barriers between them, it'd be a start.
"Is that where we're taking him?"
Nothing.
"To her place?" Seth tried again.
"No." Same as before, one word.
Seth decided to just drop it, looking out the window, bored.
"We bought an old house, pretty out of the way since we don't really know what to expect when he wakes."
The corner of Seth's mouth turned up ever so slightly at the longer response.
"Mm, good thinking. What exactly do y'think Bray did to him?"
"Seth, let me ask you a question. What was your plan? Before I showed up?"
"Well... I didn't actually have one."
He cleared his throat before continuing, "It was uh, sort of a sudden change of thought."
Roman let out a laugh in disbelief.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah," Seth felt a bit embarrassed but didn't want to break up the conversation they had going, "Yeah I mean, I was going to fight him- well, I was going to fight Dean, But when I saw him... He wasn't Dean anymore."
He looked down at the head in his lap, his fingers tracing the scars that covered Dean's face. He quietly wished he knew each of their stories, but then again, maybe he didn't.
"So where are you gonna go from here?" Roman's voice drew him from his thoughts.
Seth's stomach squirmed.
Right, I don't belong anywhere now.
"Who knows. My track record isn't looking great."
He was only half joking. Roman didn't say anything, but Seth knew his response wasn't one of disagreement.
They turned down a dirt road that ran through a forest before ending at an old abandoned home that was barely standing. Roman parked behind the house and Seth eyed it in shock. Roman got out and opened the back door opposite to Seth.
"It's further in, dummy. Figured it'd be better not to have the car point straight to where we're staying, y'know?" He said as he scooped up Dean's limp body.
Seth mouthed "oh" before getting out and following close behind the other two. It was dark out and Roman was the only one with a flashlight and any clue as to where he was going.
"Further in" was definitely a good description. They marched on until Seth almost began wondering if Roman was going to try to lose him amongst the trees, but then he saw a light ahead. Soon they were looking at a rickety house, not as old or rugged as the one by the road, but still so. The front steps creaked and one broke straight through as Roman heaved Dean up them.
Before he could knock, the door swung open.
"Roman, how is he? Bring him in," the short brunette, AJ Lee stepped aside, motioning for them to come in.
"He's okay. He's been out the whole-"
"You brought Rollins here?" AJ's entire demeanor changed as soon as she set eyes on him. She'd always made Seth uneasy, but especially now that she looked like she very much wanted to strangle him.
"Well I have a feeling the Authority isn't gonna want him back, so like I said, not a threat." Roman left for a small closet in the wall.
"You two know I'm right here, right?"
"Shut up Rollins." AJ said, practically over him.
When Roman returned, he held what appeared to be-
"No." the word escaped Seth before he could stop it.
Roman nodded unhappily, looking down at the straitjacket in his arms.
"Yeah we weren't thrilled with the idea either, but it'll be better than him hurting himself. He'd break out of pretty much anything else. He's crafty as hell."
Seth couldn't argue with that.
Instead he watched as the others sat Dean upright, gently sliding his arms into the sleeves and strapping them down.
Dean would hate it if he knew.
Roman scooped him up yet again, whispering what sounded like an apology into his tangled curls, and took him to a room nearby.
When Seth followed, he saw that the room was bare other than a mattress supported by nothing but a box spring. The implications made a chill run through him.
Will he really be this bad?
He remembered the dead look in Dean's eyes at the match. He could easily be that bad.
He watched as Roman lowered Dean onto the bed, and removed the cloth from his face. Seth quickly backed up to the doorway. He had no clue how this Dean felt about him, but it wasn't worth the risk to find out.
"He's going to be dazed a while." Roman offered as he stood. "It's probably best we give him some time alone after that to let him get the initial rage out if his system."
Seth nodded in hasty agreement.
They left the room, locking the door behind them.
AJ made her way to the kitchen announcing that she'd made dinner, and Roman left for a small bedroom next to Dean's.
Seth stood alone for a minute, taking in the appearance of the living room. The old floral wallpaper was peeling in many places, the windows were rather dirty, and the furniture looked like they'd thrown it together from various garage sales… for all he knew, they probably had. Though the place was anything but nice, it had a certain cozy feel to it.
He noticed the kitchen wasn't much different, old table, old appliances, old everything.
"'Ey Rollins, you like spaghetti?" AJ asked, not taking her eyes off the stove.
"Uh, sure." He sat in one if the three mismatched chairs around the wooden table.
"Good."
Something landed in his lap and he looked up to see Roman leaning against the door frame,
"Put a shirt on at least, would you?" he said with mock disgust.
Seth slipped into it, giving a look of sheepish appreciation. He honestly had forgotten he was still in his ring gear, but at least now with a t-shirt -though a bit loose- over his black pants, and with his soon to be bare hands, he looked more casual. He then tied up his hair, ignoring the ache in his shoulder as he moved it.
"Really, Rome?" Slipped out as soon as he noticed "one versus all" printed across the shirt.
"Don't call me that. And yes Rollins, you're welcome."
"Okay, okay sorry." Seth put his hands up innocently but added with a touch of snark, "Thank you, Reigns."
"Mhm."
AJ handed Roman a bowl of spaghetti and they both sat across from Seth at the table. He watched for a moment before taking the hint and rising to get a bowl for himself.
They'd gotten halfway through the meal when they were interrupted by a loud banging sound from the other room.
Seth's eyes widened as they met Roman's.
In little time, Roman was on his feet and already to the door the noise had come from.
So much for leaving him for a little while.
"Dean?" he called in a kind tone that hid the nervousness that was evident on his face well.
Silence.
"Can you hear-"
Suddenly the noise began again, over and over the door was beat from the other side. Dean yelled in rage.
"I'm sorry, Dean."
He could be heard sliding down against the wood, his breaths falling loud and heavy all the way to the bottom.
"I'm going to open the door now."
Seth stepped a few paces away until he could no longer be seen from Dean's room.
He didn't know who they'd see when the door opened, but he wasn't about to stick around to find out.
Roman pulled a key from his pocket, and slowly he opened the door.
The scene before them was difficult to look at. Seeing Dean unconscious and restrained was one thing, seeing him awake like that was something entirely different.
Roman had spent enough long nights with Dean to know more of his background than most people. From what little Roman knew of Dean's childhood, it hadn't been a pretty one. He had made it out okay obviously, but there was a time when he was tossed between foster homes thanks to the downfalls of his parents. During that time he'd been very troubled and eventually he'd been sent elsewhere, wrongly in Roman's opinion.
He'd ended up spending time in a mental institution as a result of it all, treated as if he were feral because it was easier to slap a label on him then try to understand. Easier to say he was a product of a broken home in broke down city than to look into his eyes and see a plea for help.
It was clear that the state had just been fed up with dealing with Dean's case, and because of his nearly unstable nature, he was easy to pass off to someone else.
And although commentators insisted on portraying Dean as a complete lunatic, Roman knew how much the idea of real and total insanity horrified him. Of course that didn't stop him from playing up the angle sometimes. But Roman knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was putting on, and when his unique tendencies were actually showing.
He wasn't putting on now. Not at all.
Hard breaths came out too fast, his body trembled, blue eyes darting wildly.
"Whoa, whoa Dean," Roman said sympathetically, kneeling beside where he was lying on the floor. He knew how to deal with full-on panic attacks, he'd done it many times now, but he hoped he could keep Dean from getting to that point.
"Hey, I'm here okay? It's just Roman. I'm going to keep you safe. Just breathe."
He frowned at Dean's position.
"I want to sit you up, would that be okay?"
Dean didn't say anything but nodded a little.
Relieved, Roman took him carefully by his middle and sat him up. After that he moved his arms, not wanting to make Dean feel more trapped. He kept contact though, stroking his upper arm steadily.
As soon as his breathing slowed slightly and he stiffened.
"Stop." It was a quiet murmur.
"What?" Roman lifted his hand.
"I said, stop."
Roman shifted so that he could give Dean a little space. It wasn't like Dean had never asked not to be touched, it was just that this time there was a different look in his eyes. Almost like he wasn't fully with them but the part of him that was, was on some sort of ledge.
Oh Dean what did he do to you?
"Listen to me, you're safe here. I'm going to keep you safe." Roman said soothingly.
But Dean just shook his head frantically.
"You're a liar and a traitor, just like him. You betrayed me, said you'd be there but you weren't. I called you my brother... but I was wrong. Bray, he showed me things... found me when I was lost, gave me a family. He healed me. ...And where were you?"
His eyes pierced into Roman with accusation, "'One versus all' you say. Like it's you against the world. But I needed you. You weren't there. You're a liar, Roman."
"Dean- I'm sorry. I didn't know, I thought you were alright..."
Dean let out a sharp laugh like it was a joke, but Roman saw no humor.
"I was naive to think anything we'd built could last. This world is sick, I've always known it, I was just trying to hold onto some false hope that I was wrong. Now I see how right I was... he showed me. I know better now."
Roman was taken aback by it all, he thought he'd been there for Dean. He'd always known Dean questioned the good in humans, but this was bad. Before the Shield he'd relied on only himself, they'd come so far from that. His walls had slowly come down and he'd begun to trust them. It hurt to see him like this, like all of their efforts had been in vein. It was like Seth's betrayal all over again. Roman had hated Seth for ripping Dean's trust apart like that, but somehow he was the one at fault now.
Tesnsion hung thick in the air until AJ finally spoke up in an obvious attempt to diffuse the situation.
"Hey Dean, you hungry?" She asked, keeping her voice casual.
His eyes shot up to look at her and he seemed to think for a moment, weighing the question in his mind, before giving a simple, "Yeah."
Roman stayed in the room with Dean who was still calming himself slightly, while AJ left for the kitchen.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket just enough to type a quick text. As much as he hated himself for it, he still knew Seth's number by heart.
-Roman: room next to this. go. dont come out.-
-Roman: touch anything and youre dead-
Seth entered the room- Roman's room, he figured in no time at all.
touch anything and you're dead
He snorted to himself. Looking around the place brought an odd feeling of nostalgia. A bittersweet memory of what they used to have, the way the three of them used to live together... everything you screwed up he thought to himself squeezing his eyes shut tight.
My reasons were justified..
But were they?
Did you ever know the meaning of 'justice'?
He opened his eyes again, gazing at the familiar things around him.
The only one who was justly served was you. You're miserable now, just like you deserve to be.
He angrily kicked a backpack across the room, not giving a second glance to the things that spilled out as it flew.
"Screw you roman," he grumbled under his breath.
He dropped down onto the bed, putting his head in his hands. He took out his phone and sent Roman what he was thinking before he could change his mind.
-Seth: If I told you I regret it, would you believe me?-
It wasn't long before the screen lit up again in response,
-Roman: at this point? no.-
Seth let out a breath he'd not noticed he'd been holding.
Would he have believed himself?
Probably not.
He made to lie back across the bed but was quickly reminded of the injuries he had yet to inspect from serving as a distraction. He sat up again, looking in the mirror that was conveniently across from the bed. Carefully lifting his shirt, he wrinkled his nose at the sight. Dark bruises streaked over his torso, nothing he hadn't seen before, especially after Hell in a Cell. He cursed at the thought of starting the healing process all over again.
His phone buzzed again.
-Roman: nice fucking job rollins-
-Seth: What is it now?-
-Roman: Where'd you leave your stupid gloves-
Free hand instinctively dropping to his pockets, he remembered suddenly. The table, he'd left them on the kitchen table.
-Seth: shit-
-Roman: just threw em behind some stuff... he didnt see but it was close-
Seth had barely typed out his appreciation and was about to send it when Roman added,
-Roman: he doesnt need that kind of stress right now. soon as he's back to normal though you won't be hiding behind me.-
-Seth: Think he will? I mean, Bray brainwashed him... Do you think he can be the same person he was before?-
-Roman: Ive seen him pull through worse. but you wouldnt know.-
Ouch. Seth could tell it was a deliberate jab at him but he chose to let it roll off his back. He guessed he deserved it. But there's no way Dean had been that bad off when he'd left, right?
But who was he kidding? He knew Roman was right, he'd torn apart something sacred. What they'd had with each other wasn't something you could just replace or get over.
Especially not for Dean when they were the only family he'd ever really had.
Seth had just been selfish enough to talk himself around all that, and now it was catching up with him and staring him in the face, daring him to keep ignoring it.
He sighed. He had to stop thinking like that, he was exausted and could feel a headache coming on, so he decided to make himself comfortable on Roman's bed. What could it hurt, he was stuck there anyway.
He got so comfortable in fact, he almost didn't notice himself drifting to sleep.
Roman hadn't mentioned anything potentially sensitive over dinner, and neither had AJ. It was something they'd discussed months ago, in the planning stages of Dean's rescue. They didn't know how he'd been eating since he'd been taken, so they didn't want to risk ruining his appetite.
He didn't eat nearly as much as he used to by any means, but it was something, which was a huge relief to Roman.
He felt guilty telling AJ as much as he had about Dean's past and personal life, considering how long it'd taken for Dean to even tell him. But he knew he could trust AJ because he knew if Dean referred to someone as his friend, they were trustworthy, save for one.
So he'd told her what was necessary and they worked from there.
Dean had carried little quirks from his childhood, including the fact that food was a comfort to him. He almost always kept snacks around, sometimes overate, and chewed gum when he was anxious.
This time though his poor appetite didn't come as a comfort to Roman. He wouldn't mention it though and neither would AJ. Instead they ate in silence, allowing Dean one free arm and a spoon, while the other stayed strapped securely against his body.
Once they were finished, Roman took him to the living room, while AJ busied herself with cleanup in the kitchen.
Dean seemed a good bit more at ease with what little freedom he now had. His fingers danced across his knee restlessly.
Roman took a deep breath.
"Dean, can we talk? About everything with Bray I mean..."
Dean shrugged as if it really wasn't that big of a deal.
"I guess."
"Are you sure you're okay? You were missing for months."
Roman didn't want to rush Dean and cause his defenses to go up, but he had to know. Besides, they used to talk about personal things, so it came naturally to Roman.
Dean however, didn't seem to feel the same. He hesitated stiffly, thinking about that for a moment before answering.
"I'm fine." he seemed far away, even as he spoke again.
Roman didn't like the way he answered. Something was off about it.
"Dean, talk to me."
"I'm fucking talking to you right now." He said a little agitated.
"I know but-"
"What? What're you gonna say? That I can trust you?" he shook his head.
Roman sighed. He hadn't wanted to get Dean worked up, so much for that.
"Okay, you're right. I messed up by you, and I really am sorry."
Dean stared him down darkly, without a word. When he finally dropped his gaze, he spoke, "Why did you bring me here? What is it you want?"
Roman had to think about it. They'd wanted to save him, but he didn't seem like he wanted to be saved... If this new Dean wanted to be with Bray, then what were they doing? Who were they to keep him from what he wanted? But still, it was so unlike Dean to want that, and that scared Roman. He didn't appear to be under any kind of control from Bray, but what if they sent him on his way and found out they'd missed something?
"Tell you what, if you stay with us for a few months and still want to go back, we'll let you go and never bother you about any of this again."
It was quite a gamble but Roman knew it was the only option. It wouldn't be right to harass him about the past once he made his mind up anyway.
"You didn't answer-"
"I know, Dean. Look, AJ and I care about you, okay? We just want to make sure you know exactly what it is you want. I promise you that's all we want."
Dean's face grew frustrated and confused.
"I know what I want already. Just let me go back-"
Roman was getting desperate now and he could feel something in him snap, "Remember when Seth betrayed us?"
He forced himself to ignore the pain in Dean's eyes at his words.
"Remember how there was a time you refused to believe it was his choice? Like maybe someone had forced his hand, or tricked him y'know? And you knew- you knew it wasn't true. And you knew that one day you'd have to stop pretending. That on that day, even you wouldn't be able to convince yourself you believed it."
Dean was biting his lip, his intense glare on Roman who just continued.
"You lied to yourself every night just to make it to the next day, in hopes he'd come home... Night after night. You remember how long you held on? How I tried to tell you it was over and you could let go, and you yelled at me? How bent you were on not ever giving up?" Roman could feel tears welling up in his eyes then. "Now it's my turn, Dean. Please just give me that."
After a long silent moment Roman stood and went to the kitchen where AJ still was, now leaned up against the counter looking at her phone. She looked at him sympathetically but he put up a hand to stop her from asking. Truthfully, he wasn't okay.
She nodded once in understanding and went to see Dean to his room again.
Alone, Roman shut his eyes.
He'd been so afraid that Dean would be someone completely new, that he hadn't considered him just having a new mindset. It was far more terrifying this way. Because what if Dean didn't choose him? What if this really was what he wanted? What if Roman had already lost his only remaining brother?
No, he couldn't let himself think like that. He needed to distract himself, so he decided to turn in for the night, knowing AJ would understand.
What he saw upon entering his room was not exactly what he'd expected.
Seth was still there, which wasn't anything too surprising, but he was dead asleep across the bed, part of the blanket pulled over him, and his hair spilling from its tie.
Roman laughed quietly as he looked down at him. He changed and got ready for bed, sliding onto one side of Seth.
"Move over, little skunk." Roman teased, nudging him to scoot.
"You know I hate that." Seth slurred sleepily while rolling onto his side.
"I know." Roman smiled as he got comfortable.
He wouldn't have been so trusting if Seth weren't the one already passed out in the middle of nowhere surrounded and outnumbered by people who hated him. Roman felt his chances for the night were actually pretty good.
It would only be a matter of shutting his mind down to get some sleep. Who knew what the next day could bring…
