A/N: This is a ONESHOT songfic of the Panda Song by Liam Lynch. The song lyrics are in bold. If i got some of them wrong I am SO sorry but this is the best I could do. I am trying my hand at humor to see if I've got a funny bone in my body. Anyway, read and review! hope you like!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Maximum Ride or else I would be writing this into the 5th book, just saying.
Disclaimer: I also don't own the Panda Song, but I wish I did... :(
Claimer: I own this plot-type thing though so thats a BONUS!


-Max-

I flew quietly toward our sleeping spot, listening to the happy families watching TV. How I wished I was sitting there watching it with my flock. Safe, happy.

Voice 1: Hi, as you know, we like to do a lot of charity work, and so...uh...today, we got a special guest coming in. They're going to send someone in from the city zoo as part of the...uh...Animal Awareness Week, so uh...

Voice 2: It's something we're really proud of doing, and we try to do it at least once a year...

"Max! Max!" Angel cried, running towards me. The sounds of the TV faded away as I arrived to the cave, my arms loaded with food.

"Wait a sec, Angel. Guys, FOOD!" I cried and the entire flock sat up and grabbed food out of my arms. In a few minutes, it was all gone. As we relaxed into a contented silence I asked Angel what she was going to tell me. Angel looked at me with wide blue eyes.

"I have a new power!" She exclaimed.

"Again?" I said incredulously. How many more would she get? Angel frowned.

"Well, sort of. Like, remember how I can change into different birds?" All the flock nodded, "Well, I can change into something...but I don't know what it is..." She morphed in front of our wide eyes into a fuzzy black and white creature, that looked way too familiar for the flock's sanity. Oh God. I saw Fang look at Gazzy and shake his head.

"No way buddy, you are outta here!" he said. Gazzy frowned.

"I have to sing my tale to the panda!" He said in a strange voice. No!

"You can't sing! You're not a musician, Gazzy!" Iggy yelled. He faced me beseechingly. "You can't let him do this..." I made a move to stop, Gazzy, but he held up his hands.

"This is not a rebel song...this is...the panda!" Gazzy declared and he opened his mouth and began singing.

"After dark the pandas stalk,
Nightmare creatures with black hearts!"

I was gonna be having nightmares because of this.

"Ravenous teeth that glow in the dark,
Feasting on bums that sleep in the park!"

Technically, we were bums, but we were sleeping in a cave, so Angel couldn't eat us, right?

"The pandas are coming!"

Oh, yikes. I'm so scared.

"So hide under your bed!"

I wish, but I don't have one.

"The pandas are coming!
They'll rip your ass to shreds!"

That's nice. Angel doubled over laughing, as she morphed back to her normal self. Gazzy and her shared a look. "Get out of here! Get out!" Nudge cried, covering her ears. I'm with you there, Nudge.

"Yeah dude, get out of here." Iggy said with a voice full of pain.

"Hey Panda Boy—" Fang began.

"I shan't!" Gazzy declared defiantly. Everyone groaned including me. Gazzy smiled evilly and opened his mouth.

"The panda is indeed the most mysterious of all creatures.."

"Can somebody have him shaved or something," Iggy moaned. If only I had brought a razor, dang. Gazzy ignored us.

"Shrouded in the enigma of its black and white coat."

"What?" Angel gasped.

"What kind of camoflauge is this? Black and white?" Gazzy looked thoughtful, "Hiding in an Oreo Factory...could be..."

An Oreo Factory? Who makes this stuff up? "NOOO!" Fang and Iggy said together. Which, you know, would have been hilarious if I hadn't understood their pain. I swear that boy was gonna get strangled in about 10.53427 seconds. Gazzy started chanting, and Angel's face became fuzzy and black again.

"The pandas are coming!" Ten...

"To rip of your head!" Nine...

"The pandas are coming" Eight...

"On a rampage of the DEAD!" Angel snarled and leaped at us with her fuzzy paw-like hands. Nudge screamed and hid behind Iggy. I narrowed my eyes at Angel, and she looked at me with wide, black, animal-like eyes.

"What the hell?" Fang muttered. I shot him a look and he shrugged. Language shmanguage, Gazzy did need to shut the hell up.

Gazzy raised his eyebrows at Fang and grinned widely. "Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth—" That's it...seven...

"Okay, somebody cut off his oxygen!" Iggy said, exasperated. Fang grinned and moved toward Gazzy with his hands outstretched. I glared at him, and he looked at me with innocently. Gazzy was mine.

"Which it uses like a hack saw to cut through bones, candy, and fences!" Gazzy finished with a broad smirk.

"Uh...that's a lie," I said uncertainly in reply to Nudge's petrified face. What? How was I supposed to know what pandas ate?

"The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the powers to summon Godzilla!" Gazzy announced.

"WOW!" Angel the Panda said. Oh my Freaking God! Did she actually believe him? "Do you want me to pull out a tooth?" Eww. Gazzy opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with one of my famous death glares. Instead he said something even worse.

"I'm drunk off Panda Mystery!" Fang snorted. Yeah, right. He was drunk off something else, and I'm sure Fang and Iggy wanted some of it. Gazzy raised his eyebrows. Oh no, he wasn't done yet. Six...

"The pandas are coming!" Apparently that was Angel's cue to go all 'panda' on us. Five...
"So hide under your bed!"
Nudge was hiding behind me now. Four...
"The pandas are coming!"
We got that, the first FIVE times! Three...
"They'll rip your ass to shreds!" Two...AND If Erasers can't rip my ass up than a Panda would have no chance. Especially a tiny one like Angel. Just saying. Gazzy beamed at me and said a few last things.

"This has been chapter one of my ongoing songs about the panda. I shall cease at number 820! You will see me again Miss Ride!" Okay, TWO POINT FIVE, THREE, FOUR, TWO, SEVEN (2.53427)...and of course you will. I live with you, retard.

"Just...uh...get a clue—" Fang and Iggy simultaneously said tentatively.

"Get a PANDA!" Gazzy yelled triumphantly.

One. Oh yeah, he was gonna get somethin' and it wasn't a panda.


A/N: Hehe..I don't know if I like the ending but whatever...If you guys want a sequel just tell me.

And, yes, I know I should be updating my other stories, but my friends and I are obsessed with this song and I couldn't resist writing it...hehe

But after posting this, I will get to writing the next chapters to, Blind Devotiong, The Syrinx,and Deja Vu.

Now move your mouse to the little blue cheese and eat it!

Cristina