If I Can Be With You

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's not mine. Not the story. Not the song, but anyhow, listen to it. On one of the DNAngel's extras, by Suichi Miyamoto. It's very beautiful, so go. Listen to it. You won't be disappointed.

I wearily sat on the train, looking out the window at trees passing by.

'You okay?' I nodded at Ron, not glancing back at him. I don't want to be bothered right now. Please go away.

Apparently my line of though didn't reach him, as he stayed where he was, watching me with concern. 'It's Sirius, isn't it?' For the first time on the trip, I turned to glare at him, making a growling sound in the back of my throat. No, you fool. It's not him. Over the summer I came to terms with his death/ I don't blame myself anymore. Or, at least, not as much. It's something else entirely.

'Really, mate, what's wrong?' Everything. The person I fell in love with hates me. Always has. Some guy's out to kill me. You're bugging me. Maybe I should just ell you so you'll go away.

My other best friend looked up from the book she was reading. 'Yeah, you've been strangely quiet lately. What's gotten into you!' God, not you, too…

'Just shut up! I don't want to talk to anyone now, now! Okay! Stay the hell away from me!' I shouted at them.

The two were shocked into silence. With a self-satisfied smirk, I turned back to watching the outside roll by.

Ah, but good things can never last.

'We'll always support you, no matter what you decide, Harry. We're your friends, it's what we're supposed to do. Even if you go Dark, though that's a little extreme, we'd stand with you.'

The wall around my feelings crumbled a little bit, and I let out a deep sigh, burying my face in my hands. 'You guys would shun me.'

Ron shook his head. 'If it's the fact that you're gay, mate…we already know.'

My eyes shot up to meet his. 'Y-you knew! How?'

The two shared a secretive glance. 'For people that know you, it's pretty obvious. We found out before you even did, I think. You should have seen our faces when you told us you were going out with Cho.'

All three of us smiled. 'Thanks,' I said sarcastically. I'm glad they don't mind. It's just…if they knew…

'So!' Ron exclaimed brightly. 'Who's the guy you've been angsting over? That is why you're so depressed, right?'

I nodded. 'But I'm not going to tell you who. I don't need to be abandoned over something stupid like this. Just…let it go, alright?'

'Hell no!'

I sighed. 'Fine,' I mumbled, ignoring their delighted faces. 'Draco fucking Malfoy.'

Ron gave a triumphant shout. 'I knew it! I knew it! Ha! Take that 'Mione!'

The young witch sighed. 'Oh, whatever. You win.'

Before I could say anything, the door burst open, admitting the blonde Slytherin, minus his two goonies, eyes frantic.

'What're you doing here, M-' I was cut off by the frightened look on his face.

'Hid me! Crabbe and Goyle are about to murder me!'

I hesitantly nodded, t hen jumped on my seat so I could get to my trunk. After a couple seconds of frantic searching, my fingers brushed against the slippery fabric of my invisibility cloak. I tossed it over to Malfoy, who just barely caught it. 'Put that on and sit in the corner.' Right after he did what I told, our door slid open again.

'Have you guys seen Draco? He ran this way,' the bulkier of the two asked.

'Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.' Ron and Hermione looked at me in shock, thinking I was going to give him away. 'But once he saw who was in here, he just walked off. Did you need him for something?' My voice was laced with false sweetness.

'No,' was their reply as they turned away.

With a flick of my wand I closed the door and threw up a heavy silencing shield surrounding the compartment. Malfoy drew off my cloak, wordlessly handing it back to me.

'What happened?' I asked, curious. 'Why the hell were they after you?'

He was silent for a few moments, then spoke. 'I switched sides in the war.'

My eyebrows raised, then deeply furrowed.

'How do I know you're telling the truth?'

Hermione looked at me warningly. 'Harry…'

I just glared at her. 'Shut up.' She recoiled as if she had been slapped. 'Oh, fine, I'm sorry. I just want to know is all.'

Malfoy laughed. 'You guys are lucky to have friends like each other. Everyone in Slytherin was scared of me, so they pretended to respect me. I pretended to be on their side. It's always been a stupid game for me. I've been run, I've run others…no one to ever really talk to.'

'We'll listen.' This comment, to everyone's surprise, came from Ron.

'Really?' The three of us nodded.

I suppose I'll let it lie that Malfoy skirted around proving he was telling the truth. I looked over at Malfoy, noticed something, then began to chuckle. At the other's questioning faces, I explained. 'Draco, you're wearing eyeliner.'

'Fuck!' he swore, then conjured up a mirror, looking at his face. 'So…do you think it's pointless to keep wearing my glamour?'

'Glamour?' Just like me.

He nodded. 'Finite Incantum' A collective gasp spread throughout us when we saw what our new friend really looked like.

His hair was shoulder-length now, and was streaked with red and black. Silver eyes were lined with dark eyeliner, contrasting his pale skin. A tight, red shirt clung to his form, black pants hanging from his waist, chains dangling randomly off his legs. Lonely rays of sunlight glinted off pewter boot buckles, black rings and alternating green and silver earring studs going all the way up his right ear.

Damn, he's hot! It took all of my will power to suppress the lust filling my eyes, though Hermione noticed, and smiled teasingly at me. I sent her a glare that read "Oh, shut up." Ron just watched in amusement.

'So…what brought upon this change?' asked my bushy-haired friend.

'A girl I met over the summer. We kind of became friends, you could say. She was the muggle that helped me see the error of my ways, and the error of my fashion. We took a long shopping trip and got myself a new wardrobe. Had no idea who I was, which was probably why I liked her so much. I wasn't treated all high and mightily, but as a friend.'

Then he's probably taken. There's no reason for him to like me back, even if he was gay. It's hopeless.

Hermione, the ever-sensible one, sensed my train of thought and asked the question that was burning me apart inside. 'Did you like her? Well…more than a friend, that is…'

Draco shook his head. 'Nah, don't go for girls. Never have. Father wasn't too pleased with me about it, I'd have to say.'

My red-haired friend smiled brightly. 'This goes very well with what we were discussing earlier, doesn't it, Harry?'

It took half a second for the implications of what he was saying sunk in. 'You wouldn't.'

'What?' Draco asked, eager for an answer.

'Oh, we told Harry we knew he was gay, then squeezed it out of him who it was. And…don't even bother asking the person, we'd be murdered.'

'You're going down just for telling him that much, Ron. Oh, you will so pay.' I shook my head slowly, watching them with a gaze that could be regarded as lethal. Draco laughed, snapping me out of the murderous state that I was in.

'Fine, fine. I won't ask. Just…I'll have you know that you can't keep a secret from me for long.'

I looked up at the watch strapped around my wrist. 'Ten minutes until we get to school, you guys. We should probably change.' Ron and Hermione nodded and got their robes, the latter leaving the compartment.

'You changing?' I asked the youngest male Weasley to Malfoy.

'I want to scare the shit out of everyone. And…do you guys mind if I sit at your table? My House isn't very friendly with me at the moment.' We nodded, and I peeled off my shirt.

'Shit, mate, what happened to you?' Ron asked, staring in frightened wonder at my bare, scarred chest.

'Crap…' My glamour had worn off. Maybe it had something to do with Draco's coming off? No… I quickly finished pulling on my robe, just as Malfoy opened his mouth to ask where I got the scars.

'Shut it, bastard. We may be on good terms now, but Harry has a lot of secrets he'd protect with nearly everything, so do me a favor and don't poke around. Sure, I'm curious as hell, but we need to respect his privacy.'

Thank you, Ron. You're the best friend I could ever ask for. I don't now what I'd do without you.

A bunch of people gave Draco strange looks when he sat down with us. Well…those who recognized him. The Sorting passed quickly, as did Dumbledore's speech. Finally, it was time to tuck in.

'Thank all things high and holy!' I exclaimed towards the ceiling.

'No offence to the sky, but that would be me, Potter.' Ron and Hermione looked on with laughter.

What would he say if he knew how I truly felt? Could the two of us still be able to remain friends, or would everything shatter? It's so hard, though. I'm just falling harder an faster for him, and I can't stop. I love him too much. Far too much.

'Want to come back to the Common Room with us? If you're not getting along too well with your house mates, it'd be good to get mine used to you before long,' I told Draco once dinner had finished.

"Sure, why not," he muttered.

My head shot up. 'What?'

'Oh, I'm sorry. I'll randomly start talking in Japanese. It's a bad habit I picked up over the summer.'

"How long've you known the language?"

"Since the summer. Wait, you speak, too?"

I laughed, and nodded.

'You two deserve to know,' I started, up in the bedroom I shared with the other boys in my year. 'Why I'm so scarred that it. I-' I hesitated. Should I tell them? Do they deserve to know? …Yeah. I guess they'll force it out of me sooner or later. 'I'm a cutter. Sirius's death effected me a little too strongly, I'm afraid, so I began to use self-mutilation. Surprisingly enough, it helped, though I never got truly dependant on it.'

Ron and Draco looked at me in fear.

'You actually did that to yourself? But…some of them were awful!'

'I know.' My oldest friend hesitantly wrapped his arms around me, followed by the blonde.

'It's alright. You don't have to do that anymore. We're here now.

I smiled.

'Thank you so much. I was just really depressed. I totally forgot that there were people who looked out for me. You have no idea how much it means.'

Draco raised an eyebrow. 'Course we do. You're not the only one to be all dark and gloomy over the summer. I know exactly what you felt like.'

A couple days later, the four of us trudged into the DADA classroom for the first time that year. Lupin had been re-introduced at the beginning of the feast, and sat behind the teacher's desk in front of everyone. Once the room was filled, he began to speak.

'Today we're going to do something that could be called an icebreaker, by muggles. What it mainly is is a get-to know people thing, except it's a spell. It'll reveal what most represents you, be it a song, a quote, an item or scent. Who'd like to go first?'

Ron shrugged, stepping forward. 'Why the hell not? Personally, I'd like to see what it is.'

Lupin smiled and said the Latin incantation under his breath.

A song started playing, and once me, Draco and Hermione heard the first notes, we broke out laughing hysterically, our friend looking confused.

-+-Where I come from isn't all that great,

My automobile is a piece of crap my fashion sense is a little wack

And my friends are just as screwed as me.

I never went to boarding school,

Preppy girls never looked at me,

Why should they, I'm nobody, got nothing in my pocket. -+-

The song went on, the people who actually listened chuckled at the lyrics.

'Oh, God,' murmured my friend when he took his seat again, a large grin plastered on his face. 'You have no idea how much that song is like me! Do the singers know me by any chance?'

I shook my head at him in amusement.

'Harry, do you want to go next?' asked my teacher.

'Oh, sure.'

Mine was a song, too. It started out slowly, a couple of piano chords accentuating words, then rose into loud, passionate singing, then falling down again, rising one last rime. The moment I heard the first Japanese words, my eyes locked with Draco's, not noticing the spell Lupin placed over the class so they could understand.

-+-I wished I could see you, but I couldn't, so I was left gazing into the sky.

I wanted to tell you, but I can't, and the wind has stopped.

So much, I love you so much.

It's too hard to hide my feelings like this, because it's so painful

Since I couldn't say it, and I was lonely, I kept it all inside of me.

If I tell you, I won't be able to be with you any more.

If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have had to face this,

If I could hate you, I wouldn't have felt this much pain.

Standing alone in the rain with no umbrella,

Waiting for the burning fire in my heart to go out.

Before I noticed, the rain ahs already stopped.

I have feeling once again in my clenched hand.

I'll take being your friend

If I can be with you.-+-

At the end of the song there was one question that burned in everyone's mind.


Who did Harry Potter fall in love with?

Only Ron and Hermione truly understood the meaning behind all of it, the one I loved.

Draco slowly walked towards me from the opposite side of the classroom to where I lounged against one of the wall, our eyes still locked with the other's.

He stopped in front of me and raised a hand to lightly run down the side of my face, sending shivers up and down my spine, turning my legs to jelly.

In what looked to be a split decision, the blonde dipped his head and caught my lips with his. I gasped, letting his tongue enter my mouth. Ignoring the catcalls coming from everyone else, I slid my arms around the taller man's neck, pulling him closer.

The only thought that crossed my mind was: Oh shit, why did this have to happen in front of everyone? But everything was forgotten in the overpowering sensation of Draco's mouth on mine, hands roaming over my back and chest.

Owari