And I Love You So...

Chapter 2- The Next Morning

I watch her sleep. Her beautiful red hair in a beautiful tangle around her peaceful face. If only I could tell her how much she really means to me. I feel too much for her ever to let us become involved. My track record is so bad. How does she know exactly what I need? It was so nice having someone with whom to eat and doze before the TV.

Donna's eyes slowly opened and she says to me, "Good morning, Harvey. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. I haven't slept that heavily since...I can't remember when I ever slept that deeply."

"Feeling better?" she asks as she sits up gathering the blanket around herself. We're both fully dressed. I in my T-shirt and pajama pants I picked up last night on the way here and she in her tank top and pajama pants. Her black tank top strap slips a little from her shoulder as she leans on one elbow looking up at me with those beautiful dark green eyes. It reveals more of her porcelain skin and hint of a breast. A sudden memory of a night many years ago when I saw her completely naked as I left in the middle of the night. She is so beautiful and only gotten more beautiful as the years have gone by. I know we didn't have sex last night, but I want to tease her to show I am feeling better and because that is a part of us.

"Donna, what happened last night? We didn't...?

Donna rises and gives me a hard look.

"Harvey, if we had had sex last night for only the second time, you would have remembered it."

"Whew...," I said and then I sit up and draw the blankets around me as I half sit and half lie in this wonderfully comfortable bed.

"Thanks a lot. Geez, why do I bother?" Donna asks to the ceiling.

"Because you love me, that's why," I joke back.

Donna smiles and my whole world is suddenly brighter. I scoot all the way down in her bed and throw the covers up to my shoulder. Donna looks down at me with quizzical look.

"Are you feeling better?" She repeats.

"Yes. Thank you."

She turns away from looking at me and then decides to lie down again herself. I suddenly can't remember what day it is. I start to get out of bed panicking and I feel a restraining hand placed on my elbow.

"Hey, good looking, where are you going on a Saturday at 7:30 am?"

I smile and I tease back.

"I know I'm good looking...didn't realize it was Saturday."

"I know. You've been so preoccupied with Mike and getting the firm back on its feet.."

"You have, too," I acknowledge.

"I know I have. But we all promised that night that we would give our total heart, soul and blood remaking our firm. You just been wearing your guilt for Mike so heavily that you almost stopped functioning altogether. I don't want you to give up, but if you have exhausted all the avenues with which to help, you'll have to face that Mike might have to serve his whole sentence."

I do not want to argue with her, and I know she's right. So I move to her side of the bed and place a kiss on her cheek. She still smells like French Vanilla with a touch of cinnamon which I know came from the pancakes we decided to have last night because the shitty Thai place was closed. I lean back and we both smile silently knowing how much we really need each other and how much we really love each other.

"So, if you want to take a shower, I think I still have an old pair of sweat pants I borrowed from you one night the last time I got sick at your place. There is also a spare T-shirt which should fit as well."

"How do you come to have T-shirts that would fit me?" I ask wondering if the T-shirt is Mitchell's. She hasn't mentioned him in weeks and I have never seen him, so I am not sure he is still in the picture. Like she said, she, too, has been working hard to recycle the firm, so I don't even know if she has had a personal life since Mike's trial.

"I told you I borrowed it from you when I was sick the last time at your place," she says. I just can't remember how long ago that was.

"Remember the office Christmas party about two years ago? Right before I performed my major faux pas with Liberty Rail?"

"Oh," I said with the memory suddenly filling my mind. "You were upset because the guy you were dating stood you up and you got sick when you mixed your drinks on little or no food. I remember. I had Ray drive us both back to my place to make sure you didn't die on me in the middle of the night."

"Yes. I tried to assure you I wasn't going to drown in my own vomit like a junkie rock star, but you gave me no choice. I think I fainted or passed out."

"You did. Luckily I caught you or you would have hit your head on your own desk, if I remember," I say smilingly while I look into those beautiful eyes of hers.

"My hero," she says dramatically with a hand to her chest.

We laugh at the memory and the silliness of it. We need more of that. We need more levity and laughter between us. It's hard because I feel so to blame for Mike being in jail and I know what Donna says is true but I can't help it. Every time I look at Rachel's sad brown eyes I can't help feeling it's all my fault why she's alone

"It's ok, Harvey. Really," Donna strokes my damaged ego one more time.

Donna decides to rise. She turns away from me so I see her straight back and curvaceous ass which I try to calm my hormones from wanting to reach out and pinch her. There can't be any of that between us because I am so afraid that I will only screw up what we have. I can't drive her away again. This time I know it would be for good, so it is better to show nothing at all and hopefully she can accept that is all I can give her in fear of losing her.

"Earth to Harvey," I hear her say. Geez, did my brain go down that path again? I do love her in that way, and I do want her so much.

"I'm sorry, Donna. What?"

"I just wanted to say that I will go make some coffee and give you a little privacy if you want to shower. You now know where everything is , right?"

"Yes, since I've been here more than just that God-awful dinner party and that-other time."

I see her smirk a little when I mention that other time. Suddenly I want to do nothing but grab her and make love to her right now. In truth I don't think I ever felt as one with anyone as I do with her. However, I hesitate knowing that if I capitulate I will only hurt her in the end and she will leave me for good.

"Ok, I'll see you when you're out of the shower," she says and turns and walks out of the bedroom.

I lie in her bed, still feeling her lingering body warmth and unforgettable scent in her sheets, not wanting to get up right away, and I wonder if I just made another life altering mistake.