ALL I NEED
a song by Within Temptation
a scene from "The Dummy Twins"
a short story by justCiles4life
Thoughts
Song
Normal
Have fun ... and prepare for no perfect English
She could not understand, she simply could not understand, what was wrong with her. She never had cried that much in her life. Her eyes were red and swollen, her lungs were burning from the cold air she was breathing, and her head was ready to explode. She was lying on the hard floor in front of the Sheffield's house, her body was aching and she was ready to die.
I'm dying to catch my breath, oh, why don't I ever learn ...
That fool. Why did he have to propose? CC closed her eyes. She knew, she was about to freeze to death, but after what that man had said to her, she didn't care. She never had been happy with her life, and he had destroyed her whole big pretending-bubble with a few simple words. CC wished, he would find her first in the morning, body cold and lips blue. He would probably be so happy, now that he had her out of his life ...
I've lost all my trust, though I surely tried, to turn it around.
"Niles ...", she whispered his name and could not prevent herself from smiling. Her thoughts from that night, when Niles had proposed for the first time, were running through her head.
Did he just really ... propose? Does he love me? Should I say yes? I mean - I love him ... but what, if this is just a joke? But what if he ... really loves me? No, I have to find out first.
CC had bursted into laughter and after that, it had been too late to take it back. But after the second, third and fourth time, she knew for shure, it just had been a joke. And that was when CC understood, nobody had ever loved her, and nobody ever would. Especially not that certain butler.
CC took one last breath and began to cough. "Oh, please, let me die", she whispered. "My life isn't worth to live on."
"No, I won't let you die, silly woman", a sudden voice said and CC looked up.
Niles had opened the door and looked down to her with a very strange look.
Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away, when you hold me in your embrace.
Niles lifted her up into his strong arms and held her tight to his warm body. "Are you crazy?", he said angrily, but his voice sounded worried. "I mean, I knew, you weren't really healthy up there, but that was just pure insanity!"
CC couldn't answer. She almost had died, and nobody else than him had saved her life. Now he held her in his arms, and she looked up to him, thinking of him as an angel.
Niles laid her down on the couch gently and wrapped her in a blanket. "Why?"
"Why what", CC whispered.
"Don't play coy", Niles said. "You know what I mean. Why, for heaven's sake, have you laid yourself in front of the door?"
"I wanted you to find me ..."
"Uh huh, you wanted to kill me."
"No ..."
"Miss Babcock, when I open the door in the morning, and see you, lying there, dead ... I would drop dead too. I don't want you to die ..."
"But you told me ..." CC gasped for air, "all the things you said over the years, and all the things you said yesterday ... you really do hate me, and I understand that -" CC let the tears flow. "I don't like myself that much, and I wanted to end it -" But then CC noticed, Niles was crying as well. "N - Niles ...?"
Don't tear me down for all I need, make my heart a better place, give me something I can believe.
Don't tear me down, you've opened the door now ...
don't let it close.
"Miss Babcock", Niles whispered and turned his head away, so she couldn't see him crying and making fun of it. "Why would I hate you?"
"Oh, I don't know", CC hissed silently. "Maybe you go back in time and ask all the past-Niles', everytime they said something mean to me. They called me a man, fat, brunette, old, a witch, -"
"Well, yeah", Niles interrupted her, "I could ask them, they would just tell me, they think you're a beautiful, tall, curvy woman in her best age, with such a stunning appearance, that every man in her closeness would be under her spell, not understanding, why she had to colour her hair, since she's the most gorgeous creature on earth ..."
CC blinked. "I didn't understand a single word ..."
Niles turned his head around and locked his eyes with her. He was still crying. "That's what I think about you, silly. You are sophisticated, beautiful, stunning, sexy, gorgeous, funny, have the prettiest face I've ever seen, the most exciting body I've ever seen, the most thrilling laugh I've ever heard ... every man who hasn't ever noticed your unbelivable beauty is just blind and doesn't deserved you. Well ... I noticed everything of that, and yet I don't deserve you more than every other man out there ..."
Niles stood up and left the stunned CC alone.
I'm here on the edge again, I wish I could let it go.
I know that I'm only one step away from turning it around.
Does that mean, he loves me ...?
He said, he thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, and all of that, but he doesn't deserve me.
Why does he think that?
CC jumped to her feet and ran after him. He was leaning over the kitchen counter as she entered, his head on his arms, sobbing into them without a noise.
"What do you want?", he asked quietly. "Why did you come back?"
"Niles, I don't understand", CC said, her voice full of sadness. "Why do you tell me for years, what you think of me and - and then propose to me and then I have to find out, you didn't mean everything you said ...? I don't know what to do ... why the hell did you ask me to marry you?"
Niles head shot up and he glared at her. "You really are not the brightest. Hello! Babcock! Have you already looked at me? I'm just a butler! And you are a fucking queen!"
CC laughed. "No, Niles, I -"
"Shut up, now I am talking", Niles growled and placed himself in front of her. "Imagine, if I never had insulted you, and we never really talked to each other. And one beautiful day, I had told you that I love you. Maybe I had sent you flowers for weeks and love letters and all those silly things, but then I had told you. I think you know, what that means."
"You insulted me, to get my attention", CC whispered and Niles nodded lightly. "But ... does that mean, you -" CC swallowed "love me?", she ended very quiet.
Niles slapped himself on his forehead. "Woman! You didn't know? I proposed to you, for god' sake! OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, YOU -"
"Niles", CC cried and then she wrapped her arms around him.
Can you still see the heart of me. All my agony fades away, when you hold me in your embrace.
Don't tear me down for all I need. Make my heart a better place, give me something I can believe.
Don't tear me down, what's left of me. Make my heart a better place ...
"Miss Babcock ...", Niles whispered as his hands wandered over her body. "I love you so much. Why have you never noticed?"
"I don't know", CC cried. "I wish I did. Oh my god, I thought you hated me. Niles, I really thought that! That's why I laughed! I - I thought, you would just joke with me -"
"Shhhh, Love, shhhh", Niles tried to calm her and wiped her tears away. "No, I would never joke about something like that. It's okay, Love, let it out."
CC closed her eyes, enjoying him calling her "Love".
They stood in a tight embrace for a few minutes. After CC had stopped crying, she let go and looked at Niles.
"All I ever wanted, is you", she said. "I needed much time to notice that. But I did. And after I did, I payed more attention to you. And I noticed, that I need you. You are all I need, Niles. All I want. All I love ..."
Niles smiled and then he laid his lips gently on hers.
I tried many times, but nothing was real ... make it fade away, don't break me down.
I want to believe, that this is for real, save me from my fear. Don't tear me down ...
When they broke apart, Niles caressed her face with the back of his hand. "My beautiful Miss Babcock", he said softly. "Never doubt my love for you."
CC smiled. "Niles", she sighted and then they kissed again.
Don't tear me down for all I need, make my heart a better place, give me something I can believe.
"So ... marry me?"
"No", CC sighted again. "Too early ..."
"Sorry, Love" Niles kissed her lightly.
"But if you dont mind -" CC smiled impishly, "you could show me, how much you love me. And I could show you, how much I love you ..."
Niles didn't even answer, he instantly lifted her up, swung her around and then he placed her in his arms again, kissed her with all his passion and went up to make love to the most beautiful woman of the world, who happened to be the love of his life.
Make my heart a better place,
make my heart a better place ...
