Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Quick note: This is meant to be a Ten/Rose quick drabble. I know I never specify that he's talking about Rose, but that's who it's supposed to be. You can read it any way you want… but it's about Rose. Or, at least, it's meant to be. Enjoy!
Oh, wait! I forgot my apology: I don't think I've ever written anything this short and fluffy. Honestly, I'm at home banging my head against a wall right now. I cannot believe I wrote this. So read at your own risk- and enjoy :) *evil smirk
Holding Hands
For anyone, saying "I love you" is a daunting challenge. There's always the threat of rejection and heartbreak- a risk that takes a lot of courage to take. For a Time Lord, it's much the same. Even for the time traveling aliens, rejection and heartbreak is a very real fear that looms large (no matter how much a certain pinstripe-clad Time Lord might deny it.)
Now, imagine that Time Lord with those human-like feelings is the last of his kind. The very last one. And he's fallen in love with a human. For such a Time Lord, suddenly "I love you" isn't just putting your heart(s) on the line, but something much more. It's admitting to someone how important they are to you, and how alone you'll be when the unavertable happens. So the "I love you" goes unsaid, instead hiding in the shadows, betrayed only by the racing heartbeat(s) produced by a feather-light kiss, or the looks exchanged when no one else is looking. The fun flirting and cheerful teasing may continue, but they never hold what they could.
Sometimes said Time Lord thinks it's almost as bad as admitting the truth. Because this dancing around the truth, this pretending- it's driving him mad, it really is. His first instinct is to run; he's done a lot of running in his life, so it's a natural reaction. He really should run.
(How can you run from something that makes you feel so safe, so happy?)
His next instinct is simply to ignore it. Pretend he's fine; pretend he's as unaffected as he claims to be. Is he a good enough actor to pull it off? Who knows? He's never had a task that big-maybe he could.
(Except she can read him like a book, and he could never lie to her anyway.)
He supposes he could lie to himself. In a way, that's what he's been doing all this time. He could ignore his feeling, brush them off as nerves from a life-or-death situation. Or he could try to convince himself that it's not love, not really. It's just… an attachment. Friend-love. They've been through a lot, after all.
(But he doesn't get nervous over that stuff. And the friend-love he feels for others is different, so very different, then what he's feeling now.)
And then there's the last option. The one he'd like to take so, so very much. He could always tell her. Tell her the truth. One problem; he's scared. It's a commitment that will cause him so much pain one day.
And then, right next to that fear, is a fear embedded in almost everyone- the fear of rejection, the fear of being hurt.
(And he's been hurt so many times.)
Maybe that fear is what makes him human, underneath all his foreign blood. Maybe that's always what it comes back to- for everyone. There's only one other option; he has to try to tell her without actually telling her.
Sometimes, she'll take his hand, and he can almost hear an 'I love you' in the simple gesture. So he'll take her hand and hope she can hear it too.
(I love you.)
For anyone, saying 'I love you' is a daunting challenge.
But maybe you don't always have to say it.
Um… review?
