Professor Dippet was sitting in his office and contemplating the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. He decided his life purpose would be to be incredibly sexy. Suddenly and most unexpectedly, a picture on the wall started to talk to him. Normally this would have been incredibly normal, except when it said, "Hey sexy beast, wanna go for a ride in my lurve mobile?!?!".

A startled Dippet turned around to see the portrait of Helga Hufflepuff in a bikini and smoking a cigar. She stood up from her bed a beckoned him to come through her portrait. "I'm sorry Helga but I can't I am already seeing someone." he said.

"Who?" she asked.

"Salazar Slytherin, he is a total babe. He makes you look like my grandmother's behind. I'm sorry, but I can't stay to chat, I must go see Salzy. Were going on a hot date! But I hear Godric Gryffindor is looking for love, why not ask him?"

"Oh no, I'm a cradle snatcher, I only like my men young! Maybe I'll try that sexy new student Tom Riddle." She replied just before she disappeared from her portrait. Dippet was slightly taken aback by her statement. He remembered poor headmaster Wilfred Pennyfarthing who let a student date a portrait and he was fired. He knew he would have to intervene some time soon.