Like a Cat Out of Hell

"Am I dead?"

If he was dead, and indeed in the abode of the damned, Moxie supposed that there were all the tell-tale signs. Fiery sky? Check. Lakes of lava? Check. The screams and curses of the damned? Check.

"Hello there."

And the Devil himself. Big, red, wielding a pitchfork, blazing eyes. He supposed he was a Dharkwave – not very dark, but no-one knew what Dharkwave looked like either.

"Y'know the invasion of Strife hasn't begun yet," the Devil said. "Aren't you meant to respawn in the arena?"

Moxie shrugged.

"Some glitch in the Keepers' spell?"

Moxie yawned. All this heat was making him sleepy.

"If I may say so, you seem to be taking this quite well. Most people who I meet start crying or begging at this point."

"Yeah, well, we know what happens next," Movie said. He touched the lightning symbol on his chest. "Lightning cat, baby."

"Yes, indeed," the Devil sighed. He flicked his fingers and out popped a giant scroll, made of what looked like human flesh. Or maybe it was the light, Moxie couldn't be sure.

"I hate cats," the Devil said. "Do you know why so many people are afraid of cats in the planes? It's that because every one of them has passed through Sheol at some point or another."

Moxie gazed out into the lake of fire. He saw some Dharkwave succubi getting a tan. Maybe he'd give Hale some advice once he returned to Strife.

"So, anyway," the Devil said. "One life down, eight to go, unless your body is completely destroyed." He flicked his fingers again and it disappeared, leaving a smell of fire, brimstone, and rotten eggs.

"Does it always smell like that?" Moxie asked.

"Nah," the Devil said. "Just farted."

"Oh, great." Moxie sighed. An eternity of torment and fart jokes awaited for him if he ended up here permanently. Far better for the Dharkwave to invade, be beaten back, and have the whole plane destroyed. Minus the scantily clad Dharkwave of course.

"So, anyway," the Devil said, flicking his fingers a third time and opening up a portal to what Moxie supposed was Strife. "I'll be seeing you."

"Yeah," Moxie said. "See ya."

And so the lightning cat passed through the portal. Back into Strife. Back to the Trials, to prepare for the Dharkwave.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad actually.