Song fic is reposted without the lyrics.
Muse.
It had been easy, the transition from field op's to a desk job. Too easy; it scared him. Field work had been his dream, his life, his only need, yet he had just walked away. No remorse, no 'what if's' he was done with it. For good.
He reasoned that his departure from CTU had played a hand in it. CTU was now a place he never wanted to return to, and he associated 'the field' with that place. Maybe that's why he was never tempted to join in with the operations he spent so long planning.
Maybe he had let go because field work had almost killed him. Although he walked out of it with a pulse he had been dead inside. It had destroyed him, sent him rotten to the core. In short, field work had ruined his life.
So why had he fallen back into step so easily, that morning at the compound? Why didn't he hesitate for just a second, instead of diving in head first? He could have planned the rescue attempt and sent a team in on it, but he had to go; it was like some personal vendetta. And once he started that was it, he was sucked in and wouldn't stop. He had to keep going, after one threat was neutralised he went right onto the next, relishing in the electrical charge that surged through his veins as he pulled the trigger again and again. He was alive again.
Field work had killed him, then brought him back to life. He had enjoyed his existence with Audrey. He had a comfortable well paying job and a delicious, loving partner. There was a stone in the shoe, but Audrey's husband never became a real problem up until that day; the day he saw the light. He realised that there was living and then there was living. Living on the edge, feeling danger rush through your blood stream as you ran for your life. He felt that charge and he breathed in real air for the first time since he left; he was back, he was Jack Bauer once more.
He realised immediately, what he had been missing out on for the past year. It felt like his thirst had been quenched, he was whole again; well as hole as he could ever be. But if it was so easy to embrace this bolt of excitement; why the hell was it so hard to accept he really was back?
Was it because of Audrey? She seemed unsettled by his interrogation techniques of her husband, but that was business. Surely there was something wrong with her if she couldn't come to terms with this? They were from different worlds, he admitted, and she came from a place he no longer wanted to be.
He wanted to be here, balancing on the thin line between life and death. Taking lives to save others, to save himself. He needed it, he craved it, nothing else mattered. It was his calling, and he intended to fulfil it.
But why? Because he wanted to save people, or because there was nobody else who was willing to do what he was? He was loyal, dedicated - perhaps too much. Would others put in a constant effort while facing unbelievable odds? He did - so why take the risk of letting others take over, when they may not give there all in the face of death?
Did they feel the thrill of walking into a situation knowing that chances were you wouldn't walk back out? Did death inspire them to go and keep going until it was done, until it was over? Then it hit him, why he needed this, why he could be nothing else.
Danger was his muse, it motivated him too keep fighting, without it he had nothing.
END
Sorry if you already came across it before!
Original version with lyrics can be found through my profile.
Thanks everybody who reviewed this the first time around.
R and R is always good :D
