A/N: Hello again! Don't worry I haven't abandoned All We Are for this new shiny fic AWA is still underway and will be updated very soon. I just couldn't get my mind off of this idea that's been circling around in my cluttered brain for a while. Sadly this is only a short one 6 chapters at the VERY most, it was originally meant to be a one-shot but you know how these things are and the suckier my life gets the more I seem to drown myself in fiction… so yeah.
On a different note this is going to be slightly fluffier than my previous fic (I say slightly because let's be honest how fluffy can a fic set in a war-zone really be?) I don't know anything about war or soldiers or anything military I did some google research so I'm sorry if I made mistakes or somethings sound fishy
Warnings for violence and death and other elements associated with war and combat. (you're probably wondering where that fluffiness comes in)
Ladies and gents I present you with chapter one of Still Worth Dying For (or the fic full of more line breaks than actual words)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own OITNB, I also borrowed some dialogue from the Lucky One which I also do not have ownership of.
CHAPTER 1: Hope for the days when I feel like I've lost everything
'Save your heart
For someone who leaves you breathless
And I know that you're scared
Seems like someone said you had it in you
All along you said you knew this was wrong
But still worth dying for'
- Mayday Parade 'save your heart'
It's a night raid, she's always hated night raids the shadowy darkness was like a whole other enemy in itself, the darkness was like a blanket concealing unexpected attacks and traps. She's crouched down beside a crumbling wall with four or so other soldiers beside her. Everything is deathly silent save from the ragged breathing coming from herself and the men next to her and the harsh whisper of commands from the radios.
They are given the command to move in, she jumps up with the platoon as they creep into a derelict sandstone building. Rifle mounted torches flash everywhere as doors are kicked in and terrified whimpering civilians are moved aside. She is completely focused on the task at hand, moving swiftly through empty rooms. The heat is sweltering even at night but after five long years she is more than used to it, the sound of bullets and the constant pumping of adrenaline feel more like home than home does now.
Gradually the scared sounds of the civilians die down, it's completely silent now. She's come to hate the silence it's chilling and no longer peaceful, she's taken to sleeping with an MP3 player to drown out the silence that sends her heart racing and her palms sweating.
They are signaled to stop, she glances to the right at the soldier beside her his name is John Bennett, a young soldier who enlisted around the same time as she had, they'd been on one other tour together and she considers him her friend. Suddenly she hears gunfire loud and juddering, there are shouts and groans as deadly bullets whiz back and forth, men are dropping like flies beside her. Her guns jerks horribly in her hands as her fingers tightens on the trigger on autopilot.
Commands are being howled,
Stay left! Coming through!
Secure the hallway!
Move!
Man down!
McIntyre falls first with a large part of the sandstone wall falling on top of him, he is injured but still alive but she is too far away to do anything. A female soldier she is unable to identify runs to his aid before she is shot. Alex is frozen with her finger pressed down on the trigger. Beside her Bennett falls with a gasp, she covers him as medics run to his aid.
Just keep shooting,
Don't stop,
Keep shooting,
Alex jolts awake in a panic, cold sweat is dripping down the bridge of her nose, her mp3 player is quietly playing music through her earbuds. She sits up in her cot and glances around at the sleeping women around her hoping not have woken any of them. Nightmares were a common occurrence for all of them, but Alex didn't want to wake anyone, they got little sleep as it was already and Washington had a bit of a temper when it came to disturbing her sleep. Alex quickly threw on a light blue shirt with 'ARMY' emblazoned on the front and walked out the tent.
It's still early and no one else is up yet, the sun is just a speck on the horizon just about to rise to signal the start of day. It's warm out but not the wilting heat of the day. She feels almost peaceful watching the pale pinks and purples merge in the sky, its beautiful almost too beautiful to be in a place like this, a place full of death and destruction and pain. She opens her water canteen and sits on the dusty floor to watch the sunrise. This was her third tour, she had enlisted into the US army straight out of high school. Her mother, Diane had had cancer and they had no way of paying for the treatment the hospital had been offering. Alex had enlisted and used the money to pay for her mother's treatment.
Alex bounced a fist on the parched ground and laughed bitterly, it had all been for naught though as her mother had died a years later. She would never be able to forgive herself not being able to be with her mother during her final days.
She cast her forest eyes back up at the sunrise, she couldn't dwell on it. In a place like this there was no room for distractions.
She had to keep moving
They are sat in the large briefing tent waiting to be addressed by the lieutenant. Alex is sat next to Bennett who is back in action after healing from a minor gunshot wound sustained during the night raid a few months ago. She snaps her knuckles and leans back in her chair.
"You know you can get arthritis from doing that" he says with a slight cringe
Alex rolls her eyes good naturedly before snapping her neck just to get to him.
She hears a scoff behind her and turns to see Luschek behind her laughing. Luschek was a sardonic, unconcerned young man who as a teenager had been sent into the army by his parents after a stint with some heavy drugs. Frankly, Alex was amazed that he was still alive.
"Arthritis man really, I doubt any of us will live long enough to develop that" he laughs
Alex raises a brow, it's horribly morbid but very true. She's seen so much death in the past five years, too much death, she's seen things she wishes she could unsee.
Bennett opens his mouth to respond before quickly closing it as the lieutenant begins to speak.
"Morning, some of you may know this, some of you may not know but we have another squad joining the platoon tomorrow morning" The lieutenant was a stocky middle aged man with piercing grey eyes and a short buzz of silver hair "We're getting a few who've just come out of training, make them feel welcome show them the ropes and no foolishness, yes I'm looking at you Mendez"
A few hours later Alex is sitting at a table eating lunch trying to drown out the crude remarks the men behind her are making regarding the potential women who may be joining the platoon.
Luschek looks at her with a frown "hey Vause you're" he makes a vague gesture with his hands "aren't you"
Alex frowns, she has no idea what Luschek is trying to say, but that's pretty standard with him "What?"
He looks mildly uncomfortable under her intense stare "you know batting for the other team, on the softball team…" he continues on, each euphemism even more obscure than the last.
She's amused and she can see that some of the others are as well, her sexuality wasn't something she shied away from quite the opposite actually, in fact it only seemed to make her more popular with the guys.
"You're asking me if I'm gay?" She says bluntly and it's less of a question and more of a statement
Luschek picks up a sandwich and takes a large bite "are you?" he asks seemingly indifferent. The sandwich filling falls out onto his lap and he curses as he attempts to clean it off.
"And you wonder why" she jokes
Another voice, a kid still in his teens laughs "it sucks though, because Vause takes all the girls"
Alex's mouth curves upwards into a smirk "What can I say, I'm very charming"
"Charming my ass" grunts Luschek still trying to wipe mayonnaise off of his trousers "you're an asshole, but that doesn't matter when you're hot"
Its mail day and soldiers are gathered around a large crate eagerly awaiting mail from their loved ones. Alex however was not among those awaiting mail, the brunette was sat off to the side quietly and methodically cleaning an assault rifle, it was a ritual that had been drilled into her from the start.
Point the muzzle away
Alex didn't get letters she was one of the few that didn't, her last letter had arrived 4 years ago, a short formal letter from her distant aunt informing her that her mother had passed away.
Empty the chamber
Turns out her mother had been getting progressively worse for a while and knew that she didn't have long left. She never did let on in any of her letters though, never told her daughter that she was slowly dying. Her mom had probably reasoned that she protecting Alex by not telling her, maybe she was scared that her daughter might have done something reckless.
Pull the bolt back
She was completely alone now, no mother, no father, just a few distant relatives who couldn't give a damn about her. It was just her now and she had nothing to go back to, no one to go back to.
Dismantle
This was what she knew, it was all she knew, all she had. If she hadn't had enlisted she would most likely be selling drugs, in prison or in some other unfavorable situation.
Wipe
The bench suddenly lowered with a squeal as additional weight is added, she glances up and sees Bennett sitting beside with uncharacteristically wet eyes, he's clutching something tightly in his fist.
"You ok?"
He nods once before carefully unfolding his fist to reveal a photo of a smiling baby "it's my daughter, she turned one a few days ago" Alex can see that he's holding back tears, that's probably the reason why he came to sit with her knowing that she wouldn't judge him if he failed in reigning in his emotions.
Spray the solvent,
Her hands are working on auto pilot now.
"She's cute" she says and Bennett nods smiling brightly
"She looks just like her mom you know"
Suddenly Alex feels a lump forming in her throat, Bennett had something to lose, a lot of these people had things to lose, people who depended on them. She hates it when children lose their parents to this. Alex knows she can't save them all but in this moment she silently vows to herself to do everything and anything she can to make sure Bennett makes it home.
Someone should get a chance at a happy ending.
She's outside lifting weights with Luschek and Watson a young black girl who joined the army a couple years back to avoid a prison sentence when the new squad walks by. Luschek and Alex immediately stop to observe the new soldiers.
"Hey! You're meant to be spotting me, not leering at women you pervert!" shrills Watson, Luschek simply gives her the finger and continues in his leering.
Alex can tell who the newbies are by their wide eyed glances and from the exhaustion plastered on their fresh faces.
"Hey ladies, if any one of you ever need a shoulder to cry on I'm here" yells Luschek wagging his eyebrows as a few females walk pass. Alex rolls her eyes and wipes at her sweaty brow with a cloth before her green eyes suddenly lock with a pair of cerulean. The eyes belong to a striking blonde, Alex winks at the blonde woman who proceeds to stumble forward into the back of a large bulky man. Alex chuckles and looks back at the blonde who is squeaking out apologies before looking away as she disappears into the tent.
Several minutes later Alex strolls back into the womens's tent and spots the blonde from earlier struggling to make her bed, Alex holds in laughter and saunters over to the woman.
"You need some help?" she asks with a raised brow
The woman squeaks and jumps at the sudden voice before composing herself "no, no I'm fine I've got this" she says firmly
"Alright" Alex sits down on a chair nearby and watches the blonde with an amused expression "it must be hard making a bed for the first time"
The woman narrows her eyes "what's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, I mean you probably had maids doing that for you right" now she cannot hide her smirk
The blonde gives her a death glare before continuing to struggle with the mattress. She's attractive and has this adorable furrow in her brow. Alex's eyes roam over the woman unashamedly before Alex gets up deciding to put her out of her misery.
"Here let me help you"
"I said I got it" she says determinedly, their eyes meet again and it's strange and comfortable and just feels so right.
Alex pushes her glasses up to rest on her head "Everyone struggles on their first deployment, let me show you the ropes kid"
The blonde gives a sheepish smile and it's the most amazing thing Alex has seen in a while "Is it that obvious?"
She nods and the blonde lets out a short puff of air as she finally gives in "ok, and If you must know we didn't have maids" she said empathising the 'S' "we had a maid" Alex laughs
"Got it" she helps put the sheet over the thin mattress before turning to the blonde once more "So Chapman, what are you doing in a place like this?"
"How did you know my name?" she asks defensively
Alex points to the blonde's neck "It's on your dog-tag"
She looks down at the tag "Ah" the woman peers closely at Alex who tugs her glasses back over her eyes feeling slightly uncomfortable under the blondes inquisitive stare "Who are you?"
Alex holds out her hand "I'm Vause, Alex Vause"
